Losing Myself One Drop at a Time

This story is fictional, all characters and likenesses are coincidental. Story contains some non-consentual elements; bondage, drug addiction, coercion, and brainwashing. Please feel free to leave comments/critiques. Thank you.

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Hello, friends, it's me Joshua, Joshua Zeiss. This is likely the last communication I'll be able to send before I lose myself entirely. I just want someone somewhere to know my story, what's happening to me, and where I went.

I've snuck out of my room and into a security area and I am sending this as an encrypted message to any of my friends that may know me. Someone should know, even if no one believes me.

This all began eight months ago (I just checked the date on this computer, April first, has it really only been that long?), I was assigned a new case by the Bureau. I'm an FBI agent in the chemical warfare division. I don't even know how I got caught up in this crap.

I went to school specializing in weaponized chemicals, then my boss gives me this case on some simple street drugs. I've never even cared about "the war on drugs."

Somehow my job of protecting my country from attacks has turned into hunting down some meth. It's so stupid, I didn't even think about all this until it was too late, but here I am.

We had a lead on where the drugs might be coming from, pretty major shipments, but distributed very wide spread. Sophisticated networks and major players to keep it all going.

I guess that was what intrigued me enough to keep going; how big this was, and how deep it seemed to go. The more we looked the larger it got, and we were getting closer and closer.

We learned that the point of contact to the public was through "massage parlors" that were operated by transgender ladies all over different cities. That really broke things open and started moving things fast. Soon we had enough info to start infiltrating.

That's when they gave me the chance for some field work. It was an awkward position to be in; using the massage parlors. Not that I had a problem with it.

Quite the opposite really, I experimented with my gender a little in college but for my career had to stick with "straight arrow."

I've never cared about the gender of who I'm attracted to or how they got there, I've just never been lucky enough to meet someone that fits me, so I've been single most of my life.

That was our "in" though, and I had to play the part of willing customer/future connection. We set up my details if they were checked, created all the documentation, and I called in to make my appointment, that was three months ago.

I went as Francis Wolfe, banker. I was so nervous. You see, even though I experimented with myself in college, I was always too much of an introvert to hookup with anyone else. So my experience was very lacking.

I drove to the parlor and arrived at a very nice looking building, very professional, with big letters over the top, "Massage Mystique." I sat outside shaking nervously for what seemed like an eternity, but was only ten minutes.

This was the biggest moment of my life so far, in so many ways. I prepared my mind, ran through my cover story again, then headed inside.

The receptionist greeted me with a sweet smile, "Hello, are you here for a current appointment, or to schedule one, sir?"

"Um H-Hello, yes I'm here for an appointment," I answered back.

She looked at me and raised a brow, then asked, "Yes sir, to make one? Or are you arriving for one."

I looked into her eyes a bit embarassed and responded, "Oh Arriving, I have a two o'clock."

"Excellent!" She answered then looked at her computer and said, "Very punctual, right on time. Please follow me."

I followed the young lady back to a standard looking massage room; a nice table, a pile of towels, sweet scents in the air, and calming music playing.

"Please take off your clothes and lay down, your massage specialist will be with you shortly," the receptionist said as she closed the door and walked away.

I did as she asked and stripped off my clothes then laid down on the table with my face through the hole. It was much more comfortable than I was assuming it would be. I looked back and was able to reach a towel and throw it over my naked butt.

Just as I did I heard the door open and soft heel clicks on the floor as the door shut behind. "Hello, mister... Wolfe, is it?" Her voice was soft, but had a slight depth to it that gave me chills.

"I'm Rubina, and I'll be your specialist today. Is there anything special you would like? Or the standard?" she asked.

"Yes, that's me, and this is my first time here, so I'd better take the standard, I suppose," I answered back.

"Perfect!" Rubina purred as she walked around to my side and I felt the towel on my bottom be pulled away. "You won't need that, dear," she said with a smile in her voice.

I heard her pump some oil into her hand and start rubbing my back gently. "Oh my so tense, you have to learn to relax," she said then continued, "don't worry though, I'll help you."

She massaged my back for a few minutes then moved to my arms and shoulders working the muscles and pushing and pulling them, by the time she was done I was so relaxed that I couldn't even move my arms.

After my arms she started on my legs working all of the tension out. Even though I was here for a very important operation, I figured I might as well enjoy the moments like this along the way.

After she was done with my legs I felt so relaxed that I could barely even get up, as I started to move she stopped me with a hand on my butt, and said, "no no, stay still, I'm very far from finished."

I felt her warm, oiled hands on my ass cheeks going in big, slow circles. I let out a slight sigh and relaxed even more. She then began rubbing her hands deeper into my crack. As she rubbed her finger over my hole I let out a long moan.

I heard her giggle and get more oil. "We've only just begun, dear. You'll love every bit of this, I promise," she assured me as she started to press her finger into my asshole. I let out a soft gasp and tried to stay relaxed for her.

My ass raised up slightly to take all of her finger. With the extra space under me I grew hard. Rubina worked her finger in and out gently, then once satisfied I was slick enough, she added another finger.

I arched my back some and she pressed her fingers deep into me and bent over and began whispering in my ear, "you've done this before haven't you?"

"Only by myself," I managed to get out as I felt her other hand slide down my spine. She then pushed down on the small of my back as she pulled my ass up more with her fingers.

"Well, you're a natural. I can tell. Now, relax," she said as she kept working her fingers in and out slowly. "From the moment I saw you I knew you'd be such a good bottom for me to please," Rubina teased as she kept fingering me.

"Now let's see here," she said as I felt her fingers press around inside me. Finally my whole body jerked and she laughed then said, "there's that little p-spot," as she rubbed it the pleasure radiated through my whole body.

After a few minutes of her constantly rubbing my prostate my hard-on had gone down, despite being so aroused. I was simply lost in how good it felt, her gentle hands holding me so intimately.

"You're being so good for me. I think you deserve a special treat, dear," she said. I felt her fingers slide out slowly and I heard the cap to something being opened. "This cream is designed to make you experience maximum fulfillment, you'll love it."

I felt her rub the cream on my hole and I could instantly tell a difference; I felt so much more sensitive there. As she slid her fingers in I could feel her coat my prostate with it, and I let out a loud uncontrollable moan.

"Such a good butt slut. You love being fingered, don't you?" she teased me. I kept waiting to get hard from the pleasure, hoping she would start stroking me, but she still hadn't so I lowered my hips to grind on the table.

I heard her slide open some part of the table and click some kind of button. Then she said, "Do you need more stimulation? We can fix that."

Just then I felt part of the table raising up and pressing into my crotch and it started vibrating lightly. This made me squirm with pleasure and realize something.

I couldn't move my arms or legs... I pulled at all of them and knew that I was stuck. "What is this?! Why can't I move?" I yelled in a panic.

Rubina giggled and responded, "We can't have cute bottoms like you moving around everywhere from the massage now can we?" As she spoke she started pressing her fingers in more.

I gasped and felt a chill run over my whole body. I was at her mercy, but I loved it. Her hands making me feel so good. I felt her turn the vibration in the table up after that.

"Oh! I don't know how much more I can take," I managed to get out between whimpers. Her fingers weren't letting up though, and she worked my prostate even more.

"Good, dear. I want you to cum, squirt your man goo out on the table right here, cum your manhood away and leave it behind," she whispered in my ear huskily as she turned up the vibration.

I had no idea what she meant, but I couldn't hold back, the pleasure built up in my core and exploded through my whole body. I could feel my cum dribbling out of my soft member all over the vibrating hill of the table.

"Good! Keep going, let me milk you," she purred in my ear.

"Keep going?" I thought, "I've never cum more than once so fast." Before I could doubt her command I realized that I was still leaking, the pleasure was still there.

The vibrations kept going and her fingers kept massaging. I gasped and let out a breathy yelp. My cum kept streaming out slowly. I could feel the puddle making me wet there, and running down the bulge in the table.

"That's it, so wet," she said proudly, "Keep cumming; let it all out, Agent Zeiss." She turned the vibration up more and started vibrating her own fingers too.

Something in my head said I should panic, get away, escape. She had called me by my real name. I was caught. I tried to fight the feeling of her fingers in me, go over the details of where I may have slipped.

I wracked my brain, but couldn't figure it out, and I was too far gone at that point. All I could do was moan and twitch as my eyes rolled back and I drooled on the floor through the hole in the table. I could feel the last bit of my cum drip out, then I relaxed as the table stopped and her fingers slid out.

After resting for what felt like an entire day I finally struggled against my bonds again and asked, "How do you know who I am?"

Rubina ran her fingers up and down my body, making me tingle with each touch. "We know a lot, Joshua. We keep track of our opponents the same way you do. Only..." She got right next to my ear and kissed me, then whispered, "We are better at it."

"Good night, butt slut. I may see you later," she said shortly before placing a cold cloth under my face. Then I woke up in this place I'm in now.

It sounds crazy now that I look back on it, how could I let myself be captured so easily and quickly? Maybe I actually wanted this? I've wrestled with it, in my mind. I remember my arrival here so clearly.

I woke up in an empty room, greeted by a voice in the darkness, "Hello, Agent Zeiss. Congratulations, you have cracked the case. You've found the drug dealers. You've saved the world!" she laughed and turned on the lights.

My unknown captor was beautiful. She was tall. She had long, blonde and purple hair, and was wearing a sharp pantsuit, to be intimidating, obviously.

"Who are you? Where am I?" I asked still finding my voice, and realizing I was just as naked as I was when I was drugged to sleep.

She sat down in a chair across from me, taking her time. Then she spoke very directly, "I am Emma Taft, and you are in a dream. To some it's a nightmare, to others a fantasy come to life."

I wanted to run away, but despite standing on the floor my arms and legs were firmly bound to something that was like a lounge chair, but it had no lower seat. I continued to pull against it despite that fact.

"There is a plus side though, Joshua. This may not be so bad for you, in fact you may even like it. I would imagine you enjoyed your time with Rubina yesterday?" she said smiling.

Memories of the waves of pleasure that coursed through me yesterday filled my head and I blushed lightly. "It um, it wasn't bad feeling," I said, thinking honesty might get me further than lying in this scenario.

Emma continued smiling and said, "Good! I'm so glad. Some people get very worried when they feel pleasure that way. Would you like more?"

At this point I was shaking from nervousness, I'd never had a conversation like this face-to-face with a woman. I was here to track drugs, not be a "butt slut", as Rubina called me.

"I am already captured, what could I even do now?" I thought to myself. Something more was pushing me though, I felt as if I needed it. "I should remain in control in some way," I thought further. I opened my mouth slowly and answered her quietly, "Yes."

"What was that? Please speak up," Emma pushed further.

I blushed harder as that really wasn't what I meant to say, but it was what I truly wanted. I looked her in the eye and admitted, "I want more of that pleasure. It was the most incredible thing I've ever felt."

Emma giggled and said, "Of course it was. We made sure of that." With that she held up a plain glass jar of cream and looked at the door.

A gorgeous woman walked in with a familiar click in her steps. She was so tall, at least 6'4. She had long, toned legs, and her dark hair was up in a bun. As she saw me admiring her (kinda staring in awe, hnoestly) she smiled so wide that I swear it made the room brighter.

"Hello, dear. Ready for more?" she said as I nearly fainted.

"Ru-Rubina?" I asked surprisedly while she walked closer and grabbed the small jar from Emma.

She walked right up to me dipped her finger in the cream and started rubbing it into my ass crack.

I gasped from the cold then moaned right after, because I remembered her touch from our last encounter.

"You know the drugs you were chasing, Agent Zeiss?" Emma spoke up, "Well, you've found them, they are being rubbed into you right now," she giggled as Rubina's finger found my hole and started circling it.

"You see, this is a special mixture the we have created for a very, very special purpose," she continued, "It's first function is to increase sensitivity. You've felt this one already, yes?"

Rubina slid her finger into my hole and I moaned loudly and my knees buckled slightly. As she saw me get weak Rubina tipped my "chair" back some so I was laying down.

"Already enjoying yourself that much, dear?" Rubina taunted and smiled. Then she started swirling her finger around and pulled it out.

I let out a disappointed whine and blushed at my pitiful reaction. Then she dipped her finger in again and got a large glob of cream and slid it up into my hole. "I was so right; a total butt slut already," Rubina said as she chuckled.

I dropped my chin and pressed my ass toward her finger and began to feel the same waves of pleasure I had the day before. Somehow through all this my member didn't get hard, so I began staring at it curiously.

Emma must have noticed, because next she said, "Another effect of the cream is that it keeps that thing between your legs soft and pliable, which in turn keeps you soft and pliable."

I didn't want that to be true, but I knew it was the moment Rubina found my p-spot again and started rubbing it. I relaxed completely and gave in to her touch. I closed my eyes and let the pleasure fill my body.

Rubina added another finger and started massaging my prostate gently, causing me to fill the room with moans and whimpers.

Emma walked over to me and ran her hand down my cheek, which got my attention. "Pay attention please. I wasn't done explaining," she insisted as I looked her in the eyes, "Another affect of the cream is to be highly addictive. Usually after two or three uses, breaking away is nearly impossible. Keep that in mind as Rubina milks you again."

After learning that, I no longer wanted it. But it felt too good to even try to resist by then. Despite possibly becoming addicted to this cream, I still wanted it. Maybe I was already addicted.

"This one doesn't stand a chance, Emma. Look at those eyes, already completely taken by the pleasure," Rubina said as she continued to work her fingers in me.

"Now, the final little tidbit of info you need, Mister FBI," Emma teased. Then she booped my nose to make sure I was listening and continued, "The most important thing this cream does; it turns you into a woman. Like Rubina here, she looks like she does today because of it. We milked the manhood right out of her."

She looked over at Rubina proudly and ran her hands down her body and said, "The cream binds your testosterone to your cum, you see. That's why we apply it to your prostate. The longer you're rubbed the more it removes from your system."

"We even add estrogen to the cream to replace your gross, masculine hormones. So when you cum, you really are leaking your manliness away," she finished as she laughed and raised Rubina's skirt, revealing a small limp penis.

Rubina picked up a vibrator from a table behind me and turned it on in front of my face. Then she said, "It feels so good that you'll never want to stop. You'll become a woman like me, and love every bit of it. Even if you didn't want to before."

With that she placed the vibrator on my crotch and started grinding it into me. I couldn't help but moan. The sensations felt amazing. Despite knowing that if I came I'd lose my some of masculinity, it felt worth the cost.

"Leak for me butt slut," Rubina commanded as I was overwhelmed by the intensity of it all and cum started pouring out.

Emma giggles and chimed in, "Oh my, so quickly. You act like you were born for this. Don't worry though, we will gladly welcome you and your talents once you accept who you are."

I could barely maintain awareness of Emma's words right then. The pleasure pulsing through my whole being was overwhelming all my senses. My eyes closed and I shook all over as my testerone laced cum dribbled onto the floor slowly.

Rubina leaned forward and kissed me as she milked me. Her lips felt and tasted like plump fruits. After she broke the kiss she said, "I'll let you feel this way as often as you desire, though you may need some motivation the first few times, eventually you'll beg to leak for me."

I couldn't believe all these wild things I was being told, and I didn't really want to, but the evidence of my puddle on the floor convinced me that it was the truth. Nothing in my life had ever felt that good.

The two beautiful women left and the bonds on my chair loosened. "This room is my residence now, better get used to it," I thought to myself as I inspected the small plain space.

Eventually I laid down on the small pad I could call a bed, and passed out while thinking about my future and whether or not the pleasure was worth all this.

Over the following couple of weeks I was requested to lean against the special chair and slide my arms into the bonds while Rubina came in and milked me.

I looked forward to it more and more each time until I found myself in the chair before I was asked. At the end of that session Rubina told me I was finally ready to move forward.

"I'm going to ready your room, my dear," Rubina said as she left and Emma arrived.

"Hello, Agent. How are you feeling?" she asked, looking me over.

I was still in a daze from being milked. I was now being milked about three times a day, not much comes out each time, but it feels so amazing I wish it could happen all the time.