Loss of Innocence

"Right. But sometimes the easy answer is the right answer," said Sheehan. Lehka was nodding her head.

"I've got to agree Max," Lehka added. Even though she disagreed with me I knew her heart was in the right place. I had nothing to prove them wrong. But I pressed on, into the firing squad. I could not let go. I felt in my gut I was right.

"Look Cap, I'm going to the Mayor's office for the funds to continue surveillance on Shevchenko."

"You're going over my head?" Sheehan asked, incredulous. "Max, you're chasing shadows."

"These scumbags live in the shadows Cap."

"I can stop you, but I'm not going to."

Lehka gave me a stern look. "Chain of command Max, but I guess to you that doesn't mean much."

That hurt. Leah ran a department. Chain of command was her watchword. I was showing up Cap and offending her. The stupid Max was winning.

"I'm sorry. I just can't let go of it. I can't stand the thought of Carina being separated from her baby, and I just know that Shevchenko is behind this. He's smart enough and devious enough to do this."

Chapter Seven

Heather

I knew Lehka was pissed at me, but I had to play out my hunch. Shevchenko was clever. Was he too clever for his own good? I wanted to double the surveillance on him, and that meant more overtime. We were already over budget on our operation, and Cap wasn't willing to support my theory, so it meant a trip to the Mayor's office to beg for more funds. I was certain Cap would approve it if there was budget for it.

Fortunately Alan Parsons (the weasel), the Mayor's former chief aide, was languishing in prison, and his aide, Heather Murtaugh had stepped into his place. As Chief of Staff, she sat on the Police Commission as his representative. It was the Police Commission that had to approve our budget overage.

I made an appointment to meet with Heather the next day, and spent most of the afternoon with Lanny preparing the revised budget. We made sure we covered every contingency to make sure there wouldn't be any questions.

I felt a low level electric current when I thought about my trip to meet with Heather. My first meeting with her was like a boxing match, with each of us landing solid body blows. I wanted to be prepared for anything. But another part of me had another agenda. Heather stirred something in the dark part of my heart. Her classic, sultry beauty. You'd have to be missing a pulse if you weren't attracted to her, attached or not.

I spent extra time getting ready, and even put on some light make-up, which I never did when I wasn't on duty. I made sure my uniform was ironed and crisp. I felt guilty, but this was a business meeting, not a date. Lehka would certainly be jealous if she saw her. But I had no choice. I needed the money. Carina's baby needed the money. I could suck it up, get the money, and not do anything stupid.

City Hall was in the middle of downtown. It was a historic building, erected in the 1800's in a Romanesque style. I didn't know much about architecture, but I liked this building's style. I parked in a reserved parking space on the street (to whom it belonged, I didn't know and didn't care) and walked up the stone steps. I took a deep breath.

My heels of my dress shoes echoed on the marble foyer as I made my way to the elevator bank. I pushed the button for the seventh floor. I was nervous and fidgeted with my uniform as the elevator made its way up.

The doors opened, and I was met with the familiar sight of the reception area. Another new face was manning the reception desk. It was a young woman with short black hair and a nose ring and tattoos on each of her fingers. Onward and upward for HR.

I checked in with her and took a seat on a leather couch. I started to leaf through a well thumbed issue of People magazine. After spending a few minutes with it I concluded that maybe my life wasn't so fucked up after all. I was concentrating on a picture of Jennifer Aniston and wondering how a woman of fifty could look that fucking good. My attention to the lives of the rich and famous was broken when I sensed someone's presence above me.

"Hello Max," Heather said in a silky smooth voice. She couldn't help but exude sex out of her pores. She looked like she had just stepped off the cover of Vogue, but I knew under that fashion model exterior was a razor sharp woman who was not to be fucked with. I admired the way she carried herself, so cool and confident.

"Heather... uhhh... good to see you." My voice cracked like a schoolgirl when I said it. The suave, cool Max crumpled like a wet cardboard box after seeing her.

She led me to her office, which used to be Alan's. As the Mayor's new Chief of Staff she had redecorated it. Instead of the trappings of power, it now had an understated elegance, just like her. We sat in a conversation area instead of her behind her desk, with us sitting in matching white leather covered chairs with a low rise glass table between us.

"Coffee?" she asked. I nodded and she used the silver teapot on an ornate lacquered tray to pour each of us a cup.

She reached to pick up her cup and take a dainty sip. I couldn't help but notice the bit of cleavage her forward lean revealed.

"I'm so glad you called me," she said. I think she meant it.

"You are?" I asked, as if I was questioning her sanity. I drank from my cup. The coffee was delicious.

She gave me a puzzled expression. "Of course Max... are you being silly?"

Yes I was. But not intentionally. How do you answer a question like that? "No, I'm not. It's just that your former boss, Alan, was such a prick to me. I guess I'm not used to politicians being nice to me."

"Politician? Me?" she said in disbelief, even though she was the Mayor's Chief of Staff. She almost sounded insulted.

I tried not staring at her legs. I drank more coffee to distract me.

"Yes. Don't you have the ear of the Mayor?"

"Well, yes I do, but I've always worked behind the scenes."

"The power behind the throne."

"You flatter me Max."

"You are the Chief of Staff."

"In no small part thanks to you. You exposed Alan for the worm that he was. It made my skin crawl that I had to work for him. You saved my career."

Well, when she put it that way, I could see why she was glad to see me.

"I think you saved it yourself. You did the right thing to give me that tip about Lester Marsden. It helped us crack the case."

She leaned over to top off my coffee out of the silver coffee pot. Her blouse opened slightly. I couldn't help but see the fine lace of her bra. I felt a shiver down my spine.

She settled back into her chair. "So Max, what can I do for you today?"

"The Mayor's police commission. You sit on it as his representative. You've heard the briefings. We've got reason to believe the Ukrainians are behind the abduction of those four women." I didn't tell her the reason was my gut instinct.

"Terrible tragedy... especially the woman who was literally ripped away from her small child."

"Yes... that was Carina De León."

She folded her hands on her lap and waited for me to continue.

"We need budget approval for the overtime for this case."

"How much?" she asked.

I pulled a folder out of my briefcase and handed it to her. "It's all in here. A breakdown of the expected cost, by unit."

She opened the folder and pulled out the thirty page document. It took me and Lanny almost a day to prepare it. Lehka had washed her hands of my harebrained hunch.

"It looks thorough Max. The Mayor's going to like that. Let me see if I can get him tomorrow afternoon. I know he's got a hole in his schedule then."

"That's great."

She crossed her legs. Her skirt rode up, showing me more of her leg. She knew what she was doing. She watched my eyes. My eyes were glued to her fabulous legs.

"You promised me a drink Max."

She was right. I told her I'd share a drink with her after she gave me the tip about Lester.

"Bearcat Club, right?" I asked.

"That's right Max."

"Of course." It's one of those offers you never expect anyone to accept. Heather was way out of my league.

"We can discuss it tomorrow. Say around seven?"

"Looking forward to it," I told her. I was of course looking forward to it, but I sounded too eager. It wasn't like me to show my soft side to a politician, but I'd never met a politician that looked like her.

* * *

After my meeting I went back to our apartment. Lehka was there, and was still pissed at me.

"Sometimes I don't know who you are." She took a sparkling water out of the refrigerator and slammed the door. "Max, don't you respect the chain of command?"

That was a loaded question. "Of course I do Lehka."

"Then why did you go over Sheehan's head?"

"You know I can't let go of this."

"A hunch?"

"It's more than that," I insisted.

"Not from where I sit. Max, I make the same decisions Cap makes every day. What would happen if everyone under me decides to do their own thing? It would be chaos. Let it go Max. Fucking A, let it go."

"I can't. I think of Carina De León in my sleep. I can't let this go."

"So you met with Heather what's her name?"

"Murtaugh."

"That fucking barracuda?"

Shit, Lehka did know about Heather.

"She's not like that," I insisted, maybe sounding a bit too defensive.

"Bullshit. She's a politician. Her and her perfect fucking teeth. Perfect body. Perfect everything. Fuck her. You're going to go over Cap's head and begging that brazen little hussy for money?"

"Lehka, it's not like that." Jesus, I had stepped in a big hot steaming pile of shit.

"It's exactly fucking like that. So when are you going to beg for your money?" Her voice had an ugly edge. I didn't like this version of Lehka.

I sighed. "Tonight."

She was a detective. This wasn't going to play well.

"Tonight? It's Friday night!"

"It was the only time she could meet with me."

What a lame ass lie. It just slipped out that way.

"Right Max. Do you think I'm fucking stupid?"

"Lehka. No... it's just business."

"Liar."

Her face was getting red. That wasn't a good sign.

"You go ahead and meet with this Heather Murtaugh. I'm going back to Columbus for the weekend to see my family and get more clothes."

"I'll miss you," I offered. I noticed she didn't invite me along.

"I'm not sure I will," she answered.

"Where are you going to be this weekend?" she asked with a tone of indifference. That meant she had better hear something good.

"I'm planning on being in office this weekend to catch up on paperwork, including more intelligence on Columbians." I thought the latter statement might buy me a smidge of goodwill.

"Too little too late Max," she replied.

I was wrong. Again.

* * *

It was late Friday afternoon. Lehka had already left for Columbus. I picked up my phone to call Heather and cancel.

I started to press the call button when I saw an image of Carina De León flash before me. Holding her baby. I put the phone down. Lehka didn't understand. It wasn't about my pride, or chain of command. It was about a baby that didn't have her mother. I knew deep down inside that I was right. I just couldn't let go. Addie... Steph... Rachel... Brianna. Would I add Lehka to that list? Was my warning to her a self-fulfilling prophecy?

I went into my closet and picked out a conservative outfit, one where my intentions couldn't be mistaken. I needed the money. I had to play the game on her terms. I'd handle the meeting, get the money, and call Lehka and apologize my ass off. I would not fuck this up.

Friday's were busy at the Club. By the time I got there all of the bar stools were taken and it was two deep at the bar. Grace of course was there, holding court on the far end while a couple bar backs were feverishly working to help keep up with the demand. The dark side of me wanted a drink. Feeling the pressure of being between a rock and a hard place didn't help. And I was standing at the epicenter of the perfect Manhattan.

Grace spotted me and put a napkin in front of me and one of her signature Manhattans on top of it.

"You look like you need this," she told me.

"You can't imagine." And just like that I crossed that invisible line that Lehka had been defending so vigorously. I took the first magical sip. Sweet, smoky, earthy. It was like making love to a woman. I took a deep breath, taking in the seductive smell of the perfect drink and then letting another sip fill my mouth with the most delicious taste. And another sip... then another... and soon I noticed the glass was empty and I was sucking on the cherry.

I checked my phone. She was ten minutes late. I tapped my fingers on the bar. It had been two weeks since I had a real drink and that familiar glow from the first one made it easy to order a second. This is where I needed an intervention but no one was there to be my conscience. Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic. Brianna made that clear. There's a dark seed in an addict. And the drink for me was the sunlight that made that seed grow inside me.

A second drink was set up for me by an efficient bar back. The evidence of my first sin was taken away. The second stared at me. I'd have to face Heather, and convince her that the Mayor should approve the funds to help with a suspicion where I had no hard evidence. I needed a second glass of liquid courage. I thought about how I was going to ask for it, running through the scenarios in my head. Then I noticed my glass was empty.

Twenty minutes late. Maybe she was going to stand me up. Great. Lehka was ready to kill me, Cap was pissed at me, and I would go home with an empty bag for Carina.

Now I really needed a drink, and having had two, and getting the third was like falling off a log. I had fucked everything up, and good. Fucking Heather. Why did she have to be so beautiful that I'd agree to a Friday night meeting?

I signaled Grace for another. She brought it herself.

"Meeting someone?" she asked, putting a napkin down and my drink on top of it.

"A business acquaintance," I answered.

"Not that lovely woman... Lehka?"

"No. Someone I met here before."

"The blonde?"

She remembered I met with Heather. I guess you don't forget someone like that.

"Uh huh," I said with as much disinterest as possible.

"Business huh?" she said skeptically.

"That's what I said."

She looked me over with her critical eye. It was Friday night. Everyone at the bar was either picking someone up or being picked up.

"Max, you're such a fucking liar," she said in her gravelly voice.

"I'm keeping this strictly business," I assured her.

"Not with her," she fired back right away. "You just keep thinking that Max."

She went back to attend to her other guests. I questioned my own motives. Why did I so eagerly agree to a Friday night meeting with a gorgeous blonde? When I was attached to someone else? I didn't want to answer that question.

I took a sip of Grace's Manhattan. It was divine. It stirred the dark place in my soul. I was mopping up the bottom of the drink with the cherry when my other nemesis, the beautiful woman, walked in. Just when I was convinced I was stood up, Heather made her entrance a fashionable thirty minutes late.

As the Mayor's Chief of Staff, she was political royalty. She looked every bit a queen in the Queen City. She was wearing a short black dress. Her platinum blonde hair was down, past her shoulders. Black pumps. I watched all the men salivate over her entrance. Grace came over to wait on us.

"Two more," I told Grace. Heather's attention was elsewhere for a moment.

"Liar," Grace said under her breath for my ears only.

* * *

Grace brought over our drinks. We adjourned to the private room in the back of the bar. I unlocked the door with my special key. There was no one else in it. The room was old school, with black velvet curtains, a thick Persian rug, and studded dark brown leather furniture. Heather took a seat on a settee and I settled into an oversized upholstered chair. She crossed her legs, letting her dress fall open. I could see almost all of her top leg. Like the rest of her body, her thigh to her ankle was exquisitely shaped, and the designer heel only made it that much more alluring. I tried to think of how much I loved Lehka, but those thoughts were drowned out by the alcohol and Heather's insane beauty.

"You look lovely Max. Such a pleasant change from your police uniform."

"I don't have to tell you how attractive you are Heather. If good looks were a crime, your body would be illegal."

She laughed. "Max, you say the funniest things." She took a sip of her drink.

"Grace makes a mean Manhattan."

"Yes she does," I replied, starting in on my fourth.

I drew a deep breath. "Heather, I'm not sure why we had to meet this way, but I need the Mayor's approval for surveillance on Shevchenko."

I was trying to stay focused. I was feeling the effects of the alcohol.

"I studied the materials you gave to me. And I did some due diligence of my own. Quite frankly, I don't see why you went over Captain Sheehan's head to come to me. Is it because you wanted to see me? That's the only conclusion I could come up with."

"No, that's not it at all."

"But you have no hard evidence."

"You have to trust me Heather."

"Seriously? I'm starting to believe that you don't like me."

"What?" I was confused.

"You want me to stick my neck out on a 'trust me'? You'll have to do better than that."

I was angry. I started in on my fourth drink. "I can't. You have to Heather."

"I can, and I won't."

This was not going my way.

"I don't want to beg... " I started before she interrupted me.

"Don't bother."

"I guess it's time to go home." This meeting was over.

She saw me wobble a bit when I stood up. "You're driving home?"

"Uh huh," I grunted.

"I think you've had enough to drink tonight."

"You've been counting?"

"No Max. I can smell it on your breath. How many have you had tonight?"

"None of your fucking business. Why do you care?"

"We may have a professional disagreement, but it doesn't mean that I don't care about you."

"I'll manage."

"I'll drive you back to your place. You can come and get your car tomorrow."

"I'll think about it."

"It's non-negotiable. Let's go."

We walked out together. She drove. We left my car at the Club. I directed her to the Royal Palms. Even though I was living in a corporate apartment with Lehka, I had a standing reservation for Room 204. I didn't want to sleep in the apartment, not that night. Not in my condition.

She helped me up the stairs. I unlocked the door and went straight for the bathroom and retched. Heather came in and waited for me.

"I'm leaving now," she said. "Take care Max."

She shut the door after herself.

I watched Carina's last chance walk out the door. I was drunk and had messed everything up.

How did I react to hitting bottom again? Not well.

It was late and pitch black outside. I was feeling claustrophobic in my motel room. I was watching some stupid reality show on TV but I couldn't get my mind off of how I was played by Shevchenko and Heather and lost Lehka in the process -- the only good thing I had going in my life. There was too much to feel sorry for, and the weight of it pushed me outside into the darkness, where I could hide among the other creatures of the night.

I took a cab to the all night liquor store and told the driver to wait for me. As usual, a group of women was hanging out on the far edge of the tired asphalt parking lot, passing around a joint and waiting for their next customer. They eyed me as I got out of the taxi, and assessing me as a no sale, went back to their conversation. I took another look at them, somehow thinking I would see Brianna among them, but in a moment of lucid thought remembered she, like many others before her, were part of the flotsam and jetsam that were the wreckage of my life.