All Comments on 'Lost and Abused - The Story of Lisa'

Ditto on the dialog.

Try reading it out aloud next time.

It was a good story, but the dialog was almost Victorian in rigidity. I'm not sure if it is an ESL thing or what, but at times I was shocked out of the tale by how pompous they were talking.

This is almost exactly the same as another story I've read here not long ago, except the dialogue was more stilted in this one. Come up with something original as far as plot and you may get more than 2s and 3s for your efforts.

There wasn't enough to the story to make it as interesting as it could be. More character development?

Things happened too quickly but in fiction stories it is necessary. Justice never moves as quick.

You had a lot of 'I told her'. Best to have just used dialogue.

She would never have had a choice about having babies by her abusive husband. He controlled everything, so she was reliant on him to provide any contraception.

Otherwise a nice tale of love at first fuck, so normal for this site.

be so bl**dy dismissive about comments from Anonymous people!!

Or they might start awarding single stars!!!!!

What you DO need to do is to either learn to Proof Read or to get someone to do it for you!!

Possibly even get someone to EDIT for you as well!!

Oh, and by the way, you do NOT say “Lisa and me ….”!!

You COULD say “Lisa and I ”!!!

Just use a simple rule

If we use I

If us use me

wow good one wish there was a second chapter 5 stars

When she gave away her ex-husband’s assets, what was she planning on doing? Did she have money of her own hidden away or was she assuming that her new guy would continue to support her?

Their names have been changed, they are now mommy and daddy...