Lost and Found

"I'd like you to have it," he told her. "If you'd like to keep it, that is."

"Are you sure?" she asked, her eyes red and swollen.

"Yes. Of course. Please keep it."

"Thank you," she said as sincerely as a person could say. "You have no idea how much this means. Anything...this, a new picture I haven't seen, an anecdotal story about her...anything at all is...is priceless."

Tyler smiled, but before he could respond, Alanis said, "Tyler? I owe you an apology. For the things I said that night."

He got serious and told her that wasn't true.

"You were just being a good mother, Alanis. Someday I hope to have children, and if my 17-year old daughter ever brought home a 20-year old guy in college, I'd show him the door, too."

For the first time in over two years, Alanis smiled. It was weak and barely noticeable, but she did smile.

"You're a good, decent young man, Tyler. And you have no idea how good you've made me feel."

"It was my pleasure," he told her even though she didn't look anything close to 'good'.

She took a look around the house and felt something she hadn't felt in just as long. Shame.

"I am so sorry for the way my house looks. I just haven't been able to stay up with anything since...you know."

"Then let me help you," Tyler said as tactfully as he could.

"No. I can't ask you to do that. I just need to get myself going."

Her voice trailed off, indicating she realized the 'going' part was like breaking free from quicksand. She was in deep and the harder she struggled the worse it got.

"Sometimes all we need is a little jump start. I've got quite a bit of time now that I just graduated from college so..."

"Wait. I...how old did you say you are?" Alanis asked.

Tyler smiled then told her he was 22.

"I just graduated at the semester in January. I went to summer school last year and shaved off one semester. I don't have a job yet, but I have several leads. In the meantime, I'd love to spend some time helping you take care of things that have maybe felt a little overwhelming to you."

"Tyler. No. That's..."

"That's a done deal, Alanis," he told her before she could finish. "I won't bother you right now, but I'm coming back here tomorrow morning, and we'll get started together, okay?"

"You're not going to let me say 'no', are you?"

"Sorry. No. I'll be here at 8am."

"Wait. Eight o'clock? In the morning?" she asked.

"Is that too early?"

Alanis's sleep-deprived brain told her it wasn't, but after spending most of the last three days in bed awake, it suddenly seemed ungodly early. But were she to go back to work, that would be the time she'd have to either arrive or at least leaving the house to get there on time.

"No. I guess that's not too early," she said without any real commitment.

"Okay. Then I'll be here at eight, and I'll bring coffee. How does that sound?"

Alanis tried to smile again and said, "Daunting?"

Tyler chuckled then told her not to worry.

"One of us can get stuff washed, folded, and put away while one of us vacuums and dusts. We'll have this place shipshape in no time, Captain!"

He was being overly enthusiastic, and were she well, she'd have laughed. Instead, she only replied with, "If you say so." The corners of her mouth moved this time, but that was as close as she could come to an actual smile.

"I'll get out of your hair for now, but be ready to 'git 'er done' tomorrow."

"Git 'er done. I haven't heard that one in a long time."

"I picked it up from Aria," Tyler told her.

"Oh. Yes. I remember her saying that now and then. I just don't know where she picked it up from."

"Larry the Cable Guy."

Alanis shook her head and apologized.

"I'm really bad on that kind of thing. A whole lot of cultural references go right over my head these days. They always have, but it's much worse now."

"No worries. The main thing is we'll team up and clean up. How's that for a corny saying?"

Tyler stood up and with his help, Alanis did, too.

"Let me show you out," she said once he let go of her arm.

Tyler almost said, "Again?" but knew it wasn't funny. She'd been through hell, and it was going to take time to get her back to some kind of 'new normal'.

"It was great seeing you again, Alanis," Tyler told her at the front door.

"You, too, Tyler. And I can't thank you enough for the letter."

"My pleasure. And I'll see in the morning."

"Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Alanis," he replied without correcting her as it was a little after 3:30 in the afternoon when he left.

As she closed the door she realized that agreeing to let Tyler come back to help clean the place up was a good decision. She had no interest in actually doing any of the work, but she wasn't so far gone that she didn't know it still needed to get done.

When Alanis woke up the following morning, it was 6am, and she realized she'd actually slept for nearly eight hours straight. She hadn't slept more than four without waking up since Aria was alive, and she was amazed at good it felt to feel rested.

After a cup of coffee, she went to take a shower, something else that was hit or miss with 'miss' winning out most days. After a second cup, she went back into the bathroom and blow dried her hair. It had grown a lot since the last time she'd gotten it trimmed, and although the ends were a mess, she thought it looked rather nice as it fell to the middle of her back. She'd worn it shoulder length for years and hadn't seen it this long since she was maybe 21 or so.

"Twenty-one. Ha! That's Tyler's age," she said to herself.

Alanis pulled her hair into a ponytail then pulled a tee-shirt over her head and a pair of shorts over her bum. When she stepped into some tennis shoes, she took a look at herself in a full-length mirror and realized she didn't look half bad. Well, considering all she'd been through, that is. And for once, there were no bags under her eyes, and were she to add a touch of makeup, she thought she might even look pretty.

There was just enough time for her to grab some buttered toast and brush her teeth before Tyler showed up, so she did both.

This time, when she heard the knock on her door, she got right up and opened it.

"Well, well. Look at you!" Tyler said when he saw the dramatic difference in her appearance.

"Yes. I'm very glamorous, huh?" she said, trying to sound playful as she also attempted to strike a glamorous pose. Neither thing worked, but Tyler understood and didn't care.

"It looks like you're ready to get work. Did you forget about the coffee?" he asked as he held up the cup he'd brought along for her.

"Oh, my gosh. I completely forgot. I...I've already had two this morning."

"No problem. I'll leave it on the kitchen counter and you can warm it up whenever you like. So...are you ready to get started?"

"I don't know about 'ready', but I am painfully aware it needs to get done."

"I won't promise you you'll feel better once the house is all spiffed up again, but something tells me it just might help."

"Okay...Doc," Alanis said, another hint of a smile appearing.

"All right. So...how about we start in the kitchen and work out from there?"

"The kitchen? Ugh!"

Tyler laughed then understood why she'd said that when she took him there. It looked like every pot, pan, and dish she owned was in the sink or on the stove or somewhere on a countertop.

"Um...yeah. We've got our work cut out for us, don't we?" he said, making sure to smile as he tried to find enough space to set the coffee cup down.

"I can start gathering up dirty clothes and doing laundry," Alanis offered without any enthusiasm.

"Perfect. You do that and I'll attack the hordes in here. Oh, where's your dishwasher soap or pods or whatever you use? And no, I won't be eating any Tide pods. I'm not a part of that generation."

That was one cultural reference Alanis had heard about, and for some reason it made her laugh. It wasn't much of a laugh, but something akin to one came out as she envisioned teenagers sitting around cheering a friend on before he or she bit into the plastic pod of...nasty.

"Now there's the Alanis I remember!" Tyler said. "The one I...briefly...remember."

When he saw the pained look on her face, Tyler apologized.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to 'go there'," he told her.

"It's okay. I'm just glad you were able to forgive me for that."

"Hey, there's nothing TO forgive, okay?"

"Okay," she said, not willing or even able to argue.

"Now...go! Pick up, launder, clean!" he told her as he 'shooed' her with his hands.

Before he could start on the dishes, Tyler had to take out the trash which stunk to high heaven. He left the pail outside after thoroughly scrubbing it and washing it out with Comet cleanser he found under the sink.

When he went back inside, he filled the dishwasher to capacity with just the dishes piled up in the sink. While they ran, he filled the sink with hot water and a splash of liquid detergent, tried to put on some rubber gloves that were way too small for his hands, and started washing the rest the old fashioned way.

Once the dish rack was also full, he dried them then started over and did that three more times. Each time Alanis passed through he'd ask her to show him where things went so he could put them away.

She not only had the washing machine cleaning a full load of clothes, she'd piled everything up so she could put the next batch in while the first one dried.

And because that took so much less time than cleaning the mountain of dirty dishes, she'd picked everything up off the floor that didn't belong there and filled a couple more trash bags with empty pizza boxes, tea bags, Pringles containers, and Lord-only-knows what else. When she took them outside, she realized the trash can itself was overflowing, and Alanis couldn't remember the last time she'd taken it out to the road to be picked up.

"Gee, maybe that explains the smell that's gagging me," she thought to herself as she set the bags next to what Tyler had brought out.

Alanis managed to vacuum the entire house, as well, by the time Tyler was on his last sinkful of dishes.

"Hey, hey, hey!" Tyler said once both of them had finished their tasks.

"I...I can't believe how much better it looks," Alanis agreed. Like so many other things, a clean house was something else she hadn't experience in way too long a time.

"Thank you, Tyler. That was beyond kind of you."

"You're welcome, but we're not done yet," he told her.

"We're not?" she asked, secretly praying they were.

"Nope. Not even close."

"What's left?"

"Oh, let's see. There's that steaming pile of...trash...outside. The lawn is a...disaster in spite of being the middle of winter. The garage is a mess. The house needs to be thoroughly dusted. And then there's the..."

"Okay, okay. I get it," Alanis said with a deep sigh.

"Trash or lawnmower?" he asked.

"Dusting?" she countered, causing Tyler to laugh.

For some reason his laugh caused her to laugh sort of instinctively, and although she really did like having the house clean, that wasn't the reason for the laughter—such as it was. It was more like the first hint of feeling good she'd had in the last two years-plus.

"That works," he told her, the smile still there. "I'll bring the trash around then fire up the mower. If it'll fire up."

"There's a gas can in the garage, but I have no idea if it has any gas in it. Or the mower for that matter."

"I'm all over it!" Tyler told her, using his hands again to try and demonstrate what 'all over it' meant.

Alanis actually smiled a real smile then shook her head.

"Goofball," she told him as she went to look for her Swiffer thingy.

When she found it, Alanis realized she'd put a new dust catcher on it just before...

She tried not to think about what had happened not long after she'd replaced the dusting part of the contraption and instead just picked it up. She knew it was going to be bad, but there were places that were so awful it was downright scary as big balls of dust and gunk came out from behind things that hadn't been touched in forever.

She'd barely finished the first room when she heard the unmistakeable sound of a lawnmower coming to life. She was still too out of it to wonder what the neighbors would think of a lawnmower running in the middle of February, but it was too late to worry now even if she wanted to.

Every now and then she caught a glimpse of Tyler going back and forth across the front lawn, and just before she finished the last room, in the back yard, as well.

Winter in South Carolina could be downright cold, but it was a fairly mild day, so Alanis was surprised when Tyler came in with his tee shirt drenched in sweat. He'd had it off while mowing and put it back on before coming in the house, but his deeply-muscled body was still clearly visible through the thin tee, and although she had no idea why she was looking, Alanis knew she was staring when Tyler finally spoke.

"Mission accomplished, ma'am!" he said as he rendered a decent salute using the white ball cap on his head in lieu of a military hat.

She took a look out of the front window and just shook her head.

"It looks beautiful," she said as she recalled the days when it had always looked like that. It hadn't been mowed in months and needed a final 'trim' before it started growing again for real in early April.

"Thank you, and now if you'll hand over your keys, I'll back the car out, wash and wax it, then vacuum it out and 'turn to' on that other disaster area called the garage."

Alanis realized that, for a moment anyway, her good feeling had returned. Well, her almost-good feeling. It had just sort of snuck back up on her, and for once, at least, she didn't feel deeply depressed. She wasn't feeling like her old self by any means, but had to admit she felt...okay. And even were that to be all the improvement she would get, it was still a far cry above where she'd lived—no...existed—for the last two years.

Wanting to make the feeling last as long as she could, Alanis went outside and asked if she could help.

"You could vacuum the car after I wash it. That way, I can dry it and wax it while you're taking care of the inside."

"Okay. I can do that. But may I help you wash it?" she asked.

"Um...well, I suppose you could fill a bucket with hot water and put some dish soap in it," he suggested with a warm, friendly smile.

She found a plastic bucket in the garage, which really was a mess, then went inside and squirted a little bit of liquid dish soap in it as the water got hot. A minute later the bucket was nearly full and very sudsy as she carried it back outside, and Tyler thanked her just as he was getting the hose out and the water turned on.

"I've lived here for four years and I love these mild winter days. The summer heat? Not so much. I mean, you'd think I'd be used to it by now, but it gets way too hot for me here during July and August," he said as he set the nozzle on the driveway next to her car that was nearly as messy as the garage.

"Oh, right. I...we...moved here ten years ago, and I never really adjusted to it, either," Alanis told him as he went back to the side of the house and turned the water on.

"I'm actually a little too warm even now," he told her as he picked up the hose. "I wonder if there's a cure for that."

"Yes. It's called going inside," she told him as watched him pick up the nozzle.

"Right," Tyler replied just before he smiled at her.

"What?" she asked as he stared at her.

"Or...there's this," he said as he pointed the hose at her.

"Oh, no. Don't you dare!" she said as she started backing up.

Neither she nor Tyler noticed the bucket behind her as he sprayed her once quickly and laughed. But after she screamed, he stopped laughing when she tripped on the bucket and fell backwards.

He saw her bang her shoulder against the side of the car before falling hard on the concrete. The good news was she fell on her butt, but even so, Tyler was worried sick he'd hurt her.

"Alanis! Are you okay?" he hollered as he dropped the hose and ran over to her.

"I...I think so," she told him as she rubbed her shoulder.

"I'm...I'm SO sorry. I was only trying to be..."

"It's okay, Tyler. Really," she said as he knelt beside her.

"Here. Let me see," he said as he lifted up the sleeve of her tee shirt.

The area was already red, and he was pretty sure there'd be a bruise.

"Come on. Let's get you inside and..."

"I'm okay," she insisted.

"It looks pretty bad," he told her as he lifted up the short sleeve again.

"I'll be fine," she insisted just as he pulled back a little.

When he did, their eyes met and when they did, they not only met, they locked. Several seconds passed as she sat there just looking at him looking at her.

"Here. Let me help you," he finally said as he stood up.

Tyler not only took her hand, he put his other hand under her arm and when she stood up, she was directly in front of him just inches away.

"You sure you're all right?" he asked very quietly as their eyes met again.

This time, Alanis looked away almost immediately before she assured him she really was okay. She went to take a step away when Tyler gently grabbed her forearm.

"I'm...very sorry, Alanis."

"No. It's okay. You were just being playful, so..."

"I hurt you and I feel terrible," he told her so sincerely she couldn't stop herself from looking at him again.

"You...you didn't hurt me. It was...an accident, okay?"

He put his other hand on her other forearm then moved both of them up behind her upper arms then asked, "You're sure?"

She wanted to be exasperated, but she couldn't be. In fact, she was suddenly aware that he was showing genuine concern, and she now also very aware of his touch. And that awareness sparked a kind of primal fear that caused her to recoil.

When she did, he dropped his hands so fast it actually did scare her in the classic sense. But the 'fear' she felt from his hands on her arms wasn't that kind of fear. It was something altogether different, and as they stood there in silence, neither of them looking at the other, she realized she not only still felt 'good', she realized she was...feeling again.

"I'll uh, I'll get started washing the car," she heard Tyler say as he stepped away then picked up the hose again.

"Right. And I'll uh, I'll see what I can do to get going on the garage," Alanis replied without looking at him.

As Tyler hosed the car down then began washing it, he couldn't remember a time when he felt more like a horse's ass than he did right then. Even after he finished washing it and Alanis pulled out the Shop Vac to vacuum the inside, he was still beating himself up for being such an idiot.

What he didn't know was that Alanis was struggling with her own feelings; feelings that included thoughts she hadn't thought since before learning about the affair. And through it all was an ever-present awareness that whatever she was feeling could be gone in an instant and replaced with the numbness she'd grown so accustomed to over the last two years.

"It almost looks brand new," Alanis said when Tyler finished buffing out the last of the wax.

"Yeah. We make a pretty good team, don't you think?" he told her, smiling at her in a way that made her even more uncomfortable.

When she turned away again, Tyler chastised himself even more severely for being such a socially inept, backassward fool, never once imagining the real reason for Alanis's discomfort.

When she replied, she still hadn't looked at him.

"Oh, right. Yes, I...I guess we do."

"Listen," Tyler told her. "If you want to go in and relax I'll take care of the rest of the garage."

"No. That's...that's crazy. How about I go get us both something to drink, and the two of us can tackle it together?"