Lost at Sea Bk. 02 Ch. 13

The sky was a flat, grey plane of clouds, slowly roiling. The air was warm and charged. The winds were gentle. An electrical storm was brewing.

Will stared at Jack for a long time. "Do you ever think about what you're about to say before it comes out of your mouth?"

"Come on, Will! You never used to care about the words. You could see right past them and knew exactly what I meant. Try that now," Jack demanded. She was barreling straight on, trying to get Will to catch up.

Will wasn't having it. "No."

"Will, this is important!" Jack said. She was clearly excited, and frustrated that Will wasn't.

"Jack, you just implied that all my bad luck, and everything that has happened because of it, is my own fault! That's not something we're just going to skip past on your way to your next revelation, especially not right now. Talking about us and how we're making each other feel is the whole reason we agreed to have this conversation," Will said, trying to be patient. "We're not just going to ignore it all because you think you've made a discovery."

"I didn't say it's your fault," Jack said. "It's my fault. We established that. What I'm saying is that who you are is screwing with how it's supposed to work!"

"That's a pretty fine hair to split, don't you think?" Will asked archly.

"Fine. Yes, it is. Can we please move on? I think I have this figured out!"

"No!" Will snapped. "You can't tell me that I'm the problem and then change the subject."

"I'm not!" Jack pleaded. "I'm staying right on the subject. You're just not seeing what I'm seeing,"

"Then make me see it! Tell me what you meant instead of just blowing on past any kind of explanation!" Will demanded. "If you think it's me and not the curse, then how is it not my fault?"

"If I gave Bella's monkey a gun, and it went off, would it be the monkey's fault?" Jack asked.

Will stared at her for a few moments, then sighed. "You really do have a knack for putting things in the most insulting terms possible."

"Just answer the question, Will," Jack said flatly.

"No." Will said, clearly humoring her in the most exasperated tone possible. "It would not be the monkey's fault."

"Who's fault would it be?" Jack asked.

"Yours. You gave the monkey the gun," Will said flatly.

"What if I didn't know it was a gun?" Jack asked. "What if it was one of those hidden gun things? A cane, or a trapped box. What if I thought I was giving the monkey something nice?"

"Then I guess it's no one's fault," Will shrugged. "But it would still be your responsibility to deal with the consequences."

"Yes. Exactly. That's what I'm trying to do," Jack said quickly "The problem is, the stubborn-ass monkey still doesn't know how the gun works, and isn't paying attention when I try to point out where the trigger is. The monkey is still just scared about the noise and the smoke, and is mad that I gave it the gun in the first place."

"And about the people the monkey already accidentally shot." Will gave Jack a pointed glare. "Maybe the monkey doesn't trust you anymore because it knows you gave it something that scared the hell out of it?"

"I bet the monkey would be pretty damn excited if it could stop freaking out long enough to figure out that I was trying to teach it how to use the gun right." Jack asked sardonically. "Does the monkey need a treat to get it to relax?"

Will tried to come up with a retort, but couldn't. He rubbed his forehead and found himself trying not to laugh. "This analogy has gotten out of hand. How about we never teach Bella's monkey to use guns? That thing is enough of a menace as it is."

Jack grinned in spite of herself. "Deal. Now, moving on?"

"Fine." Will was exasperated, but agreed. "How am I broken?"

"The curse is about luck. Good, bad, doesn't matter. The curse doesn't differentiate. It just reacts. It's a tool," Jack said quickly.

"Like a gun. How it's used determines good or bad," Will nodded, following along.

"Right. When you want things, luck conspires to make them happen for you," Jack said, holding her arms wide in revelation. She clearly thought that was an amazing bit of information and was waiting for Will's reaction.

She didn't get one. He shrugged. "Yeah, I figured that part out."

"What!? You knew? It's incredible, Will? It means we know how it works!" Jack said, baffled by his muted reaction.

"No we don't. It means we know what it does. That's a pretty far cry from understanding how it works," Will shook his head.

"Well, it means we have something to work from!" Jack stood up and started pacing again. "We can figure it out!"

"No we can't," Will said.

Jack stopped pacing and turned to face him, her arms wide in invitation and exasperation. "Why not?"

"Because I'm still a monkey with a gun," Will said. "I've tried to figure it out. I might get what I want, but it's always dangerous as hell, and then right when I think all the risk is about to pay off, something happens. People get hurt and I usually lose what I was trying to accomplish. This monkey might have figured out what the trigger does, but aiming right is nearly impossible. The best thing I can say about it is that I guess I'm lucky I haven't blown my own head off. There's no sense in taking more risks."

"Will, you're a monkey with a gun, regardless!" Jack said. "It's going to be worse if you don't learn how it works. Right now, it goes off randomly whether you like it or not! It was fine when you were alone in the lighthouse, but out here you don't have the luxury of isolation. Your curse has already nearly killed a bunch of people just in the last few days. If you want to have any hope of keeping those around you safe, you have to try to figure it out."

Will's brows furrowed. He sat in silence for a few long moments listening to the waves crash against the hull, then nodded. "You're right. Damn it."

"Thank you!" Jack said triumphantly.

"So what do I do?" Will asked.

"You have to want something," Jack shrugged.

"That's all?" Will asked, one eyebrow raised and his face a mask of pure incredulity.

"Without hesitation or worry. No holding back. No confusion. You have to want it, hard," Jack said fiercely.

"And then I just... get it?" Will asked, still not believing what he was hearing.

"Well, not immediately," Jack shrugged. "I don't think so, anyway. It's luck. The probabilities will arrange themselves so you'll end up with an opportunity."

"So if I decide I need money, I just have to want it really hard and a pile of gold will fall into my lap?" Will scoffed.

"You already did that, Will." Jack's tone was leading. "You're plenty wealthy now from what I hear."

"That wasn't because of the curse. That was in spite of it," Will said flatly. "That was my own skill, through sheer stubbornness and creativity."

"Was it?" Jack asked.

____________________

Danica rolled off her husband and settled into the crook of his shoulder with a relaxed, happy smile on her face. "Mmmm, I love it when you come into port, sailor."

Coleman North laughed. "You'll forget me as soon as I'm gone."

"Never, never, sailor mine," Danica grinned, quoting an old sea chanty. "I'm as true as true can be."

Coleman chuckled. "That's my line."

"No, your line is something about the sea being your one true mistress," Danica said.

"I forget the song," Coleman admitted. "I think if the sea wants me, she's going to have to fight you over it."

"Bitch would lose," Danica said with mock ferocity. A roll of distant thunder echoed in the distance. Danica's eyes went wide.

Her husband laughed hard. "Uh oh. She heard you."

"I take it back. I can share!" Danica called out the porthole window of their tiny cabin inside the quartermaster's lockup.

Coleman rolled out of bed with a groan and started pulling on his pants. "Come on. Let's go do storm prep."

"I had to open my big mouth," Danica sighed, burying herself under the blankets. Coleman waited a few moments then grabbed the blanket and gave it a swift yank, revealing his wife's small, curvy form and shocked expression. "Traitor! The sea can have you!"

"I'll check the hold and meet you up on deck," Coleman grinned.

Danica curled up into a naked, grumpy ball. Her pants landed on top of her.

____________________

Thunder rolled, but Will was too lost in thought to care. His mind reeled. If Jack was right, there was no way for him to know what was really his own talent and success, and what was just the right string of luck. He'd always prided himself on being a self-made man, in spite of all the incredible runs of bad luck he'd lived through. He knew his bad luck was supernatural, but he'd never considered that his ability to overcome it might be as well. Could he really claim credit for his successes? Was it all just luck? How could he tell? What could he pride himself on if nothing came out of his own abilities? "I hate this."

"Put your ego down, Will," Jack said firmly.

"That's rich coming from you," Will rolled his eyes.

"I'm serious. You aren't the only one who's changed in five years. The hardest thing for me to learn was that I wasn't always going to have the answers, and that I couldn't always solve a problem. Learning how to let go when I wanted to change things but knew that I shouldn't has been the biggest challenge of my life. The hardest step was putting my pride aside and being willing to admit my mistakes," Jack said. "It's something you need to learn too."

"You're really on a roll tonight when it comes to passive insults," Will glared.

Jack sighed. "I've spent my whole adult life throwing myself into situations that let me prove to myself how capable I am, but when it comes to the most important things, like helping the people I care about, and learning from my mistakes, I'm a massive failure."

"I'm not," Will said flatly.

"I didn't say you were. I'm trying to tell you why we were such good partners, and why we aren't anymore," Jack said, sounding neutral and drained. "I could always rely on you because your instincts regarding how to do the right thing were exceptional. You didn't always know what you wanted, but once you made a decision you always knew what direction to head. I was the one who filled in the blanks along the way, and we'd improvise the rest, together. That was how almost all our adventures worked."

"Yeah, that's the gist of it," Will agreed.

"I have never been good at the course-plotting that always came so naturally to you. I'm great at going on the journey, but I can't tell if I picked the right direction until I look back. It leads me to making bad choices," Jack said. "You're the opposite. You always know the right way to go, but you won't take the first steps unless you're sure about exactly what you want and who's going to be affected. You're always worried about the consequences. We both have decision paralysis about different things. Mine is about where to go, yours is about when to start."

"I still feel like I'm not really following you," Will said. "I think that's a good assessment, but I don't know what it has to do with what we were talking about earlier."

"My biggest fear was always failure," Jack said.

"I know. Me too," Will agreed.

"It's alright to fail, Will," Jack smiled.

"Not when it gets other people hurt," Will said.

Jack shook her head. "Even then."

"That's pretty heartless, Jack." Will admonished.

"No," Jack said. "It's the opposite. If you try to do something good, and other people get hurt, it's sad, but at least you tried. Heartless would be not trying to do something good because you're afraid."

"Isn't 'good' kind of subjective?" Will asked rhetorically.

"Don't try that with me, Will. I know you, and you're good. You don't know any other way to be. You play at being a scoundrel, but you spend more time arguing with yourself about doing the right thing than anyone I've ever met. You try to help everyone, and you constantly worry about the right way to do it. It's like you have a whole college of arguing philosophers in your head. "

Another roll of thunder punctuated their conversation. Will looked out across the horizon. The moon was bright enough behind the clouds that the entire sky had the faintest grey luminescence. He could see the texture of where they overlapped and rolled against each other. The storm was high and wide, making the rolling dark grey seas match the skies in a way that made him feel like he was caught between two clouded mirrors.

He had almost forgotten how well Jack knew him. Janie was incredible at reading people in general, but Jack was a master at reading him specifically. It was hard to be confronted with that, especially considering that Jack wasn't nearly as careful with her words as Janie was. He tried to change the subject. "There's still the monkey with a gun problem," Will said. "Putting the monkey somewhere it can't shoot people doesn't seem heartless to me. It seems like that's the only good thing to do."

"Exactly. I chose the worst possible gift for you. I wanted to give you a better way to choose when to start your journeys. I knew I wasn't going to be around, so I tried to give you something that would replace my role in your life. You don't do anything unless you're reacting with no time at all, or you have all the information to make the right choice. If it isn't an emergency, and you feel like you don't have enough information, you will wait forever. With the curse there was no way for you to understand what was happening, so you couldn't decide what the right choices were. So you retreated more and more because you felt like you couldn't do anything without failing."

"Without hurting people," Will corrected.

"You don't define failure any other way, Will," Jack said. "When I say I'm afraid of failure, I mean I'm afraid of not being smart or skilled enough to accomplish a goal. You mean you're afraid you won't be smart enough or skilled enough to keep people from being hurt while you accomplish a goal. I worry about succeeding. You worry about collateral damage."

"So you think I just didn't want to take any risks," Will said. He couldn't help but nod. She was right.

"So you locked up the monkey," Jack shrugged. "You put it in an old tower where it couldn't accidentally hurt anyone."

"Monkey's out now," Will said, narrowing his eyes in thought. "I guess there's no choice but to teach it how the gun works."

"Or at least teach it how not to fire it accidentally," Jack agreed.

"How?" Will asked.

"What do you want?" Jack countered.

"A lot of things. Right now, I want us to be able to trust each other again," Will said with a small shrug.

"I never stopped trusting you, Will." Jack corrected. She sat down next to him, hip to him. He put his arm around her shoulders. She rested her head back on his arm and looked up at the sky. "I understand why you stopped trusting me. I wish I'd been more willing to accept my failures years ago. I think my choices would have been the same, but how I dealt with the aftermath would have been much different."

"Can you at least tell me what the deal with you and Quinn is?" Will asked. "I really don't get how he's connected to any of this."

Jack thought for a bit. "Sort of."

"I'll take what I can get." Will's voice was exasperated, but also a bit amused.

"People have been trying to figure out Quinn's people for centuries. The secret is that they aren't one people. They just look alike. I'm aware of three different... I'm not sure what to call them."

"Factions?" Will asked.

"That's not really accurate, but we'll go with it," Jack continued. "They all have somewhat similar views on serving people, so from the outside it's hard to tell there are differences, but they have very different criteria and rules about who they serve. The rules for one faction don't apply to the others. I know more about it than most humans do, and I still find it pretty confusing."

"Sounds complicated," Will said, waiting for her to get to the point.

"If humans ever figure it out, they'd be able to manipulate Quinn's people in ways that would keep them from being able to leave the service of a master. They'd become slaves," Jack said.

"Or they could just... stop living by those rules?" Will said.

"They can't. That's their curse," Jack said.

"Fuck," Will laughed. "How many curses are going around out there?"

"More than you think," Jack smiled.

"And it can't be broken?" Will asked. He had a feeling he knew the answer.

"I don't think so. Quinn was evasive about that, but the feeling I got was that breaking it would be very bad for him," Jack said.

Another low roll of thunder added itself to their conversation. The ship was starting to come alive. The handful of crew on duty through the night were moving across the deck checking knots. Lace and another rigger came up from below deck and headed right up the main mast. Missus North came up a few moments later and headed for the helm. Will looked at the sky again. It was looking like a pretty mild storm, but the crew was diligent. He decided not to worry about it. He wasn't assigned storm duties beyond being a backup swab when it was called for, so he kept talking.

"So what does Quinn's people's curse have to do with you, or me?" Will asked.

"Part of the terms of Quinn serving me is that I am trusted to keep the secrets of his people. When he leaves my service, I'll forget the details. That's one of the good sides of his people's curse." Jack explained "But if I tell someone else, and then Quinn leaves my service, the person I told won't forget. A little more information about his people will be out in the world."

Will nodded, understanding. "Enough information out there and someone will eventually figure out how to use those rules to enslave Quinn's people."

"Exactly," Jack said grimly. "Humans have a real knack for solving puzzles."

"I hardly think I'm a risk to Quinn's people," Will said rhetorically.

"I agree. So does Quinn, actually," Jack smiled. "The thing is, if anyone suspects you know, you'll be a target. You do not want that, I promise. Some of the most powerful people in the world have devoted a lot of time to figuring this out, and one of the ways they do it is by finding people who have been told things secondhand. I'm protected by Quinn's service. They can't find me, and they can't read my mind or anything like that. You aren't protected. You might not think you are a threat, but there are people out there who devote their lives to learning this stuff. Just imagine if a Magistrate Prelate, or a N'madi Thoughtpicker, or a Master Inquisitor wanted to know something they thought you knew? Could you stop them from learning it?"

"No," Will said suddenly understanding. The thought of being a target of people like that was chilling. "I think that's enough of an explanation. Not telling me anything keeps all of us safer."

"Thank you," Jack said earnestly. "I really wish I could tell you."

"If you'd been willing to explain that part earlier all this would have been a lot easier,' Will said.

"I was afraid you'd figure it out. I'm still afraid you will. If that happens, we will all become targets. You most of all," Jack explained.

"That's a pretty good reason," Will agreed. "I'd have done the same thing."

"And you'd have been pissed if I wasn't willing to take your word for it," Jack added.

"True," Will smiled.

"Are we better?" Jack asked.

"We're getting there," Will said.

"So what do you want now?" Jack asked.

"That wasn't really a very good test of my curse, was it?" Will laughed.

"No," Jack shook her head. "I think you're going to have to pick something I can't just give you right now."

Will considered making an innuendo about that, but he was worried that Jack would take it as an offer. He wasn't quite ready for that yet. "I feel like I'm sailing blind. What I really want is to know what's coming so I can plan for it."