All Comments on 'Lost Empire Ch. 69'

I have been following this for quite some time and enjoy the story. However. as you only write short chapters with time between, it is very hard to remember what is going on with some of the characters without going back to previous parts and that breaks up the continuity.

But it seems to be getting worse with each chapter. Had hoped it would be done by now, but more just gets added.

Too many subplots, too many characters, too many locations, terrible talking, inconsistencies, and bare registerable grammar.

You have written enough stories by now to be much better than what you issue. I surprise myself at having come this far, but then I live in hope that what promises to be a good story can be written to its potential.

I am getting completely lost. I have reread chapters to try to get in sync, but the convoluted plots and quick paragraph per plot just break down the storyline making it even more disjointed.

You are a good storyteller. Please focus on telling a story.

Thank you for sharing. I am sure you know where this is going and all these threads will make sense. I hope I can stick with it long enough for it to work.

The negative statements are just cannon fodder. I am loving this story. As for grammar, people just do not speak in proper English in life.

Don't listen to these people, just keep writing. If they cannot follow the story or plot lines maybe they need to go read "See Spot Run".

Very well written please continue. I keep waiting for your stories.

good story I am glad you came back keep it up

Well, the martial arts are all fine and good, but in a combat situation, why not just shoot, or use a grenade or rifle grenade, or mortar, or howitzer. Or ....? Especially the ones that were slowing him down in his chase after the bad guy?

So the unnamed son and vicious father Alexander plot to kill Derrick and his team by calling an airstrike on their position. Son remains in strike zone, attempting to lure the team back in, failed. Son flees strike, but too late, getting caught in the blast (hoist on his own petard, as it were). Father delays med flight for one hour, ensuring his death through neglect. Father and Psych bitch mom both swear vengeance on team for their son's death. WTF? Anyway: 1. if son has super ninja skills, why does he bother with an airstrike? He can take out the team anytime he wants: sleeping, showering, etc. Ninjas have freed Duke from custody and swiped tech secrets cleanly without prior warning. 2. Father has custody of body until medics arrive, how does army not notice a missing body? Only a master-trained could fake his own death (like Omi did). 3. Who teaches son skills if not mom, the 'greatest master'. And if she is teaching him after, how does she not know he's alive and not needing to avenge him? Oh, and lest we forget, the whole point of the operation was to capture the Duke who was last seen wounded, being carried by Son of Psycho. Kung fu guy is too stupid not to take his eye off the ball, right? But stupidity keeps occurring: 1. Omi won't stay in bio bed to heal and causes both to re injure themselves, delaying release by another day and requiring the student to take on the Master, nearly dying and setting up the whole 'Omi is dead so I must go all honor-destroying blood lust'. 2. Recovered AI refusing Emperor's orders for rescue, even though his emotions are still set @ 5%. Well, just dump him in the debris field for safe keeping- then attach a TRACKING signal to assure that ANYONE can find him?! 3. Though uncrowned, Empress is handling things just fine whilst Derrick is trapped in past, but MUST snare him in wedding fallderall which MUST be completed "within 3 days" starting right frigging now. Who says? 3. Anyone using the download device tries to shove the whole database in one gulp and disable all safety interlock to do so, even blocking AI from interfering. Yeah, the R&D is important, but risk should be managed- not ignored. 4. the tasks keep changing so nothing is accomplished: improved personal IMT and body are good- or just keep Derrick from hazarding himself on personal quests, the Father box is nice, but not as much as upgrading all ships to highest defense/offense levels so the aren't sent in dribs and drabs to the galaxy rim on SAR missions to get chopped up and reduce the fleet to less than it was BEFORE the mission. 5. Have a fleet of Ranger ships blanket the planet so nothing gets away undetected. As spotter satellites are destroyed, blast the weapon site. That way, you attrit the Duke's forces without tying up so much of the fleet on blockade duties. How does the Duke get messages to enemies outside the galaxy anyway? Isn't weakening the empire with an invasion of beings who consider humans as 'the other white meat" self-defeating? Just sayin'

Anon56

So wait Onai just dies and comes back to life? AI’s that swear their allegiance to the emperor can just refuse and order?

Are the delcrons coming as a marriage party or a war party cuz one minute it’s coming to track down Jimison to claim as a mate and now it’s about having a battle and taking over the ships and everything?

I’m feeling like this story was picked up by someone else because the beginning was great and seemed to be cohesive and thought out. Now I feel like I’m reading the space version of the Fast and Furious franchise (just throw everything into the film so we have infinite plot lines to go with).

Why was there so much specifics on avenging the dead son when the son was alive and the mom was teaching him martial arts?