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"Hurrah." "Hurrah." "Hurrah."
On the third supporters cheer the players spread Emma's legs apart for all to see.
- COMMENTS
Anonymousalmost 3 years agoNever happen in a million years...
Look at how many freaked out over a very quick nip slip...
Anonymousabout 3 years agoThrew away all pretense at realism to "humiliate" the lead and make her "deserve" it. Neither of these things are successful.
Anonymousalmost 4 years agoLoved the story, great ENF writing. My favourite part is the description of the camera following her, capturing her nudity. Don't mind the slightly unrealistic scenario, it's necessary for the fantasy. Could have continued the story for just a bit longer since she didn't get completely naked until the end, get the camera zooming in on her with her legs spread apart.
BigBeaniealmost 4 years agoYou've tried, pretty successfully, to put your story in a realistic setting. I always prefer stories that try to do that. I think the action has so much more impact when it's like that.
In this case though having put the ground work in you abandon it as soon as the action starts.
At full time all three officials head to the centre spot and leave the field together. No matter how much of a stinker one of them has had, that's how it's going to be.
Second, the idea that players are going to raise their hands to an official, no matter how angry, is really unlikely. It's so unlikely that on the few occasions this has happened during my lifetime it's made national news.
Third and most importantly, what happened to the heavy police presence that attends all football matches?
I know you could say this is just a fantasy.... and that's fair enough. My point is that the story spent more than half its length in a highly realistic scene setting, and then switched to extremely unrealistic fantasy for the denouement. That sudden switch really ruined the flow of the story for me, and I think you'd have been better advised to stick to one style throughout.
To finish in a positive, I thought your build-up was good, and I'd like to read a story where you tried to write a realistic climax too.
