by naughtybessparker
A long time since anyone commented on this story, but very good. Totally believable and realistic narrative and dialogue. Only issue for me is proportion - too much detail all the time. I find stories work best with ebb and flow (ha!) - general narrative with general description, then lots of detail for closeup, then back to general narrative for the wide angle view. Too much detail all the time is exhausting to read, for me. But overall still very kinky and I liked it.
Loved it, and didn't get to the ending without getting my fingers wet :)
A well-written (besides a few typing and grammar errors) story that needs follow-up parts.
This was a great read. A few grammatical errors but otherwise wonderful. I recently got into water sports and oh man!!! Keep it up!
Most piss stories don't bother with any build up or background.
This is so much better!
What a great story. It really got to me both as far as sex scenes as well as the characters were concerned.
Please don't leave us hanging! Continue and write part 2 as soon as you can!
Many, many thanks in advance!
Love it. Please carry this on. Feels so real to me as this is pretty much how I came into enjoying pee play, just found it so hot with the right fella
Thanks for giving this person an opportunity to read it.
Looking forward to reading future installments of this — the sex parts were great, but what really sets the story apart are the characterizations and dialogue, which added a nice realistic touch and added to the immersion. More please!