Love, Beneath the Lyrics

At one point in his life, Tony Petersen was as down on his luck as a young man could be. No social life. No friends. No family. Nothing but sad songs on a guitar written for no one by a man with no will to go on. Then a complete stranger stormed into his life by preventing him from ending it, before ironically becoming the only person keeping him going.

Cut to present day and deep down he knows he loves her with every fiber of his being. But does he have the heart to tell her? Could she possibly feel the same way, or is it simply a recipe for disaster?

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I - The Prelude

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Tony Peterson looked down at his cell phone for about the third time in the last 60 seconds, secretly waiting for some kind of sign that what he wanted to do was the right decision. "Once you call her, there's no going back," he told himself unaware that all he was doing was adding even more pressure to the situation than what was previously there. This was a big moment for him, that much was certain. On one hand, by calling his best friend and telling her to come over to hear the song he wrote, he was committing himself to play it and thus couldn't back out. But that also meant he'd have to indirectly expose the only secret he has ever kept from her, which given his complete lack of self-confidence was going to be far from the easiest thing for him to do.

He'd struggled to write the song for weeks, and struggled even more to keep the ever-present subject of his desire in the dark about it.

The girl in question had tried multiple unique yet diabolical ways to break him into giving her even the smallest clue. She made what she knew was his favorite dinner three consecutive nights in the hopes that a full stomach would make him easier to dig into to no avail.

Then she bought him a new guitar pick despite the fact he didn't need a new one with the plan to kind of needle him a bit to get him to spill the beans. Tony stood strong.

When all else failed, she flashed her irresistible eyes and wore him down enough to get him to play the melody to see if she could read the song's feel only to realize she didn't know nearly enough about music.

Luckily for Tony the weeks of bribery had given her no legitimate results, so she made him swear to play her the song the minute he finished it.

Looking at the words scribbled on the paper that lay next to him on his bed, he felt relief that the last of the exhausting song's lyrics were finally finished. It was as ready as it would ever be considering he'd already read over them twice. Due to his promise, he now had to call her. He took a deep breath, picked up the phone, and tapped the only contact under the "lifeline" category. It only rang for about five seconds before the most beautiful sound in the world to him hit his ears.

"What's up Tony?" said Rose in her usual eager tone. Just hearing her speak made his chest tighten. It was a complete miracle he hadn't already flatlined from the anxiety she unknowingly brought him.

"Hi Rose," Tony replied, unable to hide the shakiness in his voice. This was going to be a total disaster if he didn't pull himself together.

"How ya feeling today?" Rose asked as she readjusted herself on her bed by placing her skateboard and tools on the floor so she could lay down. The board wasn't busted but it was one of her personal favorites and she'd rather tweak it at home than down at the shop where she worked. In truth, she was just thinking about calling him. She knew he had been so busy writing this song the last couple of weeks it meant she had to call him to talk rather than it being an equal balance as it stood before this latest project of his.

She wasn't upset with him though. Far from it, actually.

Tony was an artist and she had long come to terms with that. It also didn't hurt that he was damn good at what he did. As a pure songwriter, he helped launch the careers of both Robert Sash and Troop 93, two of Canada's most popular acts in the last couple of years. It always bugged her that no one knew what Tony was capable of on his own merit. But if his demeanor the last few weeks was anything to go on, this was a big deal to him for a song. And this was coming from a writer with more than one legitimate hit under his belt. It required almost all of his attention, leaving Rose grasping at straws just to spend a few moments with him. But she also took note of how nervous he had been around her when she did get him to herself. And to Rose, any change in the dynamic between her and Tony wouldn't go unnoticed.

"I'm fine...uh. I guess." Tony replied and right away, Rose picked up on something. Tony sounded off, like maybe he was tired which would somewhat make sense but also something else. Was he sick? Could he be overextending himself? She was used to him sounding timid because it's just who he is. He's not a naturally loud person, rather he's reserved and prefers to keep to himself. One of the many things she loved about him. But now he sounded nervous, scared even like she could almost see him sweating on the other end of the line. This was new and she wasn't a fan.

What was his deal?

"You okay, Tone?" She asked, using the pet name she gave him not long after they first met. "You sound a little all over the place. Need me to come over? I'm not exactly busy." Rose replied, wondering if he could hear her desperation for an excuse to see him in her voice. She did want to be around him, but she was also legitimately concerned at the same time.

"Y...yeah you can come over. But really, I'm okay. I just finished my song, and I was gonna ask if you wanted to anyway so I could play it for you." Tony replied a lot calmer than he felt at the moment.

"OMG, it's finally done? Like completely finished?" Rose said, not trying in the least to hide her excitement. In context, he sort of expected this kind of reaction given how much effort she put into trying to get information out of him.

"Yeah." He replied.

"Tony, I'm on my way. Stay breathing, I'll see you in ten." Rose said before abruptly hanging up. She practically threw herself off her bed and into her closet, carefully yet quickly scanning through her clothes looking for the perfect outfit. If she got lucky it would really catch his eye. She'd been waiting for weeks to hear this song. Everything had to be perfect.

Tony just stared at his cell. He did it. This was gonna happen. He then turned his attention to his bedroom. His guitar stood at attention leaning up against his bed. Things were in good enough order, except his desk. Papers lay scattered across the large wooden makeshift table by his window, but those belonged to Rose so he decided to leave them there. His floor was clean as was the rest of his apartment. As many problems as he may have had like depression or overactive anxiety, being a slob was never one of them. He had always hated clutter growing up, and that desire for order and tidiness had remained with him to this day.

With Rose likely to show up sooner than later, he figured he would try practicing the song before she got here since it would be at least twenty minutes before she pulled up. As it often did when he started playing, his mind began to wander as the music slowly filled the room. This time around, his mind drifted back to the not-so-distant past. A day that held the title as both the best and worst day of his life, as it was also the day he first met the girl of his dreams.

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II - The Sk8r Girl

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Two years ago...

"Holy shit, that was awesome! Dana, please tell me you caught that!" Rose practically shouted at her skateboarding partner Dana.

The two had met up about thirty minutes prior at around 2 PM and began filming almost immediately. Since the girl with the camera was rather new to skateboarding, Rose volunteered to take her under her wing until she learned the basics and maybe joined a local crew. They were right across the street from The Zoo, the most popular skate spot in the city. A year ago it was a community center, but due to financial issues, it relocated to another more populated area of town leaving the building an empty shell. That is until local skaters managed to start changing the interior, somehow adding ramps and railways and eventually creating the Skate Zoo as it stood today. But because Dana was a rookie, Rose decided to train her across the street in an empty parking lot. Feeling a bit frisky herself, Rose attempted a Double 180, a move she'd only pulled off once in the Zoo.

"I totally did! It came out real clean too." Dana said as she reviewed the footage from the camera video.

Rose picked up her board and headed over to where Dana was standing to look at the footage when out of the corner of her eye she noticed a guy walking down the street, seemingly heading towards the Zoo. He looked about her height, maybe a little taller with long black shaggy hair and he was wearing a long-sleeved navy green sweater and black jeans with Converse sneakers. Before long, Dana looked up and saw him as well.

"Oooh, he's kinda cute," whispered Dana.

"I know, right? Just saying, I without a doubt saw him first." Rose said back. They watched him walk up to and then enter the former community center.

"That's weird," Rose said, right after he disappeared behind the glass door.

"What?" Dana replied.

"He just went into the Zoo, but he didn't have a board. And he looked a little...out of it, right? Was it just me?" Rose replied.

"Really? I mean, he did look a little confused I guess." Dana replied, clearly not giving it as much thought as Rose had.

"I think I'm gonna go after him..." Rose said as she started inching towards the building.

This threw Dana off a bit.

"Wait Rose, seriously? You don't even know that guy. What if he's like...a junkie or something?" Dana said. This drew Rose's attention, though only momentarily.

"What do you mean?" Rose asked.

"Well, you said he didn't have a board, right?" Dana asked. Rose nodded in response.

"Well, someone told me the second floor was never done in the Zoo, and they said junkies like to hang out up there," Dana said, sounding a bit concerned. Rose pondered what she said for a moment, before letting out a light sigh.

"Dana, I promise you that's just a rumor. Wait here, I'll be right back." Rose said as she hopped on her board and headed for the Zoo. Once she was across the street, she looked back at Dana and gave her a thumbs-up before stepping inside the facility.

The walls were covered in graffiti from various skate sets trying to claim it. She recognized a few of the tags, including one she had done herself before she left and went solo. Three huge ramps, two sets of guard rails, and piles of crates outlining a crater in the floor sat where the main office once stood. But heading towards the end of the main floor led to a staircase covered by a wall. She listened and soon heard footsteps above her. Assuming it was the guy, she started after him. When she got to the staircase, however, she stopped as did the footprints.

Now she was a bit nervous. What if Dana was right? Rose had never actually been inside any of the rooms on the second floor. She never had any reason to. It's not like she ever heard or saw anything. But for all she knew, there could actually be a drug rave going on in any of those rooms right now, and she didn't wanna walk in on that kinda party.

A bit disappointed, she started to turn around and head out. But then she heard the footsteps again. Whoever it was, they were headed up to the rooftop, that much was obvious now. She'd been up there once, it was surprisingly nice. With a new sense of confidence, she started to head up, leaving her board underneath a rail on the first floor.

As she walked through the second floor, she heard the door to the rooftop open and close, confirming that her mystery man was up there. Before heading up to the roof, she peeked into one of the rooms. It was set up like an old abandoned classroom. Other than being dusty, it looked normal enough. Satisfied at likely dispelling the rumor she'd only just learned of, she headed up to the roof.

Midway up the staircase, however, something caught her eye. It was a folded piece of paper, almost like a note.

"The guy must have dropped it." Rose thought to herself as she picked it up and immediately got a weird vibe she couldn't explain just by holding it. Against her better judgment, she unfolded the paper. It was a letter. She began to read it, and almost immediately felt a chill go down her spine.

To Whom It May Concern,

I'm sorry it's come to this, but I just couldn't carry on like this anymore. The world will be better off without someone like me ruining everything. Our family is broken beyond repair, and I feel like maybe my being out of everybody's way might finally do something to set things right.

To my mother and father, I'm sorry I was never the son you wanted me to be.

Mom, you always seemed to understand me. You were sick my whole life, but if I had known you were an addict I could have tried harder to make you happy and keep you going. When you needed me, I wasn't there. I know you're still in there somewhere when I get to see you. I love you Ma. Get better for me, okay?

Sorry I kept letting you down, Dad. I love you.

To my brother and Augustine, I truly hope you two are happy together. I let you down one too many times, Gem. I should have been there. I should have seen the signs. I'll always love you, little bro. You were always the smartest of us two. Use that big head to make a bigger life for yourself. I believe in you.

To anyone else, don't worry about me. I'm not worth remembering. I'm sorry, and I love you all.

Best Wishes, Tobias -

III - Let's Be Alone Together

Rose's hands trembled as she lifted her eyes from the paper.

It was a suicide note. The guy was gonna kill himself.

She wanted to cry but fought the urge. Instead, she dropped the paper and bolted up the rest of the staircase, hoping she wasn't too late. As soon as she made it up, she looked around. Sure enough, she saw the guy standing on the ledge looking down at the back alley of the Zoo from three stories up. Below lay two empty steel garbage containers that had been emptied on schedule four hours earlier. She bolted over to him, desperate to stop him.

"STOP!" She screamed as she was mere inches away.

Tony turned around and saw a girl running at him. The shock nearly sent him over as he began to lose balance but Rose got there and pulled him off the ledge and to safety. He fell right next to her and looked over. She was panting as if she'd just run a marathon. She then looked over at him and jumped to her feet. Immediately, she reached her hand out and helped him to his feet. As soon as they were both standing, she grabbed him and pulled him in for what felt like the tightest hug he'd ever felt. "I'm so glad you're still alive!" Rose cried into his shoulder as she hugged him.

Tony was so confused as to what was happening he was left utterly speechless. Who was she? Why was she hugging him so hard? How did she know he'd be up here? And why did she stop him? Finally, she let go of him and stepped back to take a good look at him. This gave him a chance to get a look at his "hero".

She was around his height, maybe two or three inches shorter. She had red hair with highlights of white and blue on either side. She wore a skull necklace similar to one he had seen in a department store once. She was wearing a solid black t-shirt, a sleeveless jean jacket, a denim skirt, knee-high socks, and Converse sneakers. Definitely athletic. She looked strong. More than likely a skater.

Subconsciously, he took in her physique as well. There was a lot to like.

Rose was by no means fat or even heavy, but she had never been a thin girl. She wasn't a fan of watching what she ate. She'd always been active enough to counteract whatever she ate anyway. She was in good enough shape to be considered healthy while also being able to fit into decent-sized clothes. It did nothing but highlight her natural body. And with a tight yet plump ass and a pair of perky yet standard B-cup breasts, let's just say she was aware she had a lot to be proud of.

"Ummm...." Tony started.

"Oh my god.... are you okay?" Rose started, sounding panicked.

"Y...yes I'm fine," Tony replied.

"I don't mean to be rude, but what in the literal fuck were you thinking? You nearly died!" Rose began, speaking quickly, without a doubt concerned. She then noticed a tear beginning to fall on his face.

"I'm sorry you had to see that but....you don't understand. I'm done. I don't have anything left. I need to die. There's nothing left inside anymore that feels close to hope. I just want this nightmare I call life to be over. Don't waste any more time on me." Tony finished, letting the tears fall down his face as he stood there and silently wept.

"Tell me what's going on, Tobias," Rose said.

---

Tony was born a nervous wreck.

By his father's account of his infancy, he did nothing but either blindly stare or cry. He had never really been able to make friends as a kid. They called him a spaz and some even seemed to get a thrill out of making him cry daily. His parents' constant fighting eliminated the chances one of them paid attention long enough to know he could need therapy. He had all but given up on everything by the time he got to high school. That is, until he joined a band his junior year that shared in his fascination for poetry and music.

The four guys that eventually made up their band took him in and helped him establish some idea of pride in himself and the five became very close.

Until the accident, that is.

Simon, the band's founder and lead guitarist was killed in a head-on collision with a flagpole that ejected him from the car. He was 23, drunk, and in no condition to drive.

He had the band booked for a gig in the next town over. Some big attorney's daughter attended a live show and became a member of their small fandom. They would perform three songs and be paid about $300 each. The band hit up a local bar afterward to celebrate. Tony had settled on a more subtle buzz while his friends went all out. Eventually, the band leader managed to score a hookup with a girl in the bar after their night was over as a group. Not long after she left and after about seven beers, he set off to her place. He never made it back.

Their brotherhood ended after graduation.

Tony was left with a deep sense of guilt over not stopping Simon sooner, as all of them had to some degree. But this time, he was left all alone to bear this pain.

His home life was no less traumatizing.

His mother had been in and out of rehab for years and by the time he turned eighteen, needed to be reminded of who he was when he visited her. It was the last time he visited her on his birthday. Without her to balance them out, his father was free to berate Tony as much as he could. The two had just never been close, due mainly to his father's intimate relationship with alcohol and condemning of their mother's issues when a case could be made his habit of getting blackout drunk was just as out of control. Between Tony and his little brother, he had been the one to defend her during one of his drunken stupors.

Years of petty games and mental abuse later, and his father's Facebook would suggest Germane had been an only child.

He and his brother had never been close as kids despite being only two years apart. Germane learned much earlier than Tony that the best place to be was anywhere but home. Their neighbor Augustine made it easy to get away. From around twelve, the brothers rarely saw each other. Neither felt it necessary to bridge the gap between them, but a major blow had been dealt when their father struck Germane for dropping two of his beers while rummaging through the fridge. His face had been bloodied from his mouth and nose, but his manhood had been challenged that night, and the defeat hurt way worse than anything his father had ever done to him before.