Love Doesn't Do It for Me

Love Doesn't do it for me

A Quick Short

ALL Rights Reserved for this author

Sometimes you know that you don't know

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When things were not going well between Beth and me, I had a "feeling". Nothing was obviously wrong. It was a feeling. She didn't do anything to raise my suspicions. I thought we were doing great, except that I had a feeling. She was loving and as sexual as she had ever been. Still, I had that feeling.

We have been married for five years. It was the time we agreed to start a family. She took the recurring precautions. I used a condom on occasion to show her that I was part of "us".

We lived together for a year before we married. We married a year after graduating from high school. Furthermore, we had our plan. Higher education was a must for both of us. I was going to be the breadwinner while she had the baby. The pressure was on us both to be contributing members of society. We each had to do our share. Her share varied than mine. After school, I would always be "working". She would have a more varied life; school, motherhood, work and motherhood, then work like I did. During her motherhood years, she would socialize. I was all for it. My work did not allow for many social interactions. She could lay the groundwork for our social interactions.

After five years we were ready to start a family. I never thought I would want the burden of raising children. After watching our friends' children, I began to feel different. The more we talked about starting a family, the more I wanted it. From us wanting children, it became me wanting children.

We had agreed that after five years, while both of us were working, we would start the process. The flaw in our thinking was that once she was working and established in a position, she would dump it to have a child. I know she wanted a child, but I also know she wanted something different and more meaningful. Giving birth is natural. One has to take steps to avoid it. But to create something that it is not natural requires a great deal of discipline and devotion. To get accolades requires smarts, intelligence, devotion and time. You must create, not nurse your activity along. So when the time came to stop taking the pill, she didn't.

I was happy to have her come home most nights charged by what she accomplished during the day, week and month. But, the more she accomplished away from me, the more we grew apart. Our dreams of starting a family, were only mine. She still loved me, so she said, but her mind was elsewhere most evenings.

Sex was always good with Beth. One of us would start teasing the other. In response, the teasing got more physical until it became all physical. I always liked touching her. She was so soft, and reacted to my touches in a way that made me touch her suggestively. There were certain areas of her skin that got sexual reactions. When U rubber her shoulders and worked down to her breasts, I could see her mood changing. Her breathing slowed and her eyes glassed over. My lips and hot breath on her neck caused her to stop thinking. My kisses worked down her neck past her collarbone onto her chest. When I reached the base of her breasts, I felt them harden as she made them more available to me. I kept kissing one breast as I advanced towards her nipple. I messaged her other breast is slow circular motions, tweaking her nipple every so often. When her pelvis rocked back and forth I moved my mouth to the other breast. My free hand moved down her stomach till I reached the hairy area between her legs. Beth was incoherent by then.

When my fingers touched the slit between her legs, she began to spasm. I began playing with the folds of her sex. Little by little my middle finger invaded her snatch. The wetter she got, the deeper my finger went. With three fingers in her hole I rimmed them round the inside. I could feel her opening get wider and wetter. By this time I was very hard. My underwear and pants restrained me, and hurt. My pelvis rocked back and forth as I sought relief from the pressure building within me.

Finally, she began crying. No words came out. Instead, grunts that shook the foundation of what we were on. Sometimes the sofa, other times the bed, and a few times the rug on the floor. She grabbed me harder and harder till her strength was equal to mine. Her sex was fully exposed. Her legs were flailing in the air. She was positioning me between her legs. We it was obvious my pants were still on, she cried louder. She fumbled with the clothes I had on below my waist. Finally, everything slipped down to my ankles. She grabbed my hardness violently. My body followed it as she inserted it into her warmth like a tampon. Her warmth overwhelmed me. My brain stopped working. She bucked up and her legs clamped down on me. I had no choice, and I didn't want one, as I sank into her. My relief was her relief as we bucked in opposite directions. When sated, we rested and did the whole thing over again. With no pressure and no time limit, sometimes we did it slowly and other times so fast. We were out of breath as we orgasmed together.

It was beautiful. Our emotions meshed with the physical. Was this how you explain love? I thought it was, until I thought about it. This is my wife, but out of bed, she is almost certainly not the love of my life. Is she someone else's? Now I thought about my work, her work, and the family we planned but almost certainly forgot. Why would we forget? Did she find another? Was the other a man, the job, or lost interest?

Yeah, sex is great, but there is more to life than great sex.

"What's the matter dear?" she asked. "You seem preoccupied."

"I was thinking about us. Is there still an "us"?"

"Of course there is. There is only us, for now?"

"What do you mean?"

"We are the only two in this bed now. So, this is us, since we married, and until the end."

"When does the end come?" I asked.

"Well, it could come when we die. Or, it could come when we decide it should come."

"What would make either one of us decide it should come?"

"You or I might meet someone that is a greater "us" than we are."

"Have you met or are you thinking of meeting such a person?" I asked.

"Maybe," she answered.

"If you did, how would the US come to an end?"

"I guess one of us would have to say something. You can't live with someone for five years and not tell the other person the end has come."

"Is the end coming, or has it happened?" I asked.

"I think it is coming," she replied."

"Is it because of something I did or did not do?"

"No, absolutely not! You have been wonderful. That is why I love you so much."

"Is your love for me stronger than your love for anyone or anything else?"

"It is different."

"Different better, or different worse?"

"Different for the needs I currently have."

"Are we talking about another person or something else?"

"I guess it is a combination."

"You know that the end of our love will hurt me to no end. I will wallow in pain and do something stupid to end the hurt."

"I know dear. That is why the end of "us" cannot happen suddenly. The end of us has to happen slowly like the beginning of us, so that there will be realization and not hurt."

"Is that what is happening to us as we drift apart?"

"Yes, I think so. But the melding of our physical and emotional selves can continue for a long time. The children may not be coming, but we will always have each other."

"Does the end of us depend on outside forces?"

"To some degree. You have your work here. I thought mine would be here as well. That may be changing."

"Will that change be the end of us?"

"Probably, but only in the sense that we won't see each other as often as we do now."

"Have you found another to travel with you?"

"I think so. I hope so. But that doesn't mean the end of "us". It just means a new beginning for us both.

"It sounds as though our love is in a death throe."

"Maybe, but our melding of body and soul will always be when appropriate."

"Should I say goodbye to you now?" I asked

"It's not necessary. We can continue for as long as I am available."

"I can't! Your love, doesn't do it for me."

"We still share so many things!"

"They will have to come to an end as I look for my new beginning."

"When will that happen?" she asked.

"Ask soon as I can get to my lawyer.