Love Gods

This is an entry to the Literotica 2022 Valentine's Day Story Contest. While I usually prefer stories that have a chance of reflecting reality, I had fun with this exploration of how various love gods might attempt to achieve their goals. Be aware there is little sexual activity in this story. Please feel free to vote and comment.

-----

Out behind a Native American casino in eastern Wyoming was a large meeting room which held the monthly meeting of Gods United. Many gods and sacred ones would show up to chew the fat and tell stories of humorous events and drama they had caused. They also liked to share a few drinks, the most favorite being mead, better known as nectar of the gods. On this one occasion, a few gods of love happened to be sitting at the same table. They liked to brag to each other how they had helped mere mortals fall in love.

The subject came around to tough cases. Every once in a while, a human would prove to be particularly resistant to the celestial machinations of the love gods and remain unattached and celibate.

Eros was the first to talk about Joe Cuthbert, an 'old before his time' fellow living just outside of Centerton. He was a programmer and enjoyed hiking, both of which he did alone. He never seemed to be interested in women or in men, for that matter. There were concerns he was asexual or perhaps simply 'on the spectrum.'

"He's a tough case. Usually, humans get together on their own, but Joe, well, I don't think that will ever happen."

"You're right, E, he's a tough one. Have you ever tried your skills on him?" asked St. Valentine.

"No, but I plan to pretty soon, I guess."

"I think you're a pussy and don't want to face failure," jumped in Cupid. "You know deep down that your erotic methods don't cut it like they used to, what with on-line porn like it is."

"What? You doubt my abilities? You, you who depend on little bows and arrows and 'meet cute' romances, you think I can't get him together with someone?" said Eros with a raised voice.

"Now, guys, take it easy. Turn the other cheek, you know," said an earnest Val.

"But he just doubted my abilities," replied Eros.

"Yeah, I did, because it's true. You are O.O.D. Out of date!"

"Why you little baby faced..., I'll get you for that..."

"Settle down, Eros, this is just a discussion," jumped in Val. "We all have our abilities and some of us are just more successful than others."

"Yeah? Like who?" asked Cupid.

"Val, are you saying you'd be more likely to get ol' Joe together with someone?"

"Maybe. Maybe I would. I mean, I'm the youngest of the three of us and I think I have the ability to reach into the true essence and faith of someone and get them to see the Big Guy's will. Once they do, they'll find someone," answered Val.

"But," jumped in Eros, "your Big Guy and my Big Guy don't always see eye-to-eye. Maybe my Big Guy is smarter than yours. Maybe he's given me the ability to hook people up better than yours."

"Hey, I have an idea," mused Cupid. "How about we see who can get Joe to tumble for someone? A little competition, maybe."

"I'm not one much for games of chance," said Val, "but since this is a game of skill, yeah, I'd be up for that."

"Yeah, me too," answered Eros.

"So, we're all agreed. We all will work on Joe and see which of us can get him to hook up," said Val.

"No, not a hook up. A relationship. If we're going to do it, we've gotta make the final goal a true relationship," said Cupid.

"Marriage?" asked Eros.

"No, not needed, but certainly would meet criteria. Any long-term relationship including living with each other will count," announced Cupid.

"Care to make it interesting?" smiled Eros.

"Wait, I'm not sure I can do that," sighed Val.

"Sure, you can. You said yourself it wasn't a game of chance. Put your money where your mouth is," replied Eros.

Cupid smiled at his comrades and said, "Here's what I propose. We each get one month to try and get Joe together with someone..."

"Wait a second. Whoever goes first has an advantage. We should all have a crack at the same time," complained Eros.

"I agree," said Val.

"But we've all said we believe we're the best and the others are no good, so it doesn't really matter who goes first. We can randomly choose the order and all put something into the kitty. The one of us who gets him to turn first takes it all," replied Cupid.

The other two finally agreed with the plan but then asked what the ante would be.

"I propose fifty bitcoins," announced Cupid.

"That's easy, not too much to hurt if you lose but enough to make it fun to win. I'm in," announced Val.

"Yeah, me too," said Eros. "Boy, if humans only knew how easy it is for us to manipulate the market," he added, laughing loudly. "But let's hold off on that until after our bet is over. Agreed?"

The other two agreed just as the beautiful and lovely Aphrodite walked up. "Hello, gentlemen, or should I say Fellow Gods and Saints. How are you today?"

"We're fine, Beautiful," replied Val. "If I weren't a saint, I'd be asking you out. Well, anyway, we've just decided on a little wager to see which of us is the best in getting recalcitrant humans hooked up or to the altar. Wanna join us?"

"You serious? A bet? Who's the human?"

"Joe Cuthbert."

"You're crazy. He's a confirmed loner. You'll never get him to tumble, mark my words."

"Too bad you're too chicken to join in," chuckled Eros.

"I'm not too chicken. I just don't think it can be done. Nope, I'm not joining in, but thanks for the invite, anyway. You gentle beings have a nice day," she said as she glided away, her delightful hips swaying nicely under her long gown.

After she left, the three of them decided to play Rock, Parchment and Sword to pick who went first, second and third. After several tied rounds, Val picked sword while the other two chose parchment, so he opted to go first. Eros and Cupid played a few more rounds before Cupid won, choosing to go second.

They put their heads together to finalize everything, agreeing on the months, what constituted a relationship and a few other minor details.

Just then Frigga came crashing through the door.

"Uh oh, here comes friggin' Frigga," muttered Eros.

"Yeah, no kidding, the Norse know-it-all," sighed Cupid.

"Hey guys, or should I say 'Hey gods' to you all? How are you doing?"

"Fine." "OK." Came the less than enthusiastic responses.

"What brings you three symbols of love together today?"

"We were just talking, drinking some mead and came up with a little wager to see which of the three of us can get Joe Cuthbert to tumble and fall in love."

"You three? Really? Joe is so way out of your league," she laughed. "Only a good, Norse love goddess like me has a chance with Joe."

"Oh, you're so full of it," responded Eros.

"Now, now, that's not a very Christian thing to say to a fellow god or goddess, now is it?" asked Val.

"I'm not Christian, Val, and don't try to convert me. And Frigga is full of it. She couldn't win this bet in a million years."

"So, Eros, what's the bet, anyway?"

Once they had explained everything to her, she smiled at them and said, "I want in on the action. I'll show you guys something!"

Cupid turned to the other two and they talked among themselves for a few seconds and decided the extra fifty bitcoins in the kitty would be nice.

"Alright, Frigga, you're in, but you go last," they told her.

"That's hardly fair."

"But you just said you were sure we couldn't do it, so going last shouldn't be a problem for you," answered Val. "Are you in or out?"

"OK, I'm in, you suckers, and I'm gonna take it all," she laughed. Odin will love it when I bring home an extra one-fifty in bitcoin. He wants to remodel the east wing of Valhalla and this should help. So, when are we scheduled?"

"I've got July, Cupid has September, Eros gets November, so you get January."

"OK, let's do this," she answered as they all put their drinks together over the middle of the table and shouted their own enthusiastic toasts:

"Toast!"

"Skål!"

"τοστ!"

"Praebibo!"

Once the drinks were downed, they raised their arms into the air shouting as one, "Hoo-ya!"

-----

July -- St. Valentine

Now as we all know, St. Valentine isn't really a god, but he has a lot of pull with the one upstairs. A simple email request is all it takes for him to get what he needs to carry out his duties. He decided that Joe was a moral man and an occasional church goer. He figured he would try to get Joe to mass and introduce him to a wonderful Christian woman about his age by the name of Maria.

-----

On Sunday the first, Joe woke up early and suddenly decided to go to mass. He realized he'd not been in quite some time and felt he should go, not knowing his actions were directed from above. Wearing a nice summer sport coat and slacks, he drove to St. Mattress in the Springs. There on the steps stood a dashing older fellow and a rather attractive, younger woman. As he climbed the steps her eye caught his and she smiled.

"Hello, welcome to St. Mattress. I'm Maria and this is Val," she said as she reached out and shook his hand.

"Hi, Maria. Val. Nice to meet you."

"We've not seen you before. Are you new to the area?"

"I'm embarrassed to say I've lived here several years. I admit I haven't been real faithful in my attendance. I'm Joe, by the way."

"Never mind. You are here today and that's what counts. Why don't you come and sit with us, Joe?"

She ushered him down the aisle and had him sit between her and Val. During the service there was the moment when everyone was instructed to greet others around them. The three were the only ones in their area so they greeted each other again, shaking hands and chatting for a few seconds.

After mass Maria invited Joe to the community room for refreshments. Joe stood there talking with her while he ate a donut and drank some wicked tasting coffee. Maria was quite attractive. She had straight black hair and slightly tanned skin suggesting some native or south-of-the-border blood. Her eyes were slightly almond shaped, her nose had a cute little upturn and she sported straight, white teeth.

He discretely looked at her figure. Under her modest dress with a high collar, she seemed to have nice breasts and her hips were full and womanly. The modest hem was just below her knees preventing him from seeing her thighs.

As they talked, she would smile and occasionally lay her hand on his forearm while emphasizing a point. Val strolled up and politely interrupted their conversation.

"Joe, our little church could certainly use some new blood. Would you be interested in our Wednesday evening bible studies? We kick around a quote or two, talk about them and what they might mean for our modern society. After that we break for refreshments. It's a great way to get involved and meet people."

"Yes, Joe, you should come," smiled Maria as she touched his arm again. "I'd...Uh, we'd love to see you."

Joe wasn't super excited about the idea but he did see Maria as an attractive woman. Maybe it was time for him to get out a bit more and mingle with the folks in Centerton. He agreed and even offered to give Maria a ride.

Although he couldn't hear the groans from the spying Cupid, Frigga and Eros, Val was silently elated at the quick progress made right on the very first day.

Joe picked up Maria promptly at six thirty and drove her to the church in his newly vacuumed '91 Ford F-110 truck. After a thirty-minute bible session, the small group broke for refreshments. Maria stayed close to Joe the entire time, hanging onto his every word. She readily agreed with him on most everything, lightly rested her hand on his forearm and even brushed imaginary lint off his shirt. On the way home she scooted across the bench seat to sit nearer to him, but not touching him.

"That was so inspiring," she sighed. "Thank you for coming."

"Yeah. Nice. I really liked what Val had to say about community and love. Sometimes I feel we don't help each other enough and our community suffers."

"Yeah, I agree one hundred percent. Oh, here we are. Thanks for the ride. Uh, would you like to come in for a few minutes?"

"Thanks, but no. I have a ton of work to do tomorrow and I need my sleep."

"Will I see you on Sunday, or maybe sooner?" she asked with an anxious voice.

"Uh, well, I guess. Maybe. Uh, when you say sooner, I, uh, well, would you like to get together maybe Saturday?"

"Oh, I'd love to."

"I like to get outdoors whenever I can. You interested in a little hike?"

Maria was not exactly an outdoorswoman but was so desperate that she agreed. They set up a time for him to pick her up for a short hike in the forest outside of town.

Eros, Frigga and Cupid were livid. Within four days Joe was taking the woman out on a date! Val could possibly pull things off.

The hike was, to put it simply, a disaster. He had originally planned for a five-mile stroll on an easy loop trail. Maria had poor quality shoes and appeared to be struggling within the first half-mile. At about a mile, Joe could see her limping and he suggested they turn around. When they got to the truck, he had to help her get up onto the bench. Again, she scooted over, this time a bit closer. For much of the trip back she apologized for ruining the hike.

"I had no idea that hiking was so difficult. I'm sorry I ruined things for you."

"Hey, no big deal. If we are going to do that again, you'll need some real hiking shoes."

"Uh, could I make it up to you? How about you come in and we can get to know each other a bit better? I have a couple of beers or a bottle of wine, if you're interested."

When Joe agreed, she smiled to herself. It worked! Her fake walking woes got him into her house. Unfortunately, Joe drank just the one beer and declined any more, frustrating her attempt to lower his inhibitions with alcohol. When he went to leave, she went up to him and apologized once more before giving him a big hug. She reached up seeking a kiss, but Joe smiled and turned away saying he'd see her in church the next day.

At church he sat alone until Maria slid into the pew next to him, lightly squeezing his hand. They whispered a bit until the sermon started. As the week before, after the service she invited him to the community room where she stayed glued to his side. She was disappointed when he left without any definite plans to get together again but was tickled the next day when he called and offered her a ride to the bible study.

The bible study was a bit more contentious than the week before. The bible passages pertained to women serving and obeying their husbands, something that Joe was definitely unhappy with. He voiced his opinion rather bluntly which set off a vigorous debate. Voices were raised and tempers flared until Val, who was leading the session, brought things to a peaceful end. On the way home Joe was silent, almost to the point of being rude.

Maria decided to try and smooth any hurt feelings. "I really appreciated your comments tonight."

"Thanks."

"Don't you think there's room for compromise? I mean, can't we women serve our husbands in a more equitable manner?"

"No, Maria, you can't. Whoever is serving is automatically below the other and I firmly believe women and men should be one hundred percent equal."

"Oh," she softly answered.

At her place she invited him in but he declined and there was no invitation for the weekend. She was saddened to realize he was not at church that Sunday nor at the bible study during the week. Finally, she called him the next day and asked how he was doing.

"I'm fine, Maria. Hey, look. You're a nice lady, attractive, sweet. You'll make some guy a wonderful wife but I think, no, I know it won't be me. I'll see you in church occasionally. Take care. OK?"

She hung up the phone with a disappointed sob. He was nice and in the short time she had known him, she found him very attractive. However, it wasn't to be. Val, of course, was aware of the situation but pretended to be surprised when she told him that Joe was no longer a possibility.

-----

September -- Cupid

Eros, Frigga and Cupid were beyond elated when Val officially conceded. They each still had a chance! To celebrate, they high-fived while continuing to trash talk each other.

With nearly six weeks to prepare, Cupid did extensive research on Joe trying to figure the man out. He spent hours reviewing Joe's background and stumbled onto the on-line archives of Joe's web browsing. It was fairly clear that Joe's preference was for blonde, tall women. He had downloaded multiple pictures of well-endowed blondes, many of whom had little to no clothing on. Cupid quickly figured out that he'd have to find such a woman in real life to lure Joe to a long-term relationship.

He talked to Apollo, receiving permission to arrange for the perfect woman to move to Centerton. Cupid would make sure Joe met her on the Labor Day weekend.

-----

There was a large community picnic sponsored by several community organizations on the day before Labor Day. On that Sunday, Joe found himself with a sudden urge to go to the picnic. He rationalized it as a chance to mingle with people. Other than Maria and Val a few months prior, he really hadn't met that many people in town. Most of his work was remote and his outdoor activities were all solo.

At the picnic he wandered around, nodded to several people and enjoyed the excellent bar-b-q. As he was sitting at a table and finishing off his corn on the cob, a vision of beauty walked up to him and asked to sit down.

She was gorgeous! Long blonde hair hung to her mid-back, her button nose was cute as, well, cute as a button and she had a smile of deep red lips. Under her thin T-shirt were a pair of very promising breasts, each the size of small melons, and below that was a bare midriff featuring a tiny pendant through a navel piercing. Tight jeans hugged her luscious hips and surprisingly cute feet rested in her flip-flops.

"Yes, please, have a seat."

"I'm Vakker. You?" she asked with a tiny accent.

"Uh, Joe. You have an interesting name. Where does it come from?"

"Norway. I grew up there."

"Does the name mean anything?"

"Yes. But I am embarrassed."

"Why?"

"It means pretty."

"That's perfectly OK. Bella is an Italian name that means beautiful so Vakker is a fine name. How long have you been here?"

"Just last week. Oh, here is my good friend. Joe, please meet Quinton Pemberton Dalton," she giggled.

"Oh, Vakker, you know I hate that full name," he laughed, "Hi, I'm Q. P. Dalton. Some people just abbreviate the whole thing and call me Q. P. D."

"Nice meeting you. You live here also?"

"No, I just helped Vakker with the moving. I'll be here no more than a month or so. By then everything should be settled, I predict."

The three of them sat together for nearly an hour. Vakker seemed to really enjoy Joe's company though most of the conversation was between him and Q. P. D. She did add a little bit now and then, however. Eventually Q. P. D. stood to excuse himself leaving Joe and Vakker alone.

After grabbing a second beer for each of them, Joe asked Vakker if she'd like to stroll around the huge park.

"Ja, I mean yes. I love valking. I hike, too. Do you hike, Joe?"

"Yes, I do," he answered, delighted that she wouldn't crash and burn after such a short hike as Maria did.

"Vell, then I shall invite you, no? Vere do we go?"

"Uh, there are several places nearby. How far do you want to go?"

"Maybe ten or twelve kilometers. I zink dat's six or seven miles, no?"

"Yeah, sounds about right. Let's trade numbers and I'll call you to set things up for next weekend."