All Comments on 'Love Is 20/20 Vision'

I'm sorry, but your dialogue is just awful. No one really talks the way your characters do. The idea of a good story is to draw the reader into your world. That's impossible with this stiff and emotionless story.

I see you've turned off the voting option. Wise move.

its hard when English is not your first language. Lots wont understand. Well done.

Keep writing

Your writing is stilted, awkward, and without warmth or interest. You do not know how to build characters so anyone would care about them, or how to build tension or reader involvement in a plot. Dry and stilted. Sorry.

... Now that I've read your story, I'm not so sure.

I would like to give you 3*

The wife "masterminds" the move but she completely hates it, then why do it? Tthe husband buys the land using a fund meant for military veterans; but he spent his whole life working at a Lowes hardware style company. When was he in the military? If they were so wealthy, why not buy the property themselves? Why did she quit her high powered executive career to become a stay at home wife if she hated it? Why the fuck would she mastermind a complete relocation if she didn't want to and if he wanted to become a landscaper, why move to butt fuck nowhere? Why not stay in Dallas, where there is a larger population base and more opportunity to make money?

Too many unanswered questions.

Ill give you three. Your story read as though dictated. They do not flow. Ill give you a 3.

that's my take

You can't wax poetic from start to finish in a story ( maybe Faulkner ) or things get florid & self indulgent. But important moments should have more descriptive leeway. Maybe the author should have a drink or two before next writing session to loosen up ?

Interesting story and I would have given 5***** for this story. The deadly ill husband is looking for second husband candidate for his much younger wife after his near death. Good idea and not a wimp story...........

More than a bit stiff in the dialogue. The only solution for that is to write a lot more stories. Good luck.

Every thing in this man's life seemed to fall in his lap with no effort or direction from him. I praise you for turning the voting off btw. Those scores have no meaning at all for the story itself, but gives orgasms to all the little queers who like to give a 1.

Interesting idea. Keep writing. Don't get discouraged.

AMerryMan

no cuck tale here

I would like to give you a 5, but I guess voting is disabled. This was a very creative story that was also well written. My only request would have been to stretch out the initial romance scene with Rachael and Ben as it would be been enjoyable to read, and the story could have been in "Romance" category. Thank you for your work..

Interesting and different. Well done!

Your last story at least had a plot to disguise the awful dialogue. I couldn't make it through half of the first page. So many plot holes (what the fuck does he do in the country where he can't support his wife) and a wooden narrative. I think you're done.

Your stories are getting better just take your time and keep them coming. Thanks for sharing

A peasant must stand in the field with his mouth open for a very long time until a roast chicken flies in.

Your extra large condom clad protagonist had as unlikely a string of fantastical encounters.

I enjoyed this story. It was entertaining and imaginative. It was different. I would have liked a little more about his first family. It was kind of ho-hum. I didn't really trust Rachael, she spread her legs a little too easily for her career advancement. He should worry about her. I didn't understand her "smutty Spanish" and its purpose along with his initial worry about her working with shirtless men. This could only spell trouble in the future. Her character could have been more fully developed one way or the other (faithful or cheater). After having said all that, I still liked the story.

Very good read. Liked the story and the romance.

but your dialogue and interactions are stilted and cool. There is very little drama regarding the breakup of his marriage, and not a lot of drama regarding his romance with Rachael. The whole emotional and intellectual aspects regarding the breakup of his first marriage were ignored. Oh, I don't like living where I convinced you to move to, so I am moving back to the city to find a new man. OK, have a nice life dear. WTF? Can't really say he had a first marriage, since it ended so quickly and cheaply. The casualness with which these people come and go and fuck seems unrealistic, and boring.

I found the way you wrote the story, more interesting then the actual story

I enjoyed your story after I read it a couple of times. Good effort.

I didn’t.

Totally agree with Ducky7. Like your style very much. LP

Took a chance. That was a major or minor baddd choice.

LOVE slap-hapy-papy #9

Another load of garbled crap.Is the author's first language English??At least you get to pass comment on this,unlike Liz's temptation garbage,where due to the obvious failings,you can only contact the author.