Love is Not Blind

"It is difficult to live with such feelings Nayan, I hope, someday, he finds peace."

We were mostly silent for the one hour that it took to reach our destination. Nayan held my hand pretty tightly throughout the drive and I did find that peculiar. Suddenly, we turned into his driveway.

It was dark, but the headlights of the car showed a cute bungalow, lawns on both sides of the driveway and a lot of shrubbery. Nayan's Dad was sitting on an armchair on the portico and he rose to welcome us. His left arm stretched out to pull Nayan to him as he stretched his right arm towards me. It seemed perfectly natural for me to step into his arms. "Namaste Uncle, good evening," I said, as he hugged us both.

"Welcome guys," he said, "you must be Reshmi and we are very happy to have you with us."

"My turn now," said a crystal clear voice. Nayan's mom had quietly come up behind his Dad, and now she enveloped us in her arms.

Then she looked at Nayan, "You are looking good," and she ruffled his hair.

"You okay Mom?" Nayan asked.

"Why? What's wrong with me?" she countered.

"Well, the first thing you normally say is that I have lost weight, so I just wondered." We all started laughing.

"Come inside, Farhan will bring your stuff in, Su will be out in a few minutes, she is in the shower."

We entered an elegantly decorated living room. "Do you guys want some coffee first, or do we head straight for dinner?"

"Nayan has told me you are an awesome chef, so dinner for me," I smiled.

"You are sweet Reshmi," then she turned to Nayan. "Show Reshmi our home, and show her the guest room so that she can freshen up before dinner."

Nayan started to show me around, his cane in his left hand and my elbow in his right. He stopped before a room. "Okay Miss Lavender, you aren't going to jump me from behind that that door," he laughed.

"Stupid me, I should have known my bath soap would give me away," said a tinkling voice as Sunaina rushed out and hugged him fiercely.

And I noticed, Sunaina had those same hazel eyes, much less of the green, but they were extremely beautiful. And Sunaina means 'beautiful eyes.'

She took my hand. "I have heard so much about you, we are going to have a lot of fun this weekend, thank you so much for coming over."

I hugged her, I was quite overwhelmed by this hospitality. Then I gave them the small gifts that I had got for them, a bottle of perfume each for Auntie and Sunaina, and a rare book on philosophy for Uncle.

"Tonight's meal is simple," Auntie explained, as we sat down for dinner. "From tomorrow we have the festivals and Reshmi will get a first hand experience of the festival specific dishes we Tamils make."

"Will you teach me how to make them Auntie?" I asked. She reached out and gently pinched my cheek.

We all went to bed early, sleep came quickly to me as I thought of our long drive and the way Nayan had held on to my hand.

As always I woke up before daybreak, and was amazed that I had slept so well in a strange bed, in a strange house, something that normally does not happen to me. In some mystifying way, this house felt like my own.

I brushed my teeth, put on my jogging attire and walked into the living room. Auntie was there with her coffee. "Good morning Auntie," I wished her.

"I will get you your coffee, Nayan is outside in the garden, take him with you for your morning walk. If you go left, after a kilometre there is a small but beautiful lake and there is a grassy jogging track around it."

"Will Su join us?" I asked.

"Su jogs in the evening, Dad and I normally walk after dinner, so it is just the two of you for now."

Nayan was already in his jogging suit that I had remembered to hand over to him the previous evening. Auntie waved to us as we left.

The lake was breathtaking. There was a mist hanging low over the waters, and there were ducks, coots and geese swimming in small groups.

"In winter, there will be a small flock of pelicans," Nayan said. "They migrate here then. You will find them very interesting. They communicate with each other visually by moving their beaks and spreading or flapping their wings, only rarely, when in a group, do they verbalise their messages through a grunting call."

I held his arm tightly. I knew he missed seeing them. So to distract him, I said, "Nayan, this path is quite smooth, shall we try jogging? Imagine it is a three legged race that we used to have in school when we were kids. So hold your left leg against my right and we go to a rhythm of 1-2-3-4, 1-2-3-4."

He was a child now. His left hand came around my upper back and gripped my left upper arm firmly, as my right hand went around his waist. And before we knew it, we had jogged one full round of the lake. And then we sank down on a bench by the water front and laughed our heads off.

As we walked into the driveway, Auntie stopped us. "Let me take a picture of you both," she said, "you guys look so cute in your jogging attire."

Nayan hugged Auntie, lifting her a few inches off the ground and started spinning around in circles with her. "Mom, we jogged around the lake," he squealed like an overjoyed kid. Auntie looked at me and as a woman to another woman, I knew she was communicating a silent 'thank you.' I too, like Nayan, hugged her.

Auntie taught me to make 'Kozakattai,' a sweet steamed dumpling stuffed with jaggery and grated coconut, 'Dahi Vadas' of a typical Tamil style garnished with shredded carrots and cucumber, with a tempering of sautéed mustard seeds and spices, 'Avial' which is a whole lot of assorted vegetables cooked in a curd based gravy and lots of other stuff.

With Su, I worked out how to invest Nayan's money in a sweep-in account that would provide a combination of liquidity as well as a higher rate of interest. From Uncle, I learnt the art of selecting furniture, especially furniture that had a minimum of sharp edges and some snazzy tricks in using the financial and mathematical functions in spreadsheets.

And suddenly, the holiday was over and it was time for us to return.

"I just loved every moment of my time with all of you," I said, "I am going to miss you all so much and I just don't feel like going back."

"This is your home too, you neither need an invitation nor an occasion to come here. Just drop in whenever you feel like, and you have all our numbers, so talk to us whenever you want to, Auntie said."

Auntie gifted me a beautiful mustard yellow silk saree. Su packed us dinner, her signature Chinese stuff. Uncle wanted us to get back before darkness fell and the evening weekend traffic got heavy.

As we started our ride back, Nayan put his arm around me and pulled me to him. He seemed to be in a good mood as he held me tightly.

"What is all this love and affection for?" I teased.

"For being so loving and affectionate to every member of my family. You are absolutely wonderful, Reshmi, you just danced your way into everyone's hearts."

He was silent for a while. "Did Mom or Su talk to you about Shagun?"

"No, they did not. What is this all about?"

"It was just a bad dream I had a few years ago."

"Let me guess. Shagun was your girlfriend, someone you were crazy about and after you met with that accident, she walked out on you."

"So they did talk to you about her!"

"This was just an intelligent guess, they did not talk about her and you know I won't lie to you. You wanted to talk to me about her on the way in, but something made you change your mind. Am I right?"

"Why is my Reshmi so astute?"

"You just said it, she is YOUR Reshmi, she knows you pretty well by now. You held my hand tightly for a whole hour without saying a word when we drove in here. I knew there was something inside you that for some reason wasn't coming out."

"Reshmi, I knew you were nervous coming to meet my folks, I decided you needn't carry any other baggage. Then when you started getting along so well with Mom and Su, I thought they may have spilled the beans."

I touched his face. "She hurt you pretty badly, didn't she?"

"Yeah, she told me that she saw no future being with someone who is crippled."

"That was fucking mean. Is she around somewhere in this city? I will drag her by her hair and show her what a fine capable man my Nayan is. She is a fucking bitch."

"You know something? You are, as always, fucking right. She is a fucking bitch." We laughed and laughed for minutes on end.

"Where is she nowadays anyway?" I asked him when our laughter subsided.

"I think she married some wealthy businessman's son, I have no idea where she is. She could be anywhere in this world, I just have no idea."

"She really screwed up, man, you are such wonderful person."

Then I snuggled up to him and slept for the rest of the trip.

The Physics of the Membrane

**************************************

We went up to our respective apartments to shower, then we got together at his place for our dinner. Su's Ginger Fried Rice and Chow Mien tasted delectable.

"Do you want a toothbrush Reshmi," cried Nayan as he went in to brush his teeth.

"No, I will be back in a few minutes," I said. I rushed back, brushed and flossed, changed into my pyjamas and a tee shirt and came back to his place.

"It will be back to the grind from tomorrow, Nayan."

"Will you take me jogging in the morning?" He asked.

"Not here Nayan, the paths are rather uneven, you know that. Out here we can only walk."

He was silent for a while. Then came a very hesitant "Reshmi?"

"Yes, my friend?"

"I haven't seen your face and I want to see it. May I?"

"Yes, Nayan, I am right beside you."

"Just stop me, if it feels creepy, I will understand."

He pulled me towards him, and I was in his lap, supported by his left arm as he moved his right hand towards my face. The tips of his fingers gently touched my forehead, just around the hairline.

He traced the outline of my forehead, along the hairline, slowly moving down my temples and going back over my eyebrows.

"You shape your eyebrows so beautifully."


"Nayan, I hardly shape them, this is how they are."

"So alluring, so beguiling. Raise your eyebrows," he commanded. I complied.

"The two wrinkles that form on your forehead when you raise your eyebrows, they are so symmetric."

"You putting together a jigsaw puzzle buddy?"

He caressed my forehead. "I am re-creating you in my head, pixel by pixel, and in high resolution graphics."

"You must photoshop out the wart on the tip of my nose."

His forefinger traversed down the bridge of my nose. Then he quickly removed his hand and spanked me lightly somewhere between my outer thigh and bottom.

"Naughty girl, your nose is so graceful, so sharp." I giggled.

He stroked my cheeks and moved his hands very carefully as he came closer to my eyes.Then he touched my eyelids, and felt my eyelashes. "Do your eyes sparkle, Reshmi? What colour are they?"

I wanted to make a witty remark, but his voice sounded so tender, I was caught up in the romance.

"They certainly sparkle, at least when you are with me Nayan, and they are a dark shade of brown, they look almost black. I do have very playful eyes, Nayan, and they turn very mischievous when I am happy."

His hands stroked my cheeks for quite a while, traversing the distance from my ears to the corners of my mouth, or to the edge of my nose, again and again, first the left side, then the right. The feeling started to turn erotic, I pressed my thighs together.

Then he started to trace my lips, first the outline of the upper lip, from one corner to the other and then the borders of the lower one, back to the starting point. Then he let his thumb stroke my lips, as he parted them ever so gently with it.

"Gosh, Reshmi, you have bee stung lips! They are so delicately full, so bewitching and so seductive. I can now recall all your giggles and laughter and put a personality to them."

"Kiss them, Nayan," I whispered, as I put my left hand behind his head and pulled his face to mine.

He made no mistake, he had his bearings right thanks to his fingers. Our lips met squarely, they were moist and they stayed together for a few seconds before separating.

Then they joined again. This time they stayed together longer, and his tongue started to paint my lips with its dampness. I let the tip of my tongue linger between his lips, and as his tongue moved, they touched. A shiver passed through him, triggering one through me.

"Oh god, Nayan, I love you," I moaned.

"I love you Reshmi," His voice was almost a whimper, "I love you so much and till now, I didn't know how you would react if I said it."

"Shhhh, just kiss me." I said.

He kissed me, his tongue probed my mouth and I met it with mine, and waves of pleasure started to course through my body. His arms around me tightened, and I somehow freed my right arm that was trapped between us and put it around his neck.

I could hear his breathing turn heavy and so did mine. He had not even touched any other part of me sexually, yet my right nipple, pressing against his chest started to stiffen.

The kisses went on, short and deep, then long and shallow then long and deep then short and shallow, in random sequences.

Then his lips moved to my cheeks, dilly-dallied there for a while and then went to my eyelids. I suddenly remembered, that the first thing that I had found so fascinating in him was his eyes, and a ferocious urge welled up in me to kiss them. I manoeuvred my lips somehow to reach them and then I kissed his eyelids, one by one with loud smacking noises and then gently used my tongue on them.

His hands were gently stroking my hair and I felt so secure in his arms.

"Will you make love to me, Reshmi? He asked in a whisper."

"I want to make love to you, Nayan, but I have never done this before, this will be my first time."

"Oh my god, Reshmi, this will be my first time too."

I clung to him. "Nayan, this is too good to be true, I am so happy that bitch didn't get to you."

"Reshmi, please, this is about us, not anyone else, just you and me."

"I still can't get over it. She called you 'crippled,' that creepy woman."

"Reshmi, we will make love tonight, but this is important to me. I want you with me for keeps, always, forever. You know exactly what I can offer you as a husband, unlimited love, care, and respect. I will worship you and cherish you, but you also know all my limitations. Still, I want you to marry me. Will you?"

"You dodo, do you even know when I first I wished you would be my husband?"

"No."

"Let me first complete your pixel work in high resolution graphics for you. I really am a very beautiful and sensual woman. I have a beautiful long neck too, and you will find my face and neck without a blemish. Men have always looked at my physical attractiveness, I doubt there would be anyone who would have sincerely wanted to know me as a person before wanting to get into my pants.

I did have a crush on a guy when in college and it lasted one and a half dates. It took me ten minutes to know that he was interested only in my body. I was naive, I let him kiss me and it was a disaster. I thought maybe I misunderstood him and he deserves a second chance. So I went out with him again, and when his hands tried to go to the wrong places, I walked out of the date and caught a bus home.

After that I keep men at an arm's distance. But you are different. I initially used to think that because you could not see me, my physical beauty wasn't up for consideration. But as I got to know you, your nature, your way of seeing life, I knew that even if you could see me, I could trust you completely, you cared for me as a person, not as an object.

With you, it was always me, not my body, not my looks. But even before all this, that day, when we bought our jogging suits, I was so stupid, I came out of the fitting room and asked you how I looked. Do you remember what you replied?"

"Sort of, vaguely, I was more thrilled that you saw me as a normal person."

"You said that I looked sexy which was just a nice thing to say, but you also said you will get a heavier cane and protect me from roadside romeos. It was a flirtatious comment, yet it meant the world to me, Nayan. That moment, the thought that entered my mind was how beautiful would it be to be married to you.

I laughed that thought away, we had not even known each other for 48 hours! But my subconscious mind had reached a decision that my conscious mind would take much longer to acknowledge."

He held me tight. "I was afraid to fall in love with you," he said, "I thought I could never offer you a life you truly deserve. But I did fall in love and was then scared to tell you this as it could ruin the friendship we already had."

He continued, "My parents will love you as their daughter-in-law, but what about yours? Will they approve of me? I am not a physically complete being, Resh."

"I will need to persuade them, but they will. They care about my happiness and they love me. And once they meet you, they will love you too."

He put his right hand under my knees and pushed himself off the couch lifting me in his arms. He is so strong, my Nayan.

"Warn me if I am about to bump you into something," he said and as he neared the bedroom, he turned 90 degrees, walking in sideways so that neither my head nor feet would hit the door jambs. Then he moved carefully in. I was just falling deeper and deeper in love with him every passing moment.

He laid me on the bed and lowered himself on me. I adjusted my body to his.

"Nayan, you need to be gentle with me. I am 'virgo intacta' and my hymen is thick. It will hurt and I will bleed. We should get some towels or an old sheet to put over this bed."

"Reshmi, the last drawer in the chest of drawers here has the linen, you need to pick up the appropriate stuff."

We were lucky, there was a deep maroon bedspread, that looked rather faded in parts. I pulled Nayan up and spread it on the bed in a double fold. I pushed him down on the bedspread and then picked up the box of tissues from the bathroom.

I covered him with my body and we started kissing again. We were both rookies but I wanted this to be a pleasant and unforgettable experience, and I knew he wanted this too. I started stroking his body, and tugged at his shirt. He unbuttoned it quickly and I pushed it off him. He in turn started to pull my tee shirt off me, and I helped him. He flipped me on my front and felt for my clasps. Again, with his sensitive sense of touch, he figured out how my bra clasp worked and the bra was undone. I thought he will flip me again and go for my breasts but he just continued to kiss my back.

"Reshmi, you back is just like your name, silky, just silky, and silk, satin or velvet will come a very sad second to this smoothness," he whispered.

Then he started to stroke my back, in small circles, and then positioned himself so that he could kiss the nape of my neck. I lifted an arm to stroke his face and as he sensed this, his hand moved under, stroking me between my breast and my underarm. That touch made me push my crotch hard on to the bed and I felt the lips between my legs being flooded with my juices. I let out a moan.

He continued with his caresses as he whispered into my ear. "You smell exotic, my sweetheart, the scent of my woman that is emanating now is heady and arousing."

I turned around. "I want you to 'see' my breasts as only you can, in your own special way."

He placed his fingers on my lips, and then replaced them with his mouth, then his fingers commenced a path down my neck, sliding over my Adam's apple, seeking my cleavage. And like a chess player marshalling his resources, he brought his other hand into play and simultaneously, his lips followed the path his hand had just taken.

Here was a man, who over the last few months had never made a pass at me, never tried to touch me inappropriately, something he could have done and blamed on his disability, always treated me with tenderness and respect, showed his love in simple small ways and now he was accessing parts of me that no man has touched before. I felt fulfilled. He was the man I had always wanted, and I put my arms and a leg around him and pressed myself to him. I wanted so desperately to just merge into him.