Love, Layna Pt. 02

It felt strange seeing students back on campus again. After a whole summer of quiet sidewalks and bookshelves, I just wasn't ready for the bustle of move in day at my dorm. Work at the library was busier than ever too, and gone were the days of quietly pining after a summer crush.

Although, those days of crushing had come to an end a few weeks earlier when Heather and I became friends, and to my surprise, we both wanted the benefits. Since the day I first slept over with Heather, we had made it a point to spend a night together once a week. We would go out for dinner or go see a movie, and then we would head back to her place to snuggle up and let the night take us away into sweet affection and sleep. I felt imbued with new life and vitality after each night with Heather, and finding my own path in life felt more attainable than ever.

Jessica, my ex-girlfriend from before I traveled to study abroad, was so happy that I had found someone who could provide me with the care and affection that I craved. She and I talked often over the phone and in our dreams. I would tell her about Heather, my studies, and where my heart was taking me, and Jessica would talk about her work with Sarah and the Consortium of Other Human Affairs. Apparently there was some drama surrounding Jessica's work on Synthetic Blood substitutes, but she assured me that I didn't need to worry about it.

As my work shift came to an end, I packed up my things and sighed. I was physically prepared for my classes, but I hadn't realized how much emotional preparation I needed. I felt my phone buzz in my pocket and took it out. My friend group was blowing up our group chat with talk of what we should do before classes start. Apparently the plan was to get dinner in the dining hall and then watch a movie in Connie's room. I texted the group, letting them know I was on board.

Maybe some time with my friends again was exactly what I needed to get back into the swing of the semester.

***

"Where is your new girlfriend, Layna? Too scared to introduce us?" Connie teased. We were all trying to eat, but somehow Connie managed to eat and talk all at once with ease.

"Connie, I told you, she and I are just friends!" I bemoaned.

"Bullshit, I see those little marks on your neck," She smirked. I tried to defend myself, but to no avail.

"What about you Connie, where is your boyfriend? Still too scared to introduce us?" Gwen interjected, giving Connie a taste of her own medicine.

"Gwen, you know he doesn't go to school here!"

"I rest my case. Now cut Layna some slack and let her eat," Gwen said, putting Connie in her place. Violet cleared her throat before speaking up.

"I hope Heather has been treating you right, Layna," she said, her concern written all over her face. She was such a sweetheart, sometimes I just wanted to give her the biggest hug.

"She has been wonderful, no need to worry," I assured her. Her face was relieved, but something felt off. I had no time to think about it though, because suddenly there was an arm around me and Heather's soft lips touched my cheek.

"Hey there Layna and friends!" Heather exclaimed before letting me go. I was so startled that I could barely tell her off for scaring me.

"Hey, are you Layna's new girlfriend?" Connie asked, a pure chaotic grin across her face. I was so caught up in the surprise that I couldn't even tell off Connie for her mischief.

"Is that what she told you? Damn, I'm honored!" Heather joked, letting me go.

The table erupted in laughter and all I could do was hold my head in my hands to hide my blushing cheeks. Thankfully, Violet and Gwen managed to set everything straight.

Heather joined us at the table, making room to sit next to me. I felt so embarrassed that she was meeting my friends, but she seemed to be perfectly happy getting to know them and joke around with all of us. Violet and Heather even had a long conversation about some science professors they had both had in the past, which was very rare to see. Normally Violet was pretty quiet with new people.

After our dinner came to a close, I invited Heather to come to the dorms with us to watch a movie, but she declined. Apparently she had plans to go out with some friends that night, so we parted ways there.

The four of us headed to Connie's room, and apparently I had missed the memo that Gwen was rooming with Connie this year.

"Now we have a nice big room and we don't need to worry about any weird roommates!" Connie exclaimed, jumping up on her bed. Gwen shook her head.

"I wouldn't say that," Gwen teased. Connie's wrath was soon upon her.

"You think I'm weird? What does that mean?!"

Violet and I laughed as they fought. Our friend group was the same as always: The wacky and chaotic Connie, the dry humored and chill Gwen, the quiet and caring Violet, and then me, the cuddle bug along for the ride.

Connie managed to get us all to watch a horror movie called "The Hills Run Red," and it was by far the silliest movie that has ever scared me. We spent more time making fun of the bad acting and horrible premise than actually being scared.

Connie and Gwen sat together on one of the beds in the room, and Violet and I sat on the other bed. We had some popcorn and snacks for the night, but I soon became too distracted to care much for snacks.

At nearly all the jumpscares, Violet would jump and cling onto me, wrapping around my arm, and even once or twice hugging me with her face on my shoulder. I felt such a strange wave of emotions, mostly because my friend was snuggling up to me during a horror movie, but also because she was so nervous and shaking. I couldn't tell if she was really this scared of the movie, or if something else was going on.

Near the end, I had her in my arms trying to sooth her, even though the others were laughing at the insane twist ending.

As they turned off the movie and turned on the lights, Connie and Gwen excused themselves to the bathroom down the hall. They didn't mention that Violet was clutching onto me.

"I'm sorry Layna," Violet said, peeking up at me. She looked so shaken.

"There's nothing to be sorry about. We could have turned off the movie if it was that scary."

She shook her head while she was still buried in my shoulder.

"That's... not it. I'm sorry that... that... I'm getting jealous," she muttered, holding me closer and hiding her face. I could feel her heart beating hard in her chest.

"Jealous of what? Of Heather?" I asked, caught off guard. Violet didn't strike me as the jealous type, but she did like to spend time with me, whether it was studying or getting dinner or even just hanging out at the library.

"I just... don't want her to take you away.... I still want to spend time with you like last year."

I wrapped my arms closer around her, giving her a squeeze.

"Don't be silly, you're still one of my closest friends. Ever since I arrived, you've been nothing but wonderful and kind. I wouldn't want to spend any less time with you this semester. Sure, Heather and I spend a night together once in a while, I'll still have plenty of time to spend with you."

I could feel Violet crying just a little bit as she held onto me. I started to think of what I would have wanted if I was crying against Jessica like this, feeling irrationally guilty or jealous.

"It's okay Violet, I'm right here. Everything is okay," I purred, trying to sound as strong as possible. I could feel her shudder just a tiny bit, and then she slowly started to relax.

"That's it, everything is okay."

Violet shifted to resting her head in my lap as I stroked her hair, soothing whatever pain was in her heart. She had always been emotionally turbulent, so it was hard for me to tell exactly what she was really feeling. Did she just not want to lose me as a friend? Was she jealous of Heather because She wanted to be the closest one to me?

As I pondered the whole thing, Connie and Gwen came back in and looked at me questioningly. I shrugged, not really sure what to say. Violet got up and assured them that she was okay.

Our night came to a close, and Violet and I said goodbye before heading to our respective rooms. As Exchange students, we both had single rooms. And this year we were across the hall from each other.

"Goodnight Violet," I smiled, waving as I opened my door.

"Goodnight Layna, I..." she trailed off, as our doors both closed and her words were cut off. She let out a deep sigh and laid down on her bed, burying her face in the pillow. Her phone buzzed. It was Connie.

"What happened? You sure you're okay?"

Violet picked up her phone and texted back.

"I don't know. I told her I was jealous and she held me and it was so nice..."

"Did you tell her that you like her?" Connie replied almost immediately.

"I just couldn't get myself to say it."

Violet reached for her pillow and clutched it close to her chest.

"You'll have another chance, I support you 100%. Don't give up!"

Violet set her phone down, trying to figure out exactly what she was feeling. What was this pressure? What was this knot that she couldn't undo? Was risking her friendship really the only thing that would ease the pressure? She felt so swept away by these waves of emotions that she barely understood.

***

We were a week into classes, and it felt like we were all picking up where we left off in the spring. Our friend group met up every day or two, and we all started to learn our new class schedules. As usual, Connie avoided any morning classes like the plague, Gwen was more than happy to have a morning class or two, and I tended to lean toward the long classes that only met once or twice a week. Violet didn't seem to have much of a preference with when her classes were, but a couple of our classes overlapped.

So, lo and behold, Violet and I found ourselves in English 251 with a brand new professor, Dr. Kristy Flueger, teaching British Literature and Adaptations. Neither of us knew what to expect going in other than some Shakespeare and a few Thys and Thous, but we, and probably most of the class, were surprised at the first question Dr. Flueger asked.

"So, what kinds of works do you think count as adaptations?" Dr. Flueger asked.

One student raised his hand and suggested Disney movies, like Snow White.

"Absolutely an adaptation. Do you know why?"

"Because it was a Brothers Grimm fairytale that was much darker than the movie," he replied. Dr. Flueger nodded.

"But also, it was adapted from a written text to film," she added, turning to an old chalkboard on the wall behind her. She started a list of works that were adaptations, and a list of how they adapted.

The class went around suggesting works of adaptation, making a list of dozens of works. A couple of students laughed to themselves before one of them raised a hand.

"Wouldn't Fifty Shades of Grey be an adaptation then?"

Dr. Flueger smiled, as if she was waiting for this exact moment.

"Yes!" she exclaimed, writing it down separate from the other two lists. "Do you know what it started as?"

The room was quiet for a moment, either because nobody knew, or nobody wanted to know. The two kids who had been laughing were still trying to recover from whatever jokes they were muttering between themselves. I raised my hand and Dr. Flueger nodded to me.

"It was a fan fiction of "Twilight", by Stephenie Myer, right?" I said, hoping my memory served me well.

"It was fan fiction, and it was so raunchy and hot that the author couldn't help but replace the Twilight references and sell it as her own original work! It spawned movies, online discussions, and most of all, sold like crazy!" Dr. Flueger continued, punctuating her statements with animated gestures. Everyone was smiling and started to talk about other works that they had read that were fan fictions once upon a time, spawning a whole new column on the white board.

The conversation kept moving over the next couple hours as we broke off into groups to talk about the defining limits of adaptation, what could possibly not be an adaptation, and how this could relate to British Literature specifically. Violet and I were grouped with two other students, the one guy who had mentioned Disney movies, and a quiet girl named Jazmine Xanders, who went by Minx. The guy seemed cooperative enough, but something felt odd about Minx. She kept staring at me, as if I had something wrong with my face, but each time I would turn to her, she would make a suggestion to me or add to the conversation, returning to the group work as if nothing was wrong.

"Wait, this might sound a bit extreme, but what if all works of literature are in some way adapted," she suggested, opening a whole new avenue of discussion between our group and completely blowing Disney Guy's mind. Violet smiled, like she had struck gold with the idea. It was nice to see her sweet smile again.

Ever since the night we watched that movie together, she had felt a little off, like she was lost in thought or staring off into the distance. She and I still met up to study with each other like we always did, but this was the first time I had seen her looking somewhat comfortable over the past couple days.

Our class concluded with a reading assignment, and our classroom spilled out into the hallway. Most students were heading out to the dining hall for dinner, but Minx stopped me and Violet before we could leave.

"Hey, Layna, you're an exchange student, right?" she asked, her eyes piercing into me like before.

"Yeah, I came here last Fall, what-" I started, but she cut me off.

"I'm still struggling to find my way around campus. Could you show me around?"

Something about that didn't really make sense to me, but I felt like I couldn't just leave her to stumble around campus this late in the day.

"Sure, we can walk you to your dorm and point things out on the way if you want," I suggested, and Minx smiled.

"That would be lovely, Layna," she replied, her eyes so warm and kind.

"I'll tag along too. I came as an exchange student at the same time as Layna, so it'll be perfect," Violet interjected. I hadn't even noticed that she was still beside me.

I agreed and turned to leave the room, beckoning for Minx to follow. We made our way out of the building and Minx let us know what dorm building she was staying at. We passed the library and the student center, making sure to point out the art building and auditorium along the way. Minx was quiet as we walked, letting me spout out facts about the campus as we walked. Violet interjected now and again, but stayed relatively quiet.

Then, we arrived at her dorm building, and she made her way inside with a smile and a brief word of thanks. As Violet and I walked out of sight, she turned to me.

"That was weird, right?" she asked, looking at me with concern.

"What do you mean? She seemed perfectly sweet to me," I replied, wondering if I had missed something. I felt like there could have been a gap in judgement, but there was no way that was the case.

"What about the way she stared at you in class?" she asked, searching my face for something akin to a realization, but it didn't come.

"I don't know, maybe she likes me? Maybe she's socially awkward? I'm sure it's no big deal," I said, shrugging off the issue. Did I really have some lapse in judgement...? "Anyway, we should meet the others before they leave the dining hall."

Violet hesitantly followed along, unsure of how to feel about what just happened. Was her jealousy just going a little overboard, or was there something strange about Minx?

***

After dinner ended, I waved goodbye to my friends and walked over to Heather's house for our weekly sleepover. The walk was fairly uneventful, aside from an angry scottish driver yelling obscenities at a car that had cut them off. I could hardly understand a word through their thick accent.

A couple blocks later, I rounded a corner and was met with the familiar sign of Morning Glory, the cafe that Heather frequented. I stepped inside and greeted Scott, who was still working his shift behind the counter. He nodded his head toward the table where Heather's things were set down.

"She's in the bathroom," he said without stopping his work. A few college students that I vaguely recognized were sitting in the corner booth, all of them glued to their laptops, likely studying.

I sat down across from Heather's belongings and hung my purse over the back of the chair, but then-

"I got you!" Heather yelled from right behind me, wrapping her arms around me. I screamed like a little girl, falling out of my chair and onto the ground, dragging Heather with me. She fell on top of me in a laughing fit, barely able to say sorry and let me up. I glared up at Scott and he shrugged.

"She made me do it," he said, desperately holding back his laughter behind his smile.

"I can't believe you, Heather," I groaned, the laughter starting to rub off on me as the fear subsided. "What did you do, blackmail him?"

Heather smiled a wicked smile as she lifted herself up and extended her hand to help me back up.

"Better," she said, pausing for dramatic effect. "I threatened... to waste his coffee."

Scott slammed down a mug on the counter.

"How dare you even think of doing such a horrific thing, these beans are precious!" he yelled, his composure completely broken open for that brief moment. A second passed in silence.

Then Heather and I both burst out laughing as Scott shook his head.

Heather and I ordered drinks and chatted about our weeks, reminiscing over the quiet of the summer. We were both transitioning into the fall semester well enough, but anxiety was in the air as Heather had to decide what to do after graduating in December, and it still seemed like finding myself was so far away.

We both felt like time was pressuring us, as individuals, and as close friends.

"Don't get me wrong, the last thing I want to do is hold you back, but... I feel this pressure to keep an intimate relationship in my life," I said, trying to convey the pressure that I was feeling on our friendship. She nodded and smiled, as if she knew the feeling well.

"We all like to have someone we can hug and be close with. Whether it's a relationship or a friendship, it's something we all crave in our lives," she said, sipping on her coffee and savoring every taste.

"Have you ever been in that position? Where you don't have a person like that in your life?" I asked, hoping that maybe she held an answer for me.

"Probably half a dozen times by now," she said. "It's hard for a while, but when enough time passed, I started to find some sense of self affection, and it helps me ride out the lonely stretches." She held her mug tight, savoring the warmth on her hands and the smell in the air.

"Maybe that's what I'm looking for... that sense of self affection," I thought aloud. Heather nodded.

"I'm sure it's a part of it. Finding yourself is probably no good if you can't sit alone with that self and feel happy."

"Do you do something as part of your self love?" I asked. "Like, is it a physical action, or just a mental thing."

Heather thought for a moment, gazing around the room.

"I think that... It's about doing things that put you at ease, or treating yourself now and again when you can. I come here and get expensive coffee, but I don't do it just for the caffeine, I do it because I like the atmosphere and they have so many blends to try. Most of all, Scott's boss is chill and let's me mess around with him sometimes."

Heather implied a lot with her smile, and my face must have turned into a space heater. Scott looked on in horror as he was eavesdropping.

"Heather, stop implying weird things!" he yelled over, tossing a rag at her. She laughed and tossed it back.

"I can imply whatever I want, lover boy!" she returned as he disappeared through a staff only door. She turned back to me. "We've known each other since we were kids, so I can't help but keep up the age old tradition of picking on him mercilessly."