Love Me Tender - Please Pt. 03

"You're just delaying the inevitable, you fool," he admonished himself.

"I'm going up to bed early, kids. Banging my old head around is tiring. Good-night."

"Good-night, dad. See you in the morning," Melody said and kissed him.

"Night, dad," Brian said and following him upstairs he turned down the hall to his own room. "See you tomorrow."

"Tomorrow," Ray thought. "Tomorrow is the first day of something new. I don't know what it is going to be except it will be a journey that may not end where I want it to."

Chapter 37

After Karen left the hospital, she called Adele from her car and begged her to let her stay with her for a few days. She gave her a hint of what had happened but Adele already knew since she was a witness to the episode at the party. After gathering some of her necessities and her clothes, she drove over to Adele's. When Adele opened the door, Karen lost it and burst into tears.

Much to her surprise, Adele was not that sympathetic to her situation. After a few glasses of wine and a lot of crying and talking, Adele told her she was flat wrong for screwing up her marriage by fucking around with other guys.

"Wise up, girl," she told her. "You've got a great husband and a family and you're going to toss it all away for a little sex. What's wrong with you?"

"I never thought I was hurting anybody. I was feeling young again and more adventurous than I had ever felt in a long time. After a few drinks, I wanted to try something that I had never done before. I was looking for excitement and I went about it the wrong way."

"And?" Adele asked quietly.

"And ... I guess I don't feel quite as bad as I thought I would. Oh, I feel sad about Ray and the kids but I think that's repairable. I can work on that when I get back from Vegas."

"Have you really done anything except some flirting and some touchy-feely stuff?" Adele asked.

"What do you mean?" Karen knew what Adele was asking but she was not going to admit anything she did not have to reveal.

"You know what I mean. Have you fucked anybody?"

"Well, yes, but the first time it was not my fault and the second time, I guess it was my fault but the third time, I was raped."

"What?" Adele screamed. "Raped? By who? When? Did you report it?"

Karen told her the story of her and Trey at the party and his coming into the Grotto when she thought he was Ray. Adele listened to the whole story but when Karen got to the part where she had let him fuck her from behind she lost it.

"Bullshit! You mean to tell me that you didn't suspect it wasn't your husband. They are nothing alike and Trey's arms should have given you a hint the first time you touched him. You knew who it was, didn't you?"

Karen hemmed and hawed about it but she finally admitted she had some thoughts about who it was but she did not act on them.

"The combination of the drinks and the pot smoke got my head all screwed up," she rationalized.

"Have you ever considered not drinking?" Adele asked. "You seem to get a little, no, let me correct that, a lot carried away when you drink."

"I know, I know but I just get to feeling happy and I like the way everybody tells me how great I am and I fall into it."

"Double bullshit! Haven't you noticed that the only people telling you how great you are, are men? They're not stupid. They know they can get a chance to get in your panties if they butter you up. You're the stupid one. Ray's a good guy and you're screwing around on him?"

Karen again tried to excuse her actions but Adele would not have any of it.

"What about the second time? Where was that?"

Adele went ballistic when Karen told her about intentionally letting Trey fuck her in the grotto.

"You mean it was only a few minutes after you found out that it wasn't Ray. Are you nuts? You don't expect me to go along with your argument that as long as you did it once with him, it was OK to do it again?"

"Well, not exactly but I was so excited at how good it was that I figured I could get one more chance at him and then go back to being a good wife."

"Did he wear a condom?"

"A condom? Why? I can't get pregnant and I figured he was married so he wouldn't have anything."

"You are the most naïve or the most foolish person that I have ever met. How can you be so smart in some things and so stupid in others? What makes you think you are the only woman he ever fucked? Karen you are more than a fool, you are an idiot."

"I guess I never thought about that but I'm OK, I haven't noticed anything." . "Since you are cheating with more than one man what makes you think he is only cheating on his wife with you?"

"I haven't cheated with more than one!"

"Have you fucked Montrell yet?"

"No! I ... it never entered my mind that I, I mean he, was with anyone but me," she said in a sad voice. "I am an idiot."

"What about the rape?"

Karen explained the note and what happened when she went to meet Trey at the gym. Her pretended ignorance of why she went to the gym and what happened when she got there left Adele flabbergasted.

"Rape? No way! You are like an addict in denial. Girl, you are so full of shit that you can't smell your own stink. I can't believe that you actually believe all of this crap you're telling me. You'd better figure out a way to get back with Ray and stop all of this nonsense before it gets so far out of hand that you can't get it back."

"I'm not sure how I can do that now. Ray saw Montrell and me together in the garage and he was right. I was technically fucking him and if Ray hadn't done what he did I probably would have let him get it in me."

"That's it! I don't want to hear anymore. I'm going to bed and I suggest you go too. There's a spare blanket in the closet if you get cold during the night. You need help, girl and I'm not the one to give it to you. See you tomorrow."

Karen spent a sleepless night trying to sort out all of her feelings. She admitted she was sorry she got caught but it was probably a good thing in some way. If she had not, she would have continued to let things progress a little farther each time until she was involved in a full-blown affair.

First thing Monday morning Ray called Vincent and changed his appointment to Thursday. He felt there was no rush now since Karen was already gone and anyway he did not feel like taking that final step. He knew he was being wishy-washy but he still had doubts that it was the right thing to do.

"Maybe those guys at the party were right. I am pussy whipped."

He lay around the house until Melody got back from shopping. They made a final check of her stuff before putting it in the van for the early morning trip to the school. Brian opted not to go and hinted that he did not want to be awakened at four o'clock in the morning.

Chapter 38

It was a hot and muggy Savannah morning when Ray and Melody left to meet the bus at the school. It was still dark when they arrived at the designated place and found several other cars already sitting there waiting for the bus to arrive. Ray could tell that Melody was anxious to join her friends so he suggested they put her luggage with the other bags lined up on the pavement. He would wait in the car for the bus to come.

After getting her ready, he looked around and was disappointed for Melody but also relieved that he did not see Karen's Escalade. Melody had not mentioned if she had contacted her mother and he did not ask the question. More cars arrived and he half-dozed listening to the excited chatter of the group waiting for their bus.

When the bus pulled up, he and the other parents got out of their cars to join the group. Everybody was there on time and it only took ten minutes until all of their luggage was stowed and the good-byes started. Ray had just given Melody a kiss and a hug when Karen appeared next to them with a small package. She acknowledged Ray with a nod and talked to Melody in a low voice before giving her the package.

"Bye, dad. Bye, mom. I love you both," Melody waved from the window of the bus a few seconds before it pulled away from the line of parents. Some of the parents were sobbing but most of them had prepared themselves for their children's first big adventure without them.

Ray turned to go back to his van when Karen put her hand on his arm.

"Ray, please? Can we talk?"

He was torn between shaking her hand off of his arm and walking away and waiting to hear what she had to say.

He paused before turning to look at her and saying, "OK. What do you want to say?"

"Can we sit in your car for a minute? What I have to tell you won't take up much of your time."

After they settled in the van, she turned towards him in the dim light from the instrument panel and Ray waited for her to speak.

"Ray, I love you," she started and waited to see his response.

He gave no outward sign but he felt a twinge in his chest as if his heart lurched.

"I'm sorry for what I have done more than I can put into words. I had a long talk with Adele last night and she made me see what a selfish fool I've become. I never meant to hurt you. I've been thinking only of myself and I'm truly sorry for the pain I caused you. I know you don't trust me anymore and I can't blame you but I want another chance to fix this. Please, let me come back home so we can work this out."

She sat facing him with her lower lip caught between her teeth as if she were trying hard not to cry.

"You're right about one thing. I don't trust you. I'm not sure I know of everything that you've done and I'm also not sure that I want to know. I've tried to tell you over and over what you were doing to our family but your selfishness put your pride in the way of reality. You hurt me and you hurt the children. They are suffering almost as much as I am even though they don't know or suspect everything that I do."

He paused and Karen started to reply but he held up his hand for her to wait.

"One of the biggest problems that I have with all of this is the fact that I don't understand why you did any of it. I don't understand why you feel that you have to get your love and affection from others. I give you, or used to give you anyway, all the love and affection that I could give. I've never mistreated you. I've never been unfaithful to you. I thought I was giving you everything you needed and wanted and I would have gladly given you more if I knew I was somehow lacking."

"No, Ray, no," she interrupted. "I know you ..."

"Please don't interrupt me. I don't know if I'll be able to continue if you do."

Karen closed her mouth in mid sentence and nodded her head in understanding.

"Maybe I didn't tell you how much I love you often enough or how great I think you look. I noticed you were losing weight but I was afraid to say too much about it. I was afraid that you would take it the wrong way and think that I didn't like you before when you were heavier."

Karen gently shook her head and started to reach out to touch him but changed her mind and pulled her hand back into her lap.

"I consider myself generous and considerate of your feelings and emotions. The problem is that in the last few months it has been like riding a roller coaster around you. One second you are happy and loving and the next you are criticizing me and telling me I'm no good. Where the fuck have I failed?"

Karen's mouth opened to reply but Ray continued, "Ever since we've been married I've always thought that I was a good lover, a good father, a good husband and a good provider. Why? Why? Why would you go and try and get one-tenth of what I have given you from someone else?"

Karen kept her head down while she answered.

"I wasn't trying to get what you give me. I was trying ... oh, I don't know what I was trying to do. It was exciting, dangerous, naughty, and a thrill like sneaking cigarettes or petting on a date without your parents finding out. I figured what you didn't know wouldn't hurt you and I never intended to let any of it go as far as it did. Adele pointed out to me that when I drink I lose control and I'm a sucker for phony praise and appreciation. I've made up my mind that I'm not going to drink anymore."

Ray held up his hand to tell her to stop.

"I've heard all of this before. At this point in our relationship, I suggest that you don't make any promises that you can't keep. As I said, I don't know everything that you've done and I'm afraid to ask any questions. Our vows of marriage are sacred to me but I don't know for sure if you've violated them or not."

Karen heard the change in his voice and latched on to the hope that he was going to let her come back home. She was afraid to say too much more and decided to deny anything that might jeopardize that fact.

Taking a deep breath, she lied.

"I haven't been unfaithful to you in that way. I know you probably don't believe me but I swear I haven't. Let me come back home and I'll do everything I can to work on our marriage. Please, sweetheart, please?"

Ray was silent but Karen's mind was churning with guilt and fear. She knew it would be all over for good if he ever found out about Trey. However, with Trey gone there was no way he could find out since no one saw them when they were together.

Ray opened his mouth as if he were going to speak and then closed it again for a second before saying, "OK, but we have a lot of talking to do, and I'm not promising anything. Understand?"

Karen practically leaped across the center console and wrapped her arms around his neck. He groaned with pain.

"I'm sorry, I forgot," she said.

She tried to kiss him but he turned his head and she kissed the air.

"Thank you, thank you. I love you," she said. "I'll come home right after work tonight. I'm still training the new receptionist and I've got some leads for listings but I'll be home as soon as I can. Thank you, you don't know how much this means to me."

Sitting back in her seat, she studied his face but could not decide what his mood was at the moment. With another, "I love you" she opened the door and practically skipped to her SUV.

They were the last two cars in the parking lot and Ray waited until her car started to move before shifting into drive and following her out of the lot.

"You may be a fool, you fool," then laughed at his play on words. "We'll see, we'll see."

It was almost seven o'clock that evening when Karen stood in front of the door to her own home. She hesitated before pressing the latch and breathed a sigh of relief when the door opened. She had steeled her self against the possibility that it would be locked and her key would not work. She would have been mortified if she were forced to knock.

Setting her bag down next to Brian's stuff sitting near the front door, she looked up when she saw Ray coming towards her from the kitchen.

"Hi," she said in a timid voice.

She was not sure if she should try to hug him and give him a kiss so she waited for him to reach her.

"Hi," he replied and turning so he faced the upstairs, he called out. "Brian, your mother is here."

A voice from inside Brian's room answered, "OK."

"Come on in," he said, beckoning with his good hand. "I made ham and cheese omelets for Brian and me. Would you like one?"

"Uh, yes. That sounds good. I'm famished. I came right over after meeting with a client. I got my first real listing today."

"Congratulations," he said and went to the refrigerator. "Would you like some wine, there is still some left."

Karen was surprised by his offer and for a second she thought he might be testing her promise not to drink.

"Uh, no, no thanks. Is it all right if I make some tea?"

"No, sit down. I'll make it. No problem."

After putting the water on for tea and gathering the ingredients for the omelet, Ray went back to the staircase and called again.

"Brian, your mother is here."

A door opened upstairs and she barely heard his reply.

"So?"

Ray did not raise his voice but the inflection changed to one of anger.

"Brian, get down here right now and greet your mother. Now! Do you hear me?"

Returning to the kitchen, he ignored the exchange and went back to preparing Karen's dinner.

"They are picking him up at eight o'clock and he's getting his stuff together," he said in an apologetic tone.

"Hi sweetie," Karen said as Brian came into the kitchen. "All ready for your trip?"

"Yeah," Brian responded in a dull, disinterested voice and made no effort to embrace or even get close to her.

"Everything all packed? Do you want me to iron anything for you?"

"No, I'm all right."

"Do you need some extra money or anything?"

"No, dad gave me enough."

"Honey, I'm sorry for what happened. I promise nothing like that will ever happen again."

"OK."

"I'm coming back home with your dad and we're going to work things out."

"So I heard."

"I'm really sorry, sweetie."

"Dad, can I go back upstairs and get the rest of my stuff ready? They're going to pick me up in a few minutes."

"Sure, son. Go on up. Your mother is going to eat now."

"Thanks."

Karen turned in her chair and watched him go to the stairs.

"He really hates me, doesn't he?" she said with tears in her eyes and in her voice.

"I don't think he hates you. I think he hates what you've done. Now eat your dinner. I'm going to take your bag upstairs before they get here to pick him up."

"Can you do it with your arm like that?"

"Yes, I can handle it."

"OK. I have some clothes hanging in my car, I have to get them too."

"We'll get them later."

Ray did not return until the doorbell chimed about ten minutes later.

"I'll get it," he called on his way down the steps with Brian right behind him.

Karen went into the living room where introductions were made and the last "be carefuls" were said. Brian hugged his father who nudged him towards Karen. He gave her a perfunctory hug and was out the door. Karen and Ray stood on the porch and watched as they loaded his bag into a van already filled with boys raring to go.

"Is this what an 'empty nester' feels like?" she asked as they waved goodbye.

"I don't know about that," Ray answered. "He's coming back here to live. Let's get your clothes and take them upstairs. OK?"

They each gathered an armload of clothes off of the rack across the rear of her SUV and Karen followed Ray up the stairs to the bedrooms. She expected him to turn into their room but he continued on down the hall to the guest room where he hung the clothes in the closet. Karen paused in the doorway and realized that he had put her suitcase on the bed and had not taken it into the master bedroom.

"I'm home but not really," she thought to herself. "I'm a guest in my own home."

"I'll leave you alone if you want to get your stuff organized," Ray offered. "I'll get the kitchen cleaned up."

As Ray turned to leave, she took his arm and turned him towards her.

"I know that I did wrong and I'm so very sorry that I did. Please don't shut me out. Please give me a chance to prove that I love you."

Ray stood still and allowed her to rise up on her tiptoes and kiss him on the cheek. He did not flinch or push her away but he did not touch her with his hands or return her kiss.

"I'll be downstairs," he said quietly and walked out the door.

Karen had planned on wearing her sheer, blue nightgown and stockings on her first night back with Ray. As soon as she saw the sleeping arrangements dictated by him, she decided to forego that idea and she dressed in pajamas. Wrapping a robe around her, she went back downstairs to join him in his den.

Walking up behind his chair, she put her hands on his neck and gently massaged him. He did not protest or move away and she continued it for a minute or two before moving alongside him.

"Does your head still hurt?" she asked.

"No, not much. I'm more sore than anything. I still have some pain pills left so I'm OK."