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"Do you want to talk?" she asked.
"No, not tonight. I'm not ready yet," he replied without looking up at her. "Tomorrow will be fine."
Karen sat in a chair facing Ray but he did not make eye contact with her.
"Can I ask you a question?" she asked.
He muted the television and looked at her.
"Sure, go ahead," he replied.
"Did you see Vincent today?"
"How did you know I had an appointment with him?"
"You told me when you were in the hospital that you were going to see a lawyer and I figured it would be Vincent, that's all. Did you?"
"I don't remember telling you that, but no, I didn't. I figured since you were already gone, there was no hurry so I changed it to Thursday. Besides I wanted to be sure in my own mind that I was taking the right step."
Karen looked at him with hopeful tears in her eyes at his admission that he had not yet made up his mind."
"What step are you planning on taking?"
"Do you have to ask?"
"No, I guess not."
The image on the television screen was the only thing moving in the silent room.
"Do you think there's a chance for us?"
"I can't say that. I honestly don't know. I don't know if I can realistically deal with you being unfaithful to me. Infidelity. There I said it. That's something that I never thought I would have to consider in my marriage. I don't know if I can ever love you the way I did if you have been with someone else."
"Love me the way you did?" she stressed the final word of her question.
"Yes," he continued without looking at her. "Since all of this started I have been feeling the love I had for you slipping away and each day it becomes easier for me to let it go."
A sob caught in her throat and the sound caused him to look her way. His heart lurched at the sight of the wet cheeks on her crestfallen face. She was silent but the tears were literally running out of her eyes and dripping off of her nose and chin. He wanted to go to her and comfort her but he could not bring himself to put his emotions out there where she could stomp on them again.
Reminding herself that he would never forgive her time with Trey, she held his eyes through her tears and lied to his face, "I've never been with another man in that way. I have always loved and respected you even though my actions may not have shown that."
Ray's face relaxed somewhat as he digested her statement.
"I hope that is true. I sincerely hope that you are not lying to me again."
Karen could not answer and forcing herself not to react, she remained mute waiting for him to continue. A sudden realization, flashed like a light coming on in her mind, at how easy it was to lie to him. She stiffened and waited for a feeling of guilt or remorse to fill her but it did not come and she relaxed and let an internal smile form.
The tension was palpable and Ray struggled to find a way to ease it.
"I wonder how our children are doing on their big adventures. I want them to enjoy their time away from us and to not worry about what is happening here."
"They'll be all right," she soothed. "I trust the people who are with them."
"Trust? That's a big word and something that I've lost in our relationship," Ray voiced in a soft voice.
Picking up the remote, he clicked off the muted television and announced, "I'm going up to bed. You'll probably be gone before I get up tomorrow morning."
Karen rose from her seat and walking over to him, she sat on his lap before he could move to get up. She put her hand on his good shoulder and looked down at him.
"I love you," she said. "Since I no longer have to open the office in the morning, I'll be here. My first appointment isn't until 10 o'clock."
"Good-night," he said and gently urged her to stand up. "I'll see you in the morning. Will you get the lights?"
"Yes," Karen said in a soft voice. "I'll take care of them."
She allowed her hopes to rise as she climbed the stairs after turning out the lights. Turning at the top of the stairs, she saw that the door to the master bedroom was closed.
Easing the guest room door closed behind her she crawled under the covers with her emotions tangled in a mixture of fear and expectation that they would come out of this. She tried to get her mind off of it by running through a list of things she had to do the next morning. She wanted to be ready for her client.
Sleep avoided her and her thoughts eventually went to her upcoming trip to Vegas. She looked forward to the excitement of learning something new and enjoying what she hoped would be a wonderful experience among other professionals.
"What if he is still demanding that I not go to Vegas?" she said to the dark room. "I'm not going to miss this opportunity and I know I can make it through without doing anything stupid. I don't need booze or pills to help me move through life and I can do it without them."
The thought of not drinking and of not getting that feeling of peace that it gave her turned into an obsession that kept her awake. She did not have any of her pills left and she found herself tossing and turning with her inner fight. Unable to sleep, she finally talked herself into having just one glass of wine to help her to relax.
"Just one and that will be it," she promised herself.
An hour later, she was still sitting in the near darkness at the kitchen table. An almost empty bottle of wine stood in front of her. There was no glass, since she did not want to chance awakening Ray while getting one out of the cupboard. Staring at the bottle, she realized that it had been nearly full when she first got it out of the refrigerator. Now she had a problem because if Ray saw the empty bottle in the trash or in the refrigerator he would know she had been drinking.
Carefully opening the refrigerator door, she found the apple juice and added some to the last mouthful of wine left in the bottle. Holding it to the light from the refrigerator, she decided that the color looked too dark to her.
Using the cold-water spout on the refrigerator, she filled the bottle up with water to the level it was before she started drinking. Satisfied with her efforts, she replaced it and the apple juice back in the refrigerator.
"Now, I can get some sleep," she told herself and carefully climbed the stairs and crawled back under the covers.
Chapter 39
The faint sound of an early morning news program woke Karen. She stretched and rolled her tongue around in her desert dry mouth to try and dig up some moisture. She had a dull headache but she had become used to the feeling whenever she drank a lot the night before. The digital clock let her know that it was still early and she had plenty of time to get up and get to her appointment.
When she came out of the shower, there was a cup of coffee sitting on the dresser in the bedroom. Smiling to herself she again let the hope rise in her chest. The coffee tasted good and she drank it while blow-drying her hair. Instead of getting dressed for work, she slipped her sheer blue nightgown over her nude body and wriggling her toes into a pair of slippers, she studied herself in the mirror.
"Not too bad," she admired herself and touched up her lips with a little lipstick before carrying her empty cup downstairs to see Ray.
The countertop top television in the kitchen was on and Ray was out on the patio with his morning paper when she walked into the kitchen. Ray looked up as she carried the coffee pot and her cup out through the sliding screen door.
"Thanks for the coffee. It hit the spot."
"You could get arrested if our neighbors see you in that," he said.
"Unless they're standing on their roofs they can't see over the wall and I promise not to stand on the table. That is, unless you want me to," she smiled and poured coffee into his proffered cup.
"I knocked and when you didn't answer I figured you were in the shower."
Filling her cup, she pulled a chair over next to him and sat with her elbows on the table. Her intention to seduce him had gotten her aroused and she could feel herself getting wet.
"Sleep well?" he asked taking a sip of his coffee.
"Yes. That guest room bed is not as comfortable as ours but it'll do for the time being."
"Has anyone at your office said anything about what happened here on Sunday?" he asked.
"Not to my face but I know the gossip is going around like wildfire. It'll be all over the branches if's not already the main topic out there."
"I have a doctor's appointment this afternoon to check on the cut on my arm and he wants to look at my head. It doesn't bother me but he wants to get his share of our insurance money out of this."
"I have a late afternoon appointment and I'm going to tour some of the houses that have just been listed so I have an idea of what's available out there. I don't think I'll be too late getting home tonight. Do you want me to pick something up on the way? There's a new Mexican place just opened near the office. I could get us some carryout dinners there if you want."
Karen had already finished her statement before she realized that the look of anguish that twisted Ray's face for an instant was because of her mention of Hispanic food.
"My God," she thought. "I am only beginning to realize how pissed off he is."
The cloud quickly passed from Ray's face and he smiled and said, "No, I don't think I want any south of the border food just now. Call me when you are on the way home and I'll put some steaks and potatoes on the grill for us. Do you want me to get any red wine? There is only Chardonnay in the refrigerator."
"No, I don't want anything to drink and, in fact, I think I'll throw out what's left in the refrigerator so I'm not tempted to drink it. I'm serious about not drinking anymore."
Ray's face broke out in a smile and she knew she had pleased him and managed to figure out a way to get rid of the doctored wine bottle at the same time. Internally, she carried on a shorthand, accusatory conversation with herself about the new lies and how much easier it was to come up with them.
Finishing her coffee, she stood next to his chair and pulled his cheek into her belly.
"I've got plenty of time before I have to be at work. I'd like for you to spend it upstairs with me?"
"No, I'll just stay here and finish my coffee."
"Than I guess I'll get ready for work. What time is your doctor's appointment?"
"Two o'clock. I should be home long before you are."
"OK. Let me get cleaned up and dressed so I can sell a house."
Ray watched as she walked back into the house.
"Does she really think that sex will solve our problems?"
Shaking his head in wonder, he went back to reading his paper.
Karen stood under the hot water and thought back on the last twelve hours. She was feeling a touch of shame at how she had tried to seduce him. His refusal hurt her and she wondered what it would take to get back on his good side.
He was still on the patio when she came down in her work outfit.
"Nice," he said as he admired her in her straight, white skirt with a gold-trimmed camisole top covered by a matching white jacket. "You should sell lots of houses dressed like that."
"Like my new shoes?" she asked and raising her foot, she rested the sole of her slip-on heels on his knee.
"I don't know how you keep them on," he commented.
"I wear them so I can get them off faster in the back seat of a car," she joked and then stuttered. "I ... I mean, when you ... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say that."
"That's OK, I didn't take it that way," he replied. "Have a good day."
Karen kissed him and walking out she picked her purse up off of the chair in the dining room. She had almost reached the front door when she remembered the wine. Returning to the kitchen, she pulled the faux wine out of the refrigerator and poured the contents down the sink. Dropping the empty bottle into the trash, she wiped her hands on a paper towel, smiled and left for work.
Chapter 40
Ray was just walking in the door from his doctor's appointment when the telephone rang. It was Brian calling from camp. Each of the campers had been ordered to call and let their parents know that they got there OK.
Ray could tell that Brian was in a hurry to get off of the phone so he did not ask too many questions. After he hung up, he realized that Brian had asked whether he had heard from Melody but had not mentioned his mother.
"I'm going to have to sit down and discuss this with him," he said to himself as he moved some steaks from the freezer into the refrigerator and opened a beer for himself.
Noticing that the wine bottle was gone, he checked the trash and found it. Smiling to himself, he took the remaining five cans from the six-pack and put them in the refrigerator in the garage. He felt funny doing it but he did not want anything to tempt Karen to drink again.
It was a little after seven o'clock by the time that she called to let him know she was leaving her client. He heard music and laughter in the background and when he asked her where she was, she told him she had taken the client and his wife to a local restaurant and was leaving them to enjoy their dinner.
"I've got a surprise for you when I get home," she gushed. "Just you wait until you hear it. Bye, honey. See you in a few minutes."
Ray started the grill and let it heat up while he washed the potatoes and seasoned the steaks. He was not sure what to expect and he hoped she was not drinking again. He was checking the potatoes to see if they were done when he heard Karen come in the door.
"Hi, sweetheart," she called from the living room.
He put the steaks on the grill just in time to turn around to receive a kiss from her.
"I got it! I actually got it! My first listing, can you believe it?"
"Congratulations," he said and sniffed to see if he could detect the smell of alcohol on her breath. He could not.
"Those steaks smell delicious. I'm going to change. I'll be right back."
Karen was in another of her nightgowns covered with a short robe when she returned. Sitting side by side at the patio table, they ate their dinner in near silence punctuated only by Karen's praise for the salad he had made and the perfectly grilled steak. After dinner, Karen washed the dishes and Ray cleaned the grill.
He watched her as she stacked the few utensils in the dishwasher and marveled at the glimpses of her breasts. Each time she bent down, he could see her nipples and the way they swayed against the fabric of her clothes.
"I can see them naked any time I want to," he laughed to himself. "But somehow it is sexier when she is covered and I have to use my imagination."
"How is the new receptionist working out?" he asked when they settled in the den to watch television.
"Not bad. She is a relative of one of the other agent's and she is getting the hang of it. She even confirmed my reservations for Vegas for me."
Ray was looking at the television while she talked and Karen studied his face when she intentionally mentioned her trip to Vegas. She saw him give a little start and his face screwed up in displeasure at her disclosure that she still planned on making the trip.
Ray turned and looked at her and she kept her eyes focused on him.
"I thought maybe, you know, you would, uh, cancel your trip," he said in a controlled voice.
"This trip is important to me and I not only want to go, I almost have to go unless a real emergency comes up."
"Don't you think our marriage problems are a real emergency?"
"Come on, Ray. I thought we had settled this. I won't do anything to jeopardize what we have. This is business, strictly business."
"If the course doesn't start until Monday why are you leaving on Friday if it's only business?"
Karen voice got defensive when she replied, "The plans have been made for months and I don't want to disappoint the other girls. We have plans for spa days and shopping. I need a break and so do you."
"It seems to me that you've already taken a few breaks from our marriage in the past few months. Why do you feel you need another one?"
Karen rose and moved to Ray's chair. She reached down and pulled the release lever and when it reclined she climbed on top of him and straddled his body.
Ray grunted but he made no move to push her off and looked up into her face.
"Look, I know what I did was wrong and I'm sorry. I promise you that I will not let myself get into any situations that would compromise my love for you or your trust in me."
"I want to believe you but I keep thinking back over the last few months and every time that I asked you what was going on you lied to me. I'm desperately trying to trust you but I keep thinking I'm going to get hit over the head with it again. Can't you see where I'm coming from?"
"Yes, sweetheart of course I do, but I really need this opportunity and I want you to trust me."
Karen snuggled up to Ray and buried her face in the crook of his neck.
"Ow," he flinched. "Watch my arm please"
"I'm sorry, I forgot. I love you and only you and I won't do anything to hurt you."
"OK," he said resignedly. "I just hope you can stick to your end of the bargain."
Lowering her head, she rained kisses all over his face.
"Can I sleep with you tonight? It'll be my last night before I leave. I have a big day ahead of me tomorrow."
He followed her upstairs after turning out the lights and locking the doors. After using the bathroom, he crawled under the sheets and found Karen's warm and naked body waiting for him.
He knew what she was trying to do but he still was not happy about her trip, his arm was hurting and he had taken another pain pill. When she curled up to him and started rubbing his chest and belly, he told her he was hurting and tired and wanted to go to sleep.
Ray was snoring softly but Karen was still wide-awake. She wondered if he was accepting what she had told him or if he was waiting for her to do something wrong. Rolling over on her side towards him, she ran her hand gently up and down his side while making a vow that she would remain faithful to him and to their marriage.
Chapter 41
Once again, Karen found a cup of coffee sitting on her dresser when she came out of the shower. As she dressed for work, she could not help but anticipate her upcoming trip to Vegas. It raised feelings of excitement tinged with trepidation as she projected what could happen after she got there. She realized that she was there for education and networking but she also knew that there was a lot of down time where she would be at loose ends.
She knew that she would know some of the other girls but she would also be going to have the opportunity to meet new people. She was positive that this was what she wanted to do with her life. She would have to learn to juggle her new career, her marriage, and her family.
She was convinced that she could do it and over the noise of the hair dryer, she promised herself, "You can do it. You will do it."
Sitting with a cup of coffee and a slice of toast, she watched silently as Ray skimmed through the morning paper. Watching him read as she absently sipped her coffee, her mind reflected on their twenty years of marriage and what they had accomplished together.
She had made up her mind that she would talk with Adele today and ask her to help her during the next week in Vegas. She also wanted to get in touch with Mike, but she had not heard from him in a while and the gossip was that he and Donna had split.
"I'll call you later OK," she said as she rose and took her cup and dish into the kitchen.
"OK," he replied as he glanced at her over his paper. "I'll be here."
Donna pushed his paper down with her chin and leaned in to kiss him.
"Bye, see you later."
Ray watched as she gathered up her purse and her briefcase and walked out the door. She was dressed in her professional summer suit of a knee-length skirt, white blouse and a short jacket that matched the blue skirt. Her shiny ankle bracelet drew attention to the high heels that added a touch of sexiness to her legs as he watched her hips swing with her stride.
