All Comments on 'Love of a Sister'

It was very confusing the way you kept switching between third person and first person. I didn't even finish the story because it was so hard to follow. Literotica has many people who serve as volunteer editors. If you decide to write anything else, PLEASE use them.

Just not readable without extensive corrections.

Unreadable - gave up after half a page.

I've never been so turned off in my life. The premise wasn't bad but the writing was horrible. Wrought with typos, bad grammar, and direct contradictions in almost every paragraph. It could have been good. But destroyed by laziness and ignerance.

Get an editor...fair start, but I gave up on it too. This was horrible to try and read

Gave up after a half page. You need someone to edit your story or just stop writing.

My head hurts from reading this.

DELETE DEKLETE DELETE

Are fucking bleeding.

I also stopped after about 3 or 4 paragraphs. You have no writing skills.

But don't worry... some mindless illiterate bot will come in here telling you that you did just great.

This one isn't even worth a vote. It amazes me the sludge that Lit allows to be posted here. It's continuing to ruin a good site.

I gave up after the first paragraph; this is utter twaddle, the grammar is childish, and the punctuation is what I would expect from a functionally illiterate meth addict. Just stop writing, you have zero talent, delete this garbage until you learn how to write a complete sentence.

I don't even know where to begin. I'm not into bdsm, but even still, this could have been a hot story if you knew how to write. You jump back and forth from third person to first person Sharon to first person Mona to even first person Tom. I was constantly confused who was telling the story. You can't spell or use proper grammar ir punctuation. You used "except" when it should have been "accept". You jumped around in the timeline, even repeating a previous paragraph after having moved on. It was impoosible to keep up with the story. If it weren't for the adult content, I would sear a second or third grader wrote it, except tha many of them can write better than this. I only finished because I wanted to find out how it ended, ans even that was a total disappointment. Please don't write anymore. You clearly dobt have the talent for it. This was probably the worst story I've read on here, and that's saying a lot. I'm kind of sorry I wrote such a long comment because it really wasn't even worth that much trouble, but you need to know the truth. The other readers who commented are spot on.

Get an editor, a clue , and a life. Perhaps not in that order.

Phukin crap

what just happened?!!!!

With all of the characters in the first person point of view, I became confused about who was saying the dialogue.

I thought the story was very cruel by the way the siblings treated each other, insead of being loving and erotic, it seemed to be just punishment.

The thought of him being kicked in the balls as hard as she could kick him, really turned me off.

What was that??

I couldn't get past the first half page because I couldn't figure anything out.

Ever!

what the is that story,very,very sick.

The author loses track of the names and sexes of characters, is unaware of the difference between a phrase and a sentence.

1. ads from Mistress's (mistresses)

2. Get hose hands away (those)

3. grabbed him self (himself )

4. obey me and except whatever (accept)

5. She lick my lips (licked her)

6. takes sharon (Sharon)

7. do as your fucking told (you’re)

8. holding Toms now engorged cock (Tom’s)

9. gaged as his cum (gagged)

10. she intruckted (instructed)

11. never felt so retched (wretched)

12. own ass whole (asshole)

13. use the lube to lube it (POORLY PHRASED)

14. fuck your ass hole (ass hole)

15. Sis's ass (sis’s)

16. Tom's ass was not the target. . . . His ass was getting nice and red (CONTRADICTORY/CONFUSING)

17. than he took it out (then)

18. That fucking Tom laughing saying "take it bitch." (POORLY PHRASED)

19. A slap on the head from Mona telling me to keep at it. (POORLY PHRASED)

20, my pussylips (pussy lips)

21. Mona could feel Sharon's tongue on Mona's vaginal walls (POORLY PHRASED)

22. your cock in to her mouth (into)

23 - 25) Ill rip your niples off giving the another hard jerk (I’ll)(nipples) (them)

24. twited my nipples (twisted)

25. dominate (Sharon) like that (-Sharon)

26. if you don't make (me) do it

27. Tom chortld (chortled)

28. go take (a) shower

29. Sharon guesses that Mona didn't like the distraction (POORLY PHRASED)

30. Tom (was) sitting in the chair jacking off

31. pointed the other end at Sarah (Sharon)

32. placed the strap on nect (next)

.

This was, in all honesty, one of the worst, most poorly written, pieces of literature I've ever had the misfortune to come across.

First things first, read the story through a few times, try to spot your own errors. This is doubly true if English is not your first language.

Second, get an editor. This is not the first step because forcing someone to read through the first draft should be a crime against humanity.

Third, get some experience reading/writing so you can improve the story. Even disregarding the grammatical errors, the story is a mess. You jump between first person views without any indication of doing so; continuity seems to be broken at times; there was no story development, it's all just one scene (two if you count the halfhearted attempt at an opening); and for the love of Apollo, figure out what is spoken, and what is not, it seems you just threw a bunch of " " in there at random.

Then repeat steps 1-3.