Love of Autism Ch. 01

"I know, it's just hard."

"Maybe you need a welcome distraction. Andy has invited us over for a small party tomorrow afternoon."

"I guess that would be fun."

"Scott, I know this is a lot for you to take in and process. Just remember your mom and I are always here if you need to talk."

"Thanks dad," Scott said solemnly.

"I'll leave you to look at the rest of the pictures." With that, Keith walked out of the room still concerned for his son. However, he knows all too well this is something he can't help him with and it's Scott's battle to fight on his own.

Scott knew his father meant well and knew better than anyone the struggles he is going through in his head, but at the same time he just wanted to be left alone to process the loss of his grandma. In so many ways she was a second mother to him and now part of him felt dead.

Sarah had come in the room quietly and wrapped her arms around her big brother. "I miss her too." Scott didn't say anything. "I know you're not in the best of moods, but I really need my big brother right now."

Scott let out a sigh and turned to face his sister. "What do you need Sarah?" he tried to say in the least frustrated voice possible.

"What do you know about Colin Stubleski?"

"He's a nerd, spends most of his free time reading comics and playing video games. He mostly keeps to himself and his close circle of friends. Why do you ask?"

"Well..." Sarah pauses not sure if she should tell Scott, "he asked me to be his date to homecoming and I just don't want to go with someone who is just trying to get into my pants."

"Sorry," Scott apologized, "I don't know him well enough, but I can talk to him first if you want."

"Could we talk to him together maybe on Monday? I know this is all soon for you and everything but-"

"Tell him to meet us by the car after school," Scott interrupted. "That way I can be certain he is going to treat you right or scare him off before he even gets a chance."

"I don't want you to be that much of a big brother."

"I know but someone has to protect you at school."

Sarah shook her head. "And sometimes I wish you weren't such a good big brother."

Scott started to laugh. "Thank you Sarah."

"For what?" she asked confused.

"For distracting me from my own thoughts. Sometimes I need something else to worry about that isn't quite as depressing."

"Well since you're feeling better maybe you should do your homework that you missed so you don't forget about it again."

"I will when I get-"

"No," Sarah interrupted her big brother. "Do it now or I will just stay here and bug you about it until you do."

Scott rolled his eyes. "Alright, alright, I'll start on my homework." He turned his seat around and logged into the school application to do his homework. "Pain in the ass little sister," he mumbled to himself.

"Who loves you enough so that mom and dad don't nag you instead," she said happily knowing she was right.

Sarah left the room and Scott got to work on his homework. A couple hours later he closed the app having finished his homework and quiz. However, once he was done he felt depressed again as his thoughts went back to his grandma and how much he missed her. He changed into athletic shorts, took off his shirt and decided to lay in his bed covered in his fleece blanket. He always loved the feeling of the fleece blanket on his skin as it always seemed to help calm him. Calm is what he wanted badly, but all he felt was sorrow, loneliness.

Scott never hid the fact he had Asperger's syndrome. He knew there was more knowledge about autism in general and people understood Asperger's to be a high functioning form of autism. Even with people having the knowledge there were always people and peers who treated him differently in a bad way. One of those was Katie Paulson who seemed to make it her life mission to torment and make fun of him whenever he could. Liz and Steve were always there for him though to defend him. They were always accepting of him no matter what since they were young and more than once helped him from blowing up at Katie. They always let him cry though when the teasing and bullying got to be too much and never judged him for getting emotional. They were always the reason he never thought about committing suicide because he always knew they had his back.

What Scott wanted most at that moment though was just sleep and for his mind to clear. His autism had other ideas as whenever he tried to think about something else, his thoughts always returned to his grandma. Thoughts of seeing her in the casket for the last time, hearing the news of her death, knowing he will never see her again just left him depressed. Worse yet, his depression made it impossible for him to sleep.

"Scott, dinner is ready," his mom said peeking her head through his door.

"Sorry mom, I'm not hungry."

His mom opened the door the rest of the way, walked in and sat next to him. "How bad is your depression?" Scott turned over to look at his mom wondering how she knew. "I am married to your father who also has Asperger's. I've noticed certain patterns and lack of hunger is a sign of really being depressed."

He turned back over giving his back to his mom. "I know I shouldn't be like this, but I just miss her so much."

"I know Scott. You're taking this probably harder than the rest of us."

"Mom, I know you mean to try to make me feel better, but nothing is going to help me right now."

Scott's mom wanted to assure her son that everything was going to ok, but knew better than anyone that this depression would only go away with time and friends. Those friends would have to be there for him when he was ready to go back into the world and let him feel normal again. Well, normal for him.

"You know where those who love you will be when you do want our help," Jackie said as she rubbed her son's back before getting up and leaving."

"Thank you mom," Scott said. Just having that little talk with his mom and remembering he is not alone in how he feels made him less depressed. Soon enough he found his mind calm and able to sleep.

*****************************************

"Are you sure you're ready for this?" Sarah asked as Scott parked the car.

"No," Scott answered before turning to look at her, "but knowing myself, there won't be a better time to be ready and just get this over with."

"But what if you decide to leave early because you breakdown?"

"I already talked to Liz and Steve. They will give you a ride home if I decide to leave early." Scott could tell there was something else his sister wanted to say. "What else are you worried about?"

Sarah took a deep breath. "I'm worried that Katie might do something to set you off."

"You're not the only one. Liz and Steve have agreed to keep her out of my way until I have my last class with her. By then I should feel more like my usual self, back in my routine and not have to worry about her."

"Ok, just don't do something stupid."

"I won't," Scott promised. They both get out of the car and head off to their first class of the day.

The start of the school day was just like any other for Scott. However on his way to his second class a couple of his fellow students brought him aside and offered their condolences about the passing of his grandma. While he had wished that information stayed private, he was glad that those students did their best to keep their condolences private. After every class for the rest of the day more people discretely offered some kind words to him. The day was anything but what he expected to happen, but he was glad to feel the support of the school behind him.

But now the last class of the day was upon him, English. He just hoped he could get through it keeping all his emotions in check. That however was going to be hard as soon as he entered the classroom Katie spotted him.

"Well look who actually came back to school. What happened? Have a meltdown and need an extended weekend?" Katie said.

Scott took a deep breath to try to help calm himself. He could feel his anger starting to swell. "Something within the family came up and I needed the day off on Friday."

"For a family of crazies, I bet something always comes up." He ignored the comment and sat down at his desk. "What? Cat got your tongue?" He continued to ignore her. "You make it too easy sometimes Scott."

The bell rang and Miss Bird started the class. They continued the discussion about "The Great Gatsby", but Scott wanted nothing more than the class to end. He hated sitting next to Katie because she was a constant reminder of how cruel the world could be towards people like him. He just hoped she didn't actually know why he wasn't at class the previous Friday because he knew she would not be afraid to use that information against him.

After what seemed to take hours instead of fifty minutes, the final bell of the day rang and Scott immediately got up from his desk and went to his locker. After putting everything he needed into his backpack, he left the school building and went to his car only to find his sister there with a boy. His hair seemed like too neat and he definitely dressed like a stereotypical nerd. That is when he realized the boy was Colin Stubleski. He walked towards Colin immediately.

"So you're the guy that asked my sister to homecoming." Colin was froze as Scott spoke to him. "Do you really think I'm just going to let you go with my sister without having at least talked to you first?"

Colin gulped. "Um, I was hoping that, um, it would be ok if we all went together so you could see I wouldn't do anything inappropriate with your sister. I know you two are close and um..." Colin couldn't figure out what to say next.

"Yes, we can certainly do that," Scott said. Relief came over Colin's face but Scott held his hand up to let him know he wasn't done talking. "It will not just be the three of us though as my best friends Liz and Steve will be going with us. We will be taking a limo to dinner and to the dance and you need to come up with the money for your share of the cost for it. I do expect you to treat my sister with respect the whole time."

"Of course!" Colin said eagerly. "Thank you Scott."

"You're welcome."

Colin walked away with a big smile on his face extremely happy.

"Did you have to give him such a hard time if you were going to say I could be his date?" Sarah asked frustrated.

"I wanted to see how he was going respond and he didn't disappoint. He respects me enough to know I have the veto power of who you date."

"I wish mom and dad didn't actually give you that power."

"It doesn't hurt that I can give an honest, unbiased opinion on the boys of this school." Sarah gave a look of 'really'? "Ok mostly unbiased."

"Like you are in any mental state to give an honest opinion about anything," Katie said as she walked towards them. Scott was hoping that English class was going to be the last time he saw her for the day.

"Don't you have someone else to bother or some guy who wants to have your attention?"

"There may be a guy who wants my attention at this school, but I just have to wonder how you are holding it together after your crazy grandmother passed away last week."

The fact Katie found out didn't really surprise Scott. However, what he didn't expect was her to come and find him his first day back at school at the end of the day and actually have the nerve to call his dead grandma crazy.

"Go away Katie," Scott said turning his back to her.

"Tell me how hard of a loss could it actually have been for you? I mean it is not like she loved you or anything."

Scott quickly turned his head to look at her. "Shut up! Don't talk about my grandma like that!"

"So there is some truth to what I say," Katie said all too happy to have gotten underneath Scott's skin. "Wait, maybe she wasn't actually crazy. It is possible she just hated having to babysit a little child with autism anytime your parents just didn't want to deal with you."

Scott turned and walked right up to her so that they were standing face to face. "Shut the fuck up you stuck up bitch!"

"Stuck up bitch?" Katie said laughing. "My, my, what language you're using. Makes sense coming from someone mentally ill. No wonder your grandmother wanted to die so fast. She didn't want to have to deal with you anymore."

Scott's anger was well over his limit and he wanted so badly to hit her with his fists. "You have no fucking shame you coldhearted bitch. No wonder your dad left you and your mom. I can only imagine what it would have been like dealing with a spoiled brat like you."

The mention of her dad caught Katie off guard. "You don't know what happened between my dad and my mom. Leave him out of this."

"Leave him out of this? You fucking brought my dead grandma into this who showed me nothing but love! Of course I'm going to bring your dad into this."

"Scott, don't!" Katie said as tears started to form in her eyes.

"Why? Can't handle the truth that maybe you and your mom drove him away? Can't handle the truth that maybe if you weren't such a bully and brat to me when you were younger maybe your dad wouldn't have divorced your mom?"

"Scott, I'm warning you!" Katie's face turned beet red with anger and tears came down her face.

"Don't fucking start something then bitch!" Scott yelled. "You wanted a line to be crossed. You've been nothing but a bully to me all my life and now you want me to back down? I'm not going to back down."

"Scott!" Sarah yelled from right behind him. "Don't go there. She's not worth it."

"Shut up Sarah," Scott yelled back. "I'm going to fucking end this right here, right now."

"Don't you fucking dare," Katie said with her teeth gritted.

"Tell me Katie, how does it feel knowing your dad is happier remarried with a new family that actually loves him? How does it feel knowing you and your mom fucked up something special? How does it feel-"

Katie slapped Scott with an open palm and his head snapped in the direction of the slap. When he turned his head to look at her, she slapped him again. Before Katie could get a third slap in Sarah came between them and pushed them away from each other and slowly pushed Scott back towards his car.

After some convincing Scott got into his car and started it. Sarah got into the passenger seat and once in Scott drove away. All the while Katie stared down Scott and his car as it left the school parking lot, tears still streaming down her face, her face red and breathing heavily.

"I'm going to make your life a fucking living hell," she said. "I'm going to drive you into the worst meltdown of your life and I don't fucking care if you commit suicide. I fucking hate you."

**********************************************

Once Scott parked the car at home he immediately got out and went straight to his room not even saying hi to his mother who wanted to know how the first day back had went. She looked at her daughter who just came in confused as to what just happened.

"Scott and Katie got into it," Sarah stated plainly.

"How bad?"

"She brought grandma up and he brought up her dad."

"He what?" Their mom couldn't believe Scott actually did that. She and their father had told him to never ever use that information against her ever since Scott found out about Katie's dad and his new family.

"Mom, it is really bad. She slapped him twice and would have been a third time if I didn't get in-between them to stop it."

Just then Jackie's phone rang. She picked it up from the counter and saw it was the high school calling.

"Hello," she said as she answered it.

"Is this Jackie James?"

"Yes, this is she."

"Hi, this is Principal Lubs. Are you or your husband able to come in tomorrow before school starts?"

"I can't but maybe my husband can. Can I ask what this is about?"

"Well there was an incident in the school parking lot today after school was over between your son and Katie Paulson."

Jackie's heart started to sink. "My daughter was just telling me about it."

Principal Lubs sighed before continuing. "Well we have known that your son and her don't get along, but what happened was uncalled for by both of them. I don't know if you know this, but we have cameras all over the school including the parking lot."

"I figured you would to keep everyone safe and know what is going on."

"Well over the summer we also added small microphones around the school so we could also find out if the students were talking about doing something against school rules, doing something illegal or making threats. I just got done listening to the conversation that was had between your son and Katie and I feel something has to be done."

"I understand. I'll call my husband and see if he can come into work late tomorrow to meet with you."

"Thank you Mrs. James. I know this hasn't been the easiest of times for you and your family. I just don't want this to escalate into something much worse."

"I completely understand. I'll have my husband call you after I'm done talking to him."

"Thank you. I hope you a good rest of your evening." With that the principal hung up and Jackie set her phone on the counter.

"How bad it is mom?" Sarah asked with great concern.

"I have to call your father. He will be meeting with the principal early in the morning."

"How bad?" Sarah repeated. Jackie simply gave a look that let Sarah know to not ask again because it was that bad.

Immediately she went up Scott's room and saw him playing the latest Call of Duty on his computer.

"Scott, mom just got a call from the principal."

Scott turned around thinking he didn't hear his sister correctly. "Why?"

"You know why."

"Because of what happened in the parking lot?"

"What else could it be? You went too far with her this time. You shouldn't have brought up her dad."

"She brought up grandma," he stated coldly as he turned back to pay attention to the computer monitor.

"Scott, mom and dad told you-"

"I don't give a shit what they told me," Scott yelled, "she wanted to cross a line and I'll cross it with her. I don't care if I hurt her. She deserves to feel hurt after everything she put me through."

Jackie came up to his room as soon as she heard her son yelling. "Turn off your computer right now. We're going to talk about this when your father gets home. You're going to sit at the kitchen table until then."

"Mom, you don't-"

"Don't even start with me," Scott's mom yelled. "Turn off your computer right now or else your father takes all the cables and power supply from the tower with him to work so you can't do anything on it."

Scott knew better than to test his mom with that sort of threat. He quickly closed the game and turned off his computer. Once that was done he headed downstairs, sat at the kitchen table and waited for his dad to come home from work.