Love Prevails

Jemaya looked at the sweet soul beside her, still a bit stunned by Sylvie's visit, and smiled.

"Oh, my dear Olivia, you have been more than helpful. You are helping me to open and heal my heart. You have done so much already."

"But what about the garden? I still haven't finished my work there," Olivia responded and sipped her coffee.

"Yes, you could do some weeding, and plant more flowers, or instead, we could go into town and have lunch, my treat," Jemaya said, with a huge smile on her face.

Olivia knew which option Jemaya wanted her to choose.

"Let's go into town, then. The garden can wait." She giggled and kissed Jemaya's hand. They sipped their coffee for a while, and Olivia found herself unable to stop staring at Jemaya. She wanted to memorize her image, so that she could see it at will, whenever she wanted to.

Jemaya, who felt Olivia's eyes upon her, had begun to wonder about their age difference once again. It was the one thing that she couldn't get past. She looked at Olivia and asked the younger woman out of the blue,

"Does our age difference bother you Olivia?"

Olivia felt the question was a little odd, so she calmly replied,

"To be truthful, no. There seems to be more depth, passion, wisdom, beauty, stability, and more experience within you. I love you for you Jemaya, I could care less about how old you are. You are beautiful beyond belief, and I feel so lucky to be close to you. Love is a spiritual experience, and the kind between you and I, is rare, and precious. So therefore, no, our age difference does not bother me."

Jemaya felt a little better, but still felt strange. She had been feeling, in the last year or so, that she was aging so quickly. She would be 56 in the fall, and she hated that fact. She felt tired most of the time, and had to fight it constantly. Her body was changing, in ways that she did not like, and she had a hard time believing that Olivia truly found her to be beautiful. But, she let it all go for the moment and smiled at Olivia.

"Wonderfully put wise one. I am glad that it doesn't bother you," she said, got up, and kissed the sweet young woman. "Let's go for lunch."

Their trip into town was full of radio blurbs and songs. Jemaya brought her to a little café, and they parked out front. It was a few doors down from the pub, where they had met, and also had a homey type of feel to it. All of the buildings in Moon Bay had the same kind of rustic, artsy, funky, kind of style; Welcoming and colorful. Olivia knew that she would love living there.

It was hard for Olivia not to hold Jemaya's hand in public; She wanted to touch her at all times. But, she had fame behind her, and she knew that some press release might spread some awful story about them. She intuitively knew this, and respected this part of Jemaya's life.

Jemaya could feel Olivia trying so hard not to touch her in public, and was glad that she didn't have to tell her not to do so. She had kept her private life, very private, and liked it that way.

She smiled at Olivia sweetly, led her to a table at the back, and sat with her back to the door. She didn't want people to recognize her and come and chat. She simply wanted to have lunch with Olivia.

The waitress came and they ordered the special, BLT's with Lentil soup. The waitress looked at Olivia and asked if she was Jemaya's daughter. Olivia turned red, and Jemaya replied,

"No, she is my muse, and my best friend."

The waitress looked at Olivia with envy, and walked away. Olivia wanted to slap the waitress for being so fucking nosy. She didn't even look like Jemaya!

Jemaya smiled and looked at Olivia; worried and wondering if she was embarrassed to be with her.

Olivia was still pissed off, and said,

"Don't worry, it means nothing. She's just a stupid young girl. I am honored to be with you." She hoped her words helped to make her feel better. She saw in Jemaya's face that she mostly believed her. But there was a shadow of doubt, and concern there too. Olivia began to wonder if she was ashamed of her passion, her attraction to a younger woman. She desperately hoped that this would not be something that would get in the way in the future...

They ate their food that they had ordered in silence, and decided soon after to go for a drive. Jemaya drove up a winding hill to the top of a bluff where she liked to go to be alone and think. The view looked west, overlooking the ocean. The bluff was mossy and ferns grew abundantly everywhere. Arbutus trees were all around as well, in their winding way. She parked the car and held Olivia's hand, while they looked at the spectacular view.

Olivia had been wondering all day about Jemaya's concern about the age thing, and felt the need to talk about it.

"Are you ashamed of our age difference, of your attraction to me, Jemaya?"

The last button on the subject had been pushed. Jemaya turned, almost violently toward Olivia, and in a loud, angry voice, she yelled,

"What! Why would I be ashamed? You yourself said that our ages did not matter!"

Olivia could not figure out why she was so sensitive about this particular topic. Perhaps she was ashamed. She decided not to push it though, because Jemaya had begun to cry.

"I feel so old lately, like death is just around the corner. I want something that will make it all go away, but nothing can. My body is succumbing to the forces of gravity, I don't feel beautiful anymore, and until you Olivia, I have not made love in years. I feel so powerless and so empty! I don't know why you want me. I am nothing!" Jemaya said through her desperate sobbing.

Olivia moved cautiously closer to her weeping lover, and held her in her arms. She stayed silent, so Jemaya could go through what she was going through. She had not seen this side of Jemaya, and could feel her intense sadness permeating the air. She stroked her hair, kissed her tears away, hoping to breathe in the sadness so that Jemaya did not have to feel so much. She knew that she couldn't take her pain away though, and it began to depress her greatly.

Jemaya felt as though she were feeling every single emotion known to man, and didn't know how to deal with it. She grabbed Olivia and began to kiss her wildly, touching her all over with a strong and rising passion. She took Olivia's clothes and hers off quickly and desperately. She needed something to ease her pain. She pushed Olivia into the back seat and made love to her, until every muscle in her body hurt, and the stars were shining above them.

Olivia knew that sex was something that Jemaya needed right then, and felt happy, that at least she could give her something. Jemaya had fallen asleep, exhausted and curled up in a ball beside her. She covered her up gently, with her own coat, dressed herself and drove them back home.

Jemaya woke up when they had hit the driveway to her house, and dressed. She was silent, feeling her emotions rising again. She hated the feeling of being so out of control and confused. She knew that the love that was happening between them was stirring up her own issues, and insecurities. She almost preferred being alone, at least she knew how to be with herself.

Olivia parked the car and Jemaya led the way into the dark and silent house. They stood there for a moment, quietly. Jemaya didn't know what to do or where to go.

Olivia sensed this, took her hand and led her to her room. Jemaya seemed to be numb, not present, and still greatly dosed with sadness. Olivia gently undressed her and led her to her bed where she laid down. She tucked her in like a Mother would, for warmth and comfort. She was unsure of what to do next, so she moved to leave her alone. Jemaya grabbed her hand and pulled her into her already warming cocoon. Olivia wrapped her arms around her beautiful body and realized that she was crying again. Olivia moved closer to absorb any free-range sadness if she could. Jemaya cried deeply until she fell asleep, without words, leaving the young woman worrying in the dark silence.

Olivia felt love's strong urges. She could not bear the thought of her beloved Jemaya suffering. Loving her brought wonders and also brought pain. She whispered to the sleeping Jemaya that she loved her no matter what, and could never stop doing so. She knew this from the moment Jemaya had hugged her in the bar when they had first met. No matter what, Olivia wanted to be there for Jemaya. They both needed to love and be loved by someone who knew what it felt like to be deeply wounded. She knew that they could heal together.

The morning light brought warm colors to Jemaya's sleeping skin and Olivia admired her body for a while, and then quietly got out of bed. She walked down to the kitchen and cooked breakfast. She loved cooking, and had been missing the creative act of it. She whipped up a tomato, basil and cheese omelet, decorated the plates with fresh fruit, made coffee and brought it all upstairs to Jemaya. She placed it on the chair beside the bed. She scanned her gorgeous body, sat down beside her and kissed her forehead.

Jemaya opened her puffy eyes, tired from tears that had been shed, and looked at her blankly.

"I made you breakfast, my love," Olivia said, smiling, trying to bring her some happiness.

Jemaya thanked her, and sat up, revealing more of her beautiful naked form. Her head had begun to hurt, for she had dehydrated herself with all of her crying. She felt utterly miserable in every way.

Olivia was baffled at the thought that Jemaya believed her body was not gorgeous. Her body was heavenly, and she reveled in the sight of her.

Jemaya noticed Olivia gazing at her. She became self-conscious, not at all in the mood to be stared at and covered up her body.

Olivia felt bad for looking at her and said,

"No, no, Jemaya, I was only admiring your beautiful and amazing body. I'm sorry if I offended you."

She felt that Jemaya was quiet, not like her usual self. She knew her mood was not a good one, and that sleep had not changed anything at all.

"I am not beautiful, and I do not have a beautiful and amazing body! Your sight, Olivia, betrays you!" she yelled, got up, went to the bathroom and slammed the door.

Olivia decided to leave her, and give her space. Scorpios could be very difficult sometimes. She knew that Jemaya had to get over this age thing on her own. It wasn't Olivia's way of thinking, and she tried not to take it on. She went to hide in the studio for a while to try and shake the feeling of what Jemaya was going through. She felt helpless because she could not take Jemaya's pain away. She could only empathize, and what did that do? Nothing. It seemed to Olivia that her presence there only reminded Jemaya of what she was feeling deeply inside. It seemed like she carried a great deal of sadness, and seemed so temperamental. Olivia felt like running, but her love for her, once again, kept her rooted there.

She wrote all of her frustrations and feelings down until she could no longer write. She curled up on the cushions in the corner of the studio, like a cat would, and slept a long and dreamless sleep.

Jemaya needed to be alone. She had become too accustomed to this way of being, and had forgotten how to be with someone else. She had come to a place about a year or so ago, of thinking that she would never be with another woman again. She had accepted that, and was comfortable with it. She knew that people in town and in her life were worried about her being out there all alone. But she reveled in it, soaked herself in the feeling of simplicity and let go of any need to be in relationship with another. She was angry with God, or whatever force had sent her Olivia, for stirring her heart up to feel such a deep love for her. She hated herself, her body, and her soul for allowing her to feel like this, especially for such a young woman. It could only lead to heartbreak and ruin. She knew that she could not handle that feeling at her age.

Two days passed like this, with Olivia, writing in the studio feeling pushed away and Jemaya going through her own pain in her room, pushing Olivia away. They both ignored the ringing of the phone, their body's need for food, and the knocks at the door.

Jemaya woke on the third morning, suddenly missing Olivia. She didn't want to, but she couldn't help it. She wanted Olivia's touch again and her sweet, innocent love. She wanted to feel good again, and had had enough of her own ridiculous behavior. She had not felt good in so long, until recently and realized that she truly needed to feel that way. Being alone was good in some ways, but Olivia must have come into her life for some reason. Maybe it really was time to open her heart again.

She took a shower, got dressed and found Olivia in the studio sleeping. She quietly sat next to her on the floor and waited for her to awaken.

Olivia opened her eyes and saw Jemaya sitting next to her smiling weakly. Olivia sat up and hugged her, making Jemaya loosen up a bit.

"Are you feeling better Jemaya?" she asked her softly, as she rubbed her eyes, waking up.

"I am feeling a bit better. I am sorry for my unforgivable behavior Olivia. I guess that I have gotten somewhat downhearted as I have gotten older. I have been alone for so long, I guess I have forgotten how to be with someone. Having you here has been a blessing, and has helped me catch glimpses of my own beauty. It has also brought up a lot of pain," She said and took her hand, averting her eyes. "Olivia can you help me to see what you see in me?"

Olivia smiled, and still could not believe that Jemaya could not see how beautiful she was, inside and out. The truth was though, that she herself could not see her own beauty either.

"Jemaya, I'll do what I can, but I am afraid that all I can do is love you. I understand in a way, for I don't see my own beauty either. But something has been happening in your presence. My heart, which has been like a frozen wasteland, has started to emerge with new life. I have been afraid of loving and being loved. I have been afraid that if I show too much of myself, it might scare people away or make them hate me, especially potential love. It is a huge risk for me to open up to you, it is terrifying, but it feels so good as I surrender more and more. I see your beauty, your light, your love, and cannot get enough of it. I know that what you are going through is painful, but I believe that our love could heal us both. I know that I need healing. I am here for you, Jemaya," Olivia said quietly, as she looked at her.

There were tears in Jemaya eyes. She could not believe how wise this young woman was. Sometimes she seemed that she had lived a lot longer than Jemaya herself. She opened up to her again and hugged her.

"Olivia, thank you for loving me. Your love brings me warmth, comfort, and light. You are such a blessing to me, my love," She replied, and kissed her. "Now, I must spend the day in my office, I have gotten behind. I will see you later, and we will talk some more. I love you so much, Olivia. Thank you for being so patient with me." She touched Olivia's face, gently smiling and then got up and left.

Olivia realized that she would really have to be patient with Jemaya. She had a funny way of opening and closing at whim, often baffling Olivia. She also realized that it was fine to go slowly. It was scary business, opening up one's heart. She got up, and decided to go out to the garden to get some air and do some beautifying. She was tired of writing, thinking and being indoors. She grabbed some coffee, a couple of apples and went to the garden surrounded by beautiful trees. It was a medium sized garden for flowers, vegetables and herbs. There were also many places to sit and commune with nature. She loved the feeling there, saw more potential and began her weeding, finding herself in a comfortable rhythm that continued throughout the day. Once she was finished her task, it was already early twilight. When she set a goal, it was hard for her to stop for anything. She stood up stiffly, shook off soil and plant material, and walked to the house.

Jemaya was on the phone in her office when she entered, so she washed her hands and made something to eat. She ate some of her salad, and then relaxed with a cigarette and a glass of white wine. She felt great; gardening always brought her comfort. She loved to commune with the plants and easily lost herself in their magical world.

Jemaya walked in and gave Olivia a kiss. She smelled fragrant, like sweet jasmine flowers. The scent reminded Olivia of her attraction to her, so she pulled Jemaya close for another kiss. She smiled beautifully, and ate some of Olivia's salad sensually with her fingers.

Olivia told her about the garden, and Jemaya told her a little about her day. She seemed happier; maybe a day on her own in the office took away the intensity of her feelings. She wondered if her presence made Jemaya's feelings rise up again. She lit another cigarette to quiet her worrying mind. Jemaya lit one as well and said,

"The moon is full tonight. Do you want to walk to the beach, watch the moon rise, and maybe spend the night there?"

"I would love to Jemaya! What do we need to take? Maybe some towels, and some blankets?"

"I will pack what we need. Just get yourself ready, my love," she said, got up and left to pack. She went upstairs and packed everything they would need for the night. She was feeling a lot better, and wanted to do something for Olivia, to show her that she loved and appreciated her. Sleeping on the beach always brought Jemaya to a peaceful state. She looked forward to sharing her private beach with Olivia. She went downstairs, put a bottle of wine, cheese and some glasses in one of the bags and Olivia met her at the door. The young woman seemed relieved to have her close again, wanting to spend time with her. Jemaya saw the look of love on her sweet face, and it made her feel so good. She kissed her lightly and led her out of the door and down the path to the beach in the fading light.

Olivia followed her to the gorgeous, quite private beach. There were smooth, colorful pebbles covering most of the beach, with some sandy patches. Nighthawks flew and made their strange sounds above them. Driftwood was limited, but some sat at the top of the beach. They picked a sandy spot, got out a blanket and sat down. The moon was just starting to rise, shining over the trees in the East. They gazed at it, enjoying the beauty of the moment.

Jemaya pulled out two glasses, opened the wine, and handed Olivia a glass. She also put a plate out with cheese and crackers. She was prepared for their time here.

"Thank you for bringing all of this Jemaya. I feel pampered and cared for. What a treat to be loved so well," Olivia said and kissed her on the cheek.

"You deserve it, Olivia," she said and put her arm around the young woman. They gazed at the moon, still rising, in awe of the beauty. Olivia felt the need to be a part of that beauty, so she took her clothes off, and ran into the cold ocean water. Opening her eyes underwater, she could see the light of the moon above; it was so magical! The bio luminescence sparkled around her when she moved through the water. She became her Piscean, dolphin-like self, moving her body swiftly through the glowing liquid. She surfaced to breathe and float there, searching the shore for Jemaya. She had started a fire and was walking nakedly to the water toward her. Her skin glowed like gold in the moon's rays. She was miraculous, gorgeous in every way. Olivia admired her from her watery place. She realized in that moment that she was falling deeply in love with Jemaya. She had been afraid of this; for her love history had been nothing but a disaster. She had always felt alone and scared, and allowed the ice to form around her heart for protection. She didn't know if she could truly trust love, she had never really been able to. She definitely did not know what it was like to truly be loved by another. Who was this woman, named Jemaya, who had netted this cold fish? Olivia wondered how Jemaya had caught her, and how she could escape. These were her usual feelings, and they had good reason because of her past experiences. But, this time, she ignored her thoughts of running. She had run too many times, and this time she was not going to do so. It was safe and beautiful with Jemaya. She would let go of her fears; She would heal her heart this time, even if it killed her.