All Comments on 'Lust at First Sight Bk. 01 Pt. 01'

I'm already enthralled, you're too good at this. Don't make me wait too long on the next chapter and keep up the good work.

Really looking forward to see where this goes.

Great start home for more soon.

Now your going to be hounded even more for new chapters of your stories.

Ed

if the guitar is not too expensive , instead of buying a seat from london to melbourne why not just buy a new giuitar in Aus? far chraper and more practical. I'll go back and keep reading but that has kinda thrown me for a loop.

I'm already in love with Amanda........

Nice story. An incest harem in the making. Can't wait for the next part.

Little FYI, you put "my" in regards the main character of each story (Harem Sisters & this story). I either put "me" or "myself" in your sentencing. Also "sister" is singular and "sisters" is plural. "Sister's" refers to a single sister in question and her action. Just helping of your errors/incorrect grammar. But your stories are very good read.

Waiting for more chapters. Thanks

I like slow building stories, but BDSM isn't really my thing. Cheers.

Your proofreader missed a number of errors. Or you dictated your story and missed too being used when to was correct plus several other errors of that type.

thanks for the comments guys, I'm glad you're enjoying this story so far.

In reply to Anonymous.

The guitar has a lot of sentimental value. That makes it far more valuable to Nick than any new instrument he could purchase. While he will upgrade at some point (or use one of Amanda's sweet guitars) he will always keep the one his grandfather got him.

Reply to Anonymous.

thanks for the grammar tips. I'll be sure to remember those when I'm writing. Any and all criticism is welcome.

I'll probably alternate between Harem sisters and LAFS and hopefully get one a week out to you guys.

Thanks again. You're all awesome.

it's cheaper to buy a new one

I'm really digging this so far. I love some slow burn stories.

One of the best stories I've read. Whens the next chapter releasing?

I almost passed this by after reading your disclaimer. I'm glad I didn't, I like stories that develop the characters fully, and you're doing a great job of that. I hope subsequent chapters are as compelling. Great so far.

Lamb of god? Lol fucking neck beard metal? He’s a freak because he has long hair and wears black? Pfft! If they’re are smart phones this at least relatively recent. When I was in school there were lots of people with long hair. Many on the sports teams for gods sake. Also lots of people wore black. You trying to paint him as some social outcast from that is kind of a stretch. Man he’s so cool and dark! He listens to Behemoth! Pfft! Get out of here with that nirgin shit Nick! I can’t Like a character that listens to that garbage. That utter travesty that dumps on the history and legacy of metal. All the bands his mom liked, respect. Lamb of god, behemoth? Eww...

Love the slow build. Hope the story keeps going in the direction you seem to be building to. The only question is..... Can one brother satisfy four sister? To Anonymous if all you can do is complain about grammer and speling get a lif and move on to a different story. LOL

I really enjoyed the detailed setup of characters, I can see this being an epic series. I really need to finish reading Harem Sister.

What a great start and build up. You got me hooked!

Awesome start. I cant wait to see where you decide to take this. Hope the next chapter drops soon.

I mean, it’s great and all, looking forward to what comes next, but there’s a few glaring grammatical errors along with several words just not existing in the word chains.

Also the part with the plane being steel and the smokes felt super wrong, since planes are aluminium and smokes are legit sold at a specific counter at grocery stores especially in the state of Victoria. Where an ID check happens because if they’re in a spot that’s in store the thieving thieves who thieve would steal them, back when my place of work used to sell them, we’d get the security wrapped pallet from the load, cut it open and find the smokes and then get a manager to put them in a locked office. After close they’d have been taken to the service desk where’d they’d be locked up for sales. So basically getting smokes would have been obvious because you gotta go to a new counter after paying for the main stuff. It’s like how booze is in the liquor store part of either woolies or coles.

Great start, Darth. I think I'm enjoying this more than your Harem series. Absolutely loving the fact that you're infusing music so centrally into the story. I've tried doing that with my stories, as well; very important aspect, in my opinion. Anyway, keep up the good work. You're my new favorite Sith Lord!

I prefer bands like Halestorm, The Pretty Reckless, Metallica, Iron Maiden, Megadeath, Aerosmith, Heart, Bon Jovi, AC/DC, Motley Crue, Def Leopard, Guns & Roses, Nirvana, Soundgarden, Pearl Jam and Foo Fighters which are more melodic in their music.

Would love for Nick and his sisters to attend one of their concerts in Australia during one of their world tours, or even be an opening band for one of these groups.

Can't wait until Nick is lining up all four sisters and fucking them one after the other, along with Emily's friend Jennifer (as isn't not cheating if you are fucking someone you cannot legally marry).

Also would love to see Mel as the song writer and lead singer of the band the siblings look like they are headed to form, with Nick on lead guitar, Amanda on Rhythm Guitar, Emily on Base Guitar and Erica on the drums.

Loved it. Please continue. Thanks for your time and imagination.

One thing I don't think anyone else has pointed out yet is the fact that they are half sisters not step, half means they have at least parent in common by blood.

But good story keep it up.

Hope you keep this story goin

okay I loved it and I can't wait for the rest of the chapters

Bloody good characterisation, and a solid build for future fireworks. Onya.

Woo...loved it, quite a buildup....intimate chemistry is too good in your word

Looks like u deleted a few stories last month...they too were going great

Please keep this story going I love it more than I love harem sisters the build up is so wonderful to read thank you so much for sharing this

Great story can’t wait for more!!!

Hey man I love this new story when is the next part for it coming out and when will the next chapter come our for your other story

I'm about three quarters through the next Harem sisters part, I have a few days off work now so I hope to have it finished and submitted in the next two days. Once that's done I'll get cracking on the next LAFS part.

Isolation in my ar e a has been lifted and with that work has been crazy as fuck lately. Since our company tanked so much money during the pandemic we are now understaffed and work is in high demand. Shits fucked.

I'll try to keep you all updated and once I submit the next part (of each story) I'll post another comment letting you know.

Peace out.

Absolutely loving it! If you continue updating this constantly I might even end up enjoying this more than harem sisters! The buildup you’ve already written is shaping up well and I’m excited to see how it progresses. I wonder if we’ll be introduced to Amanda’s boyfriend during the party, how is the MC going to act and keep his jealousy in place!?! Keep up the great work!

i love this story already and I cannot wait for the next chapter. amanda is my favorite so far.

Hey man I love your story so far how long do you think it’ll be until your next chapter is out I really like this story I can’t wait to see more hopefully you do more soon

How much money do we need to come up with a month to make this your full time job? D: The suspense is KILLING us. Don’t get me wrong, Harem Sisters is a blast but this one has the makings to be World Fuckin Class.

Part 2 is well in the way guys. I'm having a blast writing this story and I'm so happy you've all enjoyed it as much as you have. I'll try to address the issues of grammar and consistencies throughout my writing.

As for a particular anonymous poster.

I've read your comment and at first I was going to delete it. That kind of Boomer attitude isn't called for, but I decided to leave it as it's your opinion and you're entitled to it. But I'll leave you with this.

Not everyone grew up in the same environment with the same circumstances as everyobe else. What was normal and accepted for aomeone, somewhere wasn't accepted for others elsewhere.

As with Harem sisters I take bits and pieces of real life events for key parts of my stories to keep them grounded and I can say for certain that having long hair and wearing all black at my public high school wasn't well accepted.

That is all.

Peace out, and stay safe. For my American readers especially in this awful time.

Feel free to email me and leave a reply address, always happy to chat.

Great beginning to a story. I like how the sisters each have their own personality and how they are more like regular folks than your very enjoyable and also excellent Harem storyline. I am very much looking forward to reading the next episode or chapter in this one.

Can't wait for Part 2, I am a big fan of your writing, both series!! Keep at it my friend!😷😏😉

Hey man I love both of your story’s they are amazing I hope that the next chapter will be coming out soon I have been dying waiting to read the second chapter can’t wait keep up the good work

I loved this entry chapter, beginning to end. Minorly flawed protagonist, great writing, setting, and of course a lot of hot chicks. But ever since this story came out I have been anxiously waiting for the second part to be released. Now, more than two months later, it‘s really frustrating. This is my second-most awaited chapter I‘m waiting for, only beaten by the winds of winter. So please, please publish the next part soon.

Greetings, L

I’ve been waiting for the next chapter please hurry and bring it out it has been torture waiting

Great story and a real slow burner, but keeps you guessing as to how it will eventually turn out. Not too keen on BDSM but we'll see how it goes.

Definitely looking forward to next part.

One point I noticed that appears contradictory (have I missed something?):

Page 1 - she decided to leave the country and go live with her grandparents in London, where I was born.

Page 2 - Mum had the same accent as me since she lived in Australia her whole life.

Shouldn't give it 5*****, but worth more than 4****. So erred on the generous side.

Loving this and Harem Sisters so far. It's nice to read an actually story and not just a sex scene with a bad plot. Keep 'em going!

I'd have to go back and compare physical descriptions, but does LAFS end up being the band that Jason and Natalie see in Harem Sisters 14? That would be a nice tie-in even if they never cross paths.

Or was that made plain in some announcement and I missed it?

Either way, keep going! Between you and Tefler, I keep coming back to the harem genre again and again!

Hell yes, I would follow if you had a social media account. I'm not completely sure about the whole buying a book on Amazon thing tho, why not follow the paid subscription model for authors on Patreon? That way, you get paid consistently every month for a few chapters of writing. Unless your concern is about Patreon not allowing incest? Also, on a side note, is part 2 to this story still coming out soon? It's just it was on your bio for a week or so that you had submitted it to your editor and you were expecting to post it soon and now, it's not on your bio anymore haha. Super anticipating part 2 here and part 15 for harem sisters XD

Been waiting for part 2 for awhile now. I see you added two chapters to your other story but nothing here. Let’s focus buddy. Get to the good stuff!!!

Patiently for more.

I am really enjoying the pacing of this story. Looking forward to the next part.

Oh god yes, this is going to be quite the erotic story. I can feel it in my boner! Please dont keep us waiting tooo long ole mate.

From someone who does editing for a living, I’ll say this: you could use a bit more attention to the grammar side of things. I mean, the storytelling is good, but I’m distracted (maybe too easily) by grammatical problems. For the most part, you’re fairly accurate; however, I have to say that I stumble in the reading when I see a “too” where a “to” is right, and there are a few misplaced apostrophes that make me have to re-read what you’ve written. I recommend that you search for every use of “too” and double-check it. If the word “also” won’t work there, change it to “to”. And the apostrophes - only two, I think, were wrong in this first installment. You’ll make us grammar-types much happier by fixing them. If you are using an editor, they failed you. If not, you might consider it. :)

oh dear god please let him nail all 4 of them

So this guy and his sisters are the band from harem sisters right?

A bathtub which can accommodate four eh?

Great story. The main character comes across as a bit of a dweeb. He’s hard to often and unable to control himself. What is he a teenage fool?

Too caught up in himself. His sisters come across as gorgeous. Three of them and my bet is four of them want him. But they will have to make the move on him, he is just too stupid.

I predict he will cause angst with Jen and upset everyone.

I reckon he will end up with Amanda, she’s a keeper.

Scores 5/5

And yes, it crossed my mind too that they become the band that Jason and Natalie see in Harem Sisters Chp 14. Lovely touch.

Great Start! I didn't make the connection with Harem Sisters, but now I agree with the other commenters that they are the band.

Few typos here and there, but the story is great so far, and the buildup is exciting with just the right amount of tease. Looking forward to the next part.

Very well written! I hope you don't slow down.

Okay, so my mother was a heavy smoker which lead to her dying at the age of 68. I hated trying to breathe in the car when she lit up. I detested the stench and avoided being around it as much as possible. And knowing that it eventually killed her was even more reason to never pick up a single cigarette in my lifetime. I begged her for years and years to quit, and during the last dozen years she did give it a serious effort. However, she was too addicted to be successful and continued to relapse.

That being said, and considering the protagonist made in the first several pages, I find it difficult that you made him a smoker. I can't empathize with him at all.

Hello, to people complaining about fictional characters habits….get over yourself. It’s not real. Stop telling people how to write THEIR story.

Perfectly paced, well written with interesting and well described characters/ However, please don't rely on spellcheck. You have a room over their heads and a Harley becomes a Hayley. It really is worth the extra effort to check and recheck your work. Apart from that it is a very professional effort. Well done|

I hope you continue this story. I enjoyed the first part.

Some of you people...just unbelievable.

You have no problem with people boning their siblings, but a smoker, OMG heaven forbid.

Really good, involving story, with a lot of little things and introductions happening. Mr. Protag is interesting, and learning the differences of the ladies is both a challenge and a pleasure. I really liked it and look forward to more reading so I will also be honest.

There are many minor mistakes, you should slap your editor upside the head, gently, or, you know, get one.

Since each of the sisters is apparently a 10 on a scale of 10, there is the small problem of believability, and also, "are the problems of the beautiful people anything with which I would identify?"

Well, it reads like you are in the process of giving these women personalities that will be interesting enough to overcome their perfection, so yeah, you got me so far...

Looking forward to more reading....

Good start, I hope you don’t rush the story and turn into into a chapter by chapter fuck-fest. I want to be immersed into the world you’ve created the challenges and issues the girls are having and Nick himself in trying to figure out what his sisters want with him. Hopefully you keep the storyline strong and don’t dump it to the side for the sex. I gave this chapter a 5/5 and will continue reading to see how things turn out. I hope he ends up with his sisters but out of love rather then a quick bang etc.

This gives me some big JTSOU vibes and can be super popular if done right.

Just too slow n long

I’ve not read your work before. You get good scores and have many followers. So I am guessing things get going eventually. But dang! I am NOT going to say anything I will need to apologize for later.

I’ll just turn the page and hope for the best.a

Detailed enough for visual and emotional development. Can understand and feel his stress re "sisters"

Very interesting I await developments . Quality writing though, apart from few missing or misplaced words and phrases . 5 star though.

Very nice intro

Love it, love it, love it!

But, the former English teacher and semi-professional musician in me must point out two glaring errors that no one else caught.

1. You seem to be confuse the past tense verb “passed” with the preposition “past” - using the former when you intended the latter.

2. As a bassist, I cannot count the many hundreds of rehearsals, jam sessions and gigs I’ve played in. Never have I ever seen a guitarist pick up a guitar that hasn’t been used in some time and NOT check if it’s in tune. Most will check tuning after a 20 minute break. There is no way that guitar, left sitting there unused for months or maybe even years, could possibly be even close to tuned.

Nonetheless, can’t wait to keep reading. Loved Harem Sisters and am loving this so far.

Big build up hope it gets hot and sexy soon. You others have bee so hot

Cannot wait to find out what happens to Mel and Amanda!

can we get another harem sisters/lust at first sight cross over with more interaction between the groups as well as the twins from the holiday house?

Close to what hemochromatoias means but not exactly 100 percent correct it's where your body absorbs to much iron not where you can't absorb it but close

Was a well written story seems to have a good build up to it so far and very few errors keep it up

It was a great tesse. I expected more would happen before the end.

Book 2 chapter 2 coming soon

You should change the location to Tasmania. There's a reason it's called Inceston, not Launceston, for good reason.

Excellent! Great pacing, story, build up. Five *****

Very nice, very slow build-up, emotions are flying high in just 24 hours.

Talking to Mel about her sisters..

NOT a good 💡 idea!! She is gonna have feelings, too (I have a feeling!) and she is gonna be 😡 upset!

Still, good story...on to next chapter! And, the "party"!!

GREAT START, THANK YOU.

You seem to have a lot of trouble with apostrophes and plurals.

e.g. FLY'S is not the same as FLIES (which is the plural)

You could pull off a fly's tiny wings because they belong to that fly.

If you did a bunch you'd be pulling the wings off flies (or pulling off flies' wings.)

May I suggest you try a proof reader/editor?

- VADAR ( Password thing broken. Canna log in...)

WONDERFUL PROMISING YARN. (sorry caps...)

Still needs some editing.

That's not how you spell 'HAEMOCHROMATOSIS '. (https://haemochromatosis.org.au)

Thank you for an extremely entertaining story.

I hope the poor bastard gets laid.

I'm an Aussie. I can't fuggin believe that another Aussie - ever a transplanted Pom - doesn't know how to spell 'flies'.

The fuggin things OWN the Lucky Country.

A great start to what promises to be a well thought out and written story. I look forward to reading the next chapter. As this is my first foray into your writing, I have added you to my favorites list. I appreciate your and your Muse's imagination (memories?) and abilities to bring it to your story. Thank you for sharing your vision and talents.

This is a great start to a new series. I loved Harem Sisters and looking forward to another great story. I do not mind the slow burn as I enjoy those.

I love it. My only criticism would be the name choice of Emily and Erica are too similar. Both star with E and both have 3 syllables. They should either have different first letters or a different syllable count to make it easier to associate them in the readers head. It's the reason anime main characters often have crazy hair colors while background characters are almost predominantly black. Other than that small thing I still love it and give it a 5 and will continue reading.

Too slow of a pace. The fact you put he still sounds like an Aussie when he grew up in the UK was wrong. If you grow up in a place you inadvertently pick up the inflections of the locals. The fact you didn't know that is lazy for not doing research. The constant worrying over his sisters is annoying about as much as a Japanese anime kid getting nose bleeds from a hot girl. They are half sisters so of course there is a strong draw to them the constant worrying every other paragraph is seriously terrible writing. The fact you didn't finish this series shows you realized this. Instead of being cool and going back, fixing the story and finishing it shows how little you care for your fans. I would not care to read anything else you write because of your lack of appreciation for those who spend their time reading your stories.

Love the buildup.

What an amazing start to this story. Amanda, is my favourite character I’m so in lust with her. I’m just wondering which sister he’s going to bang first or is it gonna be slutty Jemma… can’t wait to read the next chapter ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I really wish you didn't have the main character smoke. Kind of hard to imagine all these girls getting super close to him, hugging him all the time if he smells like a cigarette.

Great start, good back story and build, thank you.

There are far too many errors of all types indicating the writer is not truly interested in the reader. Yet, why post the stories if the writer does not want feedback? I have strong suspicions that he is receiving far more negative comments that he was expecting.

One of your problems is the obvious "rush to finish". Slow down. A well written story with limited errors is appreciated by readers far more than one that was rush, filled with a multitude of errors. No one expects perfection, but so many errors, due to an obvious lack of respect to the reader, can eventually reduce your readership.

3 stars, though that's being charitable. As has been noted previously, this is appallingly written. (And, yes, the cigarettes is a real turn-off!)

What a whiny bunch of F@#$. Hundreds of millions of people in this world smoke..........get over it and yourselves. Ignore these whiners Darth and please continue to write how and what you want. Personally I love your stories even if there were any one thing I didn't like. as long as I enjoy the overall who cares about the rest.

Since you have been slacking on another chapter, I decided to give the whole thing another read thru. This is my 4th pass. It's still incredibly good like all of your stuff. This would make a fantastic HBO series.

If some of you complainers think you can write a better tale put your fingers to work and prove it. Or else stfu and read something else. I've read through all of DA's stories and I dig the narrative and the story telling. Find a better outlet for your negativity.

Excellent story and writing skills. If you would lose the compound words, ellipsis', dot dot dots and either proof read your materials or install Text Aloud and use it to write your stories and listen to it, you'd improve considerably. 5 BIG ASS FUCKING HUGE FLAMING NOVA STARS!

Dad could not find them as they lived so far off the grid. And yet he lived in and sold grandparents apartment. Major fail and full stop.

The story is by a master class writer. Hats off to you.

Good story, good writer. As for living with grandparents this not a "major fail". It was only a few weeks fling the MCs dad probably knew nothing of Moms grandparents or even their last name of it was maternal grandparents. Cut the writer some slack on this one somethings you just don't know. Let's see how the story develops. Definitely a 5. However, I do agree that his smoking detracted from the story line.