Lynn and Leif Forevermore Ch. 24

"I don't have Leif, and I don't have my family, Janelle, I don't have shit anymore. And Leif is right, I'm so childish. So self-centered. I'm spoiled and immature. I should have just told my parents the truth and faced the consequences. But Leif won't talk to me. And If I can't make him talk to me, I can't make him understand what I'm going through. It's over in his eyes," said Lynne.

"He called you childish, self-centered, spoiled and immature. Damn, he was mad at you. " said Janelle.

"Yes! He did. I was so mad at him. He doesn't understand it, his parents are like the Brady Bunch. A hippie Brady Bunch. They didn't even care that he smoked pot in their basement growing up. He doesn't know what it's like to grow up like I did, that's why he says it's over. All over, over stupid shit," said Lynne her voice husky with tears.

"Naw, Naw, it's not over. I mean. That boy loves you. His feelings are hurt. And he has a right to be hurt, you discarded him like gum on your shoe because you are afraid of what your parents think. But...but he also knows that you had a sheltered upbringing. He knows you aren't as mature as a normal woman who had normal experiences growing up. But he loves you deep down, because he likes who you are inside. You're a good woman Lynne, you're kind, caring, smart and funny. And he's got some childish, openhearted ways too, so you match that way. But I think he's hurting, and he's hurting you because you hurt him. He loves you though. Lynne I know you don't have a lot of experience with men, but it's unusual that two people just start living together off the bat like that and can't be separated. He loves you, and he misses you, but he feels hurt by you, and frustrated, and he thinks it would be better to break it off. Men have sensitive feelings. He lashed out at you and he broke up with you because he doesn't know how to fix it. He doesn't know how to fix your relationship. But that boy still loves you. I know he does," said Janelle.

"I still love him!' said Lynne.

"I know you do. That's why you need to go get your man honey, before someone else does," said Janelle.

"But how? I already baked him muffins. He chewed the muffin up, threw the chewed up muffin in the basket and said that's how men treat a woman they aren't serious about," said Lynne.

Janelle cracked up laughing.

Lynne glared at her.

"What? That shit is funny. He does have a point. Oh my lord girl he is just mad at you. You two are carrying on like toddlers. He wants to hurt you good girl. Because he thinks you hurt him. You might have to dodge a few more of his blows. But if he still loves you...and I think he does...and you don't screw shit up again, he will probably forgive you. But you've got to stop screwing up on him. You gave the boy such a hard time when he was getting to know you. Now you're giving him a hard time as he makes it serious. Men get tired of fighting for love, even good men. And you might think that that you are making it easy on him, but it's the little things that make it hard. That boy is serious about you and for you to discount it to anyone, it disrespects him. I know how you feel, I understand how you feel...but you have to decide...you have to grow up and decide...who do you want to please? Your parents dead ass church that you don't even attend, or yourself? And that man you love? That blonde hair hippie that you think is so gorgeous?" asked Janelle.

"I want Leif, Janelle. From the moment I saw him, I wanted him. I was just scared to admit it at first. I'm sick and lost without him. It sounds like a cliché' but I can't eat or sleep," said Lynne.

"Yeah, you look like hell fried over," said Janelle.

"Thanks a lot. I feel like hell fried over with a side of ketchup. I wasn't trying to disrespect Leif. I was just trying not to lose my parents," said Lynne.

"I know. But that kind of love, love because you do or don't do something that a church wants, that's conditional love...Leif is offering you unconditional love," said Janelle.

"I know...and I used to tell him it was so beautiful and spiritual because I've never been loved unconditionally. He'd bathe me in that damn love and it was nourishing. He's used to it. That's the way his parents are. Damn even his mom started to shine that beam of love on me, that normal love...and I...I was enjoying that love. I tried to explain to him, that I know that ninety-five percent of the world lives that way, and with that kind of love, but I don't and it was new and soul nourishing. And the sweet sensual things that he did when he was feeing my soul...I won't mention them," said Lynne.

"Don't! I know it was some good, freaky, nasty hippie shit," said Janelle.

"Not any nastier than you and that damn guy from the paper. You all probably did some kinky shit too, that you don't want others to know about," said Lynne.

Despite her tears, they shared a chuckle.

"I'm sorry Lynne that life has been so hard for you. It really has. I can't imagine what it must be like to choose between the man I love and my parents...your life was hell...I mean no one would know on the outside. You're so beautiful, talented, and well put together. Smart. Looks like you have everything. You've come a long way from that hellhole you came up in. But the way that your folks have raised you, in that strict way, has just...I mean...it's a ball of mess. But don't let that ball of mess restrict you from what the future can bring. That boy loves you, and he wants to make things a little bit easier for you...he's your gift for growing up through so much shit. But you've bruised his male ego. But now you've got to bandage it up. It might be a bumpy ride. But I have faith that he loves you. Get your man girl," said Janelle.

And she kissed Lynne on her cheek.

"Janelle, thank you for lifting my spirits up. Even if I can't win him back...I do have some family. I have you," said Lynne.

"Of course you do. But I'm still mad at you for reneging on the Thanksgiving at your house. I was looking forward to putting my feet under your table and eating your tasty damn cooking. You never cook for me anymore now that you have him, and I can't cook to save my life. You never should have went to see your weird ass parents. This wouldn't have happened. Next time Leif suggests it, when you get back together with him, slap him upside the head and remind him of that lousy ass thanksgiving," said Janelle.

Lynne howled with laughter. And she needed it. It was good for her soul.

"If I ever win him back, I don't think we ever have to worry about him trying to meet my folks again," said Lynne with another chuckle.

***

Clearly his life had started falling apart without Lynne. Funny how he never knew he needed Lynne before she appeared in his life. But once she'd appeared in his life, she'd worked her way into every nook and cranny of his life, sensually, emotionally, in a friendship sense. Physically. The house was lonely without the sounds of her little urban laughter.

Signs of her grooming. Him helping her paint her toenails. All those god damn hair products. The smell of her flat ironing away those adorable curls that he loved so much until her hair was soft and silky to the touch. He loved it both ways. Hadn't made a difference to him. He just wanted her to wear her hair however it made her happy.

Missed seeing her hunched over the video controller playing his new ass games. Or sitting Indian style listening while he played the guitar. He was supposed to start teaching her a few guitar lessons when they came back from his family home at Christmas. He still hadn't told Linda they broke up. Maybe he'd wait until he saw her at the airport. He didn't want to discuss it over the phone. Leif was afraid he might cry.

Maybe his mother was right about being too young for serious relationships. But he certainly had hoped she was wrong about all cases. God knows he wanted a future with Lynne. She was the one who told her parents it wasn't that serious. What kind of woman said something like that to her parents. All because she was scared of her damn parents.

If it wasn't serious, he wanted to know why almost every orgasm ended in a declaration of love. Even that last time, that last morning when she was eating her sweet little pussy she kept jerking her hips moaning she loved him so much.

When he looked in her eyes, the color flushed to her face with the intensity of her pleasure, he knew it wasn't a lie.

It might have been like puppy love for the two of them, his first serious love affair, and Lynne's first serious sexual affair, respectively, but what they'd been doing hadn't been fooling around. It had been a whirlwind of seriousness. She was childish and scared of her own feelings. Scared to grow up. And it hurt him.

Finding her sweater hadn't made it any easier. The damn thing smelled like her. Vanilla, almonds, and Lynne's own natural, indefinable scent. He remembered her soft, sweet little tits and the way she never wore a bra, so the sweet little things would look bigger. They were big enough for him, and so fun to play with, squeeze and rub gently. She loved having them touched gently, and he loved touching them that way. And how yummy they were with those luscious dusky nipples. Except that one damn day at her parents house. She'd strapped her breasts up so tight she almost looked flat chested, as though she were afraid for her parents to know that she'd blossomed into a grown and sexy woman. It had been bad to meet them. But it had been also good because it showed him that she wasn't mature enough for him.

He knew he still loved her when smelling the sweater made him feel teary eyed. What a sissy ass thing to feel...especially the way she hurt him. He got so mad that he still loved her so much she made him cry that he was embarrassed. He threw the sweater at the wall. But he wouldn't wash it. Because it still smelled like Lynne. Later he put it away carefully in its own spot in his dresser drawer.

But he had to get over her.

He tried at first to find some numbers for some of the women he used to talk with before. He couldn't find any of those numbers. So he walked to a local bar. Started having a few drinks. He looked around the bar. He didn't see any cute little light skinned black things with sweet, pouty little lips. Anything to take his mind off Lynne. It was a bit weird, but he saw mostly white women, nothing wrong with white women- he was obviously white, but these women, they weren't doing anything for him.

And he looked off to the corner, and he saw two pretty looking pecan colored black women talking to each other. They were cute, and they looked somewhat alike, perhaps they were sisters, or cousins, but, he didn't feel a desire to go over there and talk to them. Then it dawned on him. He didn't want any of those women because they weren't Lynne.

Damn.

Well she'd made it perfectly clear she didn't feel seriously about him. And he'd broken up with her. And carousing in bars was what men did when they weren't serious about women. He'd need to get over her. He wasn't drinking a Pabst. He couldn't. That delicious, yet cheap beer reminded him of Lynne, because that was "their" favorite. How the hell was it that everything became "their" this and that so fast?

Because they'd been damn serious about each other, but childish, immature Lynne was scared of this, that and the other, and her own damn shadow. But how he'd enjoyed teaching her about sex. Tasting that sweet little pussy of hers.

He sipped the gin and tonic until it burned a hole in his throat and chased that thought away. Some red headed woman sat beside him. Bought him another drink. Recognized him from the Duce Dutchies.

But talking to her was tedious as hell. She didn't know any of the shit that Lynne knew. Nothing about comedians, nothing about music, or night clubs. No weird and quirky shit. Nothing about literature. Just talking his ears off about her job, and corny assed one-liners about living in New York.

Leif got up in the middle of the second drink.

She was not pleased.

***

"Thank you for coming with me girlie. I needed the support," said Lynne.

"Oh girl hell yes! You know I'd do it for you in a heart beat," said Janelle.

Lynne and Janelle had been to the Dutchie's shows before. They'd always sat in the front.

She'd get annoyed sometimes with the overzealous female fans, throwing themselves at the band, hollering, shouting innuendos, and in some ways these thirsty broads were even worse than the ogling and cat calls from the men at her own shows. She'd had to stifle down her jealousy before, and Leif always teased her.

"Hell, I'm so shy my back is to the girls. You're the one who is the sex kitten on stage. It's only work. I always remember that when you are up there. It's cute when you're jealous though," he'd tease.

Depending on what they were doing, he'd kiss her on the forehead or swat her butt. She missed him spanking her, playfully to make a point. She sort of liked submitting to him the few times when he'd playfully turned her over his knee and pulled down her panties. It was playful, erotic, and sensual to submit to him while he stung her cheeks a bit.

The wetness would flow when she thought of their sex.

She was biting her lip.

Janelle pinched her arm.

"You have to hold it together. Don't cry. Don't let these thirsty bitches see you cry. You are here to get your man," said Janelle.

Lynne nodded.

She watched the set. Leif's back was once again to the audience. He wouldn't even turn around in the beginning this time. And his playing seemed a little sloppy. A little off. It was well disguised by the rest of the band...but she knew her man and his guitar. Something was wrong.

Was he missing her as bad as she missed him? Was it affecting him in every way like it affected her. She was singing all kinds of sad and dreary songs at her shows now. Lots of folky Joni Mitchell, some Bjork that she did over in a Jazz vein. Lot's of Toni Braxton and Anita Baker too. And a few other sad acoustic songs she'd written about her and Leif, of course she didn't mention Leif. The audience didn't complain but there was a depressing note to her shows now. Janelle joked that she was filling it with sad assed love songs. She made her put an up-tempo number back in the set, or she playfully refused to walk her home.

The women screamed when Leif shred, but he didn't even so much as turn around. But his back was still sexy and so was his tight ass in those Levis. She remembered biting his ass, and tenderly kissing his balls. How he'd loved that. It seemed like forever, and finally his set was over.

As soon as it was over, she went around the side wing. She called out the lead singer. Said she was Leif's girl.

He responded-

"I haven't seen you in a while. Leif's over there, but I'm warning you, he's busy...I'd come back another day. He's been drinking a bit. He's been acting like an ass lately. I hope you can work it out. But, I wouldn't want to see him right now," said the Lead, Matthew

Lynne walked around the corner of the wing with Janelle in tow. She knew that whatever he was doing, he'd stop it soon. She dressed up in a cute, tight silk floral print dress. She'd curled her shoulder length hair so that it was curly and bouncy. She had on nice, white leather boots. He liked her in boots.

She saw him in the corner with two girls flanked on either side of him.

Her heart felt sick.

"Leif," she said softly.

"Oh...Oh hey Lynne," he left the two women standing right there and walked towards her.

Lynne could see that Leif was drunk now, and he was holding a crooked bottle of beer.

"This...this is my ex girlfriend. She...she's damn hot. Hotter than the two of you. But she wasn't too serious about me. Ask her mommy and daddy," said Leif with a drunken slur.

And he reached over and slapped Lynne's ass.

"Leif! You must be crazy. Haven't even really said hello? Haven't answered any of my texts, stood me up on a date and you'd smack my ass, get the hell off of me," said Lynne.

"Well, why wouldn't I slap your ass? That's how you treat a woman you are not serious about," said Leif, and he stated swigging the bottle of beer.

"Leif, baby, I see I hurt you...I see that now...but this person isn't you. You're acting like an asshole right now, because you're drunk. I know you are hurting, and I'm hurting too, but that's no reason act like an asshole, you're not an asshole, you're a sweet and gentle person," said Lynne.

"Oh no sweetie, you were the flaming asshole two weeks ago. How's life with your parents," he spat.

"Okay. I deserved that. Leif, why don't we just sit somewhere and talk okay? Maybe tomorrow, or the next day. When your head is cool, and you aren't drunk. I see I messed up in a big way, and I deserve this. I want you back in my life and even, even if you want to slow the pace down, and you be the tortoise this time, I'd understand," said Lynne.

"Too late now little Tortoise. I think that ship has sailed. I was on the fast moving, serious ship, but you got off because mommy and daddy didn't like me," said Leif.

"I like you Leif," called one of the girls.

And she flashed Leif one of her breasts.

Lynne gasped in shock.

Leif turned around and looked.

"Don't...don't look at her...don't you see me talking to you damn it! I came to see you," said Lynne and her lip quivered.

"Well, why not. You aren't serious about me anymore," said Leif, chugging the rest of the beer.

He threw the bottle in the trash so hard, he broke the bottle.

"Sign her boob, sign her boob," cried one of the girls pointing at her friends breast with a marker.

"Don't you touch that slut's tit Leif!" shouted Lynne.

Leif looked over at Lynne with relish, and signed the boob.

Lynne would not give either Leif or those two bimbos the satisfaction of crying in front of them. She turned on her heels and ran towards the back door exit, thankful that Janelle was right behind her, to keep her from toppling over.

***

"What an asshole! He's an asshole! Why would he do that to me? I came back there to see him!" sobbed Lynne.

"Calm down...calm down don't get hysterical girl," said Janelle.

"Don't get hysterical, did you see that shit! He's probably fucking them right now. I never even got to make love to him all the way," said Lynne.

"What! That boy was living with you all that time and you weren't even putting out," said Janelle.

"I...I did put out, I mean, well in the beginning he did a lot of pleasuring me but then I got a lot less shy and I did some raunchy things to him that should have been on a porno channel. But not formal sex, no, lots of foreplay," said Lynne.

"God. He loves you. He loves you so much. No man lives with a woman that long not putting all the way out if he doesn't love her. Dealing with Martin and your crazy ass parents got you confused about what love really is. You should have sat down at dinner and told Leif everything, just like you finally told me," said Janelle.

"I know I should have...but I didn't...and now I lost him. But how could he do that. He touched her boob," said Lynne.

"He didn't really. He touched it a little but he mostly just signed it. He did it to shock you and to hurt your feelings. And Leif is like a little boy. You both are. Two little children fallen in love, one tripped the other, bruised their knee, and now he's chasing behind you. He wants to trip you, and give you a boo-boo so you have a bruised knee too. So you are even. Then he'll probably be more forgiving. It's not right. He was being an asshole right now, but he just wants to hurt you because you hurt him. Men are different than us. This is the way he cries. You hurt that boy bad. You didn't mean it, but he loves you and his feelings are hurt up bad," said Janelle.