All Comments on 'Mad Maxine'

Nicely paced & delivered.

Hey give lashell another chance i think she has showed she is ready but make Maxine is out of the picture before she does .

Pat Murray

Atlanta,Ga

I liked this story and the others you have posted. I hope you write more.

Boyd

This story was different, yet believable. The expressions and dialogue were really good. This site, and the world in general, need to see things from more points of view. Well done.

So very well done!

Thank you for the wonderful entertainment

PT

At least in the very beginning of the story. It isn't often that a story told in the second person works.

X_Bishop:

Well written and well told, but a sad commentary on human foibles. Only question in my mind is why LaShelle thinks she has a chance with Drew since she had a large part in destroying him. The only way that could happen is if she lies to him like a rug. Women, and their thought process sometimes sucks. Thank You. Ronnie W.

This was an excellent story. The only thing missing was a pure down-home ass whooping for Maxine! If she wanted to prove herself the better man, then Drew shold have gone ahead and given her the shot at it. Plus the retribution would have given her pause(maybe) the next time she decided to mess with others lives. As it was, she learned nothing, and will continue in this pattern until someone puts one in her dumb head. Call me a revenge freak if you want, but I believe in consequences for our actions, and Maxine got none. And no, losing the other lady doesn't count as Maxine is too stupid to realise her loss. All in all this was a good one. Keep up the good work.

Tim C.

Just a great read of an imaginative and well written piece of fantasy.

"Black male who is tired of the same ole stereotypes. I always look at what could happen after the event. How is the change handled? After the damage is done who picks up the pieces?"

By your Bio, I gotta ask, which sterotypes are you tired of exactly?

Could it be this -

Mad Max: "Don't Max me. What's up with dis. I go out of town for a few days and you start playin' around on me"

Or maybe this -

Drew: "You're the one who keeps getting shit twisted. I ain't gonna give your 'manhood' no props, so you need to raise up off me before something bad happens to ya."

Or could it be this -

Drew: "Just a few times don't have you ghosting on your other girlfriends or wearing the lingerie that I bought but you never wore for me. Just a few times doesn't mean that all of a sudden you get secretive with me, or forget the day that I'm due to return home. Have you had her over to the crib?"

Or even -

"LaQueisha": "I'm sorry, baby. I never meant for this to happen either. I guess we just let the pressures of our jobs get the better of us. You know you my boo. I'd do anything for you."

Don't tell me it's this -

Drew: "and third, the instrument that caused the maw was a strap-on of truly gargantuan proportions. A good 2 to 3 inches longer than my cock and about as thick as my wrist."

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

And those are just a *small* sample sprinkled extremely "liberally" through out the whole story.

So I gotta ask which sterotypes are you against? God knows it's not the names of the "attractive" women you used. Lord knows its not the slang. I guess it must be the size thing? Nope, can't say that, when you use "gargantuan" to describe the size of the strap on, then mention that it was just 2-3 inch's shy of the size of Drew. I guess gargantuan isn't in the neighborhood of about 6-7 inches long?

On one hand your a good writer, and you actually do throw in concequences that a few seem to want to bury "quickly" to make their story have that "oh so happy ending". On the other hand it looks like I'm reading the script from an episode of "Good times", where every slang known is being thrown in. I guess I should have looked harder than I did for "Jive Turkey" to be somewhere in the story.

The only thing you missed was one of my favorite pet peeves, instead of having Drew say, "One last thing, Miss Thompson. Ask yourself if Max would have ever messed with you if not for me" - I thought for sure you'd throw in - "One last thing, Miss Thompson. *Axe* yourself if Max would have ever messed with you if not for me".

Guess you'll have to use that one next time.

I can't give it a zero because, while it was creative, it seems to be just loaded, and bursting out at the seams, with streotypes left and right. So much for that Bio huh?

-Risq

Yes, there was a lot of (so called) "stereotypical" expressions used. I find it somewhat curious that if someone writes this way, who is black, btw, but writes with sensitivity, people some folks may have problem with it. Curious.

I really enjoy the whole "Tales" concept. A refreshing way to bring a story out and tell it in the second person rather than the same tired old first or third person we always seem to see.

As for the storyline, having been envolved in a romantic triangle with a bi-girl myself some years ago I can say it it for more than just plausible. I will never forget when my fiance's new girlfriend asked me if I share. Like Drew, I take it that cheating is cheating whether with another man or a woman!

Great job, man!

Please don't wait so long next time!

Best regards,

C

That was a very good story, word up! And I liked the usage of tha hood talk. When I hook up with other brothers, we kick it like that. But like, why didn you fuck up that fat, ugly ho! My chick gets gets into some dyke shit, str8 up, but long as I get my fuck on, its aight. They better break me off a lil sum...

But if homie aint gettin none, I'll bust they asses, fuck that. And if sum dyke try to get all up in my game, she'll do it once, but she'll never do it again. I'll pimp that dyke n teach her ta worship this here big dick!

You should take back yo old bitch tho, coz now you can tell to get up some bitches pussy, and fuck the both of them. She cant go, "No that's disgusting!" Pistol whip that bitch and tell her to do that shit. Write a sequel where you kick it like that. got my 5 points already tho. 4 real.

Risq, my friend (I feel that way what can I do?), look beyond the expressions and see what Bishop is DOING with them. Every group has its own jargon, but did the main character behave in a stereotypical way? I dare say no. He tried. He swallowed his anger and tried again, was he a macho violent insensitive what stereotypical behavior did you find with him? If anything the main message is not to look anywhere but to the heart; not to gender as in gay hetero or bi. I f there is a secondary lesson it’s that one should not be blinded by the heart so as not to hurt what’s in one’s best interest.

There were very nice extras in this story. I loved the frame story which always provides ample opportunities to do compare and contrast for those who want to search further.

It was a great surprise to get the bonus extra perspective in the aftermath story after the end ot the main one.

The overall result is a narrative which comprises of multiple threads; both on the level of the complex plot structure; the believable language and the sensitive (not over done) behavior of the main characters. This Story deserves an E!

Good lord the description of Maxine reminded me of a "bull dyke" I knew about 7 years ago. Mad at the world and out to prove she was more man than any man. (Scary because she was all of 19 years old.)

The story was very well written and I could picture it happening as described. I'm not sure that Drew would have been quite as blind to Maxine's antics with his girl as described though. Or that Maxine would have been so quiet about it. Bull Dykes tend to demand total loyalty pretty quickly and if they do steal a girl want the man to know about it very quickly.

I've liked all your stories X_Bishop. Write more.

line in the sand of a relationship. I really like your face in the direction of reality and consequence in this story much more than your last - in which he took more punishment in vein than a man ever really would.

This story was a balance towards the opportunity of recovery but with finite expectations. I really liked the writers clarity that cheating was cheating regardless of the lovers gender.

Thanks Author - your reality, talent and imagination is greatly appreciated. More at interval is hoped for.

With Very High Regard

Question: Does your point to me count more or less to you that I'm black and I still have a problem with this story?

I never said Bishop wasn't a good writer, but if you look at all of the stories posted by X Bishop, with the exception of one (After the Cruise, Day of Redemption) every one one of them sounds like a white guy trying to write what he thinks most black guys sound like to him from what he saw on TV.

Take for example this story, I just find it intresting that while Drew is educated enough to get a really well and high paying job in IT at a investment firm, manages to climb the corporate ladder enough to continue to be recognized, and speaks some slang just well enough to sound like he just "bounced" in off the street just seconds ago from his latest drug buy. And to make it worse it's not consistant "slang". For example in some cases he refers to where he lives as either the "Apartment" or "Crib" but never consitantly one way or the other. Sometimes he says something one way and sometimes later he doesn't. Heck, half of the characters don't use the slang all the time. That's why it sounds fake to me.

You might appreciate it, but I can't say it does anything for me, save ruin a perfectly good story. I could see it once in a while, but EVERY original story by Bishop? Every one? Doesn't Bishop have the ability to write a story about a possible "educated" black person who "isn't" a closet drug /very poor english user? This is the first story, I believe I've read, where the main characters weren't using drugs, but kept the inconstancies with their slang still shining through.

And that's my point. Bishop claims to hate sterotypes, but everyone one of his stories is about poorly educated (well in their speach anyway), drug using, semi hung black people, where most of them are just barely making it in the real world. Exactly what sterotypes here is he hating Chargined? What's the point of saying you hate them if all you do is write about them all the time over and over again?

-Risq

Actually in my first post I said I thought he was *quite* talented and I thought Bishop writes the best cause and effects I've ever read on this site today "Bar None".

But having said all of that, what amazes me is that this story doesn't sound, or feel, right to me. It feels like "play acting" of what someone thinks black people sound like when they talk to each other. Sorry, but to me it does, and because of that, for me, it detracts from the story because I have to keep stopping to go "What the crap is that" or "Your kidding right" as I go through and try to read the story. Not to mention almost all of his stories contain rampant drug use and street slang galore. Isn't that what most people believe black are only capable of anyway?

Its hard to keep looking past all of that, when the story(s) FEEL like he's picking on a set of people that he professes to be against the sterotyping of.

-Risq

I am a fan of all the ‘Tales from Behind the Bar’ series, this one being no exception. What I was intrigued by was how you were going to handle the inevitable confrontation between Maxine and Drew.

Even though you painted her as being as masculine as possible, there is still an invisible line of propriety that most readers recognize. In other words, Drew could not have merely slugged her senseless since she is still technically female, and such altercations are frowned upon.

I thought you would use a surrogate; have another woman challenge and defeat her. Instead, you have Drew use a judo move where Maxine was beaten by her own weight and momentum. In the final confrontation, Drew simply walks away after sparring with her verbally.

I still wonder what the comments would have been had he fought her as he might have any other man.

If you're black and you grow up in the hood, or with black folks you talk hood talk, but if you go to college or work in the white world, you talk white talk. So you're like bilingual. When you talk with whites, u usually stick to white talk. But you talk with black people, you use both, coz they understand both, yunno (????)

A lot of younger white guys use a lot of hood terms even at college (fronting, chillin, trippin) too. So, its like there aint no rule that says an educated black guy gotta talk like this, otherwise he aint real. And that thing about a drug dealer is just your own stupidity. If a drug dealer talks like someone from compton, it doesnt mean everyone who got the compton slang/accent sounds like a drug dealer, same way like if the grand dragon from mississippi says something, it doesnt (or should I rather say, it dont, to prove my hood credentials) mean that that anyone who speaks w/ the same accent sounds like the Grand Dragon.

Hood talk was there way before you saw some TV series, dont get it confused. And educated black people usually switch between both. Why shouldnt he mix them, after all he is american, and he has a right to speak both, right, as a black person, I mean? Just because he is writing? If it was for some magazine like Esquire, yeah, but this is Literotica. You want some real hood talk, read this guy, he writes IR stories, and he is called Will something, he writes pure hood talk, but the majority of it is English words you know. Surprise, surprise.

I usually don't make time to comment on stories as I find many of the criticisms either ignorant or crass but this time the comments by Risq001 just picked at me.

Risq001 if slang and drugs is the only thing you have to bitch about I for one think you have one of those nappy hair vs straight hair hangups. Or maybe you're a brother from across the water (as in Europe). Usualpornfreak, Kolkore and Chagrined were right on point with their rebuttals.

As someone who works alongside of alot of hispanic people I hear Spanglish all the time but that doesn't mean that they are stereotypical spics. On the contrary I've found many of them to be very deep critical thinkers (with and without diplomas), passionate in their beliefs and many times worth listening to. Their switching back and forth between English and Spanish didn't diminish the depth of who they were and many times astonished people that they could "think" as critically as white folks, to use the term "white folks" loosely. However I guess in order to satisfy one of your discriminating palate Bishop will have to write all his stories like After The Cruise. Or maybe he should write totally like the previous commentor "Bad Ass!!!" He thought Bishop didn't get real enough.

Oh yes while I'm at it let me also comment on the Drugs Rampant comment. I went back and browsed his stories and I did find some drug use but more to the point I found characters like Otis who said he did smoke at one time but didn't now days. There's also Denise who got messed up by her husbands friend who was doing some 420 apparently but I also read that her smoking was pretty much all in the past. Now I know your going to try and wrap all of that and some others up into a ball to defend yourself but then I browsed TFBTB#2 and guess what: I didn't see any 420 or ecstacy or meth or anything like that. I did however read where the main character Scott and another female Pam drank some wine. Hmm you did say ALL his stories, by ALL means correct me if I'm wrong.

I'd hate to think of you as one of those lightskinned, holier than thou, looking down your thin nose at the rest of us brothers but from your comments here that's just what you strike me as. Some Negroid male who thinks that if you don't use the kings english that you are uneducated. A pity that's a stereotype that alot of white people carry to this day.

Believe it or not I enjoy reading your comments Risq001 even those here because they are more thought out than many but lets be for real today. If you're using x_bishop's bio to criticize him and THOSE are your only points then bro (oh I'm sorry) Brother - you can't see the forest for the trees.

I can't believe I am defending my self on this in this comment thread. But, here I am. First, Thanks to X_Bishop for coming to my aid. :-)

Risq,

What I said was just this:

"Yes, there was a lot of (so called) "stereotypical" expressions used. I find it somewhat curious that if someone writes this way, who is black, btw, but writes with sensitivity, people some folks may have problem with it. Curious."

That is all I said. I didn't say it was good...bad...or indifferent, Like it or not, there is some degree of truth to every stereotype or else how would stereotypes come into existence? Believe me, I know stereotypes. I grew up iun a multi-ethnic neighborhood where people listened to "Amos and Andy"!

I didn't say anyone said Bishop was a bad writer. I do find it curious that with all there is to recommend this fine and creative story and with all there is upon which one may comment, that the best that you came up with was his use of English in the dialect spoken by blacks. Well, that and his "bio". (Sorry I refuse to ever recognise the existence of "Ebonics" whatever the fuck that is supposed to be.)

He was writing a comtemporary story in a contemporary setting. I read and commented on it in that context. And in that context, I stand behind my comments. If you want to bring "hate" into it that is your preogative. But I would suggest you direct those comments more in the direction of WWW and his apologists. It would be more productive.

Best regards,

C

It seems like you found yourself disrupted in your reading BECAUSE you are familiar with both main stream English AND the jargon used in the story. To me, it felt fresh and real where I admittedly am much more removed than you are not only from any particular English jargon, but also from Standard English (it is not my mother tongue). It would be pretty logical to assume therefore, that I could be ‘fooled’ more easily with out noticing by say inaccuracies or inconsistencies than you.

At the same time, why would it be beyond consideration (you have not said that) to assume that your ‘closeness’ or even (maybe) added sensitivity, might have gotten in the way in this case of having a broader perspective which would have allowed you to equally enjoy other aspects of the story? You admitted that the use of language stopped you at times from the flow of the reading.

To me, BTW, a mixed used of different levels of language is not necessarily an automatic minus. As it was said before here, it’s done by all of us. The question is did you find inconsistencies in the use of STANDARD vs. Jargon in, say, dialogues between the SAME two characters? I have not checked that. Actually, even for that you could find a rational (shifting moods; content of discussion etc.).

Reg. the choice of themes (such as drugs) as being streothipical, here I still disagree. IMHO, there are no STEROTIPICAL themes, but there are stereotypical TREATMENTS of themes. I still feel that Bishop’s TREATMENT of his themes in this story did not ring as stereotypical.

Plus, I would not expect Bishop to write (it might be interesting though!) on “our little town in Sweden”…if you get my drift. Of course there is more to Black Americans than DRUGS but as long as Bishop chooses to treat his characters and themes in a non stereotypical way I can not see why it should bother you.

This story and your previous story 'Girlfriends?' show that when it comes down to it, our life experiences are no different then any other people.

This snarling though about stereotypes is and should be irrelevant. What I mean is that the message from this story should be about 'loyalty, betrayal, lying, and cheating'. Did not everyone get that from reading this story? I did.

What Drew says to his superiors and other co-workers is completely different from what he says to his friends and family. When he is describing his experiences, he is doing it with one of his own, and he is talking about his own. That is not stereotypical. In other words, on his job, he is 'proper', at home, he is 'hood.

This kind of sniping takes away from a great story. The questions for this story could be: Was I able to identify with Drew? Of Course! Were the characters rich and believable? Yes! Did the story make sense? It did! It did! So why the grief?

I noticed that one of the commenters was Salamis. I read his story 'The Prisoner of Glenda'. I would suggest that all of you read that story. After I read it, I had to go back and search for clues. That story reminded me that not all people of color think the same way. I hope that Salamis writes some more, he is missed.

A resounding thank you to X_Bishop, at least he is writing stories from a perspective that hopefully some who try to write stories about black experiences learn from. We are not that much different in the way we think about life. Whatever anybody feels, we feel, whether it is about money, kids, homes, food, jobs, etc. What matters is how the message comes across and if it is written well.

This story and your previous story 'Girlfriends?' show that when it comes down to it, our life experiences are no different then any other people.

This snarling though about stereotypes is and should be irrelevant. What I mean is that the message from this story should be about 'loyalty, betrayal, lying, and cheating'. Did not everyone get that from reading this story? I did.

What Drew says to his superiors and other co-workers is completely different from what he says to his friends and family. When he is describing his experiences, he is doing it with one of his own, and he is talking about his own. That is not stereotypical. In other words, on his job, he is 'proper', at home, he is 'hood.

This kind of sniping takes away from a great story. The questions for this story could be: Was I able to identify with Drew? Of Course! Were the characters rich and believable? Yes! Did the story make sense? It did! It did! So why the grief?

I noticed that one of the commenters was Salamis. I read his story 'The Prisoner of Glenda'. I would suggest that all of you read that story. After I read it, I had to go back and search for clues. That story reminded me that not all people of color think the same way. I hope that Salamis writes some more, he is missed.

A resounding thank you to X_Bishop, at least he is writing stories from a perspective that hopefully some who try to write stories about black experiences learn from. We are not that much different in the way we think about life. Whatever anybody feels, we feel, whether it is about money, kids, homes, food, jobs, etc. What matters is how the message comes across and if it is written well.

…than how could we call copying?

Apparently the reader mallah liked so much the posting of Anon before him (I liked it too) that he just copied it under his name…

I have heard of artistic imitations but not of comments, until now…

I posted twice. I am sorry you could not tell the difference. I hit the wrong button.

I posted twice. I am sorry you could not tell the difference. I hit the wrong button.

Did it again...I hope it will not cause problems.

Greetings to all. I see that there has been some serious discussion going on. I would have thought it would have been about details in the story other than the language.

To Risq; you are entitled to your opinion. Many times on other stories I have agreed with you. This time I do not but I find it a rather minor criticism. When you look across the US you find all kinds of differences in dialect in English born from cultural and racial differences. I'm not a big fan of ebonics myself because I think the label is used to politically divide people. I do however know to many people that speak one way on the job or in public and totally different in private with friends or relatives. They don't act differently they just speak differently. I don't see it as being any different than the waiter in a chinese restaurant speaking broken english to me the customer and fluent chinese to the cook as he tells him the order that's up. Some may not think of the black dialect as qualifying as being another language but then you'd better include the cajin dialect in Louisiana and the hispanics when they speak their combined version of spanish and english. Hell even considering the computer geeks I know there is a dialect for them. The point in all these is that it does not imply that they cannot speak plain english when needed. Since much of the conversations in most of my stories are in house or in race so to speak why can't they speak ghettonese to each other?

When I posted that bio I was never really worried about language so you criticism of stereotypes seems strange in the areas you imply it. What I see is in all to many stories including blacks especially black men is the big athletic brutish type that are all sporting 10 to 12 inch cocks that all want to fuck white women and have them breed babies to humiliate their white husbands. For the record medical statistics show the average penis length ranges from 5 to 7 inches. There is no mention of them in these stories being responsible for those babies or very rarely wanting to LOVE the white women. There's a story going on right now where the white wife makes a cuckold of her white husband with not 1 but 3 black men and just when you might think the husband might grow a spine the author punks/wimps him out again.

I also have a problem with my brothers in the stories acting the way BAD ASS decribes what he would do. This has also become an expected stereotypical response thanks in part to people like Maury and Jerry Springer who show the worst and the least of us.

In your criticism of drug use yes I do mention it maybe to often maybe not but just as often you see in my stories that people have GROWN and moved away from it. For whatever the reason a decision was made to not continue down that path or at least not as much. The stereotype you are trying to invoke in my opinion just isn't applicable. I have never depicted the surroundings as having junkies on the corner or whores turning tricks for their next fix. I have never written a story where the main characters are dealers or dealing. Are drugs there yes but lets look at how the characters are dealing or not dealing with them. If you can find me one example in my stories of where I have the hero sit down and light up a doobee to get away from his troubles in one of my stories on Lit then I'll slap your hand and give you credit and all the props.

Having said all that let me say this. Your opinion has been noted and interestingly enough it poses a challenge. Can I write a story and not use the dialect? Of course I can. Perhaps I'll write one in the future just to prove to you that I can. Hopefully it won't read as pedantic as some that I have read on Lit and that's the challenge. In the meantime my advice and encouragement to you would be go read some of the postings by Stormbringer and Blackzilla amoung others and some of the ones under the Interacial catagory and then look deeper in my stories. Maybe you'll see that I've been truer to my bio than you thought.

Read ya later

Bishop

Thanks for your story.

like to see people be real and stand up for what they believe and have confidence in themselves.

But women like Maxine just make me angry. I am a 'live and let live' type of person but some people just don't deserve to keep living.

make a cool sound when you snap their neck it's like a begging for life; he was to nice,,,,dykes deserve pain and suffering for that shit.

That was pretty good. I wasn't sure that I would like it, but it grew on me. A story about black characters without stereotyping and with real relationship problems

I like the epilogue..and as 26th said its nice to read about black or brown characters that falls under the everyday relationship issues.

Horrible