All Comments on 'Magic Sex Island'

NICE BEGINING, HOPE YOU FINISH / AD TO TALE

So, this is a good start to a story, but slow your pace down and add a bit more detail. Instead of one page, this could have easily been three. Instead of waking up in the island and immediately realizing that their bodies have changed and accepting that this island has magically changed them, make the build up more gradual. Have them be a bit perplexed as they discover the changes so far, awed as they discover their bodies changing further. All in all, good start, but you can do better.

Wanderinglost is right. They need time and patience to figure out the island's propertys. You ARE in too much of a rush to tell this story. The ring and his plan to ask for her hand in marriage is barely mentioned. This is usually a very important moment for a woman. You have her running around on deck in a G-string and a giant squid throws them out into the sea. You need a proofreader. Your sentences are choppy and your punctuation is almost non-existant.

Love it, I agree with the other commenters that it needs better proofreading but it is quite a sexy story.

First of all, you need to use words other than pussy. A few times is okay but you didn't refer to it as anything else.

Second, people aren't just going to focus on each other's bodies in a crisis. If a ship is sinking nobody has time to stare at breasts or be playful about the subject.

And last they came to terms with the island way too quickly. They figured out it was the island making them horny far before any person.

This story has lots of wonderful, sexy possibilities! Use you imagination! add to this!