- Erotic Couplings
- Maize
- Page 2
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"Sounds glamorous."
She rolls back, examines herself, giving my a full view of her body.
"It wasn't, but god damn I felt it that day when I hit the self destruct. Had to shove an entire flannel in my face just to prevent myself from screaming."
"And that's what you thought about as I fucked you."
She nods, leans forward to kiss me. "I just wanted to tell you that you were way better than that cucumber."
"Great- I'm more effective that a ground vegetable wielded by a fourteen your old girl."
She leans forward and pecks me on the lips, indulgent, friendly. "There there, we've got time." She nestles closer, her skin still clammy from recent exercise, her legs folding around me "We've got years to catch up on, and no one else is due out here for another three days."
I nuzzle at her, kiss, again the feelings rising. Not ready for action yet, but the first reigniting sparks of spent desire.
"Wanna go make out in the moonlight?" I offer.
"I'ld like that."
- COMMENTS
EroticLitKittyalmost 6 years agoI agree with Anon about your story and erotic components being quite evenly matched, but there's a frequent mistake I keep seeing that takes away from your work a bit. I suspect you're using the word "ridged" when you mean to use "rigid." Because 'Ruffles' are a ridged potato chips, but 'Pringles' come in a rigid can as opposed to a flimsy bag - see the difference in their use in that example? "Ridged" means to have ridges while "rigid" means to be inflexible.
I hope this helps and doesn't come off as condescending, because I'm really enjoying your work and writing style!
Anonymousover 6 years agoI believe you have hit the right balance in the story between dialogue, thought or spoken and the sex. Very smooth,
AllTheBetterNamesWereTakenalmost 7 years agoAuthorHey Team,
Author of story here,
Just a quick shout out for feedback.
In particular...each time I post here, I get the suspicion I've got way more character convo and story, and way less... well... erotica.
What are peoples thoughts on the balance of story vs sex, and just on how well the latter is written? Any requests and/or tips? (Story is important to, but I can get feedback on story elsewhere, figured I'd ask you all about the more focused bit).
