All Comments on 'Majgen Ch. 012'

Emotionally charged and a better flow of the text. I don't agree with your reason for changing categories I do appreciate your writing. Thank you.

This is a great story, keep it going! Love it.

Ken

Just...whoa. An exceptional piece of writing, with lots of background information. You must have a background in a field of study relating to the human mind. One thing though, I keep noticing that you have the tendency to use "of" when you should be using "off." Just something to keep in mind.

I read through CH 12 today, and I enjoyed the story quite a bit. I really do like the universe you are creating here, but I hope that you will eventually decide to revise this to improve the flow. I don't mind the POV and time shifts, but they are sometimes done somewhat heavy-handedly. The technique is good for your purpose, and I agree with the weaving of back-story into the main narrative; I just think that there is probably too much shifting without enough attention to those transitions.

With all that said, I hope you see that that is just a matter of technique, which can be improved. Your vision, on the other hand, is superb.

The title of my comment does not do this story justice, i am at a loss to explain my feeling for this story, but i decided to post this comment because i was unable to finish it without giving it my support.

Sorry people the full story will not be posted online. Don't start reading, contact me if you want word once it is available in book form, in the far future.