All Comments on 'Making Her Pay Pt. 01'

I'm interested to see if you avoid the temptation to turn this into another reconciliation story, it if you're actually trying something new.

early days but this has my attention, , looking forward to the next chapter, thanks for sharing,

Come on. 1 or 2 pages is a chapter? Why not just give us the story when it is done?

Yeah, some complain when a story is over 5 pages but those people have the attention span of a goldfish and just wants to see how it ends. News for those people, you can jump ahead to the last page and read it without all the middle part getting in your way.

But for some of us, being forced to stop reading at an unnatural point in the story and wait days before the next, so called chapters, is posted because the author hasn't written it yet is just as maddening.

Just give us the damn story. End of rant.

Kinda pointless read the husband gonna wimp out and take her back...all his stories ends the same way

Really? I am going to have to remove you as a Favorite Author as you have worn this theme out.

. . . because this has Wile E Coyote written all over it.

Let’s see, her hymen was missing when it was supposed to be her first time. OK, like he thought, could’ve been torn doing gymnastics. He met with a headhunter; sets up him taking off once he finds out she’s been cheating. That’s a lot of plot telegraphed.

Maybe you shouldn’t be doing this in chapters.

Nothing happened. How they met and courted is almost never necessary. You could have told us she didn't seem to have a hymen the first time they had sex and despite claiming it a was a safe time in her cycle, she became pregnant, laying the ground work for the big reveal the oldest child is not his.

Lately she has been going out with "the girls" a lot and we LW readers know that is code for the wife is having an affair. Finally, she wants hubby to bang a skank so she can have the handsome husband more openly. There were two pages written and two paragraphs of pertinent information hidden inside them. Why would a man tell the length of his cock when describing himself?

Given three stars because this chapter unnecessarily short and the guidelines to this mark "Keep Writing" are what Farmers_Son should have done before submitting.

Add that to the missing Hymen and I have a feeling our protagonist did not go where no man has gone before at Prom.

Looking forward to seeing where this goes. Thanks for posting.

If all men are dumb as you make them, than you are as well.!!

Why is main character (male) always dumber than an oyster?

So many writers in LW seem like having brain damage, or mental illness.

Ordinary men aren't even close to that level of simpleton.

Maybe because most of writers are writing about higher education males?

Most us guys lover down pay ladder would have let fires of hell level all out by than.

4* effort so far

A two-page chapter one with almost the entire first page on meaningless back story?

I can understand that you see this as a natural break point, but why not have a "Chapter Two" heading and continue with ch 2 right here?

I hope you're not going to keep us hanging waiting for chapter 2.

Many writers understand that readers can be hoodwinked. If you post a first chapter that is back story, readers don't know what is going to happen,so you get them reading and a decent score. Then several more chapters build the tension and the score. By artificially drawing the story out, the readers are drawn in. Then you finish with a flourish, jerking out the rug, bait-and-switch style, inserting the ending you always knew the readers would hate. The way to discourage this practice is to not score a story until the shitty ending is posted. If the writer was on the level, you can go back and give the chapters a good score. If the writer was setting up a bait-and-switch, you can go back and give the chapters the low score the tactic deserves.

Good and interesting so far

Considering your horrendous track record of spineless cowards as MC and RAAC's, you'll forgive us if we withhold judgement and NOT trust you.

I don’t think that you could have described three more unlikable one dimensional characters if you set out to do so. I dislike them all but i’m Hanging in there because I have always enjoyed you previous writing.

I have no idea of the total length of this story but 2 pages is too short unless it's the entire story. I really liked the story so far but was very disappointed with it's structure. First, we got a whole page of background that was completely useless and did nothing to advance the story. Then the short chapter left us with about a half page of actually story. This episode went from a 5 to a 4 and I feel I am being generous.

A two page start and didn’t even get to a cliffhanger.

Other than curiosity, I’m not seeing a reason read other chapters.

LW men seem to catch on slowly

Mark? is a freshman at a different college? Where does Mick go to school?

Do people really call their kids Mick rather than Michael?

Go ahead and post the rest of the story one time...

MFH

or is the writer thinking all men as dumb as the men in these stories.

That's an odd statement considering the title. Making her pay obviously doesn't not need to mean death, but it would imply that things will not go well for her. It might not be a full on BTB but it would be close.

What sbrooks103x said

burn them badly enough to where marie gets the point that the the other couple is trying to break up her marriage

i should have waited for the rest wasnt so sure it would hook me the way it did lol cant wait for more :) but this "What if she was the only woman left on earth and you were the only man? Would you do her then?" has to be the dumbest question i ever read or heard lol kind of makes u see how this wife is going to fall so easily

@sbrooks103, maybe you should have given that advice about back story johnadp on his latest story, its about 3 pages too long.

Yet another 'writer' who thinks we need all that back story, its unnecessary and really does nothing for the story.

I think I know where it's going, but lets wait and see.

Good start, but need more to really rate.

Mark is the teacher that she's helping.

Mick is their son. Mick is a diminutive for Michael. You HAVE heard of Mick Jagger, haven't you?

Yes, there WAS a slip-up where Mark was called Mick.

I don't know how FS defines "quickly," but unless there's a late post, Ch 2 won't post today. I HOPE it's ready to post, so there should be no reason not to post immediately.

I think no Hyman ,first child not his. She got pregnant after her period ,probably not.

His. He got screwed .now she is having sex with men and women. Trying to get him to join in. He is finally catching on. Girls night out , he should have figured it out then. This author always reconciles the parties ,no logic in some of those reconciliations. He should have had a dna after the first birth.then have a long marriage that realistically should end badly

Farmers_Son's last two multi-part stories ended in a disastrous pile of RACC droppings. I'm holding off until the series ends. Why bother reading a multiple when in the end it's just a complete waste of time, because the ending is mailed in?

Now on to Pt. 02.

Hymens vary greatly. Not every woman has a "barrier" that will be noticed, and it's NOT just an excuse that women can lose their hymens without having intercourse. Look it up!

This story is well written and brings up a potentially good set of scenarios.

Keep it up and hope you do it well.

T.T.

The author tries to hide his hand. But it sounds as if we have a cheating wife in the frying pan.

The storyline is fine and the way the story is progressing is as well as expected. He is a unknowing cuck. Marie probably has had sex with both Mark and Suzie. I mean that question about " does he find Suzie attractive? " should be the first clue, it would be in real life. Now if he wasn't too stupid and too dense, he should get a PI to follow her, but like most authors, that would be too easy. We need him to be a clueless wimp, of which I hate. I'm hoping that the author doesn't make him a gutless wimp. He needs to divorce that cheating bitch now but more likely it won't happen. 3 stars so far.

Great set up chapter...

See where this is headed. Divorce

This train is going down the track whether he wants it to or not. In fact, unknown to him it probably already passed the station & she is fooling around with Mark.

Well now, it appears that Marie is on the track to becoming a slut. That is if she's not there already. He had better start paying attention to how Marie smells and appears after her girls night out. Gonna get interesting. LP

Seems obvious to the that Maria is fucking Mark and probably his wife as well

Mmmmmmm I think I can see where this is going, not sure you have it right now, but I will look forward to more.

I will admit it was hard to party with high school kids after being out of that element for so long. I was now used to more mature parties. The alcohol at this party was stuff stolen from the 'rents whereas my kind of party had everyone legally obtaining alcohol.

Also, most of my friends used a little grass at times. Some would go outside to smoke but the brownies were always laced with good weed. At that high school party the weed was good old ditch weed and just added a little taste to the brownies.

And people question why the level and quality of production within the US has taken a drastic fall? This type of simple-minded approach to life and their employment due to safety and and quality concerns, Is there any honest question ion as to why china, japan and some European countries are" "stealing US sales"?

It is to be hoped the next chapter is better than this drivel.