All Comments on 'Making Her Pay Pt. 04'

It's time to end this story.

This chapter was pointless.

You could have summarised the entire thing in a single paragraph. The husband recruited Max and Brock into his scheme of retribution, then went for a job interview in Mexico that was successful. Those were the only meaningful events that happened in the entire chapter!

Instead you filled it with meaningless nonsense like this:

"I knew that a lot of people would immediately want to see if Marie could revert back to the woman I fell in love with"

Are you serious? He had conclusive proof that not only was his wife fucking multiple people, Marie was conspiring to having her lovers drug and rape her husband!

How the hell can Marie turn back into the woman he fell in love with? Is she going to get unfucked? Regain her anal virginity? Not backstab and betray him like an evil cunt?

"but I think that ship had sailed."

No shit Sherlock!

if they're willing to have husband drugged so the others can control him, what makes him think they won't drug the daughter?

his head is screwed on wrong

It's called literotica but there isn't any erotica.

Why don't you post in the non erotic section ?

Pace picked up and tension is building. Bring it home

keep it coming hanging out for the next installment

You need to work on eliminating the mundane stuff. You’re reducing the momentum and dramatic elements of the story by giving an accounting of daily events that don’t matter. Who cares who cooked dinner or which room they slept in? Move it along.

dirty work time

Better, I'm hoping it will continue to improve. I think you are trying to make a short story longer than it needs to be.

The guy thinks, "My future and the future of my marriage were in serious doubt right now." His wife is taking it up the ass, having sex with two other people and taking part in a plot to drug, rape and imprison her husband, and he worried the future of his marriage was in doubt?

AMerryman 2.0

Again it seems like you are drip-feeding your readers your tale at too slower rate...and that the segments of your tale have been chopped into too briefer parts. The story theme and your characterizations are fine. It's just a little hard trying to keep the same level of enthusiasm for each part.

There is a lot more detail that I think is just there to show off. But the story is starting to gel. IOWs, this coulda been shorter without significant peril to the main theme.

No more rating(s) until The End.

Great buildup. 5

Story is looking up a little if some serious revenge is planned. Your experienced readers are still worried about a RAAC. I'm sure she will be very contrite when confronted and of course she was only doing it to make their marriage better. With the evidence he has of her cheating, how can she be considered a good mother for a teenager, or even be allowed to continue being a teacher? Also, near twist sending the betrayed husband to Mexico. It's usually the cheating wife who ends up there. Bring it on.

Great story! Can't wait for the next part!

Way to long on getting to the end

The plot seems to proceed at a snails pace. How many more chapters before something actually happens?

A bit better than the last 2 installments.

Kind of dumb for him to come home if he is concerned about being assaulted over the week end. Stay in Atlanta or get a hotel locally.

Not close to satisfying as far as a story conclusion and if you're going to drag it out another several chapters, I'm out of here. 1* for incomplete work ;-)

People have been a bit harsh till now. Since the story seems to be showing movement towards a plan of vengeance and burning, I presume this chapter will score better. That said, I wasn't too enamored. It felt a bit like filler. Not much that occurred or was shared that couldn't have been covered in a few extra paragraphs to another chapter.

No new insights into how any of the chars felt or any details to his plan that required a couple pages. That said I generally enjoy your writing and would have paid 2x as much as you charged without complaint.

It's slow for him. He still thinks he loves her. He loves the idea of her. An idea that does not line up with reality. She can claim temporary insanity, compartmentalization, hormone imbalance, and any other two dollar excuse she wants. But she has no real love for this man. It's a house of cards, ready to topple over.

I'm glad he's at least taking steps to protect himself. She's a bad egg now, and the crowd she's with is even worse. But he's still thinking in terms of, "I don't want my children to have to choose sides." Well, I do! I want them to choose, 'team rape is not okay!" that's just me. But any person that condones drugging, raping, and torturing others for sexual amusement aren't people. They are rabid animals. And they need to be locked away from decent society. Society isn't perfect, but it improves vastly without rapists and drug pushers. He still sees her as the mother of his children, and the woman he thought he had married. I understand that. It's not at all easy to shake. The man is struggling right now. And I'd agree about grey areas, and nuances. But what she is, and what she would do if allowed to continue with her scheming..it's pretty black and white. Locking her up, and her new crew is best for literally everyone.

Although, I'm not above a little 'old school' pay back. lol

I'm fine with him keeping everything legal.

Not boring but why post in one-and-a-half page chunks?

Just enough to get into it, then that installment is over.

Put an end to this...please!

How can someone be a “great” or “good” mother if said mother is breaking one of the most important vows one takes? Doesn’t being a mother also mean being a good role model? I am confused as to why ppl who break vows are considered good parents.

REALLY need to work on your dialogue. You overdid it with the repeated STD comments.

I'm going to have to shrug my shoulders at this one (wonder where I picked up that saying)

If I read anymore I might end up with 2 deep cut scars on my wrists!!!

thank u for the story

Just get the next chapters up fast

Having heard the depravity his wife is involved in, he is willing to leave his daughter with her unchecked at an age where sex wise should could be easily influenced especially if her mother is condoning it.

One play of the recording and the courts would come down on the side of the father even to the extent of supervised visitation by the mother, if any is allowed at all while she is under the control of Mark.

Not sure why he didn't at least gently prod her arse with his fingers through her panties, that would have given an answer. Maybe even loosen the plug a little and let any that hadn't been absorbed, leak out. At the very least give her a 'friendly' hug around the ribs and pat on her arse before going to work next day.

Where did he get successfully postponed from Marie running of to 'ask her bullyboy...er master (anyway I can make the m any lower case?)

He knows Mark has drugged and blackmailed at least one person and is planning on doing the same to him... that is what makes them think he will go along with it oh and his not knowing about the plan would help.

Would Max and Brock get permits to work overseas with criminal records?

Wow he's confusing, it's all postponed to the following weekend but suddenly it might only be until the Saturday...hello.

Is 24hours enough...

Why didn't he take a drive by of the house rather than call her to let her know how is flights were going. Even then rather than text go and bang on one of their doors before going home.

I wouldn't trade anything for my kids...except expose my youngest to mental and physical abuse by abandoning her to the 2 monsters controlling her mother or worse still, 3 monsters.

Didn't want the kids to lose their mother, presume that includes Stacy. So where exactly does she go if she loses her?

And what does he mean by lose her as he goes on about paying dearly and at the level he wanted. So far the plan is to divorce her and spilt 50/50. So it can't be too terrible.

Haven't been too boring taking 8 pages and 4 chapters to do what others would in 3 pages and a single chapter.

It's like swimming the channel at some point it's easier just to keep going...maybe I might call in the support boat to pick me up.

I hate these short chapters but that's what the author is now doing. Can you list how many chapters you have so I can give them a miss until the end and read them together. Hugely annoying and i also have a feeling this will end in forgiveness so really no need to get excited over it.

YOU HAVE

beef up the chapters or just make it one story

what? Buildup? We don't have anything other then the cheating reveal. The inner dialog just goes on and on. The writer tries to tantalize us with some idea of an illegal, fantastic, and sneaky retribution but then lets the air out of the buildup by not giving us any hints.

Admittedly there are a few moving parts, but there almost no narrative gaps of tension so 10 pages of setup is a little much.

Thanks for the read.

Shit or get of the pot

It's making me feel like I am reading about BizzaroWorld.

Again... plans of drugging, then rape. With Marks taste for hitting, I am sure he'd assault Troy. Tying him up, restraining him at all, would be unlawful restraint if not kidnapping. Plus blackmail and conspiracy.

And yet, Troy's thoughts are 'the future of my marriage is in serious doubt'.

Doubt??

It's all serious jail time buddy.

He spends time analysing Marie's motives? The betrayal has already happened, there's nothing to save. Wasting time on anything but plans for his exit, makes me feel like Troy must be a fair way along the autism spectrum. His emotional responses are far from a man who has found out what his wife and her lovers have planned for him.

Yet he still has feelings of love for her?

Also, he played the audio for his attorney, and the attorney's response is to leave the cause of divorce as adultery? He's a legal practitioner. He would be all over this from a legal standpoint in any realistic scenario.

In which case, there would be no splitting of assets, no alimony, no need to go anywhere and leave behind his daughter, seeing as he is so concerned about his daughters final year of schooling and her social life.

Sure, divorce impacts the kids, but this is not a case of a partner just going out and fucking around. This is a case of abuse, humiliation, forced sexual slavery.

A stated intent of an attack on HIM.

The biggest factor is that it's all on the wife, not him. If the daughter's life is impacted, it's All Her Fault.

On top of that, he's leaving her the house and splitting things fairly? Even though he's moving to Mexico?

As an author, you are not ignorant of what that means, your own minor character, Julio, is angry at women because his wife took his kids and fled to Mexico, out of his legal reach.

I can see you are setting Marie up to be remorseful already. There is no way that someone who has gone as far as she has, could be redeemed.

This... Is.... Nuts.

MarlboroMan, please give me another over-the-top story incorporating spies, millions of dollars, martial arts, politics, anything else you can throw in there. I need to detox.

I insist, I will finish reading this series, but it will be with a sense of incredulity and disbelief, I am sure. I just HAVE to see where you take this.

Wow.

Just... wow.

I see there's still ANOTHER chapter!

Why make it so complicated? Put up some hidden cameras, have his ex-con workers standing by to come in when the creeps make their move.

Tear the note up and eat the pieces?! LOLOL! Besides, if he's being monitored, there might be cameras as well.

"Bruised ribs?" - I've already forgotten some of the prior chapter. Did Mark beat her?

"Something had to give and very soon or I would be checking into a hospital from exhaustion." - Yeah, like the readers of this story!

Hurt HER children? Not THEIR children?

I’d respect him a Whole lot more if he didn’t bottle it all up inside and actually talked to her.

Ignore the dweebs. Fun LW's story. Looking forward to the conclusion. The odd couple should be surprised when retribution comes, but I can't imagine what the appropriate retribution for the wife would entail. She obviously is mental. I myself I'm torn between two extremes. The same fate as her lovers or just walking away with public humiliation and the worst case of clinical herpes in recorded history.

Thanks for sharing Framers_Son.

...so I will finish this bloated bitch.

but in a time his wife needs his help a he does is neclate her. She is abused by her "lovers?" maybe she is blackmailed but he ,as always ,seeks revenge divoce and so on!

Its not interesting! ITS BORING! Please go new paths,surprise us readers!

Some of you people need to start grading on how well a story is written and if the characters are believable rather than if you hate cheaters and sluts. I don't like them either, but the rating if for the writing, not some imaginary cheater or if some woman did you dirty some time ago. If you haven't been with enough women for one to cheat on you, you aren't living enough. And if they cheat, its their fault. Not yours.

Will it come down kidnap and rape, or will it come down standing on end? That is his only chance. Personally I would not like trying to make a factory work in Mexico.

Many readers do precisely as you suggest in other categories, because they only read stories which are about topics they know they are going to like. But not Loving Wives commenters.

Loving Wives commenters are a different breed. They read stories about things they know they will dislike, and then rate the story about whether the characters are doing what they would prefer that they did. It's weird. How well the story is constructed and written only comes into account if the characters are all doing "the right thing".

The problem then is that the "right thing" for the Consequences mob is the "wrong thing" for the Cuck mob and vice versa.

Authors who receive the coveted RedH for their stories in other categories are One-Bombed mercilessly in LW, even though the quality of their writing has not declined.

Ah well.

Lue

"Some of you people need to start grading on how well a story is written and if the characters are believable"

I don't disagree with the sentiment, and based on that he his holding down a solid 1* maybe 2 from me.

The story isn't brilliantly written as there is a lot of superfluous fluff that doesn't build the scenes, doesn't give a better understanding of the characters or build tension. It's not like they are even red herrings.

Part of writing is knowing where to cut things off and what length to publish. He lose marks for all the 2 page entries which could have been 3 or 4 pages and halved the number of chapters.

The characters are not that believable. The husband has had an inkling, but has chosen over and over to file it away for later. Rather than either confront or investigate. Now he has decided what to do he is intent on leaving his daughter in a very high risk situation. That is not a believable father.

The wife we have no information on and so I find in unbelievable that after 20+ years being married she is willing to tolerate such abuse by the bully being made out to be a dominant when he is just a thug.

Then there's taking two convicted criminals to a different country to work.

All we need now is an unbelievable resolution and he will get a full 1* on all chapters from me.

Happy now?

Probably ought not rate his revenge until we know what it is.

When real adults want to change course in mid life or beyond, they discuss it openly with their spouse, and are respectful of those they jettison in pursuit of their "new life"

Losers who don't disclose and defer to the dismissed, deserve some pretty sharp payback.

"on one level I still loved Marie"

What is there left to love.

I still love Hanibal Lecter. Duh. When someone does terrible things to you, you don't love them, on any level.

When will the bleeding heart writers on lit realize that, just like falling in love in the the blink of an eye, that it goes the other way too! Love can utterly vanish in a shorter time than it takes to spell it. Sure, the hurt, and the longing for that love, the memory of it, lasts a long time, but the love itself? Poof. Gone, just like that.

I really agree with Kit. A real man would have done something way before this point. Even when he found out with ALL the little clues, why didn't he take steps then, he could, maybe, have salvaged his marriage. But with all the revenge coming and the divorce, WHY would he leave his daughter to the hands of a cheating Slut whose lovers MIGHT get their daughter involved too. That is not right parenting. All in all, the story has no real practical believability. The characters are just pathetic and not believable. Still hanging on 3 stars.

How come he stopped listening to her phone calls?.

In his final act as husband, he needs to rescue his wife from that couple. Mark does not really give a rip about sex. It is merely his way to gain power over people. He only wants power.

ANOTHER story by this author that is fixated with gay rape

Slow but good...

I read this a couple of years ago, had forgotten it so read the first three chapters. After reading comments I'm NOT going to read THREE more, because the story should be finished in a page or two. He's got recorded evidence of them planning to drug, rape and enslave him, has guys ready to "deal" with Mark, so just DO IT!

This is a 5***** parody and black comedy. Unless of course it isn't in which case it's a 1* train wreck. The guy tears up and then eats his note to hubby?????WTF. How about flushing it down the toilet or any of a dozen other ways to dispose of it. He is going to give the house to his wife???Why? Demand the whole fucking thing and fight her at every turn. Play that tasty recording of her muff diving while getting anally raped and a piss enema straight from the tap in any court and despite the unfairness of divorce courts, it would have a huge impact in his favor. Wifey is "a great mother"???? Right, so he is going to Mexico leaving his 16 year old daughter in the hands of his submissive ex-wife and her dominant sadistic "Master" and his slut wife???? That's a good idea, if he wants his daughter to get turned out like mommy. And yes lads, a family law court would not give wifey custody in this case. Indeed, what father would run off to Mexico in these circumstances? Yes of course he gets a divorce but he gets custody of daughter who would run to be with Dad as soon as she hears the recording. Why doesn't he play the recording for the school principal, superintendent, the whole school board, her parents, any siblings, all her friends, etc. Who cares if it isn't admissible in court; he can ruin the bitch who fucked up his wife and if he plays it for the school authorities Mark and wifey will be out on their asses. No school admin or school board could take the chance of potential liabilities if they left children in the charge of the loser wife and "Master Mark." And finally, whatever he is hiring the ex-con to do won't involve any physical harm? Why not? Make sure he has a great alibi and then fuck Mark and Suzy up baaaaaaddddd. Wifey should just be mentally and emotionally destroyed by that tape. No one including her parents would have anything to do with her after that thing came out.

This is just awful. I will admit though that I will read the rest. Why? I truly believe it can't get any worse, but it is so bad that it is hilarious. So, for the laughs.

Stop dragging around he should have divorced her by part 2. Booooooooring

It is certainly eating up print and paper. LP

Still a load of shit and no getting much better

No, you have not been boring me at least, your story is like the old serials they used to show at the movie theater, always a cliff hanger so you had to come back next week to see what happened. I never thought of myself as being old but do you know hat the movie theater charged back then? They had a feature film, sometimes two, a cartoon, a news real and the serial, all for a quarter for kids under 12. Adults were 50 cents and hotdogs were a quarter and a box of popcorn was a dime. Amazing right? That was in the 50s. On to next serial......................

This is really getting silly

An attorney listens to the recording, and doesn’t immediately start listing the felonies that they are committing, and conspiring to commit?!? The lawyer doesn’t say, “Let’s go to the police right now”?

If you want to enact your own plan for punishment, then you don’t let an officer of the court hear the recording. Also, if they try to use the recording to influence the divorce, the judge will immediately ask why the police weren’t involved! “Your Honor, I want a better divorce settlement because my wife conspired to drug and rape me, but I didn’t consider it serious enough to go to the police.” Yeah, that’s not going to fly.

This could have been an interesting premise, but the progress is too slow, and the inconsistency of the characters is absurd. I know that this is fiction, but it’s still supposedly based on reality, but no one is acting like it.

ZK

Addendum:

He’s going to leave a child in the house with a woman who is conspiring to drug and rape him?!? No concerns at all about the safety of the minor? If she’s willing to abuse her husband at the direction of her Master, what will she do when the Master says that he wants her child?

The PRIMARY responsibility of the MC is his children’s safety. He’s not getting the threat locked up, and he’s not killing her. Ergo, he’s failing as a father!

ZK