All Comments on 'Mara Pt. 03'

Um, the writing is good. Decent grammar, no glaring spelling. You lost me when she said she's going to Mars. Just stopped caring. Why bother? Why break his, and her, hearts? What was the point? Just to have farewell sex? It was well written, I just stopped caring about them. I have no idea how to rate this. Mechanics were sound. Plot carried throughout the story. It didn't meander. Really, it is well written. I'm sure many will feel the keen ache of a love that wasn't meant to last, but, for me, the erotica just stopped being important, almost as if it was there because it was supposed to be? Good effort, sound writing, but I had to slam the doors to my emotions because I know what it's like knowing what a goodbye with sex feels like, and I never want to relive it. I'd never get out of bed again. So, I'm mixed.

DAMN YOU WHY WHEN I FIND SOME GOOD STORIES THEY ARE SO SAD AAAA

Continuity Error-

You originally wrote that both of their parents died together when Ezra and Mara were ages 10 and 9. They were then raised by their grandparents. But in this installment, you wrote [quote]:

Selling what little he made during his university course to pay for food and heating in his new cottage. He had wanted independence. They died shortly after, barely 2 months after he'd moved away. Leaving him distraught, caring for his younger sister and now wealthier than he could ever need.

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Also, if Mara loves Ezra so damn much, it is highly unlikely that she would accept a one way trip to Mars to establish a colony. That kind of mission is only going to succeed if someone has absolutely nothing tying them to their home planet.

I enjoyed the first two chapters, but this one was extremely disappointing. 😕

This needs more please. does she really want to leave him now? He is her only true love and she is leaving???