tagHumor & SatireMaria Torres - Breaking the Rules

Maria Torres - Breaking the Rules


Author's note: A number of people have asked me about Maria Torres, Harry Dick's Secretary. So, I've written a little something to give you an idea. Enjoy.


So, I'm minding my own business last Christmas making a nice little movie in Nevada called "Maria Gets Boned" with some really great actors and what happens? POOF! Suddenly I find myself behind a desk in New York working for some lecherous dork named Harry Dick. God! He's the worst private eye in the business. I know that bitch, Jenny Jackson, is behind it. One of these days I'm going to kick her skinny ass.

Anyway, on with the story. I'm sitting at this cheap, second-hand desk with nothing to do. So, I'm doing my nails. I can hear Harry in his office jacking off and talking to his cock. If that isn't weird enough, his cock is talking back. About that time, the door opens and this chick walks in.

"What can I do for you, tramp?" I asked in my sweetest, give-a-fuck voice.

"I'm looking for Harry Dick. Is he in?"

"Yeah. But he's busy right now. He'll be done in about 30 seconds. He always is. Sit you fat ass down. I'll tell him you're here."

The bitch looked at me like I'd said something wrong. But she sat anyway and glared at me while I keyed the switch on the cheap Rip-Off Shack office intercom. "Hey, Harry. Some pig is here to see ya."

"Just a minute, doll. I'm cumming," came the response.

Momentarily, the door to Harry's private office opened and Harry welcomed his new client, while zipping his fly. I could see his eyes taking in every inch of the twat, from her 44 DD silicone knockers to her oversized ass. Personally, I thought she looked like a cartoon of a street whore. But what do I know. Right? So, as the door closed, I adjusted the bra strap holding up my own oversized knockers and went back to my nails.

Then the phone rang. I picked up the receiver. "Harry Dick Private Investigations. If you need a private dick, Harry will fuck it up for ya."

There was a voice on the other end of the phone that said, "Maria. I can't wait to get my hands on those melons. How about lunch at my place, baby?"

"Oh. Hi, Boney." It was Detective Inspector Boney Malone from the 3rd Avenue Precinct. "Sorry, guy. I'm getting a massage on my lunch hour. How about after work?"

"Sounds great. I'll pick you up on the corner. I'll bring the ice cream, whipped cream and rubber hose."

"Wow. You really know how to treat a girl, don't cha, Boney," I said, hanging up the phone.

I can hear Harry talking to the bitch in his office in low tones. Sounds like he's finally got himself a real case. But he'll find a way to screw it up. Eventually, the broad comes out, glares at me again and leaves. I am so injured, I think to myself, rolling my eyes.

Then Harry came out, cinching the belt of his trench coat tight around his waist. "I gotta go, Maria. Hold my calls. This is going to be a big case," he said as he tucked his most prized possession, a cheap 38 caliber "Saturday Night Special" into his shoulder holster. Leaning over my desk, drooling from the corner of his mouth he added, "Keep it warm for me, baby. I'll be back to take care of you later."

"Yeah, Harry. How 'bout a paycheck instead?"

I walked into Harry's office an watched him climb into the piece-of-shit 1924 Packard he owned and, after he cranked the starter for 5 minutes, drove off in a cloud of blue smoke. I was glad to see the bastard go. It was time for my massage appointment anyway. And I really didn't want to keep Carlos waiting. He had such wonderful hands...and other things.

I put on my coat and left the office. On the way down the stairs I ran into Police Sergeant Michaels. "Hiya, doll. How's tricks?" he asked in such a friendly way.

"Hi Sarg."

Michaels put his hand inside my coat and squeezed my right tit. This is why the call them cops, you know. They are always copping a feel whenever they can. I was in a hurry, so I made a date to see him later at my place around 9 for a night cap. I'm certain Boney would be gone by then.

It took another 10 minutes to get to the Carlos Massage and Bath House on 7th Avenue. He was waiting for me in the massage suite. He had his cock out and everything. I took on of the bottles of lotion from the counter and squirted some on his big, thick schlong and began to massage it.

"Say, Carlos. I read someplace the masseuse was supposed to rub the client. Not the other way around."

Carlos, just smiled. "Would I lie to you, Maria. After all, I'm a professional."

I didn't really mind. His cock was wonderfully large and was growing by the moment. When it finally reached it's full size it was well over 12 inches. Not having had lunch, I eyed it hungrily. I just couldn't help myself. I had to have a bite of that salami, so I took it in my mouth and was rewarded with a mouthful of the finest Hispanic spunk I'd had in days. I do so like lunch. After lunch, I left Carlos a nice tip and went back to the office. Harry was there. "How was lunch, Maria?"

"Oh, just great. I had Mexican, Harry."

"How about trying a little Dick," I heard Harry's Cock say. I pretended not to hear.

"So, what's the case this time, Harry? Another romp with the dykes down at the gym?"

"No. This case is big. There's a big drug deal going down. I just talked to Jenny. She's making amends for all the shit she's put me through. Gave me a real case this time."

"Well, you better get on it, Harry. Wouldn't want to let Jenny down."

"Things ain't happening until tonight, Maria. I have all afternoon. What say we go into my office and..."

"Sorry, Harry. I got a headache and a terrible case of VD. Don't want to spread it around, you know."

"VD? I thought you said you were a virgin?"

"Yeah. I am, Harry. Musta been a dirty toilet seat or something. Doc said I can't do nothing for at least a year, maybe two," I said sitting in my office chair and stretching with my hands clasped above my head. That really makes my fun bags stand out. I could see Harry's Dick taking notice and standing up to salute. I laughed inwardly to myself.

"Ok, well. If you need me, I'll be in my office. I got stuff to do," Harry said hurrying into the privacy of his inner sanctum. Less than a minute later I could hear Harry beating up his cock again. The little twit was insatiable.

The day dragged on until 5 O'Clock. I thought Harry would have killed his cock by that time, but apparently not. He came (or cummed) out of his office. "I'm going over to Jersey. You wanna come?" Actually, I think he was thinking "cum."

"Naw, I gotta go down to the orphan home on 23rd Street and help out. I do that a lot, you know."

"Wow. What a great girl," remarked Harry's Cock. "She's always thinking of others."

"Well, you have a nice time, Maria. I'll see you in the morning," Harry said leaving.

Boney picked me up on the corner just like he said he would. In ten minutes, he had me on my kitchen table, butt naked and covered in ice cream. He was licking the ice cream up as it melted and ran down between my legs. It was nice and saving a lot of clean up later.

The girls down at the beauty shop on 19th Street told me about Inspector "Boney" Malone. They said he was hung like a horse and just couldn't get enough. They were wrong. I always seemed to wear him down after about two hours. By then he was all giddy, he knees shook and he could hardly walk. It did make me sort of sad though. By then I'd only gotten off four or five times. Shit! I was just getting started and he had to leave or have a stroke and die right there in my kitchen. The rubber hose was nice too. Boney was always care to not leave any marks.

Anyway, Boney left around 7:30. He had to meet Harry in Jersey City for the big bust. And I had to get in the shower and clean up for my date with Sergeant Michaels. The Sarg is a real gentleman. He always kept at least half his body weight on his elbows. I though that was nice. I met him on a train on night. I never ride real trains. They are so noisy and all.

Right at the stroke of 9, the Sarg was at my door. He is such a sweet guy. He brought five of his friends along to join us with drinks. He was carrying a case of tequila. We all sat around my apartment doing straight shots and me, of course. I really like straight shots - lick the salt, lick me, gulp the shot and bite the lime. But then we ran out of salt so there was only one thing left to lick. Then we ran out of lime, so all the guys had to take turns giving me their best. That was the best part.

I woke up at 7 the next morning amid a tangle of naked guys. My phone was ringing off the hook It was the clerk down at the city jail. Obviously something had gone wrong and Harry got arrested again. I had to go down and bail him out. Here we go again. Another work day. Damn you, Jenny, you bitch!

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