All Comments on 'Marie'

... how you were going to get out of this situation with Toni obviously wanting to go farther than you and Marie had intended. Nice job!

An interestingly constructed tale.

I love the story about Marie and Mike's growth in their relationship but didn't care for Toni and how she seemed to want to exploit their nudism to possibly promote swinging perhaps.

A very good story but there are times when writing that you understand that you have exhausted your plot line. Well done for stopping.

Up through page 1 its an interesting description of a developing relationship. There's obviously a lot of interaction that you skim over or ignore, so I will do the same.

"I must have moved or made some facial expression because Marie raised her right hand and extended her index finger as a reminder to remain silent. I got the message." At the moment I wondered why you thought it was necessary to portray this meaningless and pointless interaction, especially when you omitted weeks of their developing relationship. Then I realized this was a throw-away paragraph that you forgot to throw away. Otherwise it indicates a somewhat imperious manner from Marie, and a subservient or submissive manner from Mike. Then when I looked back at his "I'm just a piece of furniture" comment I thought this guy must be a real wimp, and doesn't think before he speaks. Furniture is blind, deaf, and mute. Why would any intelligent woman want to talk to a piece of furniture?

"However, I went and turned on the light and returned to where I had been standing although I still don't know why." Sorry, but every time a character claims they don't know why they did something, that is the author telling us that the character is thoughtless, or impetuous, or dishonest. Or, the author needs the character to commit a certain act, but the author lacks the wit or imagination to explain why the character committed that act. Either Marie is intellectually shallow and doesn't know herself very well, or she's lying, or the author is lazy.

"I don't really know why but I now think I might have had a body image problem." Whoa, this woman has serious issues. Her doctor never saw her naked? She never communicated and resolved these issues with her husband, but suddenly she goes totally nude for some guy she's been dating for several weeks? Starting to get ridiculous. And Marie is definitely going down the stupid tube.

" My mind was panicking, but my hands made their own decision and untied the belt and I let the robe slide off my arms and onto the carpet." Funny. I guess one day when she gets caught fucking some other guy she'll claim her mind resisted, but her pussy made its own decision. Now its just getting silly, and boring.

"No one had ever made me feel as good as I felt in that moment." I thought she had been married. Although its pretty hard for your husband to compliment your appearance if you claim you have a mental block, and your husband is trying to honor your aversion. One word and this new boyfriend has cured her mental disorder. A fucking genius. I'm glad the dead husband doesn't have to know how inadequate he was. One fucking word. Who knew?

"My hand pushed you down, between my legs and I was sliding back and forth on you before my mind realized what was happening. I might have been unable to know what to do but my body knew, and it was in control." Here we go again. I think I'm starting to understand where your characters get their brains. Or lack thereof.

"So, thank you for last night. End of story." I couldn't have said it better myself. A sincere effort at emotional awakening and depicting a woman finally blossoming sensually and sexually. Too bad your lead up to this point made her appear mindless and irresponsible. "My body just took over." This means that her awakening, her metamorphosis, was largely an accident, happenstance, just luck. Everything just fell into place for her. And then she apologizes to her dead husband. Quaint.

Now I'm just skimming to see if there is going to be an substance to this story.

"Marie woke me enthusiastically but had to leave early in the morning for a volunteer shift at a local women's shelter and an evening board meeting for a national mental health organization." Well, I can certainly understand her affinity for people with mental health issues. Maybe she could get a referral?

They sure eat a lot of pizza. They must both look like walruses. And the naked reception of the pizza delivery person? Don't you have any self respect using that old trope. And, Oh, some subliminal sexism: why are pizza's automatically delivered by men?

"Our occasional separations added tremendously to our time together." Makes perfect sense to me. You meet the love of your life, have galactic multi-orgasmic sex every time you're together, you sure don't want to over do it. Why get married and ruin a good romance? And there's 2 more pages of this Marie discovers sex story? Maybe later, but I've got more important things to do.

Got some free time to kill:

"As we talked, we agreed that, when we were interested in sexual activity, we were spending considerable energy hinting around about the possibility and devising schemes on how to get the other out of their clothing. In other words, we concluded that being dressed was an impediment to sexual activity and that by the time we were ready we were already weary from the pre-event exertions." OK, this is just embarrassing. You must be 13, or have the sexual experience of one. Wait a minute. No, even a 13-year old can appreciate the enhancement of anticipation, appreciation, buildup, and consummation. The concept that foreplay is laborious, distracting, and even a waste of time, is the thinking of a shallow selfish man ignorant of a woman's nature and desires. I think women refer to such encounters as Wham Bam Thank You Mam. Maybe you've heard of it? I hope you get the chance to try it some day. A sexual romantic relationship, I mean. If you do I suggest you hide this work from any woman who might give you a chance to be her lover.

"If you're inclined to try 'no clothing' time at home the hardest part will probably planting the seed with Tom and getting started. I don't think it'll be as easy as it was for us." Wait a minute, I thought you were a sexually naive male. Are you some sexually repressed or inexperienced woman? I suspect Tom will be naked before Toni can finish expressing the concept, or he's not a man. In which case its not clothing that Toni needs to get rid of.

"Don't be. I haven't had a nicer complement in years. Thank you." Yep, Toni's sex life definitely needs some enhancement. Why do I wonder if at this same Tom is at home reading cucky stories on you know which website? Just asking. What you wanna bet some of his favorite authors are Matt Moreau and Exleglover?

" Neither of us seems to want to initiate sex." Don't say I didn't see it coming. Makes you wonder if seeing Mike naked would crank Tom's motor. Shudder.

Wow, you just bailed on the entire plot. Toni and Tom were probably headed toward swapping, but you just dumped the resolution of your plot.

I thought it was kind of weird how you described such details as what was eaten and drunk, by whom, when, and where, etc. But when it came to actual conversations you just kind of summed them up with vague inane descriptions, especially the first night when they were all sitting around naked. They just talked about sports, and the weather? Does that seem realistic in your world experience?

So, nice punt, I guess. If you ever decided to write a complete story, with realistic characters, that think and act like adults, I hope you will give it more thought, and finish it.

Thanks for effort. I hope you get better.

Look, I dislike stroke stories myself. I need some substance, some buildup. If a stroker is all one needs, then they can just look at underwear ads. That should do it. But neither do I expect War and Peace when I read erotica. The last anon said he found much of.the story ridiculous. I found most of his comments ridiculous. Has be read anything mainstream? Some of his comments could be made about any number of tales. And his complaints about some situations were unrealistic? Really? I think not. For example, the dinner conversation comment: Did they just talk about sports and weather? Yes, they might have. I don't know about his social circle, but not everyone feels a need to engage in pretentious hubris. See, I can use the language as well as anyone, but many, if not most, people live everyday lives. Sports and weather is perfectly fine. Here's my take. The story was a bit slow, but you wrote it well. And you left plenty of room for future tales, which I may go read now. Good job.

TimTam