Marion's Story Ch. 15

"You like her huh, but you think it's OK to have casual sex?"

"We both agreed that this wasn't a serious relationship, it was just for fun."

"Then why couldn't we have the same arrangement" Why can't we just be casual friends who have sex?"

"Because I love you Molly...that's the difference. God damn it even after all this time I can't just put that aside."

"Mi, I'm not asking to get back together, all I'm suggesting is we have a causal relationship, like you have with your friend."

"Sorry Moll's but I couldn't do that, the difference is love...I love you. Even after everything you put me through I still have feelings for you and it would be too hard to have a supposed casual fling. I would always be wondering where you were and what you were doing, just like when you and April were fooling around. That ripped my heart out."

She snuggled back up against me, "Damn it Mi, I miss you like crazy, my life is shit without you in it."

"I'm sorry Moll's I do love you but I can't put myself through that again."

"What if I promised myself to you right here, right now I make an oath that I will never so much as kiss another person."

"If you meant it, I would be over the moon, but I don't believe you. I think what would happen is that we would get back together and after a while what happened with Gloria would happen again and we would be right back where we started."

She sighed as she snuggled closer and we lay back on the big soft cushions listening to my new records playing in the background and sleep slowly dragged us into the black abyss.

I woke to the sounds of Molly screaming, "Oh my god...oh my fucking god."

I sat up worried and confused rubbing the sleep from my eyes, "What the hell is the matter?" I moaned.

She pointed to my laptop, "Where did you get those recordings from?" She stared at me with an angry look in her eye.

I realized I had left my laptop playing last night on shuttle and it had moved through to the recordings I made of the Lips new album with my overdubs on it. "A friend gave them to me." I mumbled apologetically.

"And what you thought you would just record over the top of them, you think you're so much better. All that shit about the band not using your songs and you just wreck ours."

Frantic I tried to appease her, I scrambled over to try and hold her but she pushed me away batting of my clasping hands. Ruefully I moaned, "Yeah OK it was wrong, I'm sorry but I listened to them and just like you said yesterday they are wrong."

She flopped back down beside me, "Jesus fucking Christ Mi....you can be such an arrogant bitch, so twisted, so insecure and jealous. What would you say if somebody did that to your songs?"

"I would be furious, look I know what I did was wrong but nobody else has heard them and nobody ever will. I didn't do it for others I did it for myself. It was my chance to play with the band one last time."

She shook her head, stood up and straightened down her skirt, "I can't believe you Mi, that was so wrong, so selfish and deceitful!"

She stormed out leaving me feeling very guilty and embarrassed.

As I went back to sit down, I noticed that the computer was still open and I saw there was still the little drop down box open, she had copied my recordings... 'Bitch!" I muttered to myself.

It was hard to concentrate on anything for the next few days I felt miserable and guilty. Emotions like guilt are so draining, it's impossible to get any traction. Thankfully I had a gig on Wednesday night at a little wine bar not far from home. I was halfway through my first set when I saw Molly sitting in the crowd listening. The set was mellow as requested and the audience were barely listening there was plenty of chatter. The moment I spotted her I cringed, she was probably here to give me another talking to.

At the break she stood and walked determinedly over to stand in front of me, "Can we talk?"

We sat at one of the small tables off to the side, "Look Molly if you're here to give me another kick in the nuts save your breath, I feel like shit for what I did."

She smiled a thin little hint of a smile, "That's not why I'm here. I just want to talk about why you did it."

"Fair enough.... well I liked what I heard. Some of the new songs are good but the more I listened and appreciated them the more I recognized there were things that irked me, bits that I didn't like. I will be honest and maybe it's because he is my replacement and I'm jealous...but I don't like Wayne's vocals or guitar playing."

"So why change the words?"

"Because I thought mine were better, Mel wrote some great lyrics but you know what she's like... I thought I could improve them so I did. Look it was only ever recorded for me nobody else, so I didn't see the harm."

"You said the other day that you wanted one last chance to play with the band, but when I suggested you come back you said no...I don't understand that."

"I love playing with the band, but now there's all this anger and baggage. It wouldn't work."

"What if I said it would work? I think we could get past the resentment if you would only try as well."

Frowning I mumbled, "What did you do with the copies you made?"

She shrugged, "Nothing yet. I went back to the hotel and listened to them properly without the emotion and it pains me to say it but...I agree with you. Your versions are better, way better actually, so now I'm in a quandary about what to do. I want to play them to the girls, I mean Mel will be upset at first but then when she calms down she will hopefully see."

"You got it part right, she will be angry, but I don't think she will like them."

"Well then what do I do?"

I smiled, "If you like them keep them and enjoy them, if not delete them and pretend you never heard them."

"Damn it Mi, I want you back in the band this is exactly how those songs are meant to sound, that is the essence of what made the lips so great, you and Mel have this marvelous connection when you sing together, that sound is the lips."

Taking a chance, I spluttered, "OK you're right I would love to be back in the band." There it was out, I admitted it. The moment the words were out...said in the emotion of the moment I knew they were true, I did miss the band but there was still that issue...Gloria and to an extent Molly. I spat out caustically, "I would love to be back in the band but I refuse to work for Gloria."

"Babe if you just open your mind, I'm sure we can get passed that...I know we can, I mean shit we don't even see her on tour. She only ever turns up to a few gigs."

"It doesn't change the fact I would be working for her, making her money."

"Forget about her, the band is the important thing, the songs, the music."

"Molly the music world is littered with bands that were great but couldn't work together. It's not the end of the world."

"No but it is frustrating that the world is going to be deprived of hearing them the way they should be."

I got called back up for my second set and when I looked back for Molly she was gone.

A few days later I was working in the studio, Adam didn't have anybody booked in so I was working on a couple of my own songs. I was playing drums laying down the groove, as I looked up into the control booth I saw Molly sitting at the console. Frustrated I put down the sticks and walked in. The moment I walked into the booth I saw she wasn't the only person there. "Hello Molly, what can I do for you?" I moaned wondering how much trouble I was now going to be in.

"I want you me and Gloria to talk, no acrimony, no nasty stuff just talk."

I gazed over at Gloria who stood leaning against the door, I nodded at her and she rasped throatily, "Hello Mimi."

I replied curtly, "Hi Gloria." Glancing at Molly who had a determined grimace on her face I muttered, "Yeah OK, what do you want to talk about?"

Gloria interjected, "We want to talk about the Lip's. Oh and some stolen tapes."

When I didn't respond she muttered, "Molly played me your recordings and although I'm not happy about it, I mean whoever gave them to you effectively stole them...but if we put that aside for the moment, I want to tell you I like what you did with them and I agree with Molly, that is the sound that drove your band to success, that's why you won battle of the bands."

I frowned but kept my mouth shut. Molly added, "Babe in the current format I doubt where we could even win the regionals let alone the whole thing."

"Well hire a better guitar player, I told you I can recommend some that are a hundred times better than the one you have."

Gloria nodded, "Yes I think we know we made a mistake, the biggest mistake was going away from the all-girl line up. That's what attracted me to you in the first place. I should have listened to Mel."

Molly cut in, "Mi what we are trying to say is we want you to come back into the band, we haven't talked to the girls yet, but if you'll commit to coming back, I will talk to them, smooth the waters."

Seeing Gloria sitting there only highlighted why I didn't want to even consider this path, "Molly you know there are other reasons why I don't want to go down this track. I told you the other day."

Molly was about to say something when Gloria interrupted her, "Molly told me you didn't want to work with me. I understand you have concerns, let me put them to rest. I like Molly, we have become good friends but if our relationship is what's stopping this then I will put aside my romantic feelings towards Molly and we will remain nothing but colleagues and hopefully friends."

I swallowed the biting comment I was going to make and just sat there staring, biting my lip. I was dying to say yes, after recording those songs I appreciated how much I loved being in the band and how much I missed them.

Gloria rasped, "Mimi, I want this band to work. The first time I heard your recordings I felt something, something wonderful and a lot of people talked to me about how good you were but the moment I saw you play live I was hooked. I realized right then you were better than good, I want the world to see what I saw."

Molly jumped in before I could squeeze a word out, "Mi please put aside what happened, don't let your ego get in the way of what you really want."

Gloria butted in again, jeez I wasn't getting a chance, "Mimi, I have seen you play solo a couple of times and you are good, very good but the truth of the thing is you are so much better with the band, that band is part of you."

After a long pause I groaned, "And what would happen about the current player?"

Gloria shook her head, "He is on the verge of leaving, he is as frustrated as we are. I think he knows it isn't working. Wayne was my mistake and I will fix it."

Molly implored me, her big goo, goo eyes batting, "Mi please, don't do it for me, do it for yourself and the band."

Trying to get my brain to function I knew I couldn't decide there and then. "It's a lot to take in Molly, I will need time to think about it."

Gloria sucked in a sharp intake of breath, "Mimi, I'm happy to give you a few days but you need to commit because quite frankly I am running out of patience. The current lineup is not working and I am not releasing that album, no way in hell am I releasing that." She smiled evilly, "Perhaps we will release your versions." She raised her eyebrows laying down a challenge.

Trying to throw up something...anything I spluttered, "I want to be able to have my own solo career as well, I have good material that will not fit the band."

Gloria nodded, "You're right you do have some very good material and it is becoming very popular. I don't have a problem with that, in fact I would love to get you into a proper studio and do it correctly."

Smug bitch I thought, I've already got good recordings and I was about to say it when Molly interrupted my train of thought, "Mi wouldn't it be good to get the songs recorded by a top of the line studio, where you have time and resources?"

I sneered, "Look around Molly, where are we sitting. I already have good quality recordings. This is where I recorded the lips songs you like so much."

Gloria jumped in, "Yes, yes, yes I get it, you're good at what you do, but what you don't have is my contacts, do you want to hear these on the radio? On TV, that's what I offer. I have a good reputation whether you believe it or not and I can make that happen, for you as well as the band."

"Yeah, well I'll think about it."

Molly slipped into my arms and we hugged, "We could go out and get a drink to celebrate."

I chuckled, "That's a bit premature, there's nothing to celebrate yet, so sorry not for me, I have too much to think about."

The next couple of days were filled with introspection, when I considered it, weighed up the pros and cons I still couldn't decide, yes, I wanted to be in the band, but I would have to eat my words and try to find a way to work with Molly and fucking Gloria.

I would love to play in the band but I wanted to try and get my life back. Working with Molly would make it awkward, jeez even just the last few days had brought all the old emotions back to the surface. I couldn't hide from the fact she still aroused me, every time I saw her my heart raced. The question I kept asking, was, is this what I really wanted, could I deal with it?

Those thoughts kept going round and round, I guess it was my insecurity. Yeah, on stage I'm this hot rock chick but out on the street I'm just a guy in a dress and it doesn't matter who tells me or how many times I hear it I never consider myself pretty.

When your girlfriend falls for some gorgeous sexy woman you can't help but think it's because I'm not pretty enough, and I'm not really a woman. All that does is drive my insecurities, yeah I know and recognize it but accepting it is like telling a depressed person to just be happy, yeah right that works...

After sleepless nights and uncomfortable conversations with myself I decided I did want to be back in the band, I missed it and I missed the girls, but I had shot myself in the foot because I had behaved like a bitch, not letting them use my songs when we had been using them for months wasn't fair. They were within their rights to hate me.

Molly called and asked whether I had made my mind up. When I said I had she suggested we get together for a drink that night to talk through my decision.

It took me hours to get ready, I wanted to look good. I rummaged through my clothes and came up with a little velvet red dress, it was short, it was low cut and it fit like a second skin. The sleeves were black lace and showed plenty of skin. I used the stretchy corset because of the tight fit I didn't want the corset to stand out. Stockings were a no go because the dress was so short and I didn't want the stocking tops to show. Black three inch heels and a little glitter on my nude colored pantyhose and I was feeling pretty good.

Makeup I kept light fuchsia lipstick dark smoldering eyeshadow with not too much mascara. We were meeting at the Venice Beach Bar & Kitchen. When I walked in Gloria and Molly were waiting at the bar. Damn it they both looked spectacular. Molly wore a beautiful little green cocktail dress, Gloria filled out her LBD amazingly. Shit I was nervous already but as I closed in on them Molly broke into a big beamy smile, "Wow babe...you look sensational." She held out her arms and we hugged and shared a sweet little kiss.

Gloria as well climbed down from her stool and nodded as her eyes ran lecherously up and down my body, "Wow is right."

Gloria ordered a round of minty mojito's and we headed off to our table. We had been sitting down just a few minutes when Molly asked, "So...have you made your mind up?"

I nodded, "Yeah, I would like to try again but I have my reservations. Most importantly I want to be able to have my solo career separate and that must come first for me. I don't know how it will work but if I get a gig offer it must come first."

Gloria sighed grimly, "Then it's not going to work. I want the band to be the focus. I am prepared to help you establish your solo career in fact I'm very excited about it. Molly and I have spoken at length about how we can help but first we want to focus on the band."

Molly muttered, "Babe, we can really build your career when the tour is over. But Gloria is sinking a lot of money into this and we have to get her a return on that investment. We want to go on a national tour first to promote the record then it's off to Europe to really drive home the nail."

We all sipped our drinks in silence until Gloria asked, "Can you live with that."

I nodded, "Yeah I suppose so I want the band to work but I have been having discussions with a couple of big bands who want me to open for them."

Gloria sighed, "Mimi there will be plenty of opportunities for you to do your own thing when you get back. I promise I will make it a priority to help out. I can get you big gigs, but really once we return you won't need much help because you will be huge. Artists will be falling over themselves to work with you."

She waved the waiter over and she ordered more drinks. The conversation turned to the tour and the venues that Molly had already organized and they were right it was going to be huge. It blew my mind to be talking about venues like this.

It was exciting and the atmosphere at the table could only be described as ebullient. The food disappeared as did several rounds of those damn mojito's, I was starting to feel the effects of the dinks. Gloria kept the compliments and flattery coming thick and fast as another round of drinks disappeared.

As we talked, I couldn't hide the fact that it excited me and I said, "Yeah OK I'm in. Color me stupid but I'm in."

Molly leaned over drunkenly and hugged me, "You've made the right choice babe, it's going to be awesome."

Gloria topped up all our glasses and raised a toast, "Here's to making the lips the number one band in the world."

We touched glasses with a loud clink and threw them down in one gulp. With a shake of the head Gloria said, "Mimi, I need you to do me a favor. I need you to delete the recordings you made of the new album."

I instantly thought is this whole thing just her getting me to delete those recordings? Is that what this is all about?

She saw the frown and muttered, "Sugar you are going to have to trust me. I have a plan but I don't want somebody else stumbling on those recordings just like Molly did."

That made sense, "OK then...what's your plan?"

"Well unfortunately Molly and I both think that Mel will react badly if she were to hear those recordings. What we want to do is get you back in the band and when you hear the new songs you must pretend it is the first time you've heard them."

I nodded accepting what she said. I never believed Molly when she said Mel would be OK hearing my versions.

Molly mumbled, "Babe you have to trust us, we aren't trying to screw you, well not that way anyway... we just think small steps, first we need to get you back in the band, get you playing with the girls and we have a plan for that as well."

I laughed, "Oh this I have to hear."

She giggled, "I won't lie I think it will be difficult but we have a plan but and there is a big but. This is going to require you to reach out."

Confused I mumbled hesitantly, "Go on....."

She bit her lip, "Alright, here's our plan. We are going to take the girls out for lunch on Sunday. We are going to the Rainbow bar because that's where you're playing."

"How did you know that?" I asked.

She sniggered, "We did our research, anyway we will rock up for lunch and drinks and you will be playing. You will see us in the crowd, we have already reserved a table. The hard bit is you will have to announce to the audience that there are some friends of yours in the audience and you want them to get up and play with you."