All Comments on 'Marita at Bat'

Sweet story.

Marita didn’t deserve him and used him. He was foolish for accepting that he was always her second choice.

Loved it!!

Scary or what?

I've had a story on the back burner for a while but I've been struggling to work out which of 2 routes to run it. The first half page is so much like one of mine (but this is written so much better) that i wondered if I've been hacked/plagiarized.

Now I've got to make up my mind and finish my story so it can be slagged off alongside this beautiful offering.

Nice story, but what happen to Crash?

This is an absolute gem! Trionyx, thank you for a wonderful, positive, and very erotic tale of two ordinary people who find an extraordinary love in each other. Well done!

Great story!

5

What an adventure. A easy to read slow burn with the intimate details excitingly descibed.

Love stories with real people and real life. Thanks for writing it.

I feel he forgave too easily after she ditched him and ghosted him. Couldve done with maybe a little more. Hes a nice guy but... yeah that felt a bit too pat. overall a good story but would've loved to see their split fleshed out a bit.

Story telling is good, but no way I’d be her fall back plan after the Ex ran again, tbh most guys wouldn’t, same as most girls wouldn’t, so that part of the story lacks believability imho. But thanks for writing and posting.

I think Manny had very low self esteem to allow himself to be treated like that and then accept her back.

It's interesting how the author developed Manny. Because i must admit the character comes across somewhat simpy. The relationship if you could call it that seems whole unbalanced with Marita receiving the bulk of the love and attention. Once she decided to ghost him and push him to the side in favor of her ex he should have immediately took that as a sign of the type of person she is. When after the fact once her ex tried to run off with the children and she questioned her decision making process and selection in partners. He should have been honest and called it like it is. He excused her actions and took her back without a qualm, even when the author had Marita point out and question her own decisions, as if to say if she wouldn't take her own self back if she were him. He just whitewash her actions and ratified all her past mistakes. If that is not the definition of a simp and door mat then I don't know what is.

This guy is such a pushover....... sigh... i like romance but this was soo soft the guy is basically a marshmallow

I am amazed at some of the comments. Several seem to dump on Manny: “such a pushover”, “low self esteem”, “ simp and a door mat”, “He was foolish for accepting he was always her second choice.” Always? Early on, he was helping her when she was single. When he came back, she was already engaged. It was only after A was out of the picture that that M & M got together. Then when her ex came back, she turned to him believing the kids’ father would be important in their lives. I believe most divorced parents would prefer the ex be involved (barring abuse, etc) and it seemed reasonable in her mind to mend things with the ex. When that didn’t work out, she apologized and Manny accepted it. Good relationships are those in which mistakes can be made and apologized for and forgiven and she treated Manny badly exactly once. If she had done it multiple times, I would agree with these comments, but a struggling young mother is allowed to make mistakes. She made several but she treated Manny poorly once and it is reasonable to expect him to forgive her.

The story was very good, the writing excellent, and there was a great amount of reality to this story. I have actually known a woman like this and the man who became her savior. Keep up the excellent writing and good luck in the contest.

Excellent story, thank you! 5 Stars

Loved it !

Great story! So sweet! Didn’t she have some parents to turn to? Thanks

Thanks for another excellent story, Trionyx. I was a little frustrated when Marita accepted Roberto back into her life so easily and wondered if Manny should just move on, but the baseball analogy is a good one and was used with consistency so it made sense in the end. Manny is wasn’t so much a pushover as someone said but a patient and kind guy who was playing the long game to bring home the pennant. Great job!

Five stars

I want to thank everyone for their comments. I was surprised at the number of comments coming down on Manny. I viewed him more of a ‘nice guy’ who tried to help a struggling young mom. I wanted to show her as a flawed character (for picking the wrong men) who ended up treating Manny badly once, yet he accepted her apology.

It would be nice if in my stories (to paraphrase A Prairie Home Companion) all the women are good looking, the men are all strong and the children are above average. But they aren’t and I enjoy reading and writing about how normal people with normal flaws exist and interact.

Flawed characters or not, it was pretty low of her to just ghost the guy and then just expect him to rub it in afterwards. That pretty much ruined the entire story to me.

Thank you for a story in which in a confrontation the police are called, and in which social workers and police staff are the helpers rather than the enemies. Too many stories have the male lead going Rambo and beating the ex within an inch of his life, amazingly without getting hurt at all.

Enjoyed the read, I was beginning to wonder if Manny and Marita would ever get together with all of her bad decisions. 5 stars

A sweet, well written story, with enough challenges to keep it enthralling. Thank you for a worthwhile tale, full of romance, and eventually some acceptable erotica. Very well worth five stars, more if they were available.

I wasn’t surprised that she would allow her ex to be involved in his kids’ lives. I was very disappointed with the way she treated Manny. I’m not sure why he didn’t just leave town since it seems like he could live anywhere he wants.

It was never really talked about but I wonder if he wanted kids of his own and if she would have any more.

I would feel like the default BF when all other options failed, well written but not realistic.

Sorry. Manny needs to get a life. He waited way too long for Marita. And that made this story too long.

It was a well written story but Manny is for a lack of a better term kind of a simpy Cuck. I mean they were weren’t together for most of it but he is always going to be her third choice, her plan b incase things didn’t work out with the other men. She used him a lot and then tossed him aside when he wasn’t convenient anymore and then ran back to him when she needed help knowing he was waiting around for her at a moments notice. And for her to not find it creepy that a stranger would come up to her at a grocery store and volunteer to watch her kid and not raise hell to get away from her kids. This kind of reads like a woman’s fantasy where she always has a man as a back up or one of those white knight guys who think they should The story should have ended when he found out she was engaged to Alejandro. A smart and successful and real man would have moved on and not involved and weasel himself in her life again after barely knowing her for like 3 weeks 6+ years ago

three strikes and YYOOUUUR OUT! She was right, she used poor judgement skills, searching for one perfect trait to help her kids, finding that she stopped evaluating the rest of the package until it detonated in her face. Manny was simply the bomb squad, providing safe haven through emotional and financial rescue interventions. Wouldn’t have put any money on his future with her.

A nice feel good story.

The readers who were so critical of Manny's long up and down friendship with Marita are missing the point: this is fiction, and the author is free to style the plot the way he wants it, building the tension to intensify the climax.

If you're looking for reality, read the National Geographic. I thought this was just perfect!

Hans