Mary and Alvin Ch. 26

The White Duck

Charlotte bolted upright in her bed, gasping for breath. Her eyes darted around the dark room. For a few minutes, she wasn’t sure where she was, or why she felt so terrified.

This can’t be happening again, she thought as her mind began to reassemble some sort of order. She laid back down and put her hand on her chest. Her heart was beating so hard it seemed as if she could hear it. Just breathe, she told herself, you know what to do. This isn’t the first time. Why now, though? It’s been years, since I was a kid, after Mom died. But that wasn’t right, she realized. The night terrors had returned once before, two or three times, when she first started college. She’d nearly forgotten that.

She got out of bed and slipped on her robe. She walked into the living room and sat on the couch. There was a drawer in the side of the coffee table. She opened it and took out a pipe and a small baggie of marijuana. Lying back on the couch, she packed and lit the bowl, then took a long toke. After a few minutes she began to feel relaxed enough to think rationally. It was obvious why she’d had the terrors when she was young, she was reacting to the shock of her mother’s death. It was also logical to assume that those that came in her first few nights at USM were connected to moving away from home for the first time. And now? That seemed obvious as well. It was because she had finished law school and stood at another changing point in her life. And it was because of Seth, and because of Julia Rose.

She had not seen Julia since college, and they had not been close friends, so she had been surprised when she approached her at the Dean’s reception for the law school graduates.

“Charlotte! I am so glad to see you,” Julia said, giving her a hug. “I was hoping you’d be here. I was very pleased when I saw your name on the list.”

“Nice to see you, too,” Charlotte replied, puzzled by Julia’s enthusiasm, “How have you been?”

“I have been great,” Julia said, taking her arm and leading her toward the bar. “So, you took a couple of years off before entering law school, I take it?”

“Yes, I have been working as a paralegal at Longley, Mills and King while I decided what to do.”

“I’m having a G and T, how about you?” Julia asked.

“I’m not much for gin,” Charlotte replied, “I’ll have a scotch and soda.”

“That’s a lawyer’s drink,” Julia laughed.

The bartender handed them their drinks and Julia gestured for Charlotte to follow her. They stepped out of the reception hall on to a wide veranda.

“Stuffy in there,” Julia said, “and loud. I wanted to go somewhere we could talk.”

A warm spring breeze was blowing in over Back Cove. “I forgot that when the wind was blowing this way, you could smell the beans baking at the B&M factory,” Julia said.

“I find it comforting,” Charlotte replied, wondering why Julia was so interested in talking to her.

“So, Charlotte, I did not run into you by chance.”

“I got that impression.”

“Do you remember when we went against each other in mock court, senior year?”

“I remember. You beat me.”

“I did.” Julia leaned on the railing and sipped her drink. “I beat you on the merits, not on your handling of the case.”

“Well, you beat me, either way.”

“True, but I beat everybody, and that’s not the point. The point is, I walked away from that thinking you’d be a fine lawyer some day, but that wasn’t what impressed me. No, what impressed me was your passion.”

Charlotte shrugged. “Passion isn’t really an asset in a courtroom.”

“True, but ninety percent of what lawyers do isn’t in a courtroom. Anyway, you’re probably thinking I ought to get to my point.”

Charlotte nodded and took a drink.

“So, after graduating from USM I went to law school at Penn. Passed the bar and moved back to Pittsburgh. I set up a practice with my friend, Karen Wong. Rose and Wong, great name for a firm, right? Anyway, we have focused our practice on women’s issues. Employment discrimination, child custody, domestic abuse. As you can imagine, there is plenty of work.”

She took a drink, and turned to face Charlotte.

“In fact, it’s more work than we can handle. So, we’ve been looking for help. Sadly, when I tell people that we are more concerned with doing good work than making a fortune, most people lose interest. But then I remembered that fierce bitch who almost beat me back at USM, just because she had so much passion for the case. And that was only mock court. I thought, Jesus, what would she be like when it was a real woman with two black eyes sitting across the table from her and asking for help?”

Charlotte did not know what to say. She had assumed that she’d continue at Longley and eventually make junior partner. Maybe someday she might build up a nest egg that would allow her to set up her own practice and take the kind of cases she dreamed of, helping people who really needed help. Julia’s offer was an opportunity to do so from the start. But it came with costs.

“Pittsburgh?” she said.

“Full partnership. Rose, Wong and Faulkner. How does that sound?”

“I’d have to consider the finances of course. And I never thought about moving from Maine.”

“I understand. First of all, we aren’t starving. You’ll do alright. You won’t make the kind of money you can at Longley, but you won’t be representing real estate developers and insurance companies, either. And I know moving away from friends and family is hard, but you won’t get this kind of opportunity here.”

Charlotte finished her drink. “It’s a great offer. A dream offer. But I’ll have to consider it.”

“Of course. You’d be a sucky lawyer if you didn’t.”

“I’m not even a lawyer, yet.”

“But you will be. You won’t have any trouble with your bar exam. Listen, you don’t have to say yes now, just don’t say no until you’ve given it some thought.”

Charlotte agreed and they went back inside. They made a little small talk,but Charlotte could not focus on the conversation. She excused herself, told Julia she’d be in touch in a few days, and left the reception.

As she drove back to her apartment, she made a conscious effort at putting aside her excitement about Julia’s offer and tried to concentrate on considering the downsides.

There was Seth, of course, but she couldn’t even start to unwrap that issue at this point. If she didn’t want to accept the offer, then there was no need to even think about that yet.

How bad would it be to move to Pittsburgh? She loved Maine, but she wasn’t like her sister. She couldn’t be happy spending the rest of her life in the same small town where she grew up. Jennifer had a special connection to the land. She didn’t understand it. She assumed it had something to do with their mother’s death, and she did not have to understand it to respect it. But she felt no such connection. Home was where her family was, and nothing more. And Pittsburgh wasn’t that far away, was it? It wasn’t like moving all the way across the country.

Once she was home and in bed, her mind drifted back to Seth. His career path was locked in place, he wasn’t going to be interested in pulling up stakes and moving hundreds of miles away. And if he was interested, did she want him to? They had been going out for four years. It startled her to realize that it was the longest relationship of her life. And yet, they had made no move toward living together or even making any formal declaration of commitment. They had even drifted apart a few times, and she’d gone on a handful of dates with other men. Maybe she should seriously consider why, after so much time, she had never pushed to make more of the relationship.

She drifted off to sleep thinking of him. A few hours later, she woke up in a panic.

***

Four years earlier

She was at the South Portland deposition to take notes, but it was all being recorded anyway, so she really had nothing to do except monitor the recording to make sure nothing went wrong. Her mind wandered and she began to notice the man at the end of the table. He was the only other person in the room under fifty years old. He was kind of cute, but in a goofy way. She didn’t really care for the red hair, it somehow made him look too boyish for her taste. But when he looked up and their eyes met, he smiled and she found herself smiling back.

When the deposition was finished, the lawyers all left the room, leaving her to gather up her things without staying a word to her. If you do become a lawyer, she told herself, don’t be such a dick. The city officials on the other side of the table left as well, but as she prepared to go, she noticed that the red headed guy was still there. Was he looking over some papers, or just pretending? He glanced up when she stood.

“It was nice meeting you,” he said.

“We didn’t really meet,” she replied.

“True. I’m Seth O’Reilly, I’m the assistant city planner. I don’t actually know why I was here.”

“Maybe for the same reason I was, in case one of the lawyers needed a sherpa.”

Seth laughed. “Is that what you are, a sherpa?”

“Feels like it some days.”

“You didn’t tell me your name.”

“Charlotte Faulkner.”

“I like that, it sounds like the heroine of an old English novel.”

Charlotte laughed. “Well, I’m just glad my father didn’t name me Ahab or something.”

Seth gathered his papers and stood up. “I was thinking, maybe you’d like to get a cup of coffee?”

“Yeah, thanks,” she said, “I don’t think that’s appropriate, with the lawsuit. You understand.”

“Well, maybe sometime after it’s settled.”

Charlotte shrugged. “We’ll see. Look me up.” She left the room, and didn’t give him another thought until he called her at the office a few weeks later.

“I just got the news from the city manager that the suit was settled,” he told her, “So I was wondering if you’d still like to go out to dinner with me?”

“I thought you had mentioned going for coffee?”

“Well, if you’d rather.”

“Oh, no, dinner is fine,” she said, realizing that she had said yes without really considering if she really wanted to do it or not. Well, not the first time that’s happened, she thought, at least this time, I’ve still got my pants on.

They agreed to meet the following night at Duckfat, on Munjoy Hill. Charlotte arrived first and got a table. Seth showed up a few minutes later, spotted her through the crowded room and joined her. As he sat down, he handed her a small pot holding half dozen beautiful lavender flowers.

“Oh, what’s this?” Charlotte asked, sniffing it.

“It’s a dendrobium orchid.”

“You bought me an orchid?”

“No,” he shook his head, “I grew it.”

Charlotte looked him in surprise as the waiter approached their table. They ordered ice teas and decided to split an order of Belgian fries and a duck confit panini.

“So, besides growing orchids, what else do you do when your not planning the city?” Charlotte asked as they waited for their food.

Seth chuckled, “Well, to be honest, I’m really kind of a nerd.”

“No! Say it ain’t so,” Charlotte laughed.

“Is that a problem for you?” he asked, looking crestfallen.

“No, I was just teasing. So, what, sci-fi? Comic books?”

“All that,” he shrugged, “Marvel, mostly. Comics and movies. Spiderman, in particular. Can’t wait for the new movie to open next week.”

“What is it about Spiderman that appeals so much to you?”

“Well, Spiderman is a nerd. And when he’s in costume, he is completely covered. He could be any kid in there.”

Charlotte nodded. “I can see that.”

Seth’s eyes opened wide. “The movie? You’ll go with me?”

“I meant I could see your point. But, yeah, I’ll go to the movie with you.”

Seth smiled. “What about you,” he asked, “You weren’t part of the mean girl clique when you were in school, were you?”

“Ha! Far from it.”

“No offense...”

“It’s cool, I can see where you might think that, but...” She hesitated for a moment and took a sip of her tea. “My sister was two grades behind me in school. When she was fourteen, a teacher caught her and another girl making out in the bathroom.”

“Wow. Really?”

Charlotte nodded. “Naturally, it was all over school. So, one day I was in the bathroom, sitting in a stall, and the cool clique came in. They were talking about Jen, making jokes. Especially, the little ringleader, Mandy Daniels. I was pissed, but I kept quiet until they left. The next day, before school, I went out to the barn and went through my Dad’s tools and got the biggest screwdriver and put it in my book bag. I waited until the clique chicks went into the bathroom and followed them in. They were all standing in front of the mirror, checking their makeup and shit. I walked over to Mandy, and I grabbed her arm.” Gesturing with her table knife, Charlotte continued, “I held that screwdriver up in front of her face and told her that if she didn’t keep Jen’s name out of her mouth, I’d take that screwdriver and jam it in her eye.”

Seth stared at her and just said “Wow.”

“Well, my Mom had died a couple years before and I felt like, you know, I had to fill her shoes and protect my little sister. And to this day, Jen will tell you how nobody ever gave her any shit about being gay when she was in school. But she doesn’t know why.”

She shrugged. “I’m kind of proud of that.”

Seth rubbed his chin. “So, actually, you were kind of a mean girl, but on the side of justice.”

“Like one of your comic book heroes.”

Charlotte liked the way his eyes sparkled when he laughed. He really isn’t my type, she thought, but who said my type has to be assholes?

They finished eating and made small talk for a while. Charlotte asked him what exactly an assistant city planner did, and was surprised to find his description of his job quite interesting, perhaps because of the enthusiasm he expressed when telling her about it.

As Seth walked her to her car, Charlotte considered asking him if he’d like to come home with her. But there was something about Seth that held her back. She didn’t want this to turn into a one night stand. When they reached the car, she said good night, rose on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek, and went home alone.

She returned to her apartment, watched a little TV, then went to bed. She was feeling a little horny, so she reached into her bedside drawer and got out her vibrator. It was her usual practice to fantasize about movie stars or singers while she masturbated. Who should it be tonight, she thought, as she clicked on the vibrator and slipped it between her thighs. Jason Momoa, maybe? Or Idris Elba, he always came through for her. But as she neared her climax, her thoughts kept shifting to Seth, and when she came, all that was in her mind was the way his eyes twinkled when he laughed.

***

Charlotte sipped her margarita, then, looking as serious as she could, said, “Seth, I have something to tell you, I’m afraid you may not want to hear it.”

Seth stopped smiling and froze, a tortilla chip dripping salsa halfway to his mouth.

She reached across the table and touched his arm. “Spiders don’t shoot webs from their wrists. They shoot them out their ass.”

Seth laughed and ate his chip. He shook his finger at her and said, “You can make fun of my movies, but so called art films are just as unrealistic. How many people do you know that have played chess with death?”

“That’s a metaphor.”

“The Hulk is a metaphor for our inability to control our ids.”

“Fair enough,” Charlotte laughed. She pounded her fist on the table. “Hulk smash puny city planner!”

Seth chuckled, but his eyes darted around the restaurant.

“You know,” she said, “if you go out with me, you are going to get embarrassed now and then.”

He mumbled something she could not make out. “What was that?” she asked.

He looked her in the eyes, paused for a moment and repeated himself. “It’s worth it.”

Charlotte smiled and finished her margarita. “Maybe we ought to get going,” she said.

Seth looked at his watch. How many guys under thirty wear watches, Charlotte wondered. “Are you sure?” he asked, “It’s just a little past ten. You want to go home already?”

She shook her head. “I don’t want to go home. I want to go to your place.”

Seth looked like he was choking. “Really?”

“Yeah, what’s the matter? Is it a big mess? Is the sink piled with dirty dishes? Did you leave your porn laying around?”

“No. I keep my apartment neat. And I washed the dishes before I left the house.”

“Well, you can show me,” she said, slipping out of her seat. She held out her hand and Seth stood and took it. As he escorted her out of the bar, she leaned against him and said, “I didn’t hear you deny the porn.”

Seth’s house was cluttered but clean. She considered that he might have cleaned in hopes that she would come home with him, but he had been so surprised that she actually did that it seemed unlikely. Besides, she had a pretty good idea what a man’s rush job clean up looked like, and this wasn’t it. She looked around the living room while he went to the kitchen to get wine. The furniture was nice but not top end. One entire wall was completely taken up with shelves of action figures. Charlotte took a closer look. They were mostly comic book characters, only a few of whom she recognized. Others were more familiar, from Star Wars and the Harry Potter movies.

“You’ve sure got a lot of action figures,” she said, picking one up. “Who’s this chick?”

Seth came back into the room, carrying two glasses of wine. “That’s Ramona Flowers, from Scott Pilgrim Versus The World.”

She looked at it closely. “Ha! It kind of looks like my stepmother.”

She set the figure back down and took the wine from his hand. “Show me the rest of the house,” she said.

Seth showed her the alcove off the front hall that he used for his home office. It was cluttered with file folders and sheets of paper, many of them maps and blueprints.

They crossed back to the kitchen.

She opened the refrigerator and looked inside. “Chicks always check your fridge, did you know that?”

“No I didn’t.”

“Wow, you’ve got a lot of fruit and stuff.”

“Every morning I make a smoothie before I go to the gym.”

“You go to the gym every morning?”

“Every workday.”

“I go to Holy Donut and get a maple and bacon and a large espresso.”

“Do you exercise?”

“Not really. Does masturbating count?”

Seth blushed. “I can’t believe you just say things like that.”

Charlotte crossed the kitchen to him. “What’s wrong with talking about something everybody does?”

“Nothing I guess,” he shrugged.

She put her glass down on the table, draped her arms over his shoulders and leaned against him. Raising her mouth to his ear, she whispered, “I bet you masturbated and thought about me.”

Seth laughed nervously.

“You thought about me doing this,” she said, sliding her hand down to the front of his pants and squeezing.

“Oh my god, Charlotte.”

At the far end of the kitchen she saw a glass door. A dim light glowed through from the other side.

“What’s in there?” she asked.

“That’s the greenhouse.”

“For the orchids?” She walked to the door, opened it, and was greeted by the sweet fragrance of flowers.

“Holy crap,” she said, stepping inside. “I can’t believe you grew all these.”

The greenhouse was only about ten feet long and eight feet wide, but on both sides of the room, long shelves were covered with potted plants, about half of which were in bloom. She leaned close to a brilliant white bloom and inhaled. She looked back at Seth, standing in the doorway, looking fidgety. She thought his nervousness was charming.

“Dude, you weren’t on Queer Eye or something, were you?”

“What? No, nothing like that.”

She walked over and put her hands on his chest. “Seth, stop taking everything I say so seriously, okay?” She raised her face and kissed him.

“Just a minute,” he said. He picked up a pair of scissors from the bench and snipped a pink orchid from its stem. Brushing back Charlotte’s hair, he tucked it behind her ear. For a moment, Charlotte couldn’t think how to respond. It was such a small gesture, but one so tender that it almost brought a tear to her eye. “Thank you,” she softly said, and kissed him lightly on the cheek.