by lilguy
I usually laugh when people complain about the rammar and spelling, but this was SO BAD that it just takes you out of the story completely.
If you can't get someone else to edit it, at least run it through a modern word processor first.
the approach is terrific but the pacing is not. have your "li'l guy" resist her a little more and give that sweet femdom more time to overtake/use him with her lust.