May's 18th Birthday

"Why me? What do I have?"

"You're asking why I love you."

"I guess."

"Just want to make sure you know that."

"Okay, I know. Why do you love me?"

"Maybe it's beyond reason. You're the most beautiful woman I've ever known, and like I said, yours is a deep, deep, deep beauty. And after all I'm just a man. Maybe that's all it takes for a man."

"You're just saying none of the other women were pretty enough for you."

"You're definitely prettier than any of them. But you know we have a lot more than that going on. We understand each other so well, right? We just connect, somehow, right? You feel that too?"

"Yeah, definitely." But she wonders if that's really the point.

"I don't know how much that would mean if you weren't the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. And actually since you are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, I'd probably still have fallen in love with you if we had nothing in common. I mean —"

As he pauses, he slides his hand slowly from her waist up the curve of her hip, gripping it somewhat firmly, his thumb pressing into the softness of her buttcheek, his other fingers gripping her pelvic bone. She feels his warm, hard skin through every hole in the lace of her dress. She feels the power in his hand, like a promise.

She shifts subtly, without even knowing what she's doing, inviting his hand to touch her more, and more, and more....

He can have her anytime.

"But... some women must... really know what to do, like, they're good at it, and you must've been with women like that...."

"Sure I have."

"So...."

"You should just relax," he smiles.

She knows he has good intentions, but something about that response humiliates her. She looks away, enraged.

"I'm sorry." His tone acknowledges his mistake. "It's natural to be nervous, of course."

She forgives him a little bit, but not very much. He has to go on.

"The first time.... I know you don't really know what we're doing, but that's okay. I'm supposed to do all the work the first time. You're supposed to just relax and enjoy it as much as you can."

"But what about you?"

"What do you mean? What about me?"

"What do you want me to do?"

"All I want, the first time, is for you to feel comfortable and to know I love you. If you feel that, I'll be completely happy."

"What about later? I still won't know what to do."

"Later, if you want to be the best I've ever had, you certainly will be. We're going to make love many, many times, I hope, many, many, many times, and it'll be much different later than it is at first. We'll get to know each other. I'll find out what you like, and you'll find out what I like."

She looks up at him, sees that he's been looking down at her breasts, which reassures her. She can feel them opening to him — yes, look, please, see me and love me!

Bringing his hand from her hip to her face, he softly strokes her nose with his thumb, from the bridge of her eyes to its tip. Then her cheek, so gently, and along her jaw.

Then he teases her, covering her mouth playfully, as if he wanted her to stop talking.

Her eyes pop open. She was sharing extremely vulnerable feelings with him, and he wants to shut her up! He has to suffer for this impertinence!

So she grabs his wrist by both hands and pulls it down a little so she can bite it. Her teeth press into the knuckle of his thumb just enough to warn him, and the surprise in his eyes satisfies her tremendously.

Then she pulls his hand down to her chest, accidentally pressing it into the top of her breasts. She's startled for a moment — she'd forgotten how high this bra pushes them up — but then she holds it there firmly, feeling its warmth spread intoxicatingly through her body.

"You know," he looks down at her, "I've never been with a woman more than, I don't know, maybe twenty times. Not since Amy, anyway. And within a couple of weeks, we'll have made love many more times than that. Many, many more. That's what I intend anyway. So eventually, I'm sure you'll learn to please me better than any woman ever has."

"Of course I will." She squeezes his hand tightly against her chest to show her determination. "I know I will. Because I want you to know that I really love you. With my whole heart. I mean, I know that's what sex can be to a man. And I want to be like that for you."

"You're amazing, May," he laughs tenderly. "You'll never know how much that means to me. I'm such a lucky man."

"I've thought about why you had all those women, and I think I get it. You were trying to feel really, really loved. But none of them could do it for you. And I really do love you. To me, you're the greatest man who's ever lived and you deserve to be happy and to be loved with the greatest love. And I think for you, that means the greatest sex. Something no one else has done for you. Right? Does that make sense?"

"Of course. It's...."

"So if I'm... not very good at first...," she goes on, still looking away, "I mean, I'll do everything you want as well as I can. Literally anything. Just be patient with me and teach me how to love you."

"Okay. I will."

"You promise?"

"Of course. Do you promise to teach me the same things?"

"You already know everything. It's not the same."

"In a way it is, though, because every woman is different. I don't just 'know what to do.' I have to find out about you, what you personally like and don't like."

"All I want is to make you happy."

"May, my god, you've done that already."

"Already?" Her disappointed tone is almost unambiguous, and she has pulled his hand just the tiniest bit more into her breasts.

"Yes, already," he confirms, admiring her lovely dark eyes. "You've been doing it from the first time I saw you until this very moment."

"But to make you really happy. So that you... will never... regret...."

She's coming to the main point at last. The idea that is so frightening to her that she needed all this affirmation just to work up the courage...

"I mean, you kicked out all the other women right?"

"Yes."

"And you've stopped sleeping with them?"

"Yes. Completely."

"Okay, well, I mean, can I really replace all of them?"

"Replace?"

"Yeah."

He looks into the darkness of the library. He hasn't considered it from this angle.

"It's not like that. I got rid of them because I didn't want them anymore. At some point, all I wanted was you, and none of them could be you. Of course they would make love to me, and that was nice, I... have to admit that... but I got rid of them because they have nothing to offer me. I only want you now. You're not replacing them. They're gone because they couldn't replace you."

"But if I'm not good enough, are you going to...?"

"No, May, no. You're the only one who can be good enough. No one else can be good enough. You don't have anything to prove."

"But you can if you want."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, if there's anything that I can't do for you. Just let me stay with you. Because you can replace me with thousands and thousands of women, but I cannot replace you. You're the only possible one. I'll never find another man like you."

"May, you could have literally any man in the world."

"Who cares? How many six-ten men do you think there are? And anyway, even if the whole world was full of them, who else has rescued me and my mom? Who else can protect us the way you have? No, Raoul, you're a once-in-a-lifetime man. I'm not just saying that because I'm a teenage girl in love. My mom says so, everyone says so. You think Eliza praises me? You should hear her talk about you!"

"I'll never find another woman like you either."

"It's not the same. I feel like it's a dream. Like I fantasized you into existence. Everything I wanted and didn't think was possible — tall, strong, brave, successful, smart, confident, funny...."

"But that's what I think about you too."

"Why?"

"Do you think I'll find another woman who's so tall that she can lay her head on my shoulder when I'm standing up? Like you did a moment ago, when we kissed?"

"I'm wearing five inch heels. I can barely walk in these things."

"You walk beautifully in them. And most women would need twenty-five inch heels."

She chuckles at that. "Stilts."

"Literally," he agrees.

"Still not the same though." Her tone is earnest again. "You don't need a tall woman the way I need a tall man. And height isn't even the thing. That's not actually the point at all."

"Well, I wasn't done yet either."

"Okay."

"You think I'll find a woman of any height who's as hot as you are? I mean, May, literally everyone who sees you is stunned by you. If you weren't so tall, and so smart, and so intimidating, and yet so shy...."

She lays there for a while, happy to hear that of course but also wondering how she can make him understand, as he strokes her hair.

Then he goes on, "And also, you say I rescued you and all that. Well, it's not like you haven't done anything for me."

"What have I done for you?"

"I already told you. I didn't think I would ever, could ever love another woman. I thought all that was over for me. I thought my heart was basically dead. But you got through somehow, with your beauty and innocence and sweetness and cheerfulness and joy and vulnerability and, well, your hotness, and I mean the sizzling hot sexiness of your body and the gracefulness of the way you move and everything — maybe I rescued you from a bad situation. But, May, you kind of brought me back to life."

"Really?" She looks back up at him, wondering if he's exaggerating.

"Very much."

"Well, just know that I will always love you, even if you bring back all the women. Or even if you throw me out later and hate me, I will always, always, always love you."

"Okay, I will remember that. And I will always love you too. Once you love someone this much it never goes away. Even if you get tired of me and leave me and forget me, I will never forget you and you'll always have your own permanent place in my heart."

"But that's crazy. I'll never leave you, it's too horrible to think about. Please don't say anything like that again. Don't even think it. You can't even get rid of me. I'm going to stay with you my whole life even if you don't want me to."

"Okay."

He leans back, a little dizzy. What just happened? He barely kissed her, touched her hip once, and now they're practically married.

She didn't seem to be manipulating him or anything. She just said what she felt, and he said what he felt.

Well, maybe it's not so strange. They've been in love with each other for over a year, after all.

Also, does she want him to bring back the other women, or what? Was that just insecurity?

For now it doesn't matter. He doesn't want them back, he's not bringing them back. He's going to enjoy this sweet life with this beautiful angel....

Which reminds him....

"I wanted to ask you something. It's okay if you say 'no.'"

"Okay."

"Would you like to move in with me?"

"Move in? We live here already."

"No, I mean just you. Upstairs. With me. In the master suite."

"The master suite?"

"Yes. You and me."

"Really?" She jumps up suddenly, kneeling on the sofa and turning to face him.

"Yeah." He immediately puts his hand back on her waist, and she realizes that he can't bear not to touch her.

"Oh, I definitely would!" She hugs him, so happy that she forgets to feel self-conscious. She leans in, feeling her breasts against the hard muscle of his chest through his silk shirt.

"Then let's do that tomorrow," he says, sliding his hand down her body. "You can spend the night up there with me tonight and tomorrow let's move you in."

"Oh, Raoul!"

She's crying again.

He hands her the pocket square again, and they laugh for a moment.

When she returns it to him, he puts it back in his pocket and reaches for her body again.

Even though his touch is so light, she understands that he's directing her. He doesn't want her to lay back down. At first, not fully understanding, she only lifts her knee over one of his legs.

But he seems to want something else.

And then she realizes what he really wants her to do.

In her eyes, he watches nervous modesty and desire struggle for a moment. He gives her time, but anticipating his conquest, he wets his lips.

Seeing his desire thrills her, and eager to satisfy him, she spreads her legs far enough apart to place her knee all the way on the other side of his body. Her dress slides up her thighs, and she remains kneeling, not sitting down on his lap.

He looks up at her.

"Like this?" she asks.

He nods, but he takes a hip in each hand. He doesn't push her: his touch is so light, he seems to invite her to go where she was too nervous to go by herself. Perfectly willing, she follows his guidance so readily that to both of them it seems as if his mind controls her body.

As she spreads her legs still wider to come closer to his body, her dress slides even further up her thighs, all the way to her hips now, revealing a bit of black lingerie where her legs meet. His eyes linger there for a moment, and she tries to cover it with her hand, but she actually puts her hand on his crotch before pulling it back.

"Sorry!" she gasps.

"It's okay," he winks, bringing her hips still closer. "It's better than okay."

As their crotches press against each other, she feels his hardness all the way through his pants and her panties. He's guided her clit right up against it, sending tingles through her body. She doesn't know for sure that it's his cock, but his look tells her it is.

She shivers, hiding her face on his shoulder.

"Yeah," he agrees. "It feels so good."

His hands slide from her hips up her body, his thumbs along the sides of her breasts, to her face.

Then he pulls her in for a kiss.

A long kiss. One of his hands goes back to her hips, pulls her more tightly against him. She feels his need, she welcomes it, shifting a little to bring more of herself to his hardness.

Meanwhile, he's been kissing her lips as before: gently pinching each lip, gradually opening his mouth more and more to get more of her lips.

Then, for the first time, his tongue touches one of her lips.

She flinches back, eyes wide.

It felt nice, but she wasn't ready for it, and now she feels ashamed. He looks at her contentedly, but she feels she shouldn't have flinched.

That's exactly the kind of thing she was worried about. She lays her head on his shoulder again.

"I'm sorry," she says.

"Why?"

"I know I'm too.... I'm so nervous. I just don't know what to do."

"Do anything you want."

"But I shouldn't have jumped back like that."

"Why not?"

"I... don't know, it's just.... It doesn't seem like the thing to do. A girl who knows what to do for you wouldn't do that."

He wonders how to enable her to relax.

"May, you know that men fantasize about being with inexperienced women, right?"

"Yeah, but...."

Actually she's never really thought about that. It's something she knows, but has never tried to understand. "What do you mean?"

"I feel so privileged that you've chosen me to be the first man you make love to. It's an incredibly special night for me. Seriously. It could be literally the worst sex I've ever had in a physical sense, but since it's with you, such a beautiful woman that I'm so in love with, and you're letting me be your first, this is going to be one of the most wonderful experiences of my life no matter what you do."

"Okay." She's beginning to feel assured, but she keeps her head on his shoulder.

"So you don't have to do anything that you don't want to do."

"But I want to! I just...."

"I know. But anytime anything feels weird to you, or even if you just don't know if you like how something feels, just let me know. You can jump, you can push me away, or pull away, or tell me to stop, or anything."

"Really?"

"Of course."

"You won't mind?"

"Of course not. It's what I want."

"That's what you want?"

"Of course."

"Okay." He hears relief in her voice.

"It's really not your job to make tonight great for me. It's already great for me. One of the greatest nights of my life. But it's my job to make sure it's one of the greatest nights of your life too."

"Okay. But it will be. It is."

"Good. But for the rest of the night, I don't want the questions to be about what I want or what you should do."

"Really?"

"I'll do all the work."

"Oh, please do. Please do anything you want."

"I will. And you too."

"Okay. What do you want to do?"

"First, I want to sit here with you like this and just kiss you for a while. We'll keep our clothes on, but I want to hold you tight against me. I want to put my hands all over your body. I just want to touch your body so much, May. I might kiss your neck and shoulders too, and maybe even your breasts. How would you like that?"

"I'd love all that. I really want that. Is that what you want?"

"Yes."

"Good."

"And you should kiss me however you want, put your hands anywhere you want, do literally anything you want. And if you don't like how something feels, just stop me. I promise, every time you stop me, it'll make me feel good."

"What? You mean if I stop you, it'll make you feel good?"

"Yes, very good. Because I only want to do things that make you feel good. I don't want you to let me do anything that you don't actually like. If you tell me to stop, it means you trust me to listen to you and respect you. It means that you trust me to put your feelings above my own desires. I need you to trust me like that. It makes me feel like you really respect and love me. Does that make sense?"

"I guess so."

"To be honest, it's cute, too. You're a beautiful virgin girly-girl, and for me, as a man, your shyness is part of the fun. It makes me feel protective. That feels so good to me. I want my touch to be something that always makes you feel beautiful and desired and safe. Okay?"

She presses herself against him, trying to melt into him.

"That is how I feel, Raoul. I've never felt so safe!"

"Good. I'm so happy to hear that."

"But please teach me too." She raises her head now and looks in his eyes. "You know I want to be amazing for you, even the very first time."

"You are."

"But teach me how to please you. I really, really want to."

"I will."

"But," she adds quickly, with her high-pitched cute voice, "please be a little gentle, too, okay?"

"Of course," he smiles. "Thank you for letting me know. I'll be as gentle as I can be."

"Thank you, Raoul. I know I'm so lucky to..."

He puts a finger over her lips.

"I'm the lucky one tonight," he says, and then he kisses her, and as he wraps his arms around her and pulls her against him, she realizes it's really happening. Their clothes may still be on, but somehow this is it.

This is actually sex.

She pushes her crotch into his, hungry and eager to encourage him.

As his hands explore her tiny body, he kisses her lips, her nose, her forehead, her temples, her neck, down to her collarbone, thrilling her shoulder again, and then to the top of her breasts. She leans back a little to give him better access, and as he kisses one his hand cups the other.

Then he switches to kissing the other breast.

She leans back further, surrendering, closing her eyes while pleasure fills her body.

Eventually, he looks up at her.

"If you don't mind, I'd like to carry you upstairs now."