All Comments on 'Me & Sara Ch. 01'

"There will be more to this story, but how much more depends on the feedback I get."

Here's some feedback - don't bother, as your story was pitifully weak on all fronts.

And that's saying something on this site. Get an editor before you try again.

Use your hands on your cock, not your keyboard.

Don't know how, but I am sure it could be!

The story isn't a bad start, but you do have room for improvement. I think the biggest problem here is that the coupling seemed so ... abrupt. We the readers don't know how or why the sister is attracted to her brother. It just comes out of left field. Or for that matter, why the brother is perfectly okay with this, as if this were a normal thing. So, more build-up, more exposition, and give a better introduction to the characters. Why should we care about them, or want them to hook up? Explain this. I'd recommend starting with this same story, putting it through a few more drafts, and resubmitting it.

With the hymen, (maidenhead, cherry) what ever you want to call it, being only 3 inches deep in the vagina, he would have broken that on his first plunge. What he probably popped was her cervical IUD, that she has been using to keep from getting knocked-up from all of the other swinging dicks she has been fucking around with. It's still a good idea for a series, and working in incest/taboo, with a little care you will be able to write a hot, cum dripping series with this start. A young little girl who wants to fuck her brother,and he has a perpetual hard on, the only thing you will need to do is wipe up all of the jizz when your finished.Thanks ....Rich

Incest stories are about the relationship leading to sex. Take your story and add alot of back story. The way you wrote this, it's more like a first time story.

I must say you have a great start. I personally especially like to hear about stories over long periods of time that build the loving side to the relationship. I hope you write more.

I give it an 85. I'm getting tired of these stories featuring the girls being so hot & yet they're virgins who've been saving themselves for their father or brother. That scenario is getting boring. Between that & the mom catching her son jacking off & then loses her mind because she just "has to have that cock!" These stories are blending together too much anymore. That being said, this story wasn't bad at all & was quite good in parts. The hymen "popping" was complete bullshit even from a fantasy standpoint. Again, that being said, I still liked the story. Better effort next time kinkysob87.

-Jim

you have to be a guy and either a virgin,under ten or an idiot the hymen is about an inch inside the vagina so unless you have a 1 inch dick it was broke on the first pass go back to school and learn and keep your stories realistic from now on or put them in the fantacy area

could of been a bit longer, but it was still a great start and dont worry about those jerks that dont know how to appreciate a piece of work with good potential

incest6 rules I will never do it but at least it's with someone you trust and loved not some asshole or bitch who will hurt you or treat you like trash good start

don't listen to those idiots their just assholes who don't believe in love and pigs who gets horny for stupid lesbian stories

My question what did you mean open mind?

i liked it so keep writing

Not bad. I think it is generally a little better to have some build up before the two just jump each other's bones, but you definitely have a basis for a REALLY good story here. I personally would flesh it out a little more with some background and maybe a little more intrigue, but I'm not a writer, so I don't know, I just know what I have liked from reading other stories.

Yeah, agreed as above, would have definately suggested build-up.

Otherwise it was good, hope the rest go well and our advice helps

Didn't do much for me. A little more detail and build up plz

I thought it was good! could have been awesome if you had spent a bit more time building up the story instead of jumping straight into bed. It felt rushed at times but i did enjoy it and would like to read more

Howe old are you? 12? 13? Her cherry made a loud 'pop' did it? Which universe do your women come from? Any woman with an obstruction 7 inches inside her vagina is in a a world of trouble, which you'd know if you actually studied (or even just read) anything at all about human biology. This is two minutes of my life you wasted, don't write any more of this turgid shit until you've grown some hair on your balls and actually had sex, with a woman, or a blow-up doll, which I guess is gonna be the highlight of your romantic career if this is what you think goes on with women. Go away, forever.

Yeah go for it, get them together and making babies and having a really loving relationship. I liked your story if you couldnt already tell.

It was all rather perfunctory. From 0 to 10 and 1.2 seconds flat. I would have liked a little bit more emotion or seduction or even feelings would be good. He presses all the way in - all 7 1/2 inches then pulls back and then punches in and popping her cherry?? How did he not pop her cherry first time going in?. It didn’t hurt she didn’t cry it was just cold and clinical. Didn’t do anything for me.

So what's going to happen want to hear more

Once I was all the way in I quickly pulled out everything but the head of my penis before Sara could say anything I slammed into her tight hole & quickly heard a loud pop. Maybe if you were teasing her then pushed in I could believe you took her cherry but please don’t write stuff that’s not floored sort of ruined wat you were trying to deliver