All Comments on 'Measured'

Who doesn’t like a lingerie shopping trip.

I am looking forward to the return visit

Please?

Well written fiction has to be imaginable, and wow, is this one!

Please - do keep writing!

I started reading and saw that the story is written second person. The reason I started was due to the three favourable comments so far. I dislike second person unless it is a recipe telling me step-by-step how to cook a complex dish.

So I skimmed the rest of the story and found no reason to change my opinion of second-person writing. Talking to me as "you" doesn't work. "I'm about to reach down to deal with your rock hard cock" excludes half the population (including me) who don't have one.

I'll be interested to see how other commenters react to the story.

Lue

I agree with Luedon. I also dislike second-person stories as they tend to make it harder for me to create a mental image of what is happening when "I" keep doing things I would not normally do. I am a guy reading this story so I would not reach for my boyfriend's cock. I also find it off putting when the story says someone removes my bra and gently grazes the side of my breasts. I suggest you use the omniscient or third person limited point of view instead.

generally, I agree with the comment about 2nd person. usually I just skip those stories entirely. in this case, the story was well-written and hot as hell, so I stuck with it, and i'm glad I did.

I generally stop reading as soon as I find that the story is written in first person. I find it hard to get into the fun when I read about things "I" am supposedly doing, but that I'd really never do. Please rewrite this in 3rd person because it's a pretty hot story!

Well written and very enjoyable first person story. Those who critique it because it is told in first person deprive themselves of a whole host of stories told in this fashion.

Great story, not too interested with the technicalities of whatever person it was written in. All I know is, it is erotic, sensual and unusual. Well done !

Your story is controlled and precise — arousing and erotic. Hope you keep writing, you have talent!

Lesbian stories aren't my first choice of reading but this was an exceptionally good read -- erotic and well-paced. You write very well -- thank you.

Five stars.

I greatly enjoyed your story and don't understand the critiques of your use of first person, since it was appropriate for the story you wrote.

It did cause me to consider other perspectives. What if you also told the same story from the assisstant's perspective? And then the man's? It would be very erotic to understand the effect on each of them.

I write in first person on here too and can understand how it can be limiting to a potential audience, but this is very well done. The emotion and expression is very well done. Maybe it is because I actually am a dude, but this totally worked . . .

loved the slow build nice tension developed but was over very quickly. nice story though

As you say, you write in the first person. (I checked a few of your stories and they are indeed written in the first person.)

Chloe has written this story in the second person, speaking to "you" as though you (the reader) are the second person in a conversation or a character in the story.

Second person writing works well in maintenance manuals and cookbooks, and in some popular songs, but rarely in novels or short stories.

I found it interesting (and I assume that Chloe would be gratified) that many commenters did not find it distracting as I did.

Lue

Thank you all for your comments! It's great to have some positive feedback on my first submission. I have to say, it's a story that I enjoy rereading myself from time to time...

Luedon and others, I was interested to read your thoughts about the 2nd person point of view. I actually wrote this story to a good friend of mine, hence it was directed to him as 'you'. I hadn't considered the fact that this could make it alienating to some readers, particularly women. Personally, I like the way the 2nd person makes it seem more direct and immediate, but I will definitely give that some thought for my next story.

I also like the idea of rewriting the story from another perspective. If anyone would like to collaborate on that then I'd love to hear from you!

You write erotica really well, and I would have thoroughly enjoyed this story if not for the fact that I'm being told I'm doing things I have no desire to do. The "you" pretty well excludes a major portion of the population from identifying. I don't have a cock and don't want to kiss a woman.