Measuring Up

"And you are so like your father," she continued. "You treat me the way that he treats his wife. Her description of his lovemaking is just you to a tee." She squeezed my hand. "Don't you see? If there's a choice, why would we, your mother and me, sacrifice quality just for quantity?"

"Or both?" I ventured.

She shook her head. "I know you're still struggling to understand so, at the risk of making things worse, I'll try to explain: When you are inside me, I feel full; it feels right. If you were a little larger that would be okay, but not significantly better. If you were much larger, then sex could become uncomfortable and even painful in some positions. Trust me on this; I know," she added, bitterly. She looked frustrated then, releasing my hand, she hefted her B cup breasts. I felt my cock twitch.

"You seem to like my boobs," she observed. "Is your love for me proportional to the size of my tits?" She wiggled them again, grinning at my expression. "Well? Would you love me more with biiiiig bouncy boobies and less with teeny tiny titties?" she teased me.

I shook my head in defeat. "No, Liv," I conceded. "My love for you is not dependent on your bra size."

She sat silently, expectantly, apparently waiting for me to complete the thought.

I got the message. "Therefore, my love," I acknowledged, picking my words carefully. "My sole concern should be whether my penis is large enough to give you pleasure." I looked for approval but it seemed that I wasn't quite there yet. I tried again. "...Aaanndd, when my wife tells me that she is happy with what I bring to her bed, I should believe her?"

Had I passed? I thought so. I definitely remember my mother had a similar condescending smile when my younger sister used her potty properly.

We ate our lunch and caught up with each other's life while we were apart those few days. I was horrified to find that she had been convinced that, even if I returned home, it would only be to discuss the terms of our divorce. I came to realise how much I'd hurt my wife. She understood that the revelation of her past was bound to disturb me. Apparently, she had agonised over full disclosure before we married but decided that was part of another life in another country.

She envied my day-long walks to clear my head. It seemed that she had found some distraction in her work, but the periods between consultations, and evenings in particular, had been hard. She confessed that my texts and her conversations with my mother had been all that kept her going.

Then she looked at me with the first sign of mischief since that Tuesday evening. "I saw Becka yesterday," she told me. Then she explained. "I gave her one of my cards in the pub that night. Becka thought that her mum might like a make-over session for her birthday. Anyway." She leaned forward. "She rang me on Wednesday after work. Obviously, your departure from the pub the night before didn't go un-noticed, so there was some discussion in the office the following day. Apparently, your 'friend', Jerry didn't say anything until lunchtime."

Liv shook her head in disgust. "Becka was in the office kitchen making herself a coffee when he cornered her and offered to show her what upset you. He was creeping her out anyway and then he showed the same video he showed you." Liv sat back and smiled. "He miscalculated so badly," she gloated. "It seems that Jerry has a type and both Becka and I fit the profile. The idiot actually thought that seeing me fucking two guys like that would turn her on. Of course it didn't. What it did do, though was make her mad, because he hadn't taken into account that she has a massive crush on you." She clapped her hands in glee at my startled response. It was actually a joy to see her laugh, even at my expense.

Liv carried on. "You really didn't see it, did you?" Again she shook her head, this time at my lack of awareness. "So, being a huge fan of yours and being no fan at all of Jerry's, that wonderful girl asked for a better look and when Jerry gave her his phone, she legged it to HR to report his inappropriate behaviour. By the time he caught up, Hillary is it?" She looked to me for confirmation.

I nodded. "Lovely woman. Keeps the place running like clockwork. Treats everyone fairly but will not tolerate a hint of workplace harassment."

"That was my impression from what Becka said," Liv agreed. "So he bursts in to Hillary's office as she's watching a video of me being spit roast by two men on his phone." She looked at me to see how I was handling this revelation. Strangely enough, I was okay. It happened; I'd seen the video, now I had to deal with it. I gestured for her to keep going. She looked relieved as she continued. "So, from Jerry's point of view, this was a perfect storm. Hillary had heard comments about his attitude towards the women in the office but there, in her hand, was evidence, his phone playing an extremely explicit video which he had just shown to a female colleague."

"That's probably a dismissible offence," I agreed.

"Oh, but it gets worse. Hillary opened the gallery on his phone and found dozens of photographs of the women he worked with, all taken without permission. Some were really gross!" Liv shuddered. Girls' bums taken while they were bending over looking in filing cabinets. Down-blouse shots in the pub. But not only was the guy a creep, he was stupid enough to use his company phone! Of course, that was it. Hillary called the big guy from reception." She looked quizzically at me.

"That would be Phil," I offered.

"That's him. And he came to watch as Jerry cleared his desk, handed over his pass and then did the walk of shame out of the building. By the time I actually saw Becka on Friday, the news had got out that his assignment in your office was terminated immediately but he was facing dismissal from the company at large." She sat back content. "Jerry is gone and the only two people who know my, our, secret have promised to keep it to themselves."

"Oh, and there's one more thing: Jerry seemed quite smug on Wednesday morning at how well his disclosure worked in his favour. Whatever his motives in the pub, he seemed convinced that his role in some prestige project was in the bag."

I considered. It was a win/win for him. He told a workmate about the friend's wife's sordid past and either earns gratitude for bringing it to the husband's attention or causes the guy so much distraction that his work suffers and makes Jerry the preferred candidate. Apart from the issue of having porn on his company phone in the first place, to some, his actions would have been actually laudable.

Liv's voice broke into my musings. "Are we good Scott?" she asked, nervously. "Can we move past this, or will you never look at me the same way again?" She bit her lip nervously as she waited for my reply.

"Talking to mum helped a lot," I admitted. "She suggested that I replay that scene in my head the way that she saw it, the way that you experienced it." I pulled her onto my lap and held her close. "That's when I realised my wife didn't have sex with two magnificently hung lovers; the reality was that a desperate, vulnerable, teenager had to allow two near strangers to abuse her in order to finally get home." She cried quietly into my chest at that. "I have nothing and no-one to be jealous of, as long as I have you," I whispered.

We hugged like that for a long while until she stood and dried her eyes. "I think we should celebrate then," she decided.

I thought about it and agreed. She'd admitted that she hadn't been eating properly that week, so maybe a Thai restaurant, or perhaps that new Sicilian bistro on The Square. "Where do you fancy then sweetheart?" I asked.

"Bed," was all she had to say in reply.

The first time that afternoon was tentative and awkward to begin with. Liv was trying really hard not to make comments that I might think were patronising at the same time that I was trying not to make it obvious that I was looking for signs that she was faking it.

Eventually, we got caught up in the excitement of actually making love to someone we had missed, and the awkwardness was replaced by tenderness, then passion.

Afterwards, we laid, satiated, facing each other just enjoying each other's touch. Liv gave a sad little smile. "Okay, so we can do good make-up sex but, if I promise that there are no more skeletons in my closet, please can we not have a week like that again?"

I agreed wholeheartedly and hugged her to me. After a few minute, she propped herself up on one arm. It did fascinating things to her breasts. "It really is so easy to get a man's attention," she laughed. Well, she wasn't wrong. She ran her hand across my chest, her face turning serious. "I couldn't decide which was for the best," she told me. "But I think, now, that I want you to know about the other shoots." I started to argue but she hushed me gently.

"Listen to my reasoning first and then I'll let you decide," she suggested.

"When you didn't know what I'd done, you were happy," she pointed out. "Seeing that video hurt you and made you feel threatened. But now you know that there are other videos out there with me in them, and I'm concerned that they will prey on your mind." She stopped stroking me and put her hand to my cheek. "And it's important to me that my husband, the man I want to father my children, has the opportunity to walk away if I'm not the woman he wants to raise his children with."

It was obviously something that Liv had given a lot of thought to so, rather than responding instinctively, I actually considered her proposal. "Does it mean that much to you?" I asked.

"Yes. I think it does," she replied after a momentary pause. "I think it might ease your mind a little and explain how things escalated."

"Okay, then tell me now," I said, turning to face her.

"My first shoot was a simple girl on girl short with Candace. She was actually really sweet and we had a lot of fun. I didn't orgasm while we were filming but we did bring each other off in the shower afterwards, while the crew were packing away." She gave a wry smile. "She was really pretty and I wish I could find a clip to show you now. She was never a threat to us though."

She frowned as she gathered her thoughts. "The next shoot might be more of a problem for you. I played the part of an English nanny interviewing for a job." I snorted at the cliché. She grinned at my outburst. "I know. Anyway the couple playing the couple were a couple, if you see what I mean."

"As in, a real life couple?"

"Yeah. Married with kids and everything," she confirmed. "So, she was lovely and really looked after me. Her husband wasn't huge but he was obviously experienced and I did have a couple of orgasms on that set. They were such professionals that we shot most of the scene in almost one take; and I had him fucking me while she, well she helped, if you know what I mean." Liv tried to read my expression. "It was nice. They were nice. Then afterwards we had to do some close up stuff for the edit, but that was just 'take that position; move your leg'. But I wanted you to know that, while the first two shoots were simply sex, they weren't unpleasant."

She shook her head, now apparently amused. "The third shoot was insane. I was supposed to be this young guy's new girlfriend being introduced to his dad and step-mother. I can't even remember how the storyline, such as it was, worked, but we all ended up having sex. Me with boyfriend, then with dad, then touching her while they both took her, then she and I swapped places. It was the least sexy thing I'd ever done. We spent more time swapping partners and positions than we did having sex. The guys had to take the blue pills to keep themselves hard, it was that unsexy. The editor worked miracles making it look as though anything erotic actually happened at all."

"After that it was the clip you saw." Her tone was sombre now. "I came once, early on, because of the sheer intensity of his fucking. After that it was too uncomfortable to enjoy. Eventually, I was in such pain they had to stop shooting and use what footage they had."

I leaned forward and kissed her forehead as I wiped a tear from her cheek with my thumb.

"In total, I appear in five videos, including as an extra at the hen-party. Three women, five men. No-one came in me; we always had to kneel for the money shots on our faces. The married guy was probably a really good lover, but we were doing it for the camera, not for us. The guys in the partner swap just went through the motions while 'mom' and I faked it for all we were worth. And you know all about the last one: The one that hurt me."

She gave me a brave smile and took a shuddering breath as she recalled that experience. "I'm still friends with Candace on social media. Is that okay?"

"Is she inviting you to go back?" The question was mainly in jest; mainly.

"No, that's in her past too," she smiled. "She was just paying her own way through college. She's a nurse now. Married, with a baby boy."

"And she was nice to you?" I clarified. Liv nodded. "Then pass on my thanks for looking out for you, the next time you chat."

"How do you feel," she asked nervously. "Was I wrong to make you hear all that?"

I lay back with my arms behind my head and considered. To be honest, my lack of reaction concerned me. Did the lesbian scene concern me? Truthfully? No, not at all.

The threesome then? An older guy, assisted by his wife, pleasuring my Liv? If she had suggested it as a way to make money now, we'd be through. But could I really hold her to account for something that happened before we met? I wondered too if I would feel different if it had been a real-life situation instead of a lame porn scene. I made my mind up. She was a single woman back then. I had no right to care.

The third one was even less concerning, oddly enough. She'd turned up to work. Some sex happened, she went home. It sounded like a disappointing Friday night hook-up and, despite my sensitivity about my size, I had also done some stuff as a teenage student that I wasn't entirely proud of as an adult.

"I think," I began, being a total bastard and drawing my response out. "That I would have loved to see your lesbian video; I don't care about the nanny or the family videos and I'm sorry that the last one was so painful for you. I don't blame you for what you did, but I will never forgive your parents for putting you in the position where you had to make those choices."

That brought a couple of tears of relief as I hugged her to me again.

The second time we made love that afternoon was more relaxed. Liv knelt between my thighs and looked at me seriously. "When I did porn, I was coached how to make sex look good; but I want sex with you to be good." She seemed satisfied with my lack of reaction to her mentioning her past career. "I've told you things you didn't want to hear, but now at least that means we can say anything to each other. I want you to instruct me how to be the best possible lover for you. Do you want me to show you your cum in my mouth before I swallow? Do you want to cum on my face or my breasts? Do you want to take my bum for your birthday or for Christmas? You'll be the only man to ever take me that way." She gave a sultry smile. I didn't manage to come up with a coherent reply to any of her questions before she distracted me by bending to the task of getting me hard enough to let her take her turn on top. She succeeded, of course.

We never made it out to dinner that night, but we did go to my parents for Sunday lunch the following day. Dad was still oblivious, but mum recognised how close we still were, and she smiled at me, satisfied that she knew too that we'd be okay.