Memories of Paradise Ch. 01

She thinks of Julian. She wonders what he might be thinking right now, whether he's thinking of her, already looking forward to all the things he wants to do, or whether he's sound asleep, supremely confident that she will submissively accept his offer.

Images of what her life in the manor would be inundate her mind. She pictures herself naked, a golden collar around her neck, just like the other girls. It's a completely bizarre, almost scary picture for her, but without realizing it, her hand slides between her legs.

Her movements are so timid. It's been a while since she's done that. But her mind is overcome with lust. Slowly, her delicate fingers reach to her mound, running across the soft golden hair protecting her pussy. Small moans escape her lips as she massages the tiny opening of her sex. Her hand is clumsy but gets more and more confident as she lets her mental picture take over. Her moans grow louder and louder.

Then she stops, realizing what she's doing. A feeling of guilt oppresses her heart.

Finally resigned to the idea that she won't get any sleep, and wanting to clear her mind, she jumps out of bed, thinking that perhaps a walk through the large halls of the manor can help her burn some energy and calm down.

She goes to find some sort of flashlight to help her see, but to her surprise the lights start shining softly for her. She replays the scene of the first night in her mind, and doesn't remember them reacting for the girls, only for Julian. It makes her wonder for a moment if she's being watched, but it doesn't stop her.

Slowly, with steps as light as those of a mouse, she loses herself in the manor. At first she's content simply with observing, occasionally rolling her eyes at how over the top the place is. Then curiosity starts taking over her mind. Soon, she's exploring, carefully examining every inch, running her finger through every little detail, feeling all the different textures, tapping on all the different objects, like a kitten getting used to her new home. Every time she goes to a new room it makes her a little anxious. She keeps wondering if she'll discover something terrifying. Something she is not supposed to see.

The manor is a place of beauty. Every inch of it, like a piece of art. Every room, so carefully adorned. A scent of roses, champagne, and love is ever present. Certain parts are slightly worse for wear. The library, in particular, looks a little abandoned. But even then, the palatial place has everything one could ever wish for. The only thing she doesn't find is what she keeps expecting to find; something out of the ordinary. Not until she comes across a small door that calls her attention.

Ordinarily, there would have been nothing about that door that would call someone's attention. But that was precisely it. It was so plain that it looked completely out of place somewhere so ornate.

Her ever present curiosity is what pushes her forward. Her hand trembles slightly as she opens the door. She wonders if she's about to see something she shouldn't see. The strange door reveals nothing but some stairs. The place is completely dark, but with a leap of courage she descends the stairs.

When she actually sees the room, the reality is almost insulting. A simple storage room, containing some old furniture and a few small objects. A thick layer of dust reveals that no one has been there for a long time. She lets out a loud sigh of relief, followed by a laugh, feeling stupid for getting so worked up over nothing.

A little more relaxed and pushed by the same overwhelming curiosity, she decides to stay for a minute to snoop around. Most objects seem like antiquities of some kind. There is a curious symbol on many ornaments; some sort of old crest divided in the middle, with what looks like a flag on one half and a serpent in the other. She doesn't think that's a symbol she's ever seen. The most surprising thing is that there are drawers full with women's clothes. She wonders if this is where he stores the girl's clothes when they decide to become his pets, but the clothes are likely too old; the designs are pre-war and, they're way too expensive for those kinds of girl to have ever worn them.

She's about to go when she notices something that does call her attention. An old thing tucked carefully between sheets. She can barely believe she's holding something like that in her hand. She couldn't remember the last time she'd seen one.

A picture. An actual, physical picture. Framed in a delicate, engraved wooden frame. She remembers them from her childhood, mostly as antiquities. It has been so many years since she has actually held one. It is entirely covered in dust, but otherwise in surprisingly good condition.

She cleans the dust with her sleeve in order to reveal the scene. A family party. On the center, there's a couple. One man, large and muscular, of fair skin, dark hair and steely gray eyes who smiles with the happiness of someone who has everything he could want from life. Held lovingly in his arms is a woman, petite much like her, with hair as red as autumn and deep, near-violet eyes. She carries a tiny baby in her arms; a girl, judging by the color of the blanket. The woman looks at her with the most loving gaze a mother ever had. The couple looks to be of a similar age, mature, yet youthful. To their left, there's a blonde woman, also of a similar age. In front of them, making a silly pose, there's a little boy, perhaps ten years of age. The scene is completed by two large golden-haired dogs, and several small puppies.

It's the kind of picture that it's meant to radiate joy. But in that world, it inundates the room with heartbreak. Because she knows too well what happened to happy scenes like that when the world went to hell.

She stares at the picture in silence for a moment. Of all the things she thought she would find, it's the most unlikely. There's no need for explanations; she understands exactly who those people are. Even though it was a long time ago, it's those distinct features that give the boy away.

She goes to put the picture back, then after one more look at it, something compels her to take it with her. She silently makes her way out of the basement and to her room. Dawn is about to break, and physical fatigue is finally making the insomnia go away.

---

I adore this place. I know, I know... I fall in love with every beach we visit. I can't help it. You don't live your entire life on an island without growing up to be a beach girl. But this one is different. This one is special.

I think it might be the most beautiful place on earth. Everything here has such gorgeous colors: the pink sand, the turquoise water... Did you know that it is one of the few places in the world where the sunrises are purple? Purple and orange. And it smells delicious. And it's so pristine. It's just perfect.

I've wanted to return here for so long... I'm so happy we're finally back. Do you remember the last time we were here? We were 14 and... Sorry, I was 14, you were 15. We took the bus here, because we wanted some time alone, just for us, away from our parents. It was so slow, and it took us so long to get here, but I barely noticed because you came up with a game to pass the time. I was wearing those stupid overalls. Man, those were tacky... but you loved them, I don't know how. You had that t-shirt I got you at our first concert together. When we finally got to our stop we were starving. You took me to a restaurant along the way. Best cheap sushi I've ever tried, I promise. And then we found the trail that led here. No one else but us on the beach. We played around in the ocean for hours. And that gorgeous sunset, with you holding my hand... That was such an amazing day.

We were so young... and look at us now, all grown up.

I would love to move here someday. I'm sure I can put up a small shop around here. Imagine waking up to that sunrise, every single day.

Oh, listen to me... I'm rambling. I'm sorry. I can't help it if I'm a romantic. But don't worry. I didn't bring you here so you could listen to me rant.

It's just difficult not to get lost in thought. I've missed you so much, you know?... We never get to see each other lately. I always want to be with you, but there's so much bullshit getting in the way. There's so much to do, and so little time. I wish we could turn back time. Back to when we were 14.

I keep ranting. I don't want to feel sad when I'm with you. I wanted to come here because... I know what you want. I want it too. I've wanted it for so long, and I just wanted it to be perfect. So, I brought you here. Let's not waste any more time, OK?

Don't be shy. Let me show you how much I want you. I know you think about it all the time, about me, taking everything off for you, laying bare for your eyes. So, tell me, do you like what you see? Do you like it when I open my legs wide like this for you? Does it turn you on when I touch myself, slowly, thinking about you?

Please, don't just stand there, honey. Please, come here. I want you to put your hands all over me. I need you. I need to feel your body on mine. I want to kiss you until we lose consciousness. Please, baby. Kiss me deeply. Take my breath away. I will make you feel better than any girl ever could.

I wonder if you notice all I'm feeling. The goosebumps on my skin when you touch me. My pussy dripping on my inner thighs. My heart bouncing as quickly as a hummingbird in my chest... Or maybe you're just too happy, too busy with your own pleasure to notice... I kind of hope you are. I really want to make you happy. Because honey, you make me so happy.

I wish life could be like this, every single moment. What I wouldn't give to spend it with you, here, just like this. Me in your arms, you inside me, whispering in my ear how much you love me. Please don't ever let it finish. It breaks my heart when you go.

One day, I'll find a way to keep you here. I'll find a way, I promise. It'll be just like when we were 14. There'll be no more heartbreak. No more goodbyes. Just like when we were 14.

I wasted so much time. I wanted to do this so badly, but we never did. I was so fucking shy, always having to plan everything. And now, there's nothing to plan for. You're gone. And this place doesn't exist anymore. And these fantasies are all I have. I keep hoping I'll stay asleep for the rest of my life so I can stay here with you... but it always ends, and you always disappear. And I can't keep coming here, honey. It's going to break me... I can't keep watching you disappear from my arms...

I'm so alone without you.

I wanted to be with you forever.

Why did this have to happen to you...?

-----

She opens her eyes. Outside the birds are singing, just like the previous morning. But this time around they bring her little happiness. With her right sleeve, she wipes the tears that start to shed from the corner of her eyes, then gathers enough strength to sit on the bed.

It's not the first time that nightmare haunts her. It's tragically a recurring one. The very first time she cried for hours until she felt she could physically cry no more. It's always the same situation, and always the same sensation. At the beginning it feels completely real, but the illusion slowly breaks. So slowly that she can see it all fade away, forcing her to go through the heartbreak every single time.

But this time, in that place, surrounded by those strangers so unlike her, there's something different. She pulls out the picture again and stares, holding it tightly in her hands. Her mind replays her conversations with Julian and Cammie, and suddenly something clicks.

A knock on the door immediately takes her back to reality. Julian's voice calls from the other side. Startled, she asks for a minute to finish getting ready, and hastily puts the picture away in the nightstand, hoping he doesn't find out she stole it. Then she rushes to the bathroom to clean her face so that he won't notice she's been crying.

As she's about to open the door, she can feel how the fair skin of her cheeks reddens lightly with the thought of what's she about to agree to. She wonders if she's thinking clearly at all. But her eyes are drawn to the nightstand, to the memory of the photograph, and she knows her mind is made up.

-----

"Listen, I thought about your offer..." she squeaks, disappointed in herself for how timid she sounds.

Julian fixes her expectantly. His expression does not reflect even a single doubt that she'll agree to stay, but there's a certain soothing quality about him, that reassures her, that makes her want to accept.

Still she clears her throat and tries to compose herself as much as she can, trying to sound as serious as possible.

"Don't question me here because honestly, I'm not sure I'm making sense. This feels... It's completely outside of anything I'm used to, anything I'm remotely comfortable with. I should've said no from the beginning..."

"But?"

"But... you were right. I don't like my life. I... I feel depressed. I feel... dead. I have to change, and you and the girls are... is as if you were the exact opposite of me. You look the way I remember people used to look. And I want that back. But I want you to make me a promise..."

She waits for him to ask but he doesn't. He continues with the same expectant look and just waits for her to continue. His eyebrow curves slightly upwards revealing some slight curiosity.

"Look, I'm not an idiot. I know what this is. I understand the dynamic. But I need something to be clear. I'm not a slut who will open her legs in exchange for a few scraps. That's not who I want to be. That's not how I want you to think about me. If I stay, I'm staying for myself, and I'm not agreeing to anything permanent. Only to give this an opportunity. I want you to promise me you'll let me go if I want to."

"You know I don't mind if you stay for the money, right?" he queries. The corner of his mouth curves in apparent amusement at the blonde girl's speech.

"But I do," she replies drily.

"And this promise means something to you? You trust me to keep it despite the fact I could easily break it at any time?" he asks in a tone of genuine curiosity.

"You could've easily raped me, but you didn't. You could've done all the harm you wanted to me, and instead you helped me. Honestly, I can't even believe you did it. I... I don't know what to make of you. But I think I can trust you. I know there's no reason for you to acquiesce to anything I want. I simply want you to understand what I want this to be."

Julian waits for a moment before replying, scrutinizing Val's face in the process. The combination of amusement and curiosity remains in his expression. Val wonders if he doesn't believe her, or if she simply is the first person who has ever said that to him.

After a moment Julian smiles, seemingly satisfied.

"All right, pleasure and happiness. That's what you are looking for. And don't worry, being a prisoner is not part of the arrangement. If you want to go, you can go."

Val pauses for a moment, startled. She had imagined he would be difficult to convince. Her request seems reasonable, but she can't really tell what's reasonable in that manor and what's not. It's almost suspicious how easy it was. But it is what she wanted. She tries to look for something more to say, but she can't figure out how to delay it anymore.

"Then... I guess that's my decision."

"You don't sound convinced," he calls her out.

"I'm just a bit nervous."

Even admitting it seems to require an effort. But she figures there's no point in denying it. She has put herself in his hands. To her surprise, the man softens his expression into a more tender look.

"Well, then. Let's welcome you to the house. Take off your clothes. Or... my clothes, I guess."

"A-Already, but we..."

"Just met? Yeah. And you've been through a lot? That's also true. I know that. But you say you want to live like us? That's how things work. So, undress. I'm not going to hurt you. I promise."

She stares at him for a moment, then sighs and lowers her head.

You want this. You agreed to this. Just let it happen.

Slowly and timidly she begins to remove her shirt, fighting her trembling hands as she remembers she's not wearing any underwear, and taking it off will expose her breasts to him. The scene takes a bit too long. Julian doesn't complain. If anything, he seems to find her nervousness amusing.

It's just skin. He already saw everything anyway. Stop being a damn baby.

Her blush deepens, but she manages to use her shame to fuel a small adrenaline push and denude herself swiftly.

For the first time of her own will, her pale shape lies exposed for his azure eyes to admire. Already she can feel her face becoming a powerful scarlet color.

It´s OK. I can do this. I can leave anytime.

Without saying a word, Julian stands up and circles around her, in a manner that resembles an artist eyeing a masterpiece, or a predator eyeing his prey. He runs his hands over every inch of her young body, carefully examining every detail, occasionally caressing or pinching her softly. He doesn't once look at her eyes, not until it's time to examine her face, but even then, his pensive expression makes it clear he's not engaging her, simply analyzing her.

The shame of being examined like a piece of meat deepens her blush even further, turning her face completely scarlet. Still she doesn't protest.

Stay calm. Just let him do what he does.

"W-Well?" She queries after a while, taken over by shame and unsure of what he wants.

"A petite pretty frame," he begins, in an almost worryingly dispassionate manner, "Cutest adorable features. Lovely breasts; perky, round and soft. A bit on the smaller side, but it's not that bad. The hair has a beautiful tone, although the way you keep it is a mess. And you're not completely healthy. A bit too skinny, malnourished even. It can be fixed."

He smiles, apparently satisfied and stands before her, once again fixing her with his blue gaze.

"To summarize, the natural assets are there, we just have to polish them a bit, take better care of them. I can work with that."

His explanation does little to quell the bizarre combination of shame and arousal that has taken over her mind, but she doesn't get any time to focus on it. With a gentle pull to her right arm he brings her into him. Her small surprised gasp is cut short by his lips kissing her deeply.

It's a moment that brings two different realities together. His hold on her is strong, powerful... She can feel how he invades her mind and body with every warm, tender kiss. She tries to mimic him, but it's awkward. It becomes obvious that she hasn't done it in a long time.

She closes her eyes, a moment of surrender to the man she has given control over her life. Her heart flutters in nervousness. But it's not what she hopes for. Images of all the tragedies come back to haunt her. She breaks the kiss, putting her hands on his chest protectively.

"W-Wait... Can't we wait for this? I just..."

"Is something wrong?" he asks her calmly.

"I don't know if I'm ready."

For the first time there's no amusement in Julian's expression, only genuine confusion.

"After the whole speech telling me how it would be good for you?"

"I know. I'm sorry. Please don't be mad. I just wasn't expecting to start so quickly. There's been so many awful things happening lately... I'm just not there mentally."

She looks at him almost pleading with her eyes. She hates herself for doing so, but the wound is still too recent.

Julian pauses for a moment, but his demeanor quickly transforms back to the one she's used to, the one who saved her from the alley, who looks at her with a tenderness she can't understand.