All Comments on 'Merrit's Merits Ch. 02'

It's supposed to be Merritt's Merits, not Merrit's Merrits, which doesn't even make sense. And I double-checked when submitting it this time, it's not a typo of mine. I'm really frustrated by this.

Anyways, I finished writing a third chapter. And it has an actual sex scene in it. I'm not sure if I'm being rated for actual quality or just for the lack of homosexual content. I guess I'm asking for feedback. Hopefully the later chapters will be something to jerk off to. Just be patient, and it will pay off.

For not commenting sooner. I've been quite preoccupied. Your story is frustrating in it's length - the chapters are terribly *short* so I'm left really wanting and wishing for more after each one. I don't get much a feel for your characters (what they look like, for example, or the environment that they're acting in). At the same time, I'm definitely hooked - wanting to know more about them, wanting to know what's happened to Merrit to drive him to a female (that's indeed *desperate* for a gay male) and what in the world lies in he and Tyler's past. So you've done a good job in sowing seeds there.

As for the problem with your title... I would suggest if you've been careful submitting it that you put a note in the "Notes" box stating that the title should be "insert your title here" and that the first two chapters have been posted incorrectly in spite of your correct submissions. I'm sure Manu can get it straightened out for you. Most of the submission process is automated, and only the notes part is handled by human eyes, so that's a good bet for catching someone's attention.

Hope that helps, and Best of Luck! This is a great start!

I'm not sure that the Merritt character has been fleshed out yet. You are a good writer and have the bones of an interesting story, but I find that the focus has been less on Merritt and more on the secondary characters. I'm to the point where I wonder "who is Merritt, and why is this story about him", because he hasn't stuck around long enough in either chapter to say "I know this guy" aside from some abstract feelings.

Because you asked about the first chapter I will say that while opening a gay story with a heterosexual "sex" scene is not uncommon. However, leaving the rest of the chapter focused on the female's point of view and dramatic 'I am woman' routine would leave one wondering if the chapter should have been labeled "Gay Male," especially since Merritt was such a background character in that scene. Yes, he's the one that stops the sex act but then he leaves, and when he does return to the scene he's in the background.

Thanks for the feedback.

I made a deliberate attempt not to flesh out Merritt yet, in hopes that people would relate to him emotionally before getting distracted by his physical traits and appearance. I wanted to save most of Merritt's physical appearance for the scenes in which he is checked out and oggled by some people at Tyler's workplace.

As for my chapter length, I'm willing to beef it up in the future. Chapter III is longer than Chapter II, and that will help me ease into a larger chapter scheme.

I included a request for the titles to be corrected in the Notes section when I submitted chapter three.