Michael Ch. 10

Amanda held onto Sammie, her face pinched and worried. Max and Roland were having a heated exchange further down the corridor. Sammie wished they would shut up.

"She was conscious briefly, then lapsed again. We've made her comfortable and Dr Bruggat will be along later to discuss the situation." Dr Chance informed them.

"Thank you," said Sammie.

"Can I sit with her?" asked Amanda.

"Yes, and do chat to her. Familiar voices can be helpful, but no shouting or arguments." The Doctor flashed an annoyed glance at Max and Roland.

Amanda nodded, gripping even tighter to Sammie as the Doctor walked away. "I've left a message for Megan, hopefully, she'll be here soon."

"I'm sure she will, why don't you go through while I sort those two out and then I'll ring Bianca, see if she knows what Megan is up to." Sammie kissed Amanda, holding her tightly.

"Okay, don't be too long though." It was part request, part order.

"I'll be as quick as I can, Miss Amanda."

The two men stopped as Sammie approached. "This isn't the place," she said.

"Fuck off," snapped Max.

"No. Only Miss Amanda has that right. You are not helping her or her mother."

Max stuck his face into Sammie's. "Listen you snotty cunt, if I say fuck off, you fuck off!"

"Ease off, Max, she's right," said Roland. "Michelle would want us to do right by family, so lets calm down and wait this out. It isn't the first time."

"It isn't?" Sammie picked up on the admission.

"No," Max grunted. "Sometimes Lady's mind kind of blows a fuse, I should have seen this coming. Its her fucking sister and Kax, always fucking Kax! Fuck this, I'm getting a coffee."

"Kax?"

Roland shrugged. "It's the one taboo. We don't talk about Kax or even mention Kax. Michelle can't handle it."

"So, she shuts down?"

"Pretty much."

"What were you arguing about?"

"Me being here, Michelle fired me earlier."

"She did? Why?"

"It doesn't matter and it isn't the first time," he added with a wry smile.

****

Rachel answered the phone. "Hi, Sammie, understand there is a bit of a flap on."

"Yes, and too much testosterone around here isn't helping. Do you know where Megan is?"

"Sure, right now she's removing Amy's boot imprint from her face. Did you know Megan has a serious boot fetish? It's the Rev. Mead's fault." Rachel started giggling.

"Fuck's sake, I swear there is something wrong with people," said Sammie in exasperation.

"Well, that's a bit rich coming from you, hun, she without sin and all that."

Despite herself, Sammie laughed. "Just fix Megan up and get her to the hospital for Amanda's sake, thanks."

"We'll be there." Rachel wasn't missing the drama.

Not everyone was as keen as Rachel. "Why the fuck do we always get dragged into this shit?" Bianca snapped as they bundled into the car.

"Oh, do be quiet, we haven't been dragged into any shit for years, so this is kind of fun. You okay, Megan?" Rachel turned to the passenger in the back.

Still embarrassed, Megan nodded.

"Always the same, huh? Just when you want to unwind and have a bit of fun with your daughter's butch ex-girlfriend, all hell breaks loose," continued Rachel with a wide grin.

"Rach."

"Yes, hun?"

"Fuck off."

"Okay, hun. Okay."

Bianca tried not to laugh.

****

"Fetch me another covering, the patterned one we bought today. It's pretty don't you think?"

Michelle did as she was told, covering her pale mother in the plaid blanket they had bought at the stall. The evening temperature still retained its Mediterranean warmth, but increasingly it wasn't enough.

"Do you want to go out this evening, you have been with me all day, almost every day for weeks now," continued Linda. She always asked and always received the same answer. Linda treasured the answer.

"I'm never leaving you."

"Well, I will leave soon, we both know that."

Michelle didn't respond.

"You need to see your own daughter." Linda went on.

"Amanda is fine, she won't even remember me. Probably best that way."

"Nonsense. A daughter needs her mother. Her real mother."

"I know. This one definitely does."

"Sorry. I shouldn't have said that."

Michelle climbed onto the bed next to Linda.

"Nice of Roland to visit," continued Linda. "Such a kind, lovely man.

"Yeah, he's okay."

"Be nice to Roland, promise me that. Don't take against him even if you have cause."

Michelle remained silent. Her expression opaque.

"Promise me, Michelle."

"Okay, I promise," responded Michelle tersely. She had resented Roland intruding but had accepted it for Linda. "What you think I would do anyway? He's a grown man, for fuck's sake." Michelle stopped. "Sorry about the language."

"Dear, last thing that should concern is the odd fuck or two. And you know what I mean. You take against people, and well, lets just say I don't want you taking against Roland."

"You shouldn't believe all that nonsense about me!" Michelle tried to curb her frustration and anger. "Things got out of hand. I went inside for it, but there was nothing proven about, you know."

"Yes, dear."

"And don't say, 'yes, dear', I'm not a fucking child."

The scene shifted

"I promise I won't take against Roland." Michelle finally said as Linda put down her glass.

"Good. I know you are true to your word. Roland is virtually family. Oh, and Becky too."

"She didn't show up I noticed." Michelle said with a hint of satisfaction.

"I've been meaning to tell you about that."

Oh, for f-fanny's sake. Don't tell me she's turning up next!"

"At the end of the month for 5 days, so be nice to her and her wife, none of your usual, well you know."

"My usual what?"

"You like to play games, they can hurt people."

"You have a very low opinion of me, mother!"

Linda held her daughter's hand. "Look at me, Michelle. I have a very high opinion of you and your capibilites. I just have no illusions about them and it makes no difference to me. I love you fiercely and proudly!" Linda's strength rallied with her emotion. "Do you understand?"

Michelle regarded her mother until tears blurred her vision.

"Yes, mummy," she kissed Linda tenderly.

*****

It was six in the morning, no one had much sleep, and Dr Bruggat was hesitant about how much to tell Amanda, and certainly not in front of Sammie. In the end, she sat down with Amanda and Megan.

"You're both next of kin so I feel reasonably comfortable in discussing Ms Leason with you."

"What happened to mum? Is she going to be okay?" asked Amanda.

"I can't say for certain, but most likely, yes. As to what happened, I think there are several factors at play here. Firstly, she is still trying to come to terms with the loss of her mother. Secondly, she is trying to reconnect with you. Both of these factors have put an emotional strain on Ms Leason, and emotional issues are something she struggles to deal with. Additionally, she has been forced to face the memory of her ex-husband which she finds difficult at the best of times. All of this has caused her to shut down, it's a protective measure. It's not the first time so if it follows a similar pattern then she should be okay."

"Is she insane? Like schizophrenic or a psycho?" asked Megan bluntly. Amanda squeezed her hand in support. They had debated whether to raise their concerns.

Dr Bruggat visibly winced. "They are broadbrush terms. It is difficult to label people precisely. Ms Leason exhibits sociopathic traits within the accepted parameters of the condition, such as inappropriate behaviour, extreme risk taking, aggression, and whilst there are some psychotic traits--such as hallucinations and self-aggrandisement --she is also highly organised and disciplined. Schizophrenic? No, not in my opinion. Ms Leason creates personas and adopts and discards them, but they are deliberate acts."

"In your opinion." Megan focused on the admission.

Dr Bruggat inclined her head. "Yes. In my opinion, Ms Leason is a high functioning sociopath, not a schizophrenic."

Amanda and Megan exchanged looks, then motioned for the Doctor to continue.

"Now, to what we do know. Firstly, are you aware of Ms Leason's visual agnosia?"

"No, what is it?" Fresh alarm gripped Amanda.

"It's the inability to perceive certain objects, they appear as jumbles, shimmers, or splodges. Dogs, cats, banks of flowers--"

"That's why she's afraid of dogs!" exclaimed Megan.

"Yes, she can't really 'see' them, just strange ominous splodges for want of a better description. Early in childhood, she was deemed slow, but in reality, she was trying to understand and interact with her world. Eventually, she managed to coexist with her condition, but it affected her ability to connect with people and her social and physical environment.

Ms Leason sees the world differently from everyone else. Objects, shapes, and colours can be different. Her speed perception is different. She, in effect, lives in her own world. It's close enough that she can navigate the world you and I see. But as you can imagine, it was, and still is, difficult for her. Equally, she disputes this."

"In what way?" asked Amanda.

"She argues that seeing things differently is not necessarily a handicap. Who is to say how she perceives the world is not more advantageous than how you and I see it? My view is that this is a protective argument. 'I'm different; therefore, I'm superior.'"

"She has quicker reactions than most."

"Which feeds her sense of superiority, which has led to the creation of her own universe of morality and rules. All this despite the obvious handicaps of the agnosia. Again she disputes this."

"How?" Amanda was fascinated by Dr Buggats explanation.

"Your mother says she knew that conventional morality didn't fit her from an early age, but to protect herself and her mother, she adhered to it, but she was acting. It wasn't until McCraddocks that a different view struck a chord, but even then she may have resisted if it wasn't for the cocktail of drugs they fed the girls. In her view, these drugs helped 'free her'."

"Free her?"

Dr Bruggat nodded. "Yes. Allow the real Michelle Leason to come out. And she adopted names for that personality. Miss M, Raven. But then pregnancy threw a wrench into the mix, triggered psychosis, and she began seeing Michelle and Raven as two separate personalities. Then there were other personalities --like Dr Rosen. What made it manageable was self-medicating on a variant of the McCraddock drugs. She funded research and production. Called it Trance. That stabilised her. Not fully. She still had hallucinations, usually in downtimes, or after an intense period of stress or excitement. That was, in my view, her mind sorting itself out, resetting if you like. Not dissimilar to what we are seeing now."

"Is she on medication?"

"Yes. The meds she is on are a more refined version of her self-medication program. Stablises her more than anything else. No hallucinations."

"She is still the same person though?" asked Megan.

"Yes. She is still the Michelle Leason you know. Just calmer."

"Not so violent."

"I can't comment on that. Her personality is still the same. Perhaps we have improved the trigger point. No pun intended."

No one smiled.

"One more thing," continued Bruggat. "If you can get her to open up as you reconnect as a family, that may help. Get her to talk about how she sees reality. I'm not convinced we ever got a handle on that."

"How do you mean?" Amanda was starting to feel a weight of responsibility.

"I'm not entirely sure myself, but the more we can understand her, the more we and others can help. Talk to her about her obsession with odours, certain colours. Just simply chatting may reveal more than any amount of sessions. Anyway, I hope that helped."

Amanda slumped in the chair as Bruggat left, then straightened. "What do you think, mum?"

"Honestly? It's out of my league, dear. I know Michelle had mental health issues, but they just skew who my sister is, they don't change anything. And I have no idea how straight she has been with the doctors. She probably revealed more than she realised, but not as much as the Doc thinks. The seizure is genuine but she's probably in there building a new persona and everyone will go along with it like we always do." But whatever emerges, like every other 'persona', she'll still be an evil fuck.

Megan crushed the coffee cup and kept that opinion to herself.

****

The hotel was closer to the hospital than the compound, so Amanda took a double room to share with Sammie. It had been two days with no change to Michelle. Roland was often there too.

They were in Nico's coffee shop, and Roland opened up on the early days with Michelle.

"Didn't really think much at first, just a skinny blonde thing, no different to all the other girls that came through the doors. I hooked up with Linda for a bit of fun, which Michelle approved of funnily enough. Anyway, your mum took to the life-style, really keen, then well, it went to shit."

"What happened?"

"She was attacked. Raped." This from Sammie.

"Yeah, got really banged about and Michelle was not happy."

"But the girls like Michelle were given to expect it weren't they?" continued Sammie.

"Yeah, but there were still rules. Michelle accepted the rules and getting banged about a bit within the rules was okay. It was fun. She found it fun. What happened broke those rules to her way of thinking and she wanted payback. You heard the story?" Roland looked at Sammie.

"Some, I did a lot of research on Michelle when she came back. That she tracked the guy down and, well after that I don't really know."

"I do. I arranged it. Mates of mine grabbed the guy and I travelled up with Michelle. Kax was one of those mates. You really want to hear about this, Amanda?"

"Of course. Look I know what mum is like, Megan is not a fan and isn't shy about telling me."

"To be fair, it was more to scare him. Which it did," he chuckled. "Imagine. All us black guys in a cellar, beating on a fella who assaulted this skinny white chick who then calm as you like pulls out a blade and shivs him several times."

"Oh my god!" exclaimed Amanda.

"He survived, scared the shit out of him though. After that she invites me and Kax down the pub. She took a shine to him and him to her. Your mum had balls and style. Kax liked that. Liked her too. Then he went to work for her."

"Doing what?"

"Fixing things that needed fixing. That was how they put it. He started training her too. Building her up. She had a talent for fighting, very quick, abnormally so. No one realised at the time, but the training and discipline helped her mentally. I wasn't aware of some of her problems, Long story short, they set up here, initially under the cover of McCraddocks and then set up the Depot, which is still a word in this town that gives people the shakes."

"And then followed a reign of terror," muttered Sammie.

Amanda shot Sammie an annoyed look.

"A bit dramatic, but for some, yes I guess it was," replied Roland.

****

"You, okay, Miss Amanda?" Sammie was doing Amanda's hair in their room. "The new silk cap to wear in bed, perhaps?"

"Yes." Amanda's eyes were fixed on Sammie in the reflection.

"It suits you, although I've seen Bianca wear a carrier bag on her head for the night." Sammie kept it light, sensing Amanda was unhappy with her.

"Yes, it does. About this afternoon with Roland."

Sammie waited.

"I didn't like it when you spoke out of turn, the reign of terror. Michelle is still my mother and I prefer you don't rubbish her in front of others, especially when she is in hospital. Me and you it's okay, I guess but that upset me."

Sammie remained silent.

"Do you have anything to say for yourself?"

"No, Miss Amanda."

"Not even an apology?" Amanda stood up and faced Sammie, taking the comb from her.

"I apologise."

"Are you sure? You don't seem that apologetic." Amanda's eyes bored into Sammie.

"Your mother--" Sammie stopped. "I do regret any hurt to you and for that I sincerely apologise, Miss Amanda."

"My mother what? I know she hurt you, that you loathe her, you said so, but I thought you had cleared the air with this arrangement?"

"Again I apologise for distressing you, Miss Amanda. I will not talk out of turn in front of outsiders again."

"Well, that's a start, but I am not happy with your answers or your apology. You are dancing around the issue. Don't try and be clever."

"I'm sorry, Miss Amanda."

"You are used to dog beds, I suggest you fetch one because that is what you will be sleeping in tonight."

"Of course, Miss Amanda, as you wish."

"I do wish, Sammie, I do wish. Now go and fetch your bed, there's a good dog."

****

Michelle came around on the third day, late afternoon. Tilly dozing in the chair, was slow to her Mistress's side as Michelle struggled to raise herself.

"What the hell?" Drool fell from Michelle's mouth.

"Mistress--" a hand gripped Tilly by the throat and squeezed. "Mistress!" Tilly gasped again, seeing the hard intent in Michelle's eyes.

Power was lacking in the grip. Tilly broke free, coughing, and massaging her throat.

"What the--?" The private nurse ran in to stop Michelle from climbing out of bed, the IV torn from her arm. "Help needed!" The nurse yelled as she pushed Michelle back onto the bed.

Tilly also grabbed Michelle and she saw recognition start to filter in.

"Tilly?"

"Yes, Mistress. Everything is okay. You are in hospital."

"Not with my mother?"

"No. Please get back into bed. I'll fetch Amanda."

Nodding slowly, Michelle relaxed and sank back onto the bed. "Get the fuck off me!" She shook off the nurse.

Ignoring Michelle, the nurse turned to Tilly. "I'll get the doctor. You okay?"

"She's fine!"

"I'll be okay. She was just disoriented," replied Tilly quickly.

"Okay. Behave yourself, or I'll strap you down." The nurse said firmly to Michelle.

Michelle closed her eyes and ignored her.

****

Clutching the battered box of chocolates, Bill Harvey wandered up to Michelle's room. It was the fourth time he had tried. Each time previously, Michelle had been unconscious. The nurse had allowed him to stay for a few minutes. Bill worked part-time as a porter at the hospital, which brought him some leeway.

He had seen Michelle intermittently prior to her arrest, mainly through his job as a security guard at McCraddocks, which she had secured for him. She had always helped him. Any bother he was in, Michelle would bale him out.

He had traded on his relationship while she was inside, boasting down the pub that he used to fuck 'Raven'. People would buy him drinks as he told the stories of their 'porn and pizza' nights. No one believed him.

After Michelle was released, he tried the compound but never got past the gate, never got word to her. Now she was here. Knocking softly on the door, he pushed it open.

The nurse who had restrained Michelle earlier was still on duty. "Hi, Bill, she's awake, you want to give her the chocolates you can but don't tire her."

"Who is it?"

"Hey, it's me Bill, long time no see," he grinned.

"Bill? Christ." Michelle took in the largely disappearing hair, fat gut and heavy glasses. Never an attractive man, the years had not been kind.

"Great to see you again.You okay? I brought you these. They got a bit crumpled in my locker." He thrust the box of chocolates into her hand.

"Thanks." Michelle tossed the box onto the bedside unit.

To his eyes, she looked worn and tired, her face lined. He didn't like her short hair.

"Leave us," said Michelle to the nurse.

"I'll give you ten minutes. Don't tire her," the nurse warned again as she walked out.

"You look like shit," said Bill pulling up a chair and picking up the chocolates.