All Comments on 'Michelle Makes a Move'

...on a church altar..." Well, that made this old lapsed Catholic grin (bejasus, I'll never get to heaven now!). And although she came round in time, Kryssa's grandmother proved the old saying: you can take the girl out of the Old Country but you can't take the Old Country out of the girl. Another great story from you, Van. Most of the best stories on this site read as if narrated from real life and this one is right up there amongst them. An enjoyable read, highly recommended.

I absolutely loved this. The background and buildup to their relationship was impossible to not get sucked into. I hope you make this into a series, I would love to see how the relationship blossomed!!!

Thank you for a great story. The character development is delightful and goes long way in making this story such a fun read.

So well written thank you for sharing.

Loved the whole story. Keep on writing I will keep reading.

Started out as a really wonderful story until "Well, I can't be bothered," Kryssa snapped.

Just what this story did not need. A bully.

It ruined the rest and i was finished reading anything further.

Sorry, I just despise bullying of any kind.

Very well done. I hope that you'll continue this and let us see how they wind up. Thank you!

I just wanted to say that I really enjoyed this story and found it heart-warming. I fully respect everyone on this site and their opinions regarding this story. I would, however, encourage everyone to read the story to the end and to maybe see different layers that every character in this brings to the table. When I put myself in Kryssa's position after their dinner, drive and subsequent adrenaline rush from the assholes in the car, I was able to see a woman who was A) still jarred from the driving/escape; B) really crushing on someone who was admittedly being openly flirtatious, including offering up a more passionate kiss than the one on the cheek, and then taking it all back; and C) Basically wondering what the hell was happening in her life from her arrival back to Toledo to the moment they headed to the police station. I get that her statements to Michelle were harsh but Kryssa is "human" too and maybe she just went into a mode where her defense mechanisms would lead her to focus on self-preservation, both mentally and emotionally. I think it's easy to say that Kryssa is a bully because of her remarks but I also think that those remarks were "bully-ish" because they were used as a cover for a more complex/layered character.

In closing, I think that this story was well-written and was certainly worth reading until the end. I look forward to reading it again in the future and I hope that there could be a sequel in their future as their relationship progresses. You gave us a bunch of interesting paths to travel down and I'd be eager to see how Michelle's mother may or may not ultimately change.

I really loved this one, thank you for sharing it with us!

Kryssa had no right to feel all pissed off at Michelle when she was having trouble sorting out her feelings and asked for time. And, she has no right to expect that Michelle can simply mold her feelings right fucking now to whatever Kryssa wants. The kiss already showed Kryssa that the attraction was there. She should just be fucking patient and be nice to her. Seriously, what a selfish bitch. Michelle deserves plenty of time, and pushing her into something she's not sure of is unconscionable. Especially when it's THE FIRST DATE. My god. It's great that Kryssa helped her with the door of her house, but that doesn't mean Michelle owes her a fuck.

If a boy treated one of my daughters this way I would be mad as hell at him too. I would tell her, "Stay away from that prick, he's just going to use you."

Since a couple of you have felt uncomfortable with Kryssa's burst of frustration after the car chase, I would like to tell you where she was coming from at that point. She's just survived an extremely stressful event - being chased by people wanting to harm her and Michelle. So she's already in a heightened physical and mental state of agitation, and she says something that would have been better left unsaid. She's human, and as events throughout the story show, she's impulsive. Michelle realizes this, hence her comment that they should talk later - which Kryssa agrees to immediately. This exchange is a one-time event, not a pattern of behavior, and Michelle chooses to give her friend the benefit of the doubt, which turns out well fpr them both.

I very much appreciate everyone's comments and insights. When people respond passionately to a story, a writer has done her job!

Van

I really enjoyed the story. Building the backstory and personalities was nice. Very believable. I look forward to reading more of your work.

I really enjoyed the character development and how things flowed. I would say that you could co time with this story and I corporate a few different aspects along the way. I would say the only quick fore was the use of the word crotch when Michelle explored Kryssa. I found it out of place. JMO.

You've made your characters so real and so likeable! This, as failed writers like me know all too well, is a very difficult thing to achieve. But you make it seem so easy!

I've added you to my favorites. Please keep writing.

Such amazing talent on display.

Every story you write is a gem. I loved the two characters and completely buy into their actions and reactions. You make them real. Thank you.

I agree with the last comment from Barry. All the stories you have posted have most engaging characters, and are excellently written in relation to plot, the way the characters are revealed, and the beautiful clear prose.

Kryssa's outburst seems to me to be perfectly in character. Throughout, she is shown as strong, direct, and possibly too much of a thinker, the latter partly to protect her emotional core; she has after all fallen for this woman from the first contact. To the two who object to it: I wonder if you simply can't take strong and rather dominant characters. Bullying is continual harassment, of whatever sort, including blowing hot and cold in a relationship and expecting the other party to suffer it in the hope that the beloved will come round. That is not the same as being uncompromising and decisive as Kryssa is in her outburst.

Gadzooks, netgnostic, I assume you’re perfect at all times. Oh wait a minute, you’re one of those who hides behind anonymity on the net and spews vitriol. Guess you’re not so perfect after all.

I normally don’t read this category, but seeing that it was set in Ohio, decided to give it a look. I have lived most of my 67 years in the Toledo area, and you got every local reference exactly right. The Old West End. Fifth Third Field, home of the Mud Hens. River Road, and all of the romantic riverside turn outs where I took my girlfriends. I can only imagine how much fun a Miata would be out there. And the story was enough to capture the heart of even this devoutly straight old white guy. Easy 5 stars. Kudos.

Michelle's father is a genuine star in this story.

A fantastic ending point.