Mike & Karen Ch. 29

"I'm petitioning to have sex and moral degeneracy dealt with on campus," she explained. "While I have no problem with sex, I am firmly of the belief that it has no place here at the university."

Mike mused for a moment. "Because this is a place of higher learning, and the enticements of sex and other vices keep students from applying themselves to their studies, leading to lower grades, lower rankings for the university, and prevents humanity from achieving the rationalist future that it is capable of, yes?"

"I... yes," Verna said, blinking. "That was very succinct, and dead on, actually. How did you know that?"

Mike shrugged again. "Not that difficult to figure out, really. Y'look around the campus and see the temptations, you listen to the conversations happening, and sometimes you're amazed that the place is attaining the amazing scores that it does. The guys spend so much time talking about sleeping with Gordon that they can't possibly match that desire with amazing grades."

"And it's my understanding that you are one of the biggest distractions, literally, for the women on campus," she pointed out. "Your own grades must surely be suffering if you're in bed with endless numbers of girls."

Mike's eyes flicked toward the season as he thought something out. "Nnnnno, that's not it. If my grades're suffering, it's more likely for other reasons, like spending time thinking up detailed adventures for my D&D games. But no, not the sex."

Verna squeezed her eyes shut for a moment. "Even if you're the exception to the rule, it still applies to the other students on campus. The temptations of this libertine behaviour all over the grounds are keeping people from becoming what they are capable of. If I asked all those girls back in your fan club back there, I'm sure I could make them admit that going after sex with you or whoever is-"

"Whomever," Mike corrected.

Verna ignored it. "Even girls who haven't had sex with you talk about what a distraction you are for them, fantasizing about it."

"It can't be that bad," he reasoned. "I'm not that well-known on campus."

"Very modest of you, but patently false," she replied in a matter-of-fact tone. "I've been told that by girls who haven't even slept with you. There are a few aside from myself, apparently. The artist black girl, the one who's going to be a lawyer..."

"Wait, what?" Mike almost blurted, shaking his head for a moment. "Who?"

"I met them earlier," Verna said rather absently, waving at the door. "The tall, striking one they call 'Princess', the lawyer's name is Rumbleton or something, a pretty black girl, and a skinny redhead lesbian. Apparently even she's in love with you, you know."

Dammit, Gordon, Mike thought darkly to himself. This can only be your doing.

"So I want you to sign my petition to help ban sexual activity on campus," Verna continued, holding out the clipboard with her petition paper copies on it. To her distress, she hadn't even garnered a single signature yet. Maybe she should've started over at Wycliffe. Ironic, since she was an atheist. "Your signature, right there. Couldn't be easier."

"I remain unconvinced of the need," Mike asserted, still leaning against the door. He wondered what Gordon was up to.

"Because if you sign and take a vow of celibacy on campus, then that'll start the snowball rolling, and soon I'll have an avalanche of support," the twiggy blonde explained. "You're a moral force on campus, after all, everyone knows it. The question is what moral stance you take. I want you to take the right stance."

"I assume this means you're a virgin," Mike posited, staying still.

"So what?" she sniffed, almost sounding defensive. "Even if I wasn't, I would still be petitioning for this, you know."

"I believe you, actually," he laughed. "Even if you did manage to get sex banned on campus, there's some flaws with your contention, lady. First, all you'd do is make sure the hotels off-campus were doing landmark business, and students who spent their money on hotel time wouldn't have it available for books. Secondly, the men's dorms would end up spending inordinate amounts of money on plumbing for the communal showers, because the boys would be forced to take their recreational activities there, and the drains would be clogged with ungodly amounts of semen constantly."

"That can't happen," she almost hissed.

"It did at Wycliffe three years ago, actually," Mike said with another shrug. "Even theology students need their pipes drained, y'know. That's biology. So even if you got everyone to take a vow of chastity, you'd just drive 'em to distraction and grades would suffer anyway."

"You're just coming up with bullshit excuses to avoid signing the petition," she challenged.

"And I think you don't understand what you're talking about when it comes to sex," Mike said amiably. "I assume you're in favour of women's reproductive rights?"

"Of course," she said rather proudly, nodding. "A woman should have control over her own body."

"And men who don't understand how women's reproductive systems work should especially not be allowed any say in the matter," he continued. "If you haven't experienced sex, why would anyone consider you any kind of authority on the matter and about how they conduct themselves with their own bodies?"

Verna put her clipboard in her lap and rubbed her hands over her face as she tried to parse out what he was saying. Even if she didn't believe him to be right, he'd be scoring points in a formal debate against her. She had to think this through if she was going to get him on board.

"Look, it's not as if I have absolutely no experience with sex," she said finally, looking at him again. "I masturbate, I have a toy or two... they see to my needs and pressures, and they help me focus on my business studies. My contention is that the excess of carnal desires found here on campus are the problem. Is there a shortage of tissue paper available to the boys? Let the university pay for clogged plumbing. My concern is the grades the student body is capable of achieving."

"They're not going to accept your contention that interpersonal relationships should be banned when you've never experienced sex with another person," he pointed out. "You should probably go take care of that before you tell them how to live."

"Fine," she said with a finite tone to her voice, standing up and looking at him now. "Let's do this, sir. Prove to me that full-on sex is so much better than simple masturbation and justifies the moral degeneracy prevalent on campus. Right here, right now."

"That's... not a good idea," Mike said, making a wry face.

"Why?" she demanded, looking irked. "Am I too ugly? Am I holding you up from some date with another girl in your conga line of floozies?"

"No, that's not it," Mike said somewhat hesitantly. "I just... I don't want to hurt you."

"Are you violent in bed?" she challenged. "Do you like hurting women?"

"No," he answered, shaking his head. "I just displace a lot more water than you do. I am just worried you'll find it... uncomfortable, to say the least."

"I think you're copping out now that you've been called on it," Verna said, her hazel eyes flashing. "You're not gonna turn out to be some giant wimp, are you? Here's the deal... we're going to have sex. If you climax before me, you sign my petition. If you don't convince me that sex is much better than masturbation, you sign my petition."

"Are there any scenarios where I don't end up signing your petition?" he asked, standing up now so that he towered over her, his laser-blue eyes holding hers. She willed herself not to shiver again. His presence was overwhelming when he chose to assert it.

"I don't see that happening," she said with a confidence she felt slowly beginning to erode. "So get undressed and let's do this. It doesn't matter that I'm technically a virgin, I've had my dildo inside me enough times where you won't hurt me that way. Let's go."

I swear, Gordon, I'll get you for this... Mike thought as he shed his t-shirt, exposing his titan, chiseled chest.

Verna nearly fainted.

***

St. George Campus, lunchtime in a cafeteria, Tuesday, the present...

"I dunno, the stupid lamp just sat there, like some kinda inanimate object!" Jeanie groused to everyone at the table. There was a pause before several people burst out laughing. Alexa was sitting on Jeanie's right side, and while she was giggling, she leaned in, put her arm around the brunette's shoulders and gave her an affectionate kiss on the cheek.

"C'mon, Alex," one of his classmates pressed, smirking at him while everyone else was laughing. "You're the last one to answer the question. Even Lexi answered."

"Y'gotta admit, it is an awful question," Alex pointed out, sitting in the middle of the long table with Alexa next to him and Jeanie and Freja just beyond that. Two long tables were pushed together, so there were easily twenty students from various disciplines sitting around and chatting. Predictably, Alex and Alexa were the center of attention.

"And I've heard that nobody is as evil as you at Cards Against Humanity, because you're so warped," the girl countered.

Alex turned his head and gave Alexa a sour look. "Gee, wonder where you heard that from."

The gorgeous blonde just stared up innocently at the ceiling.

"So, 'fess up, big man," the girl continued. "All of us've done it, your turn. If there were no repercussions for it, who is the one person on the planet you would rape?"

Alex frowned at the table for a moment. "Uhhh... a Minion."

Everyone stared at him in confusion, even Alexa. Even she hadn't expected that.

"A minion?" a boy across the table asked.

"Well, yeah, who're they gonna tell?" Alex said with a shrug, before making a show of panicking spastically. "BANANA!" he shrilled in a squeaky voice.

Everyone at the table burst into peals of hysterical laughter, and more than a few spit-takes were involved. Even Alex put her glass of juice down very suddenly, having hastily swallowed the contents in her mouth before it came out her nose. She was giggling fitfully, until there were tears in her eyes.

"I know I'm not supposed to do this in public yet, but..." she gasped, pulling Alex's face to hers and kissing him deeply and lovingly. The people at the table who weren't still wheezing from laughter were now cheering at the university's new young power couple made their love obvious.

A good twenty seconds passed before Alexa quit trying to suck his tonsils out, and Alex took a deep breath, composing himself while a very smug Alexa wiped at the corner of her mouth with a finger. Everyone was just watching in delighted awe.

"So," Alex said finally to those present. "In case you haven't heard, Alexa and I are in love and lookin' to get married..."

More gales of laughter from around the table.

"Okay, that absolutely does it," the girl who had asked him the question laughed. "I am never playing Cards Against Humanity with you, I'll get slaughtered. You are the god-king of warped and awful, DeBourne, and that is just an elemental truth that can't be denied."

"Oh, y'mean like how everything in the universe is or isn't a potato?" Jeanie asked.

Most of the people at the table just stared at her. Freja continued eating her sandwich while Alexa resumed sipping her kale, cucumber, and ginger juice.

"What?" Jeanie asked somewhat defensively. "I'm not wrong, y'know."

More laughter and declarations of how wonderful Jeanie was when Alex noticed a person looking at them from the entrance of the cafeteria. It was a young woman and she was staring right at him. Her eyes were almost pleading for his attention before she stepped out of sight.

"Hey, guys, would you excuse Alexa and myself for a moment, please?" Alex said, standing up and giving his aunt-wife a look. She knew instantly to comply, and she made her polite excuse as well before they left the table together, heading toward the door.

"'kay, what's this about?" she asked. "Do we need to go somewhere and fuck right this moment? Because I'm down for that."

"We'll know in a second, I imagine," he replied, exiting the cafeteria with her. Assuming he hadn't been hallucinating, they'd meet the girl he saw momentarily.

They walked around the corner, into a side hallway, and over to the girl, who was looking rather awkward. She had shoulder-length brown hair, brown eyes, and was wearing glasses. Dressed in simple jeans and a sweatshirt, she seemed rather ordinary.

"Um... hi..." she said somewhat nervously. There was nobody around, but she seemed to be checking for people, as if she didn't want to be heard.

"Hi there," Alexa chimed, smiling pleasantly. "I'm Alexa, this is Alex. It's nice to meet you, what's your name?"

"I'm Margaret. People call me Peggy," the girl said, trying not to blush.

"Which do you prefer?" Alexa asked.

"I... Margaret, I don't really like Peggy, it just stuck," the newcomer confessed, still looking uncomfortable. "I... I was hoping to talk to you two for a moment."

"Of course, Margaret," Alex said, nodding. "You look nervous, though. Do you need to go somewhere to talk?"

"I was hoping you wouldn't mind," the brunette answered. "I have a place I use, it's very private."

Alexa looked at Alex and he shrugged and nodded. "We're both free for the next two hours, so why not?"

"Okay, where are we headed?" Alexa asked, smiling at their new acquaintance.

"Uh, follow me, I guess," Margaret said, turning and beginning to walk. She was shorter than either of them, so within moments they were walking next to her. "We're heading to the Sciences building, that's where I have most of my classes."

"Ooh, you an egghead?" Alexa asked in a cheerful voice.

"Well, not really," Margaret said, blushing. "Health and nutrition sciences. I share a course or two with that friend of yours, the bouncy one."

"You mean Jeanie," Alex mused with a smirk. "You clearly don't spend too much time talking to her, since you're still sane."

"Alex, be nice," Alexa chided, giggling. "Lead the way, Margaret."

Their trek through campus wasn't long, and soon they were in the block of Sciences buildings, and heading down to a basement level in one.

"Ooh, never been down here," Alexa said, looking around. Before long, the hallways were bare concrete, the doors painted solid, unattractive colours. "Bet we'd never get found if we snuck down here, Alex."

"Or recovered if we went missing," he quipped, making her snicker.

"Here we go," Margaret said, stopping in front of an old metal door. It was painted yellow poorly, and seemed to have been painted over several times. Alex couldn't help but smirk. Eons ago, this had been his father's so-called 'office', back in the mid-to-late eighties. It had always irked his mother that her future husband had one first, even if it was just an unused janitorial room.

Margaret opened the metal door and led them in. It was dark until Margaret flipped a switch. Yellowish light illuminated the grungy little room. The walls were lined with shelves, and there was an ancient wooden desk sitting in a corner. Alex could picture the Dayraven Cluster that had once dominated the space. The photos he'd been shown didn't do it justice. He could almost hear the Airwolf music playing in the room.

"Not exactly where I'd hold a prayer meeting, but I guess it's plenty secluded," Alexa mused, looking around. Granted, she never would have followed someone down here without Alex being present, but she also sensed this girl's earnest need. She was no threat, she clearly wanted to talk. Alexa closed the door behind her. "Here we are, Margaret. What's on your mind?"

Margaret blushed. "I... I'm sorry if this all seems weird to you."

"That's been my life for the past year, almost, so you get a pass," Alex said in an easy tone and with a warm smile. Whatever this was, he wanted to get to the bottom of it. His smile seemed to assure Margaret that it was okay to continue. "How can we help?"

Margaret drew a breath. "I... first of all, I just want you to know that I fully support you two. I see you together like this and it just warms my heart. I wish you all the happiness in the world, and I'm in your corner."

"Thank you," the pair said, nodding and smiling.

"Partly, because, well..." Margaret said, but then paused, struggling to say what came next. "Partly because I can identify."

There was silence in the room for a moment before Margaret went to the door and opened it, letting someone in. Another brunette, an inch or so shorter and wearing glasses, came into the room quickly, and Margaret shut the door again.

The newcomer leaned back against the desk, blushing furiously while Margaret joined her. Alex and Alexa just watched silently.

"I'm... my name is Margaret Tyrfel," Margaret stammered, fishing something out of her little purse. "And... this is my sister Shana."

She handed Alex two small plastic cards, tinted a light purple. Alex knew he was being handed Ontario ID cards before he even looked at them. He'd owned one until he got his driver's license. Sure enough, the cards belonged to Margaret and Shana Tyrfel, and their pictures were displayed prominently. Alexa was looking at the cards while he held one in each hand.

"Margaret and Shana Tyrfel," he said quietly, nodding. "And you're sisters who are in love."

Both girls almost winced, but Margaret took her younger sister's hand almost reflexively, squeezing it. Shana looked like she was about to burst into flames.

"First off, let me you assure you both that you're safe here, with Alexa and I," Alex said in a gentle but firm voice. "You don't ever need to worry."

"Thank you," Shana rasped, still looking at the floor, but her body relaxed visibly. "Thank you..."

"We... we needed to tell someone," Margaret managed to say, daring to look up. "And... we thought if anyone out there might not hate us and judge us, it... it'd be you two?"

"We're so sorry," Shana almost gasped, a tear on her cheek. "We're being so presumptive, but... oh, God, we're so close to breaking..."

"Hey now, it's okay," Alexa said in her lyrical voice, moving a little closer while Alex stayed back. He was much bigger than Margaret or Shana, and he didn't want to crowd them. He knew Alexa wouldn't intimidate them. "I understand what you mean, and you're fine, I promise."

She held out her hands now. "Keep holding one another, but each of you take my hand."

The sisters slowly did, looking up at the tall, blonde goddess with the sparkling sapphire eyes. She gave each of their hands the gentlest of squeezes, nodding and smiling. "It's okay. No need to burst, I promise. You're safe in here, and when we leave, you'll still be safe. I'll hold your hands while Alex asks you questions and you ask us. Why don't you ask first?"

Shana looked at Alex and then back at Alexa. "We can ask anything?"

Alexa smirked. "Well, we might not tell you some of our juicier details, but almost anything," she corrected, and both girls began to smile. "We'll let you talk and we'll help how we can. We're not exactly experts, mind."

Margaret nodded. "Is it... is it true you two kinda fell in love last summer after you met?"

Alex smiled. "Very, very true. I didn't have a chance, and apparently neither did Alexa, to hear her tell it. But I'm willing to bet that you two've been in love a lot longer than us, haven't you?"

There was a long pause before Margaret nodded again, looking at the floor. "I... I've never loved anyone aside from my sister."

Alexa squeezed their hands again, but she let Alex do the talking. He was the strategist. Like his mother and father, he was always thinking ahead. She followed his lead and was the emotional support.

"And you've managed to keep this a secret from everyone in your lives," he posited, watching them for visual cues. Not surprisingly, there were few as yet. Aside from holding hands and sitting close enough that their thighs were touching, they didn't give him much to work with. "Even your parents?"