All Comments on 'Mike & Savy Ch. 02'

If you are going to make the second chapter from her perspective you should have done more than copy and paste the first chapter.

The idea of showing one viewpoint, then the other is fine, but it might be better to switch back and forth in the same chapter, allowing the reader to more directly compare one with the other from memory. It makes things move a bit faster, and needs less explanation here and there. And when deciding on "I" or "me", try leaving the other person out of the sentence, then add the other person to the one that sounds correct. Something happens to me, or to Savy and me. I do something, or Mike and I do something. Inactive/active. Nit-picking, I know, though it's kind of a glaring nit. But keep going; you're basically good, so far, MD-er.

Please keep writing. I didn't mind that you retold events from both characters point of view. Perhaps if the chapters had been a bit longer and the story was advanced a bit more in the second chapter it would have been a bit better. But please do keep up the story. Thanks!

ignore the anons who choose to berate you for giving us the perspective of Savy.

It is very informative to view the (soon to be) relationship from her perspective.

Please, could you take a few paragraphs, and tell us how Savy came to be in the home with Mike and their "mother"? We know she is adopted, but what brought her to this broken home?

Hi. Loving this so far- really nice, gentle pace and getting to know the characters and why they're going the direction they're going. It's believable and that can't be said for much in this genre.

Well written too and not gratuitous. That impressed me lots.

Your writing is really great as far as I'm concerned. Great for the site too.

I know negative feedback can be really disheartening but it strikes me that you're getting pretty constructive feedback about how you tell your story, grammar, etc. That's high end stuff!

Many stories get judged on how erotic they are: "Golly, writer! My wrist was just a blur!! More sex in the next chapter and less story, please!"

Your feedback's a level or two above that. Congrats. :D