Military Matters Ch. 04

"H... h... how.... is he?" sitting up on the body board I asked hesitantly as soon as I saw my CO.

The Colonel shook her head sending a wave of panic through me "I'm sorry Natasha he... he's not good. They're going to try to stabilise him before they evac him to the main hospital at Bastion."

"Oh my god... he.... he took the full force of the explosion for me." I could feel the tears running freely down my face as I began to weep, "It's all my fault.... If I hadn't...."

Jane Moresby sat down next to me and took my hand "No it isn't Captain things happen and Danny Cantwell knows only too well the risks of being a soldier."

"But...."

She smiled feebly "No buts just let them see to your ankle."

It turned out that my ankle was just fractured and by the time it was properly strapped up for the helicopter journey back to Bastion the doctor, another Captain, was outside.

"Danny... Sergeant Cantwell... how... how is he?" I immediately enquired even though I wasn't sure I wanted to hear his answer.

"I'm afraid it isn't looking to good. He has a broken arm and several cracked ribs as well as multiple lacerations and other minor wounds which, taken together, are bad enough." He stated gloomily.

"But?" Jane Moresby stood next to me listening to his update on Danny's condition.

Sighing he continued "Two pieces of shrapnel are the problem. One is in his shoulder causing fairly extensive bleeding and the other, the worst one, is a small piece lodged close to his heart. They both require some very delicate surgery."

I couldn't stop the tears flowing unreservedly "C... can I see him?"

The doctor looked at me sympathetically before answering "He's being put on the chopper now. You'll be flying back with him."

Being lifted into the back of the helicopter I sobbed out loud when I saw Danny's pale unconscious figure strapped onto his stretcher. His breathing was laboured and the drip running into his arm only increased my sense of worry about him.

"Is he..." I started to ask the medical orderly tentatively.

"He's sedated ma'am. He can't hear you." He smiled and moved aside and let me take his seat.

Trying hard not to burst into tears again I leant across Danny and gently stroked his face.

"Don't you dare die on me Danny Cantwell. Please." I whispered in his ear despite being told he wouldn't hear me, "I love you."

"Better get strapped in ma'am." The orderly assisted me back to my own seat for the brief thirty-minute flight to the main base hospital.

Back at camp Bastion we were quickly disembarked from the chopper and I barely had time to say goodbye to Danny's unconscious form before he was rushed away. I was helped to the plaster room to get my broken ankle put into a proper cast and by the time they had finished with me Danny had been taken to the theatre for immediate surgery on his injuries.

"You'll be going home now Captain." The doctor who had treated me informed me as I was helped down off the table and onto crutches.

"Home?" I must have looked puzzled, "What, why?"

"That cast needs to stay on for six weeks minimum and after that you'll require physiotherapy. So, you won't be much use out here Captain." he told me with a grin.

"W... when?" I managed to stammer.

"Probably the day after tomorrow I expect."

Not having any permanent quarters at the base, I had to remain in the base hospital as I waited for my flight home. I tried desperately to get to see Danny but, as he was in intensive care, the doctors wouldn't let me near him, however they did tell he was now in stable condition although still very critical.

Knowing that I would be gone when he, hopefully, came round I decided to write him a letter. Determined to explain everything I poured out my heart and confessed just what I had done. I finished by telling Danny that I was in love with him and hoped he would write or call if he could ever find a way to forgive me. Once it was done, I sealed it in an envelope and gave it to one of the nurses to pass on to him when he was able to read it.

It was with a great deal of sadness that, a couple of days later, I boarded the transport that would start me on my journey back to the UK. My belongings from FOB Arnhem had been packed up for me and were already loaded on the plane.

As we rolled along the runway, I gazed miserably out at the base wishing I could stay and be close to Danny rather than flying back to England.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After a visit to the main hospital in the UK I was sent on four weeks sick leave much to the delight of my mother. Having me back at home she was able to invite a steady procession of potential suitors to dinner while I simply sat and, morosely waited, hoping Danny Cantwell would eventually write or call.

Fortunately, I was able to display sufficient apathy to dissuade the first few of my mother's would-be husbands for me from attempting to pursue me any further. That was until Richard Stapleton came to dinner. The son of Sir Hugo Stapleton, a baronet, the fact he would inherit his father's title had my mother in raptures as she imagined what my marriage to him would bring.

The one flaw in her ambition was the fact that I wasn't in the slightest bit interested in a balding, slightly overweight, arrogant, forty-year-old stockbroker and when he invited me to dinner, I said a very firm and categoric no. However, encouraged by my mother, Richard was tenacious in his pursuit of me and despite my turning down his repeated invitations to go on a date, he kept asking slowly wearing me down.

As my recovery progressed, I was posted back to a base about two hour's drive from my parents, on light duties, all the while still hoping to hear from Danny. Colonel Moresby had contacted me briefly to tell me that he was still in hospital but recovering well and would be sent back to England on leave eventually, although she had little more information than that.

Thoroughly miserable about not having heard anything from Danny, and coerced by my mother, I finally, reluctantly, gave in and agreed to have dinner with Richard. He was boring company and I had absolutely zero romantic interest in him but he proved something of a minor distraction from my unhappiness.

Over the next few weeks or so, much to my mother's joy, I saw Richard several times; we had dinner on a number of occasions, went to a couple of formal parties together and even had two trips to the theatre.

As casual friends it would have been a passable, if dull, way to spend an evening or two but Richard wanted more. He was intent on getting me into his bed and, although I staunchly refused to sleep with him, I did let him kiss me and grope my breasts on a couple of occasions.

Our relationship, if you could call it that, continued in the same vein over the next two months or so as I began to come to terms with the fact that Danny Cantwell had obviously not forgiven me. With my heart broken I tried to get on with my life as best I could.

I was kept busy at the base and only had every other week-end free which kept me occupied and away from home, and Richard, a lot of the time. Something which suited me but not him.

So, it came as a complete surprise when one week-end when I was home and he was over for dinner that, in front of my parents, he went down on one knee.

"Natasha, I know we haven't known each other very long but we get on really well and I enjoy your company so I wondered, would you do me the honour of becoming my wife?" he opened a ring box and proposed to me.

"Oh... Richard... I... err... I..... this... this is unexpected... I..." taken completely off guard I struggled to respond.

"Of course she will, won't you sweetheart?" my mother interjected answering for me.

With a smile and without waiting for me to answer he slipped the diamond ring onto my left hand. Suddenly, without actually accepting his offer of marriage, I found myself unwillingly engaged.

My mother was absolutely ecstatic and began the process of planning our nuptials immediately.

From the very start I found myself being swept along helplessly as she launched into a veritable tidal wave of wedding arrangements. I suppose I should have put a stop to it all but I honestly didn't care, Danny obviously hadn't forgiven me and, with my heart shattered, I felt my life was over.

It was a fortnight later and my week-end off base when, with a sense of dread, I headed home on the Friday evening.

Two week-ends previously, after his proposal, I had spent most of my time fending off the unwanted advances of my intended. Ever since I had, under intense pressure from my mother, not rejected his proposal he had tried even harder to get me into bed. My steadfast refusal to sleep with him was a constant irritation to him and a source of great enjoyment to me for the remainder of that week-end.

Eventually I knew I would, albeit reluctantly, have to let him have me and I had intimated to him that it would be this coming Friday night. It wasn't an event I was looking forward to and I imagined it would be just like it had been before when I had been sleeping with the two senior officers who had helped me further my career.

Richard had booked a table at a local hotel, and I suspected a room, intending to have me in his bed that night.

I had showered and changed before leaving the camp, slipping into a burgundy knee length dress with neutral stockings and my white lace underwear beneath. If I had to go through with this objectionable physical coupling, I would at least make an effort to look my best.

Parking I checked my make-up in the vanity mirror before making my way through to the restaurant.

"Natasha, you look gorgeous tonight." Richard stood to greet me as I approached the table.

"Thanks." I gave him a weak smile and sat down.

"I took the liberty and ordered a bottle of their best red. It's not up to much but it will have to do." His pretentious tone grated on my nerves immediately.

"But I don't drink red wine, you know that." my grimace illustrated my feelings.

He gave me a condescending smile "Sweetheart you'll need to get used to it. Once you resign your commission we'll be mixing in some very prestigious circles. Everyone will expect you to drink it."

"Richard, I'm not giving up my army career."

"Yes, yes darling I know you say that now but you'll be far too busy to be playing toy soldiers."

"Busy doing what exactly?"

The condescending look he gave me made me want to slap him "Oh keeping house, entertaining and, of course, having babies."

I suddenly felt nauseated at the thought of him impregnating me.

It was a discussion that was occurring more frequently the closer we came to the wedding. Despite the fact I had made it abundantly clear to Richard that I had no intention of leaving the army he simply ignored what I said and planned out my life for me after our marriage.

Not wanting to argue I studied the menu and let him pour me a glass of red wine which I promptly disregarded in favour of a glass of water that I requested from the waiter. Choosing a simple pasta dish, which Richard immediately criticised and changed for the chicken, while he ordered himself a large steak.

Sitting through our meal I was forced to watch him consume the rest of the wine by himself, ordering another bottle when it was finished, while regaling me with details of his working week. By the time the second bottle was finished Richard was extremely drunk and becoming more obnoxious by the second.

"I'm gonna... f... fuh you so... fuckin good to... tonigh." He slurred, leering at me as he paid the bill.

"Really." I rolled my eyes and said little.

"Yeah, you lil fuckin slut, I gonna gi you wha you bin neeing for a while now."

Smiling blandly, I took his arm and helped him towards the stairs and up to our room. Searching in his pocket for the key I unlocked the door and let my intended stagger inside in front of me as he started to strip off, discarding his clothing across the floor.

Taking a moment, I went into the bathroom and locked the door.

"What are you doing girl?" I looked at myself in the mirror not liking the reflection that stared back at me.

I didn't have an answer for myself and taking a deep breath I reluctantly, stripped off my dress. My bra and panties quickly followed before, steeling myself for the inevitable, I went back into the bedroom.

"C'mere I wanna fuh you, Asha." was all Richard said as I stood before him in just my stockings.

I shook my head and slid into the bed alongside him.

Immediately his hands found my breasts, squeezing them crudely as he attempted to kiss me, his tongue forcing its way between my lips. Squirming I twisted my mouth away from his, the taste of alcohol on his breath making me feel sick. Letting him slide down my body to suckle my nipples while he began to grope between my thighs I grimaced with disgust.

My discomfort was short lived as he had barely forced one of his podgy digits inside me before he stopped fingering my slit and rolled on top of me. Twisting my head aside to avoid his wine sodden breath I barely had the chance to spread my legs before I felt his small hard dick nudge at my entrance.

'Danny.' I thought miserably as Richard forced his cock into virtually dry hole.

"Uhhhh.... Uhhh..... yeah." He thrust roughly into me six or seven times as I lay there revolted with myself, the tears filling my eyes.

"Oh.... yes... aaahhhhhh!" without warning he groaned once and I knew he was cumming although I had barely felt a thing.

Almost instantly he collapsed on me and started to snore loudly.

For a minute I laid with him on top of me before, with some difficulty rolling him off.

"That was worth the wait." I looked at the unconscious form laying, on his back, comatose next to me.

With a sense of relief, I left him to sleep it off as I dressed and drove home to my parent's house.

It was the following afternoon and I was sitting in our drawing room with my mother and Richard, supposedly discussing the details of our upcoming wedding. However, in reality they were doing all the talking while I was staring, disinterestedly, out of the window.

He had been extremely annoyed that I had left him at the hotel after he passed out on me the night before and made it very clear he expected me to sleep with him again that evening.

Staring disconsolately out across our garden I once again wondered what I was doing agreeing to marry an older man who I had no feelings for just because my mother thought it was the best thing for me. He had been passable, if dull, company when I first met him but now, after I had been press-ganged into accepting his marriage proposal, he was turning into a loathsome and controlling snob.

Why hadn't Danny written back? Had he read the letter I had left him trying to explain and telling him how I felt about him? How could he leave me to a fate like this? Yet despite the variety of questions filling my mind I knew without a doubt I still loved him.

"Are you listening Natasha?" my mother's voice interrupted my thoughtful musings.

"What mother?" I sighed resignedly.

She tutted at me "I was talking about the flower arrangements at the church darling. Aren't you interested in how it will all look?"

I shrugged "I'm sure it will look absolutely fine mother."

She rolled her eyes and turned to Richard "You talk to her Richard. Try to get to take some interest in the plans."

"Ok but she doesn't listen to me." His laugh irritated me more than usual and I returned to gazing out of the window as they continued trying to engage me in the discussions.

There was and would only be one man in my life, I knew that now, but it appeared he didn't want me in his. I had never thought I would fall in love. It was something that was written about in books, that happened to other people, that wasn't for me. That had been how I had felt until I had met Danny Cantwell.

It really had been love at first sight, at least as far as how I felt about him. But while the differences in our ranks; I was an officer, a Captain, while he was just a soldier albeit a Sergeant, made things difficult it was the way we clashed at our first meetings that had made me think he didn't like me. I had never got to the bottom of that mystery as he had been badly injured protecting me from a car bomb.

That had been several months ago but my feelings for him hadn't diminished even though he had never replied to the letter I had left him when I had been invalided back to England.

"Natasha.... Natasha!" my mother calling me jerked me back to the present.

"What mother?" I didn't bother to hide the irritation in my voice.

"Could you get my diary sweetheart. I need to schedule a visit to the cake maker."

"Where is it?" getting up from the armchair I sighed.

"In my bag darling. It's in the hall. Be a dear and fetch it for me."

Happy to get away from the inane discussions about my upcoming nuptials I went to get her diary. I was just about to shut her handbag when the letter tucked inside caught my eye. Not that there's anything unusual about someone having a letter in their bag except that this one was addressed to me and had been opened.

Puzzled I pulled it out noting that from the postmark that it had been sent four weeks ago from a British Forces post office.

My hand was shaking as I extracted the hand written sheet of paper and started to read.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Natasha

Where to begin this letter.

This will be my last attempt to contact you as I now get the message that, after you didn't reply to my previous two letter's, you have obviously moved on with your life.

In fact, wasn't going to contact you at all after you went back to the UK without leaving even a note to say goodbye. I know you had to go but to disappear without a word...? Anyway, I figured you didn't want anything more to do with me.

It was Colonel Moresby who persuaded me to write to you again and she sends her regards by the way.

I'm out of the hospital now and will be heading back to England for a spell of leave to recuperate before returning overseas. I was lucky to get through it all and I'll always be grateful to the doctors for everything they did for me.

I'll be landing in the UK soon, on the 15^th, and staying for four weeks before I go back to Helmand and I wondered if you wanted to meet with me.

I realise you've almost certainly moved on now so no hidden agenda, I would just like some closure. Are you with the Brigadier or someone else? Whatever you're doing now I hope you're happy.

What I really wanted to say is I love you, Natasha. I fell in love with you the very first time I saw you on the flight out from Cyprus. Something I never thought I would feel again after Louise died. I realise now that you didn't feel the same about me but back then, despite me being an enlisted man while you were an officer, I hoped we might get over those difficulties and be together.

I guess it wasn't to be though and I can only assume I wasn't enough for you, you had your sights set on a senior officer and I was just an amusing diversion for you. But at least I was able to prevent you from being badly injured by the car bomb.

If you want to meet me then write, e-mail or text even and I'll be there.

I'll love you forever

Danny

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

By the time I finished reading the tears were streaming freely down my cheeks. I re-read it hardly daring to believe his words. 'He never got my letter. He didn't read my explanation or my pleading for his forgiveness. But most of all he loved me.'

Holding the letter, I walked back into the sitting room watching my mother's face turn ashen as she saw what was in my hand.

"Would you care to explain this mother?" I stared at her my voice as cold as ice.