- Erotic Couplings
- Mine
- Comments
All Comments on 'Mine'
by 1RubyPearl
- 15 Comments
Anonymousover 15 years agoi truely enjoy this story, it was well written and also realistic. great stuff.
lindtchilliover 15 years agoThe only, only tiny thing is that when you have a speech tag, you need to use a small letter even if there is a question mark or exclamation mark before it:
"You're so hot!" he said.
not
"You're so hot!" He said.
I think I only noticed this once or twice, and I only mention it because you clearly have talent at writing and polishing up the little details will make your stories even better and more "flowing" to read.
Otherwise excellent, hot, nicely believably story, and well suited to the competition. Nice work! 5 stars!
lindtchilliover 15 years agoThe only, only tiny thing is that when you have a speech tag, you need to use a small letter even if there is a question mark or exclamation mark before it:
"You're so hot!" he said.
not
"You're so hot!" He said.
I think I only noticed this once or twice, and I only mention it because you clearly have talent at writing and polishing up the little details will make your stories even better and more "flowing" to read.
Otherwise excellent, hot, nicely believably story, and well suited to the competition. Nice work! 5 stars!
spearman1over 15 years agoAbsolutely Fabulous!!! Romanticly sweet!!! Bravo!!! Keep'em coming.
QueenOfTheNileover 15 years agoI liked this piece a lot. It was realistic and not overly dramatic as I thought it might have been with the confrontation of Brad and Mark. I liked it. Mark seems like a fuckable prodigy.
mzzqtabout 15 years agoI can only nitpick on one thing here..and that is your usage of the word "heals". Heals: means to heal, as in a wound or broken heart healing. Heels are a part of your foot, the strappy shoes, or a command to a dog to heel. (meaning to stay at your feet.)
The story was awesome, I loved every bit of it! Thank you for taking the time to create it for us, and yourself.
Mzzie
canndover 13 years agogreat story from beginning to end! wouldn't all of us girls like to find a Mark :)
norcal62about 13 years agoThat had a great potential to expand the story beyond just a love-making scene. Could have explored female's flirting with another man.
THELOVELY1GLOalmost 13 years agoThis was such a short,yet steamy story! Where are the real men like Mark, that's not ashamed not afraid to claim the woman that they love publicly and privately :>)?
