All Comments on 'Miss Cindy, Aviatrix'

14 hours to solo? 20 is average? Must have met some slow learners. And 10 pages?!? I would've read the whole thing but I gotta work sometime. 2 or 3 pages of this fantasy would have been enough. Maybe I'll come back and read the rest.

About 2 hours from Frisco to Ocala????

I don't think so!

Okay. The aviation errors... Where do I start? It would take too long. How about the hokey dialog? After almost every paragraph, I found myself saying, "Fer crying out loud! or "Gimme a break! Nobody talks like that!". The story was so unbelievable too. I get what you were trying to convey but it needs a total re-write. It reads like she's some trailer trash with money and he's a muscle headed idiot that got lucky enough to have a successful flight school. Way too successful to be real. Want to make a small fortune in aviation? Start with a large fortune. LOL

Re-write and then re-submit.

It is bad enough that you have to put up with anonymous cheap shot artists, but then they want to tell outright lies in their criticisms. I noted that you indicated that it took more than six hours with a strong tail wind pushing them along. In any case, it was a good story and in many ways a touching story. Thank you for your efforts. Five Stars!

I'm not sure if this story got any kind of attention from an editor, but it sure appears that it did not. I only got 2-3 pages into this one and pretty much had to give up. If you have let an editor have a go at this, you should fire that person and try again. If there was no editor, then you should find one, let them spend the time helping you, then resubmit the story. The biggest thing that makes this one almost unreadable is where you cram two different sides of a conversation into the same paragraph, with no breaks in between the sentences and dialogue so that a reader can follow the conversation.

The short version, this one needs more work. I will reserve any rating until such a time as I see a resubmit.

Compleeter

The premise was excellent, the plot was good, the story is entertaining. I am not that gifted in mechanics, but I have a tendency to 'ignore' that, which is why I now have an excellent editor. Overall this was a nice read for me.

It is nice to have a Loving Wife story without the cheating.

I liked the erotic scenes, and the intermingling with the adult film actors.

Thank you!

Not a lot of story here for ten pages. What I mean is that I get it, John loves Cindy and Cindy loves John plus they had a lot of sex. Sorry, but that's not a story. You had some good ideas (dual paternity of the twins, for instance) but you let that pretty much die on the vine. I certainly don't mind sex in a story but it really should be something that helps drive the story not just the same two people screwing over and over and over again.

But you did - and it was great -

The same guy that gives us so many short and quick stories - you do have range -

Great tale and great lives -

We can only dream -

I like long stories. I enjoy many of your shorter stories, but wish most were longer to develop the characters more.

I understand why someone would criticize you for suggesting a 2 hour flight from San Francisco to Ocala. That person does not know how to figure in a single time zone, let alone four time zones!

I know nothing about flying, but enjoyed the story immensely. Keep writing, please.

Just boring drivel to satisfy any pre-teens.

Just 1* for this pathetic garbage.

Cindy invited Tommy the dope exhusband to the wedding bad idea. Next I am surprised Cindy didn't have a burglar alarm in home. The biggest was letting a rapist know she delivered his rape child. Somewhere in the future scum ex will see kids and ask which one is his.

How did Tommy know John and Cindy were trying to make a baby on her most fertile day and know to show up and rape her? Why invite Tommy to the wedding? Why tell Tommy one of the babies were his? Why talk to him at all?

THE STORY IS VERY GOOD SO FAR, BUT! FOR A ROMANCE THAT HAS ONLY STARTED A MONTH OR SO AGO, THERE ARE TOO MANY CONFESSIONS OF UNDYING LOVE BETWEEN THE TWO LOVERS. THEY DON'T KNOW EACH OTHER YET AND THEIR BAD HABITS COULD PUT A DAMPER ON THEIR FEELINGS. HE IS ALREADY A LITTLE LEERY OF THE EX HUSBAND. THE AUTHOR SHOULD GET ON WITH THE STORY AND LEAVE OUT SOME OF THE CONFESSIONS AND SEX SCENES.

TO TELL THE TRUTH IT'S A LITTLE LONG WINDED IN THE LOVEY DOVEY STUFF. IT COULD LOSE ABOUT A PAGE AND A HALF OF THE MUSHIE TALK AND LENGTHY SEX SCENES. THE STORY ITSELF IS GREAT OTHER THAN THE WORDY SCENES. IS THERE TO BE A FOLLOWUP STORY TO CINDY AND JOHN? I HOPE SO! 4.7 ***+1* FOR EFFORT.

This story jumped the shark when the ex raped the new bride. Then when John was nearly killed by mosquitoes, that was it, for me. Ridiculous & way over the top.

A YEAR LATER I READ IT A SECOND TIME. THE STORY OUTLINE WAS VERY GOOD. STILL OVER THE TOP WITH ALL THE MUSHY LOVE SHIT.

Cognitive dissonance. A most beautiful pair of extremely talented and ambitious couple have to fight off jealous and obsessed narcissistic psychotic lovers. It makes marraige and family love seem thready and vulnerable. Good luck, guys!

The rape scene and the mosquito attack were easy over the top and the latter was ridiculous. And meanwhile Tommy is asking for forgiveness? Ludicrous. Why was that needed for the story?

Meanwhile in real life Lexington Steele is 9.5 inches, and that is after a surgery to cut the ligament underneath that would raise his erection. Is why his erection never points up. Gave him an extra 0.5.inch or so. Don't believe what the publicists say. You can research it online. People watch those videos and based on comparison to other known objects they cab estimate penis size of male performers quite accurately to within 0.5 inch. A lot of pornstars look bigger due to camera angles and women with small hands. People like John Holmes and Mandingo at 10+ inches are exceedingly rare.

And the bbc trope is tiresome. Their avergae length advantage is about 1 inch and a slightly larger standard deviation compared to the US average. But guess what so are Northern Europeans. Their avergae and standard deviation values are very close to balck male ins US, Caribbean or Africa. Ironically thr country with the largest averga penis size is Ecaudor. You don't hear or see stories or prone kids about Ecaudorian men, but that would be more factually accurate than the old, dumb bbc trope.

Anyways story went off the rails. Sigh.