All Comments on 'Miss Invisible'

More please.

Really well written. Good character development. Pleasantly erotic. Enjoyable

Nicely done. I really enjoyed this.

To Anon, Anon, and bearslady:

Thank you so much for the kind comments! For my first post ever on Lit, they help a lot. Even if comments go downhill later, I'll know I always started on a high.

Love,

-- O

This is very hot and sensual. I love how your narration gets in to the minds of Nate and Kara--**whew** (fanning myself). Nicely done.

Oh yes ~~ a "5".! Would give more if I could as this was one of the best short stories that I have had the pleasure of reading in awhile.!** Keep up with the writing and we will keep up with the reading.^ Thanks.

Congratulations Olivia on your first story here. You have indeed started on a high.

I can see no reason for your concerns about later comments possibly going downhill. Romantics like stories like this one of yours. (There's not too many catastrophisers commenting on Romance stories. They expend most of their unhappiness in the Loving Wives category.)

Lue

This is a very enjoyable read and I hope to find more by you in the future.

Well written...well thought out...teasing passion...well done!!!!!

I hope you have more of this planned, because this beginning was great. I was a little surprised that there wasn't any discussion of her methods of saving him, which would allow the characters to explore each other's interests more. Other than that, I'm satisfied and looking forward to more to come.

Fun, erotic and engaging. Would like to read a continuation.

Well written light romance with some erotic moments. Like "luedon" wrote, romance is usually tame compared to loving wives, but I bet you would be well received. After all, I'm an avid loving wives reader usually hurling insults and here I am enjoying a little piece of romance. Nicely done lady. Keep them coming. Thanks for your first contribution. You did well. (signed ML)

Very well written. It did take a bit to get used to the two person perspective, but I think you pulled it off quite nicely!

I LOVED the neat little twist when Kara thought she was naked in private, but turns out the mirrors betrayed her to Nate. That was a nice touch.

Alas, my one issue with it was: Who the hell was the team in green? Since it's set in South Carolina, I would expect the partying over a football win to be based on either the Gamecocks, or Clemson....and they don't usually play anyone who wears green. Hence, I was very vexxed.

But if that's my biggest 'complaint', it ain't much :) Again, great work! Hope to read more from your talented mind!

Luedon: You're right. In all the time I've spent reading here, Romance reader comments seem to have been very positive overall. I guess I just want to make sure I don't get too cocky. ;)

sds195: Haha! That's because I deliberately researched various team colors for South Carolina and made sure not to use any of the prominent ones. If I had used existing teams, I would have had to put even more research into those to get them correct. I also would have been marking my story as for or against some team, which I absolutely didn't want to do. I've lived in a few Southern states and in Texas, so I know how football can be a religion in some quarters!

Thank you to the anons and other wonderful commenters. I've been wanting to write publicly for some time and this is really encouraging.

You have it. More please...

not only did you keep the opponent unknown (green in SC) you failed to tell us the home school of our actors... well done.. possible follow on.. play acting of Kara's fantasies with the stable boy? five stars

I get what you're saying Olivia. It would be too bad to have people focus too much on that aspect of things (Um, hello sds, you dumbass? You did! :) ) and getting bent out of shape about it.

Good story, but you made my team lose, so only one star! :)

Besides, like you said, you are getting an effusive amount of praise but don't want to get too cocky....so let's nitpick. Again, it's not a big issue.

So, if anyone presses, just say the team in green was the Saskatchewan Roughriders...they may be a pro team from the CFL, but they do wear green, so it could work :)

Lastly, take the positive comments to heart and work on something new. I would love to read more!

So perfectly written right down to the ending. Your ability to paint with words has left us all panting with desire.

"I was a little surprised that there wasn't any discussion of her methods of saving him,"

I meant to respond to this when I saw it. I actually started that conversation and ended up cutting it! It got dropped during the first edit pass. Their talk on the couch was originally going to be left in whole. In the end, I skipped over it because It seemed to interrupt the flow of the scene on the way to the sexy parts.

But overall good story... A bit on the short side but that's only because it was entertaining enough for me to want more.

I thoroughly enjoyed your story--particularly how the minor coincidences between Kara and Nate finally led them getting together. It wouldn't have happened without the mirror! Good job for your first story.

Now that they're a couple, you'll have to add Chapter 2. Their romance promises to be extremely hot.

Good luck in the contest!

This was perfect! The characters were so real, I loved it.

I don't mean to be mean . you write wonderfully. Great grammar and style. no mistakes that mar the story. Loved the beginning.

We'll give you literary license, but it's asking too much to think a woman is willing to strip naked and expose herself to a mob for who? for what? a guy she has never said more than Hello to?????

I understand where you're trying to go. can't you find a more believable path? you had her watch tv and then startled by the crowd noise. she gets up and looks out the window. how about she observing the crowd, movement catches her eye. She see Nate at his window. She realizes if she can see her, OMG he can see into her bedroom...... Nate realizes he's been caught....

Aren't good stories believable? Maybe it's me and you can disregard this. if every woman is a 36DD and every guy has a 12" dick, I move on.

I think you write very well! I hope you continue to write as I will promise to read! Good luck with the contest!

I really liked the way how you framed the whole story. It's so real that I imagined myself as Nate... Plus, the shutting of laptop, the last scene, appeals for the other part. Very Well Written!!!

Entertaining story about a couple who admire each other from afar getting together in a surprising way. The characters are interesting and likeable and the unusual way that they finally break the ice is told in a way that seems very real. Fun and cute and romantic. good luck in the contest!!

I keep reading all comments, even the critiques. It keeps me writing! I appreciate anyone who takes the time to both read and reply. Thank you for that.

By the way, I always try to answer feedback sent through the author page. I forget to check recent activity on the author control panel here and the other goes straight to my email. I try not to post much in the comments, since I feel like an egotist when I clutter it up with my own thank yous. Ha.

I really enjoyed it... But I find closure in intercourse and I wish you'd sent him back to the apartment before you stopped writing!

I hear you, Anon. It's one of the main reasons I'd revisit these two, and probably one of the few things I'd change about this story!

No, that's not a misspelling. They were both in a daze there for a while. This story brought me back to my own undergrad and grad days so very many decades ago.

I agree with Anon that intercourse would have been a nice close, but OTOH, the way you ended it is classically classy. It reminded me of a very old mystery short story by Robert Heinlein (yes, he wrote a mystery) called They Do It With Mirrors written in 1945. The ending was, "Then she went on shucking off her clothes. After a bit I unlaced my shoes."

Woderful short simple story that primes both the readers interest and curiousity and then ends in a way that lets their imaginations run on.

Congrats to you for this story, one that is tight, hot, and has a great suggestive ending. It didn't need to end in a wild fucking, you stroked my imagination and made me smile.

The only thing I didn't like was that you have only this story published. More, please.

Going back to check dates but hoping you'll be doing more stories...

VERY nicely done story in 2 pages-very likable characters, a bit of history, and hot...

and technically correct always makes it more enjoyable....

5 of course, and now fave story and author ....

What a perfect balance of character development, erotic images+action, and a nice little story to hold it all together. Instantly likeable characters, and perfectly paced. Great job--more please!

Olivia, A sweet love story with a spicy ingredient. Thank you for the pleasure and the story. jntiques

Return with same characters in the short story (2-4pp) format.

Near perfection. Setup introduces two lonely people, lost in the crowd, tenuously visually entwined, but with no hopes of ever really meeting and connecting in the university environment. All changes with a random game day incident. The story completes itself with the beginnings of the relationship. There's certainly room for a sequel, but the narrative is complete as it stands. Well done! I'll certainly be checking back to see if you have submitted any other stories.

Great development. I wish it were a longer story. But it is complete as is and will never regret stumbling across it.

Two shy people coming together, this was fun.

I don’t know that I’ve ever commented on a story before, but this was too good not to!! Your other stories are amazing, too!! please keep writing!!

Very nice-like the characters/dialogue...

she could have had any number of reactions besides the one she did-lucky him...

five and fave