All Comments on 'Mixing Tennis with Sex'

For the sake of a sport.What a crap

For infidelity to be thrown around.

I liked the story a lot. Shows real imagination. However I think your writing basics need work. You wrote in present tense and proved the old adage that it's the hardest tense to use; you kept dropping out to past tense. I suggest you stick with past. You really need to proof read a few more times. You left out some words needed to make sense. Don't depend completely on spell check. I couldn't write without it, but I find places in my work where it accepts words that sound alike. A few corrections such as these would make this a 5 in my estimation.

is it Kahn or Cowan?

How is it Rex was at the reception "freshly shaven", 'meeting and greeting' before Sandy and Dave got there, when - by the way the story reads - they went from the arena to the reception right away?

It's stuff like this - and the present/past tense problems already cited - that make it hard to read this (any many others) story.

Never got past page one.

This is not cuck story, but a start of a declared open marriage. I do not know Sandy is glad for her husband's sugar baby. The Author went through this aspect without any better explanation, why was so simple reserved Sandy with this...If she accepted the open marriage, she would give some remaks about her husband's obession with young sugar babies......BTW the majorities of the open marriages go to divorce.

hubby is getting some of his own on the side? OK, I admit only skimming beginning and ending of the story, but even with the minimal details, it is clear that this marriage has no real love. In a sick way, I am glad that hubby has a younger chick on the side, because it makes it less of a depressing cuck situation. However, at no time is this guy presented as a likeable character, and wifey obviously resents him, and isn't fully in love anymore. So WHY, WHY, WHY stay married? Oh, the lifestyle? Money?Convenience? Habit? Social pressures? None of that is a good reason to stay married. Any follow up to this should illustrate how two people who fall out of love slip too far to avoid marital oblivion. Neither tennis pro, nor young chickie will be equipped to reconstruct the pieces of the aftermath this ticking time bomb of a marriage will leave after it self-destructs. Can you write that kind of a story? Or will we be left to suspend our disbelief that enough money can indeed buy happiness and will shield their emotions from the pain of betrayal and rejection?

From the beginning, we have Hubby and Sweetie in a new community, and it SOUNDS like they have just upgraded their lifestyle! But ... there is no evidence of any attention each to the other. Her focus is on Tennis God and Hubby is just going with the flow! Hubby proves, later that night, to be a hasty, inconsiderate and selfish lover. Sweetie comes across as a woman uninterested in satisfying her Hubby ... actually, she is inclined to avoid sex with him at all, despite having hooked up with TG earlier in the evening. Sweetie enjoyed a quickie in the back seat of her car more than any sex ever with Hubby. WHAT is to be liked in either character?

The are problems galore with the writing ... most already documented. The dialogue sounds remarkably rudimentary and adolescent! By the end, all I can say is "Glad I'm neither of these assholes!" Maybe I could opt to beTennis God ... if I played the game better! (EITHER game!)

He is a good tennis player so I hand my wife over with no recriminations? Is that a reasonable premise?

Good job! You wrote a boring story about three shitheads who are no deeper than a woman's cunt.

No rhyme or reason to any of this steaming pile of diarrhea.

Try taking a high school night course in grammar - you're nowhere near ready for a course in creative writing. And judging from this horrid crap you'd never get accepted at a community college (colladge in your language).

At the very least try to keep track of your characters' names. No doubt it's a challenge for you but TRY. I'm not even going to comment on the irrational bipolar/schizophrenic type behaviors of your main characters.

The ex deus machina ending is insipid, apathetic, and a testament to lazyness.

There's only a handful of other 'authors' (barf) who are as bad as you. Still I encourage you to keep writing. (maybe that'll keep you out of trouble)

1*

The main character reminds me of the piece of shit tennis pro from Westchester county Jacques Du Toit. Look him up on cheaterville dot com. Thats where these types of assholes wind up IRL.

Until the ridiculous ending. "Take my wife ... please!"

An editor or writing lessons might help a lot. You have some potential.

Nobody likes to talk about sexual incompatibility in marriages, or open marriages, which is what this one is. If you accept that premis, the the much older man is a suitably 'unsuitable" as a husband , as his sugar babe. I would rather the husband be at least average in bed, I thought his abysmal technique was over done. I'm glad you didn't have a threesome in the pro shop, it would have been buchery to the plotAs to explaining how Rex would talk her husband into sharing her, you ducked that one, didn't you. I have no idea how you approach a request to share someone's wife. but didn't get anything. Sex can part of a marriage, or not.

An editor would help on the grammar/miss prints. SO I found it a decent read, sorry about your other readers

Chilley

Very imaginative story line; but, could use a bit more editing and polish before publishing. This is clearly a win-win for everyone and has nice ending. Keep writing. This could do with a sequel!

Not saying it was bad, just boring and predictable.

And then get a believable ending. Or better yet, just throw this whole thing in the garbage pile where it belongs.

The first part of the story you showed her feelings and contrary thoughts very well. Your sex scenes were hot. The ending was not too good, in my opinion.

Thanks for the good work and don't take the criticism seriously.

We all know she'll continue to be a fuck toy for this guy, so finish it.

This story never had part 2...Why? What was going to happen? She go on cheating...so better ended it here...1*

Not a very erotic story. Incorrect last name of couple threw me for a bit. No build up, or real conversation, just sort of wam bam thank you ma'am. Could use an editor as incorrect word usage and spelling.

You can not bear to write about the total destruction of Rex and the slut. And thir being humiliated and thrown out of the club.

Cheating whore with an old piece of shit.

Enjoyed the story- very erotic setup - good flow - needs more