All Comments on 'Mizrah's Ladder Ch. 01'

Not the usual kind of story I like, but I quite liked it. It was a good use of second person and stuttering time (towards the end) to keep the intensity going

That was really good, I'm glad I read that. I really liked the use of second person and how he seemed to have this supernatural hold over her. I hope you're going to write more!

Really interesting story. You managed to write an good second person story. And the eroticism and mysticism surrounding this is great.

This first chapter is phenomenal. I loved the way you began by providing a clear glimpse of her mundane forty-hour-a-week office job, filled with uninteresting individuals who wear suits more often than they should. And the way she tries with minimal effort to recall the name of that unremarkable guy who keeps trying to get her attention. *chef's kiss*

Slowly, we transition from her monotonous life to a darker and more sensual one. The atmosphere shifts as you describe the nightclub and the human forms dancing, painting the entire scene with care.

And then there's him, a man who catches her attention. An omen of good fortune, or perhaps the change she so eagerly desires. Someone who resonates with her, complex and adventurous.

Your narrative motion and transitions are exquisitely done, vividly painting pictures in the reader's mind. His presence feels otherworldly, and we sense there's something different, perhaps even supernatural, about this man. It's no wonder she feels entranced.

The recurring phrase "I want to show you something" is a nice touch, a layer of surrealism to their encounter.